Keeping the older generation safe.

[2wheels]

nearly, you have brought tears to my eyes. thinking of you and your dad.

 

[DRC]

Dad got to his 80th without getting any older in my eyes, just a tinge of grey in his hair and no less of it than in his 30's.

He always said that you start off doing the lad's jobs and finish up doing them again.
Since we moved here 10 years ago, no rabbit, mole, thistle, dock or nettles has been safe. Hedges have been laid to within an inch of their life and distant neighbours have known when he was out with the rodenator. Often he'd return from blasting with lumps of turf sitting on the car roof as evidence of the violence of the explosions.
Only a couple of hard words from me after blasting under a holly hedge and the loss of five yards of good hedge as the dead leaves went up a treat. Best not say too much about the sycamore tree that met a similar fate.
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April 2016 involved a 'bad turn' of unknown origin and a week in hospital over a bank holiday weekend which resolved nothing. It only had him saying don't ever leave me in that place again.

Spring turned into Summer and he had to be reminded how to start the tractor when fetching silage bales in. He was still pottering around on the Kramer and mending gaps in the hedges with old rails.
Mum was doing the rounds of the doctors' surgery and round various specialists but no conclusive results or diagnosis.
He put a calendar on the wall and started crossing the days off so he knew what day it was. All his working life it had never mattered what day it was, but now it bothered him that he didn't know.

I was putting a shed up for a mate in the village and he arrived and walked down the blind side of the loadall and it was such a shock to me that he got a shouting at and told to stand and watch at the top of the banking. He got back into car and drove home.

There would be some days when he didn't leave the house, or just one small circuit of the yard and back in again.
If he stopped walking he'd fall over so we knew something was very wrong.

Doctors eventually told him not to drive again but he popped around to tell us.....in the car. Mum hid the keys.

He would walk 100 yards across the fields to our house when he wanted a natter and we've got hours of conversations recorded on our phones of his stories and memories. We'd just get phone out, press record and sit it on the table.

Early December he set off across the field at 3pm but lost his walking stick and couldn't get around the water trough swamp. Mum and Mrs N retrieved him at 5pm as I was away, put him to bed to warm up.
It was the warning Mum needed that she couldn't leave him alone.

He was coherent and logical, just confused.
A couple of days later and he would only repeat the question when asked something. Mum and I decided to ring 999 and get some action.
The alternative was to keep him at home and let him 'go', even though we weren't sure of the diagnosis.
A bleed on the brain was diagnosed and medication and observation in hospital ward was the 'cure'.
He hated this and became known as a troublemaker on the ward, due to the personality changes of his stroke. As time went on and he didn't consistently improve more scans and tests were done and it was found he had a tumour in the middle of his brain.
The tumour would have been inoperable at any time and at least he was on painkillers all summer from a previous knee operation which he felt hadn't fully healed.
He's coming back this morning to die at home. Bed in sitting room, views for miles out of the window and laptop on the table at the side of him with cctv image of cow shed as cows are starting to calve now.

Some forum members may have noted the pics that I've scanned in since mid Dec and most of them still make me smile.

This thread has made me realise that I'm the older generation now.
Thanks Dad!
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A very brave post, which brought a lump to my throat. Remember that your Dad has lived the life he wanted and is surrounded by a loving family. What man could ask for more . Thinking of you all
David .

 

[fieldfarmer]

@Nearly , Tear's in my eye's, can only imagine how hard that was to write will be thinking of you over the coming days.

 

[7610 super q]

As above. The penny has only just dropped about your post in the WGYG thread. Glad I didn't attempt some foolish joke...
Mine's 86, still reasonably mobile, and still potters about the yard/ garden.
Makes you think though.
All the best.

 

[joe soapy]

@Nearly , Tear's in my eye's, can only imagine how hard that was to write will be thinking of you over the coming days.

Me too, Can remember finding Dad lying in the cart rut in the rain, we loaded him in the back of the pickup and got him home, he pottered about for 4 years. I still wonder if I done the right thing by him.
I'm 69 this year ant the stent is giving trouble, i have told the boy to just see i is not suffering and drive on and pick me up later, if similar circumstances arise

 

[phillipe]

my old fella just rung up ,said dont want to worry you but fell over today getting some wood in,on my way down home now,how do you others cope with the worry.it seem s to occupy my thoughts for most of the time,thanks

 

[Warp Land Farmer]

@Nearly .... you will treasure those recorded conversations and storeys over the years and decades to come, I wish I had had the forsight to do that with my Dad and Grandad as I just can't tell the storeys and folk law to my son as they told them to me with all the wisdoms entwined with lots of mirth and leg pulling. All the very best to you, your Dad and all you family. WLF.

 

[milkloss]

I really wish you and your family all the best @Nearly. I'm sure many can relate to your post.

Don't regret the odd words you had, I did the same many times, I am sure they knew we meant well. Your mention of recording conversations reminded me my father had an old dictaphone he recorded his story on.

