Spending quality time as a family

milkloss

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
East Sussex
Getting home to find everyone in a bad mood (and it’s your fault) isn’t a great start to the family time you manage to get. I’m not saying having children is easy and certainly not if you’re the one having the daily drag with them. But we figured out that one way to connect and enjoy the hours before bed/after school was for the OH to try and set up a good vibe for when I get home (even if it’s quite variable sometimes!). This assists with the afternoons/weekends off as everyone knows the fun that can be had in each other’s company even without the travelling and activities.
 
Are you from a farming background? It sounds as if you aren’t. My wife isn’t.
She realises that it’s important to have some time out even if it’s not a lot and I have probably realised this year that although we have got a lot more done through not having any social distractions to mention that it is vital to make time. I probably wouldn’t go anywhere if it was left to me.
The old way was just to work constantly and not have any time off. Things have moved on. Also father and myself 20 years ago believed every job had to be done by ourselves. I don’t now. Sometimes it’s cheaper to get help in. Some things can be made easier. There are ways and means.
 

Lincs Lass

Member
Location
north lincs
My dad put work before family ,,as kids we lost out on family time with him ,,I'm going back to the late 60s early 70s ,,I know agriculture was far more manual hands on and machinery was basic but his idea of a good day was how much he had got done ,,not how me or my sister had done at school.
Mum was the backbone of our house as he was always at work.
@MillyFyfe ,your hubby will loose out on his kids growing up and if hes not carefull,,he neads to step back and relax with you and them
 
My dad put work before family ,,as kids we lost out on family time with him ,,I'm going back to the late 60s early 70s ,,I know agriculture was far more manual hands on and machinery was basic but his idea of a good day was how much he had got done ,,not how me or my sister had done at school.
Mum was the backbone of our house as he was always at work.
@MillyFyfe ,your hubby will loose out on his kids growing up and if hes not carefull,,he neads to step back and relax with you and them
I had years of going out before 7 and coming home never before ten. The thing that made me realise I had it all wrong weals one day I had to go to a funeral and I was getting ready in the morning going around switching the lights on in daylight. I’d never been in the house in daylight for ages.
 

Badshot

Member
Location
Kent
This is difficult.
On one hand he feels that if he doesn't do the work, it won't get done, therefore could have disastrous consequences on income.
On the other he's getting pulled to have time out, which with a family invariably means quite high costs if you're going places.
So potentially for him he only see's costs associated with having time off.

I know from personal experience when the bank is in constant overdraft at home, and all you hear is that we never go and do anything it is recipe for disaster.

I obviously know nothing of your finances, but the above is a very common situation on farm.

The most important thing is to talk this sort of thing over.
Show interest in what he's doing, learn about the farm, help lessen his load by simply being there to support him.
He'll feel much more inclined to take a few hours out on a Sunday afternoon if he enjoys your time together, which he won't be if he's getting nagged all the time about work.
Oh, and organise things that HE will enjoy too, there's nothing worse than being stuck doing something that isn't enjoyable whilst thinking you ought to be doing something on farm.
 

SLA

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
We have two daughters, one nearly 4 and one nearly 4 months. Husband works full time -sprayer operator and game keeper, he gets basically no off season. We have cattle and sheep that I look after. If we get the chance we’ll pop out and see daddy at lunchtime or for a couple of runs up the field. We go beating on shoot days and she loves spending time with daddy. However it’s only since the second one turned up that he started doing things like bathing and dressing her. It’s not that he’s been to busy etc it’s just he’s not been “comfortable” doing it. Some people (especially blokes) just find it hard with small ones, once they are talking and running around they can relate to them better but don’t really know what to do with them when little babies. How about suggesting you need a break and could he “babysit” whilst you go out occasionally? Used to send the child with husband when he walked the dogs, was some nice daddy daughter time. We have days out regularly- we all go to pick up calves or go check stock that’s not at home - pick some food up whilst out and don’t rush about. Pick your moments and try and make any time your all together as positive as possible, carrots are often more effective than sticks!
 

Celt83

Member
Livestock Farmer
The only good thing that came of the lockdown is that my wife didn't nagg me this year to go on holiday!

I don't mean that to sound as brash but we are calf rearers It's a tied job. Twice a day they need feeding which makes going away impossible.

Like @livestock1 said everything is done in house, we don't have any staff and don't use any contractors so time is a valuable commodity.

The one thing that keeps me going is harvest tea's and the cups of tea my daughter brings me out to the shed after she's home from school every night. (which basically is lukewarm water and loads of milk. Tastes revolting but I love what it means)

The one thing I do without fail is that I take my boy to rugby and football practice/games without fail. My old man never took me so I know what that feeling is like.

We do take lots of trips to beaches/castle's but they are day trips, but on the holiday front I tell her "this time next year............" which I won't tell you her answer is! 😂
 
The only good thing that came of the lockdown is that my wife didn't nagg me this year to go on holiday!

I don't mean that to sound as brash but we are calf rearers It's a tied job. Twice a day they need feeding which makes going away impossible.

Like @livestock1 said everything is done in house, we don't have any staff and don't use any contractors so time is a valuable commodity.

The one thing that keeps me going is harvest tea's and the cups of tea my daughter brings me out to the shed after she's home from school every night. (which basically is lukewarm water and loads of milk. Tastes revolting but I love what it means)

The one thing I do without fail is that I take my boy to rugby and football practice/games without fail. My old man never took me so I know what that feeling is like.

We do take lots of trips to beaches/castle's but they are day trips, but on the holiday front I tell her "this time next year............" which I won't tell you her answer is! 😂
I have three kids when it’s frightening is when you notice how they have grown= not spending enough time with them. I do try to do rugby on Sunday mornings not always do I manage though. Used to take the oldest to football and watch him play or to football matches. It was often a case of getting up an hour or three earlier he did too ran in one direction and me in another. You can make as much work as you like. When you are young it’s easy to think while you are working you are making money it’s not always the case
 

Celt83

Member
Livestock Farmer
I have three kids when it’s frightening is when you notice how they have grown= not spending enough time with them. I do try to do rugby on Sunday mornings not always do I manage though. Used to take the oldest to football and watch him play or to football matches. It was often a case of getting up an hour or three earlier he did too ran in one direction and me in another. You can make as much work as you like. When you are young it’s easy to think while you are working you are making money it’s not always the case
It's the simple things in life we cherish. No greater feeling than cheering your boy on from the sideline! That can make the most toughest work day dissolve away!
 
Tricky one. I look after my kids about 40-45% the time (divorced) and it definitely costs my business. My timeliness on the farm sometimes is shocking. It's pretty frustrating but no livestock apart from winter sheep.

I dunno what the best way is. If I've had a great day with the kids the I don't tend to regret my farm stuff so much when I see them happy. Definitely can screw up the business at times but I suppose those are the choices.
 
Pretty unfair comments above. My wife went back to work on the farm almost immediately mainly because no one else could/would fill her place. We’ve had a trained nanny in the house looking after the last two
 

SFI - What % were you taking out of production?

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Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

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As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
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