Spending quality time as a family

[Uggman]

I'm 36 and I live three quarters of an hour from home dads still farming as is brother different holdings but they spend a lot of time together like every day .I'm trying to get a small holding, farm ( in my dreams) up and running and got two boys under four I can honestly say that I don't what his money but his time and advice feels like my boys are missing out too on grandad. But never really spent that much time with dad probably more with my uncle moving sheep electric wire with a wheelbarrow or moving milking cows with a mobile bale every weekend in the summer while my dad was at market with my brother. And yes I am shamefully jealous

 

[Uggman]

Maybe you should show him this thread. Also me and my brother never spent much time with our mum always down the farm or with grandparents every weekend all weekend specially from about 5 . mum wasn't from farming background must of really upset her.

 

[cwmhyfryd]

I'm 36 and I live three quarters of an hour from home dads still farming as is brother different holdings but they spend a lot of time together like every day .I'm trying to get a small holding, farm ( in my dreams) up and running and got two boys under four I can honestly say that I don't what his money but his time and advice feels like my boys are missing out too on grandad. But never really spent that much time with dad probably more with my uncle moving sheep electric wire with a wheelbarrow or moving milking cows with a mobile bale every weekend in the summer while my dad was at market with my brother. And yes I am shamefully jealous

I dont think you should feel 'shameful' about wanting your dads time and knowledge. Is he the sort of person you can have a heart to heart with? Or maybe send him an old fashioned letter?!

 

[Uggman]

I dont think you should feel 'shameful' about wanting your dads time and knowledge. Is he the sort of person you can have a heart to heart with? Or maybe send him an old fashioned letter?!

Thanks no not really he's quite fierey but doesn't see it. I did have a great childhood so not all bad also spent a lot of time with my grandad.

 

[puntabrava]

My old man regrets the time he spent with us growing up. He now puts grand kids befor all else.

A few times my mum packed his bags when we were growing up for working to much.

Problem is you think your helping the family by working making money.

There can always be the other side of it maybe he struggles with the family life and works more to avoid it. I travel a bit for work come home and want to have some me time wife says you had that last week.

I'd suggest getting away from entertaining kids on far go to kids clubs groups will take your mind away from him not being there and hopefully it will drag him to seeing the things hes missing out on

Many farmers I speak to say that they are trying to make up their lack of parenting with their grand children.

 

[Av Gorritt]

It'll be OK as long as you do take the kids with you . Otherwise you could easily get sidetracked .

 

[Overby]

Our family grew up like this. I know times were different back in the 70s / 80s but my grandfather was caught up in the whole "being at work all the time makes me better than you". Utterly deluded. It didn't matter a jot that half the work was utterly unproductive. My old man and uncle were brought up in that environment and it was considered 'the norm'. I was always looked on with disdain as I didn't want to be wandering about aimlessly, doing jobs at half speed to make them last, or doing so many things none were done efficiently. If that's what someone wants to do...fine...but don't expect everyone else to have to follow. Nobody minds hard work as long as there's an end result they're happy with.
Maybe the chap in the OP enjoys what he's doing and doesn't see a problem? Maybe what he's doing is building up a nest egg or future for his family and he will eventually ease off? Maybe he's running round like a headless chicken achieving what could be done in half the time with better management?
It sounds like you have a good relationship if you're asking these questions so I doubt he's one of the 'hide in the fields and dodge the domestic duties' types....of which there's many.

You need to have a chat, as suggested, and see if there's a halfway house, or at least a mutual understanding of why this is happening and if it's worth it.

Good luck. Not always easy.