- Location
- East Essexshire
farming family relationships......
- Thread starter Doitzland
- Start date
- Status
Hello Spud thanks for your post Im actually close with all my brothers 3 of them I think my family operates in a way that much different dynamic with others and most would stay at the farm as opposed to leaving and coming back can be disconcerting. I see that. kid brother is away overseas doing the contracting work as well. its an age old attitude that was handed out to me regarding tractor duties thats im annoyed with yes it sounds small and insignificant the work was there and I was dismissed from it and still in favour of others yes I do need to get away from the family farm in regards to that I had a house and 4 acres tried to do it but getting divorced probably hope the settlement will help to get my own place with ground as such and work away. I appreciate your input to this spud it seems you have to be a serious partner to be taken serious I think. I was never taken serious in that way possibly and due to my main interest in computers or CCTV in agriculture which I do make a decent return on. my family as such are not good role sharers as such fiercely want to take on every job.
Again I hope your farm thrives on your own hard work into it. guess thats what it takes to be taken seriously in farms not just to seen asking to do mowing silage harvester or what not thought I wasn't asking much anyway...but theres no better reward than achieving it for yourself and only myself.
do you do anything else than other the farm itself?
Again I hope your farm thrives on your own hard work into it. guess thats what it takes to be taken seriously in farms not just to seen asking to do mowing silage harvester or what not thought I wasn't asking much anyway...but theres no better reward than achieving it for yourself and only myself.
do you do anything else than other the farm itself?
- Location
- East Sussex
No offence but I think you're going away and coming back like a moth to a light bulb maybe adding potential instability to the teamwork. Or at least maybe that's how they see it.
It appears you argue sometimes with the family, I was wondering how those arguments finish? If it involves you storming off then it only shows you cannot be relied upon to finish a job.
It appears you argue sometimes with the family, I was wondering how those arguments finish? If it involves you storming off then it only shows you cannot be relied upon to finish a job.
Wellytrack
Member
I'm not sure what's going on here, something tells me it's not about the work at all, but a feeling of a former life, or a life you think you had, or should have lived or had by now.
As others have said, the simplistic view is to move on, another is to stop viewing your life retrospectively.
The gap within those years you chose to build a business outside of agriculture and subsequent return was every bit as meaningful to you then as the future is now, appreciate the life you have lived as you have chosen too, and to accept the things you have done and who you are - right now, not then.
Achievement is measured in all kinds of different ways, the happiest of men are those who have accepted who they are and cease to wrestle against their nature, don't let emotion cloud your logic, family farms are rarely rational.
As others have said, the simplistic view is to move on, another is to stop viewing your life retrospectively.
The gap within those years you chose to build a business outside of agriculture and subsequent return was every bit as meaningful to you then as the future is now, appreciate the life you have lived as you have chosen too, and to accept the things you have done and who you are - right now, not then.
Achievement is measured in all kinds of different ways, the happiest of men are those who have accepted who they are and cease to wrestle against their nature, don't let emotion cloud your logic, family farms are rarely rational.
Arguments only started when I wasn't given the experience or the chance to up level myself on the work. denied. flat no it was always no. but I agree with the going away and coming back. they knew I could do it alright just didn't want me to do it. used excuses like I wouldn't do it right or I can't hear the mower or I haven't time. come to look at it I did finish every job that was done though. point is I realise now its never gonna work this way gotta go out on own. thats it. what teamwork though. it don't exist there. your just told what to do end of bad temper or not. that what had growing up. and I work in the agricultural sector with cameras for calves and lambing and yard security for machinery when it comes to family operations and when u see lads of early 20s doing the work I wanted to do in a family farm thats when it gets your goat. your post Wellytrack for me hit head on the nail thank you.only thing now how do I get my chance to even mow a field with a 10ft mower or lift silage with a trailed pickup harvester 20ft rows or 24 or 27ft. without spending a fortune and staying away from the family farm. guess small moves and ill get there btw I always been brought up to learn not to take a handout from anyone seem a lot of fellas get that.
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- Location
- Ceredigion, wales
How many acres is the farm? Maybe with your father, uncle and brother they're already falling over themselves to do the work of one or two? Maybe the farm is too small to support them all without having you there too? My advice would be to plough your own furrow. Make as much money as you can with your own business and maybe buy your own place one day.
