School bullying

[Chae1]

The schools don't do anything in my experience. There solution when our son was getting bullied was to keep him inside during lunch and break times.
Why not keep the bully inside!

My wife's a bit of a lioness! she just goes to the kids parents and speaks to them. She is a primary school teacher at a different school. 9/10 the parents of the bullies are aware there kids have issues and there behaviour at home isn't right either. It has helped the situation when she has spoken to them. Our sons a lot younger though. Only 9.

 

[DairyGrazing]

My Daughter is being bullied at school, I know the other main girl and her mother but not really sure what I can say to them, without the police calling around. My wife has written an email to my daughters tutor about the situation, but I dont think it will help. I fear it will make things worse! I fully expect to be taking my daughter to a new school next term. I feel this is so unfair as my daughter is genuinely a lovely 14yr old girl and has done nothing wrong. Not really sure what to do.

See if she'll go to BJJ even if you have to go with her.

 

[Wurzeetoo]

As excited as I am to start a family I dread the day my child tells me they were going through this. I’m a peaceful happy loving person but I would struggle not to go full nut job on the bullying child’s father. Maybe one suggestion I haven’t seen yet is ask the school to chair a sit down between the bully and her parents and your girl and you. It’s 50/50 but the little darlings behaviour being aired may either embarrass her enough to stop, or embarrass her parents enough to control the scummer ?

 

[Dry Rot]

As excited as I am to start a family I dread the day my child tells me they were going through this. I’m a peaceful happy loving person but I would struggle not to go full nut job on the bullying child’s father. Maybe one suggestion I haven’t seen yet is ask the school to chair a sit down between the bully and her parents and your girl and you. It’s 50/50 but the little darlings behaviour being aired may either embarrass her enough to stop, or embarrass her parents enough to control the scummer ?

I was only teacher for a couple of years but causing the bully to lose face in the eyes of his companions did seem to work. Farmers should understand this because there are so many social hierarchies in the livestock we keep! Punishment needs to be carefully thought about as it can turn the bully into the victim and a hero in the eyes of his peers. And, yes, complain as Testacoils sets out. Be polite, stick to the facts, and be persistent.

 

[Jameshenry]

Bullying of any kind be it children or adults really boils my blood, i know it's not helpfull but the reality is bullies need grabbing hold of and giving a bloody good shaking until there teeth rattle and they feel fear for there life !

 

[spin cycle]

i wouldn't pee about.....talk to headmaster and tell him/her to sort it out otherwise you're going to write direct to ofstead stating 'this school needs help with bullying problems'

mind you a fresh start might be best answer....we moved our youngest and it was a revelation.....best of luck to op

 

[Terry75]

My daughters tutor had a clear the air meeting with the group of girls including the main culprit. There has been no repercussions so far. These things have a habit of quiteting down until next time. They never get solved. My daughter is more upset that a girl who she thought was a friend took great delight in seeing her threatened by the main bully. It seems a situation had been orchestrated. This is what hurts the most and is so confusing to her.
We can only see what next week brings now.
Then its the holidays.
I know it will all flair up again. Unless the main bully is removed things will never change.

 

[Angus]

Not much help @Terry75 but our son was bullied when younger at school. His ,"pastoral carer- Form teacher" was informed first. Please do not identify our son, keep it low key but explain the school bullying policy and say it will be enforced.
That went well. How did school go? The form teacher called me to the front of the class and told them I was being bullied, please do not get involved again.
The school did not have any bulling problems said head of year/ headmaster.

In the end I was sure who the culprits were, so called rugby friends. One day I gathered the two main culprits for a random chat and asked if they could look out for our son. Yeah of course. I then went on to put the fear of god into them, telling them graphically what I would do to the vermin who were bullying him, mentioning that I bet their parents were not aware of what their children were doing.

It ended. I do not know if my intervention helped. Moving school was not really an option but was looked into, in case the bullying continued. It is a very sad affair, go by the book as mentioned above. The old days of thumping the bully seem to have gone, but what no-one sees, no one can bear witness, very difficult today, good luck Angus.

 

[Deereone]

If your daughter can summon up the bottle to sort it out for herself it will give her the confidence to face similar situations in life. Sometimes when we are pushed too far we find an inner strength and do or die attitude that empowers us to demonstrate that we will not be bullied.
Taekwondo lessons can help build this sort of confidence.

 

[MRT]

As excited as I am to start a family I dread the day my child tells me they were going through this. I’m a peaceful happy loving person but I would struggle not to go full nut job on the bullying child’s father.

Understandable but inadvisable. There are two initial outcomes to the confrontation, you win or you lose. Followed by if you win going to court/prison, hospital/morgue if you lose. Could make things much worse for your child so explore other options first!

 

[Clive]

My Daughter is being bullied at school, I know the other main girl and her mother but not really sure what I can say to them, without the police calling around. My wife has written an email to my daughters tutor about the situation, but I dont think it will help. I fear it will make things worse! I fully expect to be taking my daughter to a new school next term. I feel this is so unfair as my daughter is genuinely a lovely 14yr old girl and has done nothing wrong. Not really sure what to do.

personally I would go see the parents of the bully and talk it through with them (calmly). if they are decent they will be horrified to learn whats going on i’m sure

schools are terrible at sorting this kind of thing, don’t leave it to them

 

[betweenthelines]

Remember, your daughter has done nothing wrong.

