So, what did you learn today?

[CornishTone]

Went to our first antenatal class today and was instantly transported back to first year farm animal production and physiology lectures at Harper with Ma Parry.

I learned that getting a baby out of my wife is basically the same as getting a calf out of a cow or a lamb out of a ewe. If all goes to plan, all I have to do is catch and avoid being kicked!

 

[KMA]

That at my age I really should know better than to use the biggest stone (mountain) available to top out the dyke cheek. No matter how perfectly it fits, looks and will satisfyingly mangle the chelsea tractor of the first daft bint to misjudge the junction whilst rushing to drop little Phenella of at nursery before her 'tennis lesson' with Sergio.

My back is not forgiving me this morning. Also my nice, cheap, little 7lb sledge is the best I've swung, even made reasonably shot work of blue whin and I can still build a pretty decent dyke cheek.

 

[rob1]

That the clocks going forward an hour didnt result in the end of the world as some were claiming during the week, WTFs up with people

 

[David.]

Did I miss the end of the World? What was that all about?

 

[Gong Farmer]

The world ended and we were shifted into a similar dimension while we were sleeping.

 

[joe soapy]

Went to our first antenatal class today and was instantly transported back to first year farm animal production and physiology lectures at Harper with Ma Parry.

I learned that getting a baby out of my wife is basically the same as getting a calf out of a cow or a lamb out of a ewe. If all goes to plan, all I have to do is catch and avoid being kicked!

Its not the same, babies come head first and there are no attachment points for the ropes

 

[David.]

The world ended and we were shifted into a similar dimension while we were sleeping.

So that is where my phone has gone then.

 

[CornishTone]

Its not the same, babies come head first and there are no attachment points for the ropes

Bugger!

 

[Philip Watkins]

Its not the same, babies come head first and there are no attachment points for the ropes

Hook a couple of loops over the ears

 

[joe soapy]

Hook a couple of loops over the ears

end op like Spock ?

 

[fermerboy]

Its not the same, babies come head first and there are no attachment points for the ropes

Plumbers sink plunger!

 

[Philip Watkins]

Plumbers sink plunger!

They use a thing like that in hospitals, only theirs is attached to a hoover as well, known as a ventouse.

 

[Paddington]

No calving jack needed then ?

 

[milkloss]

They use a thing like that in hospitals, only theirs is attached to a hoover as well, known as a ventouse.

You know they can get up to 30kg of pull on those as well as tongs? No wonder poor tykes come out all cone headed!

 

[CornishTone]

You know they can get up to 30kg of pull on those as well as tongs? No wonder poor tykes come out all cone headed!

Saw some pretty graphic pictures of cone heads, but 30kgs...ouch!!!!! If it's that stuck we'll call for the vet and his very sharp knife I reckon. Have the stubborn little blighter out the top!

 

[Courier]

Hook a couple of loops over the ears

Once had a vet whose favourite pulling points were the eye sockets [emoji15]

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Saw some pretty graphic pictures of cone heads, but 30kgs...ouch!!!!! If it's that stuck we'll call for the vet and his very sharp knife I reckon. Have the stubborn little blighter out the top!

I hope your good lady isn't reading this over your shoulder

Have you heard of Episiotomies
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/episiotomy.aspx

 

[joe soapy]

Saw some pretty graphic pictures of cone heads, but 30kgs...ouch!!!!! If it's that stuck we'll call for the vet and his very sharp knife I reckon. Have the stubborn little blighter out the top!

Make sure you is there when the stitching is done , some nurses have a cruel sense of humor and can over do it, If you is there it can be tailored to suit

 

[CornishTone]

Make sure you is there when the stitching is done , some nurses have a cruel sense of humor and can over do it, If you is there it can be tailored to suit

Are you suggesting I try it on for size before they put the needle and thread away? I can't see that being a popular move tbf.

 

[CornishTone]

I hope your good lady isn't reading this over your shoulder

Have you heard of Episiotomies
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/episiotomy.aspx

Yes, we've had all the gory details and horror stories, and I needed reminding of them whilst tucking into my cheese sandwich, so thank you!