Feeling sick

[will6910]

Had a couple of good days last few days but no silage helped. Back at it today. Started at 4 and come 7 I was ready to get home as was getting panicky. Got a relief driver and home about a hour now but can't settle myself to make most of it. Have to be back at silage at 8 in morning. That doesn't sound to early but for me if I struggle to sleep over night it couod be for me. For last few years I couod manage to go silage from 8 or 9 in morning and stay till 5 or 6 maybe then have to get home for while then go back till dark. This year I can feel it ij myself I can't do that. Only 3 hours today and that was enough. Now I'm home I'm stressing myself out over tomorrow already

 

[Scaffolder1]

People probably won't agree but youre a farmer grow you own herble remedy a 400w light a ballast some canna a n b a bag of 60/40 Coco mix get you're pH at around 6.2 /6.4 sure you will look into it if you decided to have a go and if you want the taste there's a few other fertilizers for bloom I grow my own as a scaffolder get bad back pain at times and tbh it saughts most things out well come on look around the world the country's that have legalized it for medicinal purposes they have obviously seen the good in it and ime sure the patient has felt the benefitl of it is a natural plant produced by the planet this does not mean I am a drug fueled knob waving a air rifle about( cos of my other post regarding permission) just honest advice so don't be so quick to judge and there are people in America using it for nervs anxiety stress itheritus muscle pain insomnia all sorts of illnesses or purely and simply just to relax after grafting ure knackers off all day this post properly get frowned up on but ahh well chill john

 

[A1an]

Have you tried exercise? when you get worked up get the headphones on and go for a run. Itl be the last thing you want to do but it helps.

 

[will6910]

Have thought of running before but I feel broken if I have to run down yard after a crazy sheep [emoji85]

 

[A1an]

Do it little by little, do you get jelly legs after exerting yourself? The headphones are a must, if not things just go round and round in your head when you are on your own. Don't know if it's your thing but podcasts are great, takes your mind away from the things that get you worked up.

 

[will6910]

Yeah a little. Knees get sore to when run to long.
I like listening to radios to keep mind busy at sikage but gets very samey over the day

 

[will6910]

Currently 2am and I'm wide awake feeling sick and shaking and sweating. Took biscuits and a drink before bed as was hungry and haven't been able to sleep since. Sore muscles in tummy. The more I tried to sleep the worse Iv got. Meant to be up at 7 to get stuff done before sikage at 8 and I'm not going be able to do that now. Have took a spoon of stuff to settle me but not kicked in yet. First time in months and months got so bad had to wake my mum to say as she's hear me walking about. If dry going to have to send father to sikage instead for while as at moment I can't see myself up and out and away in time even if I did can't see me being able to stay from 8 till tea time as planned. Just hope it's raining in morning. Sorry for a post at a odd time wanted to write it down to see if it will settle me Abit to get me to sleep

 

[Scaffolder1]

Told you get some cannabis you will be so surprised it does not have to be smoked you can make edible treats out of it honestly mate you will be shocked john also it does not make you a bad person using Google cannabis

 

[ThatsSomeSheep]

Will - here's what I reckon.

Not everyone is cut out for sitting on tractor all day. Especially if it is working for someone else and is weather dependant. I know it would drive me bananas.

I think you need to find another line of work to supplement your sheep income. Just because your a farmer doesn't mean you need to do farming related work. Could you see yourself working in a shop? Maybe local farm supplies outlet?

TSS

 

[will6910]

I do love tractor driving. Been told I'm good at it and one best drivers there. If I'm feeling ok and not worried about things I can do it all day no prob. It's just when I get stressed and sick it makes things worse being away from home. I'm not much of a people person face to face. I struggle at times even goijf to shop to get bottle juice at times

 

[DrWazzock]

I do love tractor driving. Been told I'm good at it and one best drivers there. If I'm feeling ok and not worried about things I can do it all day no prob. It's just when I get stressed and sick it makes things worse being away from home. I'm not much of a people person face to face. I struggle at times even goijf to shop to get bottle juice at times

I used to be a lot like that. Panic attacks, difficulty with social interaction and all that crap.

