Mental Health are you coping?

Discussion in 'Manflu Corner' started by JCMaloney, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. JCMaloney

    JCMaloney Member

    LE3 9EU
    Yeah I know..... blokes don`t talk about it.

    After I lost my Mum I thought I was dealing with things "OK", turns out I wasn`t.
    Home & work both suffered as did voluntary stuff I do, I didn`t know my arse from my elbow but it didn`t seem to be important.
    Fast forward a year or two of "getting by" and I almost imploded, things started going wrong and I was making bad choices so I self referred myself to Occupational Health at work.
    Being diagnosed with depression was a wake up call & a only happens to "other people" right?
    Never got as far as jumping off a roof or sitting on the trainline but (if I`m honest) it wasn`t far off.

    Don`t be like me.............accept you aren`t coping.....ask for help.
  2. Spud

    Spud Member

    Pertinent timing JC, as the darker damper weather takes over things always seem a bit bleaker!

    Hats off to you for dealing with things proctively, the black dog can be a cruel thing.

    Keep well pal

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  3. Y Fan Wen

    Y Fan Wen Member

    N W Snowdonia
    I lost both my parents within 6 months, both well in their nineties, so not unexpected.
    It was several years later that I realised how down I had been. At the time, I couldn't tell.
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  4. Landrover

    Landrover Member

    I get really down and grumpy at this time of year, dark nights, damp weather and a quieter time at work makes me begin to over think stuff and worry unnecessarily over everything, coupled with some family issues I have been worse this year, for the past 10 years my wife and kids who are not the family issue, have kept me "sane", I don't know if that is a non pc term these days but don't know how else to explain it ! I have never thought of going to see anyone about it and I suppose just got on with things and told myself to stop being "soft" and man up ! But recently I have started thinking about getting some help but a bit reluctant to go to the dr, is there anything else I could do ? Often feel very anxious and in a dark mood, not helped like alot of people who work in this industry is that I work alone alot of the time and sometimes don't see anyone else between leaving the house in the morning and coming home at night . Sorry for rambling on but would like some advice thanks
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  5. spin cycle

    spin cycle Member

    north norfolk
    go see your gp....could be simple seratonin issue....i suffer from lack of seratonin and my tabs keep me ok:).....most of the time:rolleyes:
    JCMaloney likes this.
  6. Lili

    Lili Member

    As above. Go and see your GP. Tell them exactly how you are feeling. Best wishes.
  7. Pond digger

    Pond digger Member

    East Yorkshire
    Just be aware that the commonly prescribed medications- SSRIs, can make you feel much worse before making you feel any better. They are certainly not a quick fix, and may not work at all, for you.

    I would suggest you try some kind of behavioural/ thinking therapy; your Doctor should be able to guide you.

    Think about making changes to your life that might help (not always easy, I know).
    silverfox and JCMaloney like this.
  8. Pond digger

    Pond digger Member

    East Yorkshire
    What has been the most beneficial thing you’ve tried? Depression is a living hell!
  9. JCMaloney

    JCMaloney Member

    LE3 9EU
    A combination of stuff.
    The first step was acknowledging it and talking to Occupational Health at work, one "perk" of the NHS job I guess.
    Making time for myself, that was as easy as walking to work rather than getting the bus or taking the car. 20 minutes walking can sort stuff out in your head that seems a mess.
    Running (see the Parkrun thread!) also help out with volunteering as well, meeting different folk etc.
    Facing up to mistakes, learning from them and talking about them, you can`t wind back time.

    Most importantly for me was do the stuff that is important, not what you think is important.
    Once the fog clears a bit it gets easier and easier.

    There are a lot of plans, strategies and help out there but its making it fit you that is the key.
    I still get bad days but I recognise them and know they won`t last and, if I look for a positive, they get shorter.
    Lot of ideas on here:
  10. silverfox

    silverfox Member

    John, I know Oxford haven't been doing so well, but they are on the up now,:). Think how I felt after you thrashed us,
    Seriously though, well done for posting. This time of year can get any of us down. Days this week have been dreary . Suffered myself a few years ago, but made changes to the grind of livestock farming and the Mrs gave up her job as she could see it wasn't good for me being on my own all day. Still get days when I feel just glum, but now have coping mechanisms .
  11. Clive

    Clive Staff Member

    Re time of year I find iron supplement plus vit D tablet and as much sunlight as posible helps with tiredness and mood in general

    I used to have a very dark office so had a SAD light - it really did wor. Now have a light off office with big windows and roof lights which is much better
    Steevo likes this.
  12. Pond digger

    Pond digger Member

    East Yorkshire
    Thanks for the link; all sounds sensible stuff. I wish I’d tried the alternatives, before starting on Seroxat (SSRI).
    JCMaloney likes this.
  13. Landrover