Morning. its actually two farms 150 acres and 100 acres. they contract work in and smaller jobs are done by themselves.Im not actually part of the farm thoug but Ive gotten the message now though thanks GTB for your encourgement.On top of all this Im going through a separation as well.its a tough world out there
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
I've spent most of the last 6 weeks, mowing, raking, baling - gets to be as boring as hell, your missing nawt. 
Good luck, family businesses (not just farms) are invariably a minefield.
Good luck, family businesses (not just farms) are invariably a minefield.
You're not Amateur Dave are you?
Boohoo, my dad won't let me mow a field. You're 38, not 12!!
Use your computer degree to make some serious money and buy your own farm that you can mow to your hearts content!
This ^
Hilly
Member
- Location
- Scottish Borders.
Yer fither is doing you a huge favour tractor driving is not good, go use your degree and earn some proper money, anyway more skill doing the pit porperly than mowing.your tactful to be sure. im just pee'd off that im still treated the same way I was when I was 12 in fact thats the problem so il just expand the business and get myself a farm or some ground
So there is your father, uncle, and three brothers on 250ac? any cousins as well? *alarmbellsringing* Stay away. You clearly have skills and the ability to earn a living away from the farm, not everybody has, so embrace that, far better to paddle ones own canoe than work like hell for nowt, fall out with family on a daily basis and finish up with nowt come dday, cos theres too little to be spread between too many. And stop banging on about the bloody mowing!!!
We have a fairly mixed bag here, combinable, sugar beet, taties, pigs, solar, few trucks on the road, bit of contracting.
DO you think your father thinks that since you have a degree and a good business, perhaps you should be concentrating on these aspects of your life.
He thinks you have worked hard and been lucky to create a successful business in something which you have enjoyed doing. He probably thinks you are far too busy, with no spare time, so why waste couple of weeks making silage? Leave it to people who haven't had your opportunities.
He thinks you have worked hard and been lucky to create a successful business in something which you have enjoyed doing. He probably thinks you are far too busy, with no spare time, so why waste couple of weeks making silage? Leave it to people who haven't had your opportunities.
- Location
- Larne, Northern Ireland
@Doitzland you seem to have a good job that's not in farming so why not concentrate on it and if you want to drive, there's plenty of farmers, contractors etc who will let you drive for them in your spare time and at evenings and weekends etc. In my opinion tractor driving isn't worth falling out with your family over
John Slejpner
Member
- Location
- Brick clay near Bedford
I is more than possible that as far as your father is concerned there are already too many families dependent on 250 acres.
YOU got to escape and get a computing degree, and YOU are supposed to have the good sense to work out that contracting / being the sometime farm slave is neither that helpful re dynamics of those permanently there nor financially worthwhile / efficient.
As far as your father is concerned.
Your uncle gives you more "respect" because...that's what uncles do!
YOU got to escape and get a computing degree, and YOU are supposed to have the good sense to work out that contracting / being the sometime farm slave is neither that helpful re dynamics of those permanently there nor financially worthwhile / efficient.
As far as your father is concerned.
Your uncle gives you more "respect" because...that's what uncles do!
- Location
- Highland
You've confimred for yourself that you'll get nought from your family. Why do you you keep going back? Lesson learned. Walk away. Stop obsessing.
Do your job, make money, buy some land of your own eventually.
Bit of Scottish wisdom for you - "What's for you won't go past you."
Do your job, make money, buy some land of your own eventually.
Bit of Scottish wisdom for you - "What's for you won't go past you."
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Tarw Coch
Member
- Location
- Bottom of Wats Dyke
I thought it was sleepy.
Goweresque
Member
- Location
- North Wilts
I'd have hoped that someone who had been through university would have discovered paragraphs..................
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
I knew it would be this one! It's true. You pick your friends not your family and sometimes blood is just thick.
Do you and your father never sit down calmly and talk things through? If you can't even understand each other's point of view (even if you don't agree) then nothing can change, if you just go in angry you are lost before you start.
Having said that 250 acres - not four people by a long shot even round here (livestock and grass).
- Status