There is no easy answer but with time the symptoms will pass as you get older and more familiar with different types of work and different people and gradually you get to the stage where you think I'm trying my best and this is how I am and if people don't like it it's their problem.

The worst that can happen is they can sack you, but why worry about that as there are other jobs and opportunities.

You are worrying too much and thinking too much. Just roll with it, take stuff as it comes, deal with it as it arises. Shut all the concerns out at night and just think of something else. The job will wait till morning and you can deal with it then.

You are much more proficient and valuable to people than you think.

You'll be alright. There might be setbacks, yes, but gradually it will work out.

And as my uncle used to say, "Don't panic flight mechanic, the fitter too shall see you through."

 

[will6910]

Thanks. Lucky boss does understand but still hate letting people down. I do over think things for sooner than any need to even think of them yet

 

[holywell farmer]

Thanks. Lucky boss does understand but still hate letting people down. I do over think things for sooner than any need to even think of them yet

Never forget your number 1

 

[will6910]

Hard to remember at times

 

[holywell farmer]

Hard to remember at times

Put yourself before others

 

[will6910]

Hello again. Been feeling fine for while now till today. Been no real silage away recently so been just home doing few thjngs and own silage. Was home alone all day today and was fine till went to a friend for hour this afternoon and felt little panicky and light headed and thought was just hungry but now home and had some tea and still same . Had to resort to diazapam again. I know I need to just sit and relax and settle myself but finding it really hard this evening. The more I walk about the worse I get so can't even go for a walk round sheep

 

[will6910]

Back again. Iv made a decision, I'm not made for working swag from home. As much as I love tractor work and silage, no matter how much I enjoy it it's not worth making my self ill over. Haven't been at silage for few weeks now and been okish at home. First day back at silage today from 3 and been home at 6 for hour and still needed medicine and home feeling sick. Up until that point of anxiety I love it. But I don't think it's worth it now at end of day. Odd evening here or there or odd day up till evening be ok but not as much as I used to be able for. Sorry for rant. Not long home and no body awake st home and had to write down or say way I was think. Sorry

 

[Alicecow]

No need to apologise, good that you have made your own decision

 

[will6910]

Hello again, another quick update. With weather being be way it's been done very little silage since. Been at home and doing my own things, and still sound myself getting worked up, so have decided a big cause of my anxiety when at home and at silage is the anxiety I get from people at home and the worries about my farm and sheep.
When I'm not at silage and home doin own jobs Iv no reason to get worked up but I still do. My father offered me and tractor to a neighbour to help at silage but didn't tell me till day I had to go. I haven't minded as it's basically the farm over the hedge from me so no distance away. Back there tomorrow for the final push to get rest baled. Then gives wet rest of week it seems. My new worry is now a friend is heading away on holiday and I'm doing his feeding for him. I don't mind in he slightest and in fact like doijf it. But prob is if it's dry next week there will be silage again and the lad that's away on holiday is the driver that helps us with silage so it'l mean il be needed for everywhere at silage as prob not be anyone else. Issue is I'm not like friend or boss that can go feed in no time and then get in tractor and stay till night. Feedin for friend I take my time and make sure All's done well and can't handle the rush of I have to be at silage for say 10 o'clock. When it's my own stuff I can cope usually. Just all of fluster this evening as I now have s sore tooth and thatl mean a dentist trip and that's a major worry for me. Sorry ranting again

 

[will6910]

Hello. Apologises again for the updates. Couple of months have past and still no huge improvement in myself. Between sheep issues and family issues I feel I don't get any break. Even if I go to a friends for a hour I still can't shut down And re charge myself. Writing this at nearly two in morning. Fell sleep at half 12. Woke at 1 in a sweaty panic and had to get out of bed and go settle myself. Been long time since i felt like that. Have a friend asked to help me in mornjnf at 11 and was thinking and planning for that to go smooth and then things witb sheep. Was reading another thread about workinf with disabilities. Not have courage to write my own personal battle as not sure it's a proper one. But on nights like this when I have jobs planned for tomorrow and want them to go well I'm awake at 2 in morning worrying about things when I shouid be asleep and preparing myself physically for the jobs :/