Mental Health are you coping?

[Loner]

Yeah I know..... blokes don`t talk about it.

After I lost my Mum I thought I was dealing with things "OK", turns out I wasn`t.
Home & work both suffered as did voluntary stuff I do, I didn`t know my arse from my elbow but it didn`t seem to be important.
Fast forward a year or two of "getting by" and I almost imploded, things started going wrong and I was making bad choices so I self referred myself to Occupational Health at work.
Being diagnosed with depression was a wake up call & a half...it only happens to "other people" right?
Never got as far as jumping off a roof or sitting on the trainline but (if I`m honest) it wasn`t far off.

Don`t be like me.............accept you aren`t coping.....ask for help.

I suffered from depression for along time,it is controlled by medication.
I went through the councilling but there is only so much you can do within that as there comes a time when there is nothing else to say.
Most of the depression problems are triggered by life events,and I had many of those when I was young,and then when I got married we lost one child through a tragedy.
Later on I was traumatized when I took action against someone who entered a post office and started to push elderly people on to the floor, I soon realized it was a robbery.

I was angered by the violence shown to the elderly people who were queing up for their weekly money.
I lifted one of the tall smokers type bin up as the robber came from behind the counter,I did not realize he had a gun in his hand, I didn't wait I hit him over the head with the bin,he fled with an accomplish who was at the door,I followed and picked a lot of bundles of money up and put them in the bin,I returned it the post office, gave my statement to the police , and went home.
After this event I went in to a very dark place,my thoughts were all over the place.
And that was the final button that was pressed to send me in to a huge depressive state.
Things did happen as a thank you for the action I took, but it did nothing to stop the images of those elderly people being knocked down , and the fear on their faces.

And I now see many people in the news and from all walks of life who have or are suffering due to life incidents of many kinds.
But as you say,people now need to seek help from their own doctor to get the facilities in place that are out there to help them as soon as they know they are suffering.

Discussions like this do help, and if you are male /female or any gender you can act on the information yourself.

 

[JD-Kid]

Hi
my story is like some many others not knowing whats happing and why
28 years ago on the 23rd of dec I was sitting in a room playing with a knife it had got that bad did not even know I was thinking of it snapped out of it. when boss knocked on the door
found I had tidied house I lived in packed all my gear and had written letters to my family all not knowing. that I had done it
just so alone at the time overseas. and left out at xmas no mates boss was a arse all family in NZ. no phone to ring them. etc
fast forward years had down times but pulled though them
last few years went down. fast. could not stop the slide gave up outside interests
not many picked it up. most doctors missed all the signs one. touched on it. 3 years ago
then I crashed doc. said I had top end minor depression sent me to some one to talk to which helped a bit but under public funding had to let me go after 14 months
no going to a good guy. costs me a bit but. helping me deal with it
my biggest thing was. speaking out. and not being afraid of. talking
it's ok to cry and tell people yer not coping that well. there are people that will listen. if they don't. keep. trying till you find some that will listen
I wake up each day with a greet the day outlook but by nightfall I can be a mess
crowds can set me off along with. gunshots (I used to do a lot of shooting ) or putting animals down. freaks me out a fair bit
I talk my dogs for a drive each night talk to people on fb and have tried to rebuild myself
some days I fail but keep fighting
I have seen some dark days worst day was. thinking of taking my life. at least 3 diffrent ways BUT I want to live there is just something that keeps me going and as long as I have that. wee bit of hope I keep going
it's. sh1t only bright side is I have learnt a lot about myself
I have turned my back on too many people tho and thats a big cost that I have to repay
my true friends ask what to do I just said. be there my best mates keep in touch. one rings me every day

it's not only. speaking out if yer have probs. it's checking on yer mates to make sure they are ok a beer and a yarn maybe. all they need to. help them

be kind. as you never know the battles people are fighting. sometimes it's with themselves

 

[Greenbeast]

I came across this last week...

