Jokes, ones that aren't offensive(no rude pics either thanks.)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Sid, Feb 18, 2013.

  1. Al R

    Al R Member

    Location:
    West Wales
    I definetly didn’t... (y)
     
    Tomtrac and Whitewalker like this.
  2. Dman2

    Dman2 Member

    Location:
    Durham, UK
    365
    Is that all :whistle::whistle:
     
    Al R and Exfarmer like this.
  3. Wooly

    Wooly Member

    Location:
    Romney Marsh
    Guess you are not married !
     
  4. Dman2

    Dman2 Member

    Location:
    Durham, UK
    Might not be if she reads this
     
    smcapstick, Al R, fredf and 1 other person like this.
  5. Y Fan Wen

    Y Fan Wen Member

    Location:
    N W Snowdonia
    Bit of a conundrum here:
    Gentleman arriving at a small rural station asks the ticket collector when the last return train leaves. 'Twenty to eleven', was the reply.
    Gent. arrives at the station at half past ten in plenty of time for his train and is horrified to find it left a quarter of an hour and more ago. There was no mistake, the collector gave him the right time and the train left on time.
    I couldn't get it when I heard this and had to be given the answer.
     
  6. Oat

    Oat Member

    Location:
    Cheshire
    10:11 PM = 22:11 (twenty two eleven / twenty to eleven)
     
  7. Y Fan Wen

    Y Fan Wen Member

    Location:
    N W Snowdonia
    Well done.
     
  8. Oat

    Oat Member

    Location:
    Cheshire
    I thought it was Ur-anus, or is that asteroids and haemorrhoids?
     
    Woodlander and Still Farming like this.
  9. Wooly

    Wooly Member

    Location:
    Romney Marsh
  10. Tigger

    Tigger Member

    Location:
    Worcestershire
  11. bovrill

    bovrill Member

    Location:
    East Essex
  12. Two Tone

    Two Tone Member

    My brother, who lives about 150 miles away, phoned me up last night for a chat and to ask if we want to meet up again halfway between us to swap Christmas presents, as usual, this year.
    I said yes, but that we haven't started shopping for any presents yet.

    "That's alright," he said. "Mary hasn't even told Joseph that she's expecting yet!"
     
    KMA likes this.
  13. Dman2

    Dman2 Member

    Location:
    Durham, UK
    A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California , walked into a jewelery store in
    a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
    He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
    The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
    At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
    'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
    The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
    The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
    On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.'
    'I know, said the old man,
    'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

    REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..
     
    delilah likes this.
  14. Fromebridge

    Fromebridge Member

    Location:
    Glos
    Proof we landed on Mars

    Proof+we+landed+on+mars.jpg
     
    davieh3350, KMA, Alan88 and 9 others like this.
  15. bovrill

    bovrill Member

    Location:
    East Essex
  16. BarnDoor

    BarnDoor New Member

    Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? Because he was out standing in his field

    Old but gold ;)
     
  17. jpd

    jpd Member

    Location:
    rep of irl
    no its not
     
    Storeman likes this.
  18. bovrill

    bovrill Member

    Location:
    East Essex
  19. bovrill

    bovrill Member

    Location:
    East Essex

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