Report the matter to the Head teacher in person making it clear that if the school fails to deal with bullying, you will be going to the police with a view to getting the bully(s) charged with assault-even if you have to bring a private prosecution. And that it will get in the local papers

I wouldn't engage with the parents of the bully(s)-they're likely to be just as bad.

 

[ollie989898]

Had this problem many years ago, I went to the head teacher and complained, his response 'what can we do about it, the bully has now been excluded from three other schools before coming here, her mother is a single parent drunken junkie' all I can do is put her on detention again'.

Fortunately the girl got into trouble out of school and was removed to an approved school.

Unfortunately, children who do not fit the system are negatively impacting the studies of other students and they should in all probability be taught in a dedicated school for children who clearly need additional support, smaller class numbers and staff with experience of teaching and role modelling for children with problems. Failing that, don't bother trying to educate them whatsoever. I have no issues with someone's child refusing to ever attend school but object vehemently that problem child should be a educated at the expense of everyone else.

 

[ollie989898]

personally I would go see the parents of the bully and talk it through with them (calmly). if they are decent they will be horrified to learn whats going on i’m sure

schools are terrible at sorting this kind of thing, don’t leave it to them

Are you quite certain you want to meet up with Mr and Mrs Smith of 143 Plum street, Normsville, County Craic to discuss the problematic behaviour of their child in school? You arrive at the door, Mrs Jones has a black eye from Mr Jones most recent bout of domestic violence and the man himself appears to be worse for wear after his 4th white lightning this morning?

A lot of child behavioural issues stem from home or parenting (or lack thereof). I would let the school handle it in all honesty.

 

[Dry Rot]

As excited as I am to start a family I dread the day my child tells me they were going through this. I’m a peaceful happy loving person but I would struggle not to go full nut job on the bullying child’s father. Maybe one suggestion I haven’t seen yet is ask the school to chair a sit down between the bully and her parents and your girl and you. It’s 50/50 but the little darlings behaviour being aired may either embarrass her enough to stop, or embarrass her parents enough to control the scummer ?

I was a teacher for a couple of years and found causing the bully to lose face in the eyes of his companions did seem to work. Punishment needs to be carefully thought out as it can turn the bully into the victim/hero in the eyes of his peers. And, yes, complain, and certainly don't confront the parents personally.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

It's a little off the wall, but one of the best thing my parents ever did was wrench me out of my comfort zone and away to martial arts classes at night. I had a brief play at taekwondo, then the gym changed hands and we all shifted across to jiu jitsu, and then I took up karate in my later teens

it was a real life-changer for me, not necessarily because it gave me the ability to win scraps but just the confidence factor. Stopped me getting bullied very quickly because it shifted my naturally passive nature to be a lot more assertive - and, of course, you can back yourself if need be

It's definitely worth a shot, it gets you out of a negative space and into an extremely positive one with different people

 

[Clive]

Are you quite certain you want to meet up with Mr and Mrs Smith of 143 Plum street, Normsville, County Craic to discuss the problematic behaviour of their child in school? You arrive at the door, Mrs Jones has a black eye from Mr Jones most recent bout of domestic violence and the man himself appears to be worse for wear after his 4th white lightning this morning?

A lot of child behavioural issues stem from home or parenting (or lack thereof). I would let the school handle it in all honesty.

you make a lot of sad, stereotypical assumptions there ! most people are decent and would be horrified to learn their child was a bully

however there are ways to deal with the kind of idiots you describe as well !

most schools are terrible at dealing with this issue, not their fault but lack of resources, i have friends who have had terrible experience of this sadly. leave it to the school at your peril imo !

 

[Clive]

It's a little off the wall, but one of the best thing my parents ever did was wrench me out of my comfort zone and away to martial arts classes at night. I had a brief play at taekwondo, then the gym changed hands and we all shifted across to jiu jitsu, and then I took up karate in my later teens

it was a real life-changer for me, not necessarily because it gave me the ability to win scraps but just the confidence factor. Stopped me getting bullied very quickly because it shifted my naturally passive nature to be a lot more assertive - and, of course, you can back yourself if need be

It's definitely worth a shot, it gets you out of a negative space and into an extremely positive one with different people

building child confidence is key - confident kids rarely get bullied

anything that pushes kids out their comfort zone is extremely valuable

 

[MRT]

It's definitely worth a shot, it gets you out of a negative space and into an extremely positive one with different people

I coach kids boxing, it is a very positive space, no hard men because at some point (and soon) every single one will get humbled. Not all gyms are as friendly, but in my experience most are very nurturing places. There is no picking on the small kid with your mates to back you up, or running away if the victim catches you with a good shot.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

I coach kids boxing, it is a very positive space, no hard men because at some point (and soon) every single one will get humbled. Not all gyms are as friendly, but in my experience most are very nurturing places. There is no picking on the small kid with your mates to back you up, or running away if the victim catches you with a good shot.

Good on you!

I would love to give something back to our Karate dojo, even at 41 there's seldom a day goes by that I don't use "something" learned, often it is humility or even just discipline. Huge help for a lad with an unquiet mind, such as I am