 

[JD-Kid]

I came across this last week...

a few other good ones on you tube as well seen a few of. the tedx videos some good speakers
https://www.duffthepsych.com/blog/
thats a good. guy to listen to. a few good podcasts I am signed up to him and get. emails once a week. good reading. and some good. tips and tricks. to. go forward all in a no BS style simple to follow. and makes sence

 

[Greenbeast]

I've been watching a lot of tedx recently, can swallow hours. Some good mental health stuff

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Hope you keep well. This time of year can be so difficult. I myself have patches of depression on and off, summer or winter, it gets really difficult at times. Mostly you don't want to do anything, eat or drink really, just waiting for the inevitable. But it passes within a few days, although ik others does last longer. Best thing you can do I find is to keep your mind occupied with things through that time. Try talk to people friends or ones you don't know too well, even if it is just online it's still interaction and interaction is important SAD is another cause for it and there are home treatments available for that too. Vits and minerals are very important and always have earphones and YouTube at the ready. Music is a big healer, I use it all the time when working/relaxing and it makes everything bearable. All the best lads and lassies

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

 

[Dangerous Dan]

always have earphones and YouTube at the ready. Music is a big healer, I use it all the time when working/relaxing and it makes things bearable

100% agree with this. Sometimes it seems a bit rude at times but it's my coping mechanism.

Hope you are all well

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

100% agree with this. Sometimes it seems a bit rude at times but it's my coping mechanism.

Hope you are all well

Yes it's a good way of coping I'm ok thanks, just tired from working loads haha
TC now

 

[Two Tone]

No, I’m not coping.
Doctors are useless insofar that they do phone consultations, but not for nearly 3 weeks.
Sleep problems and nightmares about the farm and farming.

My whole life and my home depends on this job.
Don’t know how much longer I can do it.

Going away for the weekend to celebrate my Mum’s 87th birthday.
Not sure I’m going to enjoy it. Pretty certain I wont.
Feck the farm during the only decent drilling weather we have had so far.

Will finish drilling cereals on Monday, but then still have a third of the farm to plant with Winter Beans.
Just want it all done so I can go on sick leave. Which I have never done or even considered before.

I have a fantastic wife and I’m terrified I’m letting her and all the family down.
I just need some decent fecking sleep!!!!!!!!!
WTF!

 

[spin cycle]

No, I’m not coping.
Doctors are useless insofar that the do phone consultations, but not for nearly 3 weeks.
Sleep problems and nightmares about the farm and farming.

My whole life and my home depends on this job.
Don’t know who’s much longer I can do it.

Going away for the weekend to celebrate my Mum’s 87th birthday.
Not sure I’m going to enjoy it. Pretty certain I wont.
Feck the farm during the only decent drilling weather we have had so far.

Will finish drilling cereals on Monday, but then still have a third of the farm to plant with Winter Beans.
Just want it all done so I can go on sick leave. Which I have never done or even considered before.

I have a fantastic wife and I’m terrified I’m letting her and all the family down.
I just need some decent fecking sleep!!!!!!!!!
WTF!

get yourself a private counsellor...I've be seeing one for about 2 months now

the first weeks it'll take the full hour just unloading your troubles...but even that helps
After that the work starts on thought processes to help/cope

 

[Lakes Nash]

Talk to someone, just try to off load a bit, the farm will still be there tomorrow and the day after!

 

[Two Tone]

Thank you for your replies.

I emailed my Doctors last evening and they now realise just how serious my situation is. My Doctor has just rung me and she has been helpful.
What I need is some Melatonin. Unfortunately Doctors are not really allowed to prescribe it. But she has given me details where to find it online. If I can’t get it, she will give me some.

Melatonin is a sort of opposite to Cortisol. Which is what has caused me all sorts of problems in the past such as Pre-diabetes and a heart attack, both of which I suffered last year. I am no longer pre-diabetic because I changed my diet. But I’m terrified that this continued stress might cause another heart attack, which often comes as a delayed reaction.

As my Doctor correctly surmised, though she can help with medication, I do need to address the underlying cause of my stress with my employers. But as the MD is well into his 80’s and won’t give up the reins, I’m really not sure he’ll fully understand.

The fact is that I do the work of 2 fit men and I’m 63! Farming is in a pretty poor state at the moment and I find it difficult to understand how it can justify another man.
Trying to do all the physical work and run the business is proving almost impossible.
Stupid things like suddenly having to drop everything else to put an emergent dose of slug pellets on what look like drowned emerging crops or somebody telling me that there is one of our farmed Deer that has lost one of its legs, just put me right back there in panic mode!

