Stressed farmer wanting new swear word

I was told the worst thing you could say in Welsh was (translated) "go scratch the hole in your bum", usually just shortened to "go scratch". Very rude.
My mother never swore. She did say "Hells bells and buckets of blood" which has a nice assonance to it, and a hard B does help!
Cer i grafu or Cer i grafu dy dwll dîn! 🤣
 
I worked with a chap years ago who would never swear, when when pushed would call someone/something 'Flicking Jigger'. And an old girlfriend who would suggest that we should 'Go and fork about on the bed.'

And as an aside, in my contracting days I had a very religious customer who
a.] Would never swear
b.] Would not work on a Sunday, but if pushed would run the combine until 23.59 on Saturday.
I can't remember what provoked the issue, but my workman said to me afterwards, "I've never ever seen a man who doesn't swear, so much wanting to swear." Creased us up for days!
 
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Y Fan Wen

Member
Location
N W Snowdonia
Little one was quite colourful after spending an hour talking to HSBC to no avail and when the call centre closing time arrived just cut him off in mid sentence.
How hard is it to change the mobile number to use for the security text?
I suggested he write a letter and drop it in the branch letterbox. He didn't think that would work.
Trouble is, I'm 20thC and he's 21stC.
 
Little one was quite colourful after spending an hour talking to HSBC to no avail and when the call centre closing time arrived just cut him off in mid sentence.
How hard is it to change the mobile number to use for the security text?
I suggested he write a letter and drop it in the branch letterbox. He didn't think that would work.
Trouble is, I'm 20thC and he's 21stC.
I’m a big believer in putting anything important in a written letter, don’t know if it carry’s more weight or if they just laugh at me at the other end but it keeps me happy/sane
 
A rant! Pure and simple! Got to let off steam but I need a new vaguely polite swear word! been onto a firm for the 5th time over several weeks today to sort out the same problem. 30 minutes minimum wait time for each call listening to GASTLY music. Cut off 3 times after 20 minutes. Today been on the phone on and off waiting since 10!! and still no answer. BEAUTIFULL spring day outside. 1st time for weeks. So, something that can be said with great feeling without Granny disowning me?
Justin or Jacinda!!! The perfect word to describe something thats totally fecking useless/incompetent or a person who's out of their depth and or totally fecks anything they are involved in, eh🙄
 

Boysground

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
Wiltshire
I remember a conversation with a friend many many years ago, he said “Father cussed me for half an hour, never used the same word twice “ he has had his share of incidents over the years

Bg
 

David.

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
J11 M40
My Grandfather was not a vulgar man at all but he would use the f word quite freely, I think it came back from the trenches after WW1 and into fairly common usage thereafter.
I was mightily amused one day in the old Rugby Market, got talking to a lovely soft spoken old Welsh chap, the stereotypical chapel twice on a Sunday sort. He enquired where we were from, and when we said Banbury, he just