    Landrover Member

    Thanks for all the advice, will get the courage up to go and see the go next week, don't like the idea of drugs (scare me to be honest) alot of my problems come from my family, family farm and the situations that go on in them ! I seem to have spent my whole adult life sorting other people's issues out and no one has ever asked me if I'm ok ! And I want to scream "no I'm not!" Fed up really !
  14. Thats a new one on me. Never thought of that. Quite like it. I actually quite like winter days but find the evenings a bit long

    I've never had a days depression in my life but I have felt a bit rudderless at times in the past couple of years as I've got older. What I have found has really helped me have been going for a run (just a 2-3 mile run is enough) and I come back more productive and with a bit more purpose for those few hours after, another thing is having lists on the phone - various lists - ie jobs to do asap, jobs for the next year, places to go/ things to do and things I want to "achieve" - could be anything, doesn't mean doing an Ironman and it helps give a sense of achievement and direction - it may even be mending a gutter that has broken for years etc. but it helps to build a sense of purpose.

    And the other thing is to be open to all sorts and to as many people/ experiences which we can all tend to shut out (me included). A lot of people can see this as oversharing but if you do it in the right context its extremely useful because a lot of problems for people esp with regards to anxieties tend to lack perspective - we are not as individual as we may think. Even depression can be fundamentally a lack of perspective/ inability to see another perspective rather than life being actually negative.

    Interesting stuff, the mind!
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2018
  15. Y Fan Wen

    Y Fan Wen Member

    N W Snowdonia
    Something that works well for me, and for Dad in bygone years, is to go up to the highest point of the farm and sit in the shelter of a convenient wall and look down on the rest of the country. Half an hour of that brings things back into proportion and leaves the every day problems in the yard where they belong. Not sure that would work in the fens tho'.
  16. DrWazzock

    DrWazzock Member

    Just doing something simple helps me, even if it's only setting a mole trap. You feel like you have achieved something or at least tried.

    I'm in a dilemma at the moment and it's bothering me. I have two tractors, a Lambo 105 with a serious sounding transmission noise and a Case 1494 with a bust hydrashift. Is it really worth spending Christmas in a cold workshop up to my armpits in oil raving them apart to attempt but not necessarily solve the problems while maybe spending £3k on parts. Or is it better to sell them to my exporter friend for a reasonable sum at least enough to buy one decent secondhand replacement more fitted to my purpose nowadays. Something in me tells me I should fix the problems and there would be satisfaction and learning if I am successful but something else tells me I am in the business of farming not spending hours in the workshop earning more or less nothing but standing still. Reading the manual for the Lambo I see the need for all sorts of factory made gauge pieces to set things back up again. It's not a trivial job and once I have started I am committed. This is the sort of thing that I find very difficult to find motivation to attempt these days. Yet not doing it feels like giving in. And I'm kind of stuck at a mental impasse procrastinating and it gets me down.

    Sorry for going off thread a bit but these are the kind of issues that impact on me, especially at this time of year.
  17. robandles

    robandles Member

    Hello. If it was me I would sell them both to your mate and try and start with a clean slate.
    Another tractor might bring its own problems but it might not.
    Plus something "new" in the yard might cheer you up.
    Just my 2p
  18. Spud

    Spud Member

    Particularly given theres two tractors @DrWazzock - I'd be taking your export option - fixing two will take considerable time, time which could be spent on other jobs. The value of the broken ones plus cost of repairing both will surely get you a decent replacement? You'd feel like you'd upgraded (achievement) have a nicer machine to use (feel good factor) and not be terribly behind with other jobs because you'd been in the workshop for days and days.
    My 2p anyway
    Keep well, Spud.
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  19. Ffermer Bach

    Ffermer Bach Member

    Remember there is a charity CRUSE who provide free bereavement counselling, all the work is done by volunteers, usually six sessions are provided, but in some areas can be more, also CRUSE are always looking for potential volunteers too, it's not a big time commitment (2 hours a week maybe). If you need help with bereavement and grief call the local line and they will arrange sessions.
    Angus likes this.
  20. DrWazzock

    DrWazzock Member

    Thanks. Sounds like the right way forward. I think it will be easier to keep one decent one going rather than carrying on messing about with two that just seem to have one problem after another. We have other tractors anyway so why punish ourselves trying to keep so many going? We sometimes lose sight of what we are about and end up bogged down in problems, which might be satisfying to solve but which consume a lot of time and energy that would be better spent on more productive things or just having s break. I think I inherited that trait. Dad would spend weeks mending something on which he did an excellent and thorough job
    but as a result the crops didn't quite get their fertiliser and sprays on time.
    Spud likes this.

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