Talking does help, but unfortunately doesn’t solve the situation, or hasn’t done yet.

Thanks all, anyway.

 

[Pieces_of_Eight]

Talk to someone, just try to off load a bit, the farm will still be there tomorrow and the day after!

Try to put just five minutes aside each day to chat with someone, even if its while your'e driving. Just a non-farming chat with a brother/neighbour/pub mate for a few minutes a day.

Not easy, I just set an alarm on my phone and ring two or three people until someone answers and have a chat. Might be 2 mins or end up longer if I'm driving.

 

[Two Tone]

The serious reductions in our BPS hasn’t helped.
And the SFI thing is something I just haven’t got time to do at the moment. The prospect of learning yet another system frightens me.

I really don’t think the Government have a clue as to how much stress this is causing. Especially in a year when we have had crap weather and crap yields. Even though we have had a run of good years, this one is going to take some recovering from.

When we employed another member of staff, I had time to deal with this all. I enjoyed finding out and maximising every bit of additional subsidy/Stewardship. I just don’t have time for it now.

 

[Yale]

I suppose we have to ask ourselves how we got here and what to do now we are here. I can understand even though we don’t have staff. I am the staff…..for everything. Folks are ageing, old fella is 80 but fitish, wife cannot assist physically, children in education. It feels a bit like a runway and rapidly running out of it.

Things will have to change here however I haven’t quite worked out how yet!

I don’t think government actually realise how cut to the bone farmers are, drowning under a sea of regulation.

I think discussing things with a trusted non farming friend can be beneficial as they can see things from a different perspective.

Take care.

 

[Steevo]

I suppose we have to ask ourselves how we got here and what to do now we are here. I can understand even though we don’t have staff. I am the staff…..for everything. Folks are ageing, old fella is 80 but fitish, wife cannot assist physically, children in education. It feels a bit like a runway and rapidly running out of it.

Things will have to change here however I haven’t quite worked out how yet!

I don’t think government actually realise how cut to the bone farmers are, drowning under a sea of regulation.

I think discussing things with a trusted non farming friend can be beneficial as they can see things from a different perspective.

Take care.

Very wise words there.

 

[Two Tone]

I suppose we have to ask ourselves how we got here and what to do now we are here. I can understand even though we don’t have staff. I am the staff…..for everything. Folks are ageing, old fella is 80 but fitish, wife cannot assist physically, children in education. It feels a bit like a runway and rapidly running out of it.

Things will have to change here however I haven’t quite worked out how yet!

I don’t think government actually realise how cut to the bone farmers are, drowning under a sea of regulation.

I think discussing things with a trusted non farming friend can be beneficial as they can see things from a different perspective.

Take care.

Nail on the head there!
The Government have no idea of the stresses we are under. Finally, as in my case, that already overstretched thread snaps!
Even TFF can become another stress. Trying to look for some good news on it isn’t easy.

However, I have now ordered some Timed action 3mg Melatonin on line which hopefully will help me.

 

[Yale]

Half an hour later just a tad more to add to the stress!

 

[Two Tone]

My dearest wife and I are now in Suffolk at my mother’s.
Cannot believe how much better I feel just to be away from the farm!
Despite the fact I shall be looking at the farm my 2 brothers run, I’m actually looking forward to it.

I felt like death warmed up all morning and very tired. Right up to the time of leaving home I felt in dire need of sleep that I knew would be impossible to fall into.
But as soon as I got in the car and behind the wheel, I became wide awake and fit for the 4 hour drive.

How the heck are our bodies able to switch over, just like that?
There is obviously something I need to sort out in my life to regain my own confidence and look forward to farming again.

Having said that, I was up very early (I couldn’t sleep anyway!) putting slug pellets on some of the crops at dawn.
Yes there are some looking decidedly not brilliant. But there are some that are looking reasonably good too.
How do I teach myself to be happy with the good, rather than constantly worry and have nightmares about the ‘not good’ ones?

But for now, they are 150 miles west of me and can f’ing well stay there!