 

[texelburger]

My father is 89 and still does the office,he quite happily reduced his physical work on the farm since his mid seventies, but will still help move sheep if asked.He still drives but has developed this habit of driving up behind you in the yard when your on the tractor,leading to a few near misses !A few years ago we bought a fairly new double cab pick up with all the chrome extras and Dad decided to have a little spin in it to see the sheep,unfortunately he didn't know where the 4 wd engagement was and got stuck in a gateway.He arrived back in the yard with mud plastered all over and dents in the front and back chrome bumpers from hitting the gateposts repeatedly. We all stared in horror at the damage and asked him what on earth had happened,Dad casually replied "Why do you think they are called bumpers,its because they are used for bumping " and then strolled off up the yard to his house !!
His car has a minor dink in each panel but he always denies it was anything to do with him !!.He will happily drive a 20 odd mile round trip to the vet or any such errand,as long as he's back in the afternoon to watch his beloved horseracing on sky.We all think he should perhaps stop driving but maybe that would be the slippery slope,he loves his independence and even though he has scrapped walls and gateposts, has never had a bump with another car.He is still fairly fit and long may it continue.

 

[7610 super q]

my old fella just rung up ,said dont want to worry you but fell over today getting some wood in,on my way down home now,how do you others cope with the worry.it seem s to occupy my thoughts for most of the time,thanks

Well, falling down once is OK......got to the stage with my 94 Year old gran, where she was falling down day and night....thankfully spent the last 12 months in a care home. It's the right place for her although she doesn't think so. Dad just seems to bumble about. Supposed to take tablets 3 times a day...mornings tablet ends up on the floor....gets picked up and taken dinner time. Dinnertime tablet ends up in the butter dish, and gets taken at night. Mother gets exasperated with him.
Rightly, or wrongly, I just try and occupy my mind elsewhere....
In for an interesting 5 years, I think.

 

[Nearly]

At what age does it become 'a fall'?

A friend of Dad's has his funeral a week on Monday.
It was a long drawn out death with everything the medical profession could do to extend it. He did not gave a power of attorney in place and the solicitors will have had a right draw out of his significant assetts and accounts over the last 8 years!
Dad didn't want to be like that and Mum has taken some hard decisions to hasten his end in a barely humane manner.
I can only encourage folk on here to get older generation to sign a lasting power of attorney (and make a will) while they are still able to express their wishes.
Make sure that they know that you are making the same preparations to protect the next generation down.
First visit next week is solicitor about power of attorney for Mum, me, mrs and my brother.
Other peoples mistakes are the cheapest to learn from!

 

[Nearly]

A friend of mine's dad had a stroke a few years ago and managed to write his memoirs as part of his slow recovery. He was a teacher, loved his job and memoirs were called 'Oh good, it's Monday'

Dad had thought of a title for his but kept it a secret we think.
Perhaps it was. 'What day is it? Time to milk'

I hope this is helping others as much as it's helping me. Thanks

Edit.
Aiming for 2 millionth post to be mine, one way or another.
Edit 2. Told mum about the 'missing' title and she found his note pad. Got it!

 

[theboytheboy]

Thanks for sharing @Nearly. Dad's birthday this week. Your post has reminded me to make sure he knows how much we rely on him even if he's not perfect.

 

[Headless chicken]

Helping a neighbour with some cattle few years ago. They'd never been handled, facilities not brilliant. The sort of cattle where if they turn you run like buggery.
The old chap was stood behind the race (deaf as a post ) couldn't hear me and dad shouting at him to get out of the way. Luckily we got him to move seconds later a lim bulllock comes flying over the top.

Could have been a very different result

 

[MickMoor]

There is no other industry where you get two, frequently three, generations working together, and it is this that makes me love farmers and farming. As a man rapidly becoming the senior one, already the oldest member of the family. I am truly touched by the comments I have read here. I am not a farmer, have spoken to my son and daughter and made a will, and urge you all to do so. However, to her dying day, my mother was convinced that the executors of her Grandfather's will cheated her out of what was left of her family's assets, so take great care!.

 

[MickMoor]

Helping a neighbour with some cattle few years ago. They'd never been handled, facilities not brilliant. The sort of cattle where if they turn you run like buggery.
The old chap was stood behind the race (deaf as a post ) couldn't hear me and dad shouting at him to get out of the way. Luckily we got him to move seconds later a lim bulllock comes flying over the top.

Could have been a very different result

My hearing is deteriorating. Many people find it amusing, but quite often, to hear more clearly, you put yourself right in the path of the danger people are trying to warn you about.

 

[Sussex Martin]

@Nearly thank you for taking the time to share your story. I admire the relationship you have with your dad, it is everything you could ever wish for. Treasure the memories and remember what he used to be not what he is now. My thoughts are with you and yours and I hope your dad has a peacefully and painless end.
Martin.

 

[Sussex Martin]

My hearing is deteriorating. Many people find it amusing, but quite often, to hear more clearly, you put yourself right in the path of the danger people are trying to warn you about.

Mick, go and get your hearing tested and get some hearing aids, I did last year. I can hear the dawn chorus again and I take time to stop and listen, it is truly fantastic.

 

[Nearly]

MICK, GO AND GET YOUR HEARING TESTED AND GET SOME HEARING AIDS, I DID LAST YEAR. I CAN HEAR THE DAWN CHORUS AGAIN AND I TAKE TIME TO STOP AND LISTEN, IT IS TRULY FANTASTIC.

 

[fermerboy]

@Nearly, thank you for writing your post, it must have been hard to say all that on an internet forum.
Feeling that post tonight as I heard that a very good friend of mine lost his dad on Friday. The old guy was down to the farm as usual, helped the son to feed cattle. Went home for a morning cuppa and had a heart attack in the house and died. His wife found him. 75 but fit and active.
Hell of a shock for all the family that's left.
Part of me(the selfish part) thinks that's a better way to go, even if its hard for others.
Luckily we get no choice in the matter and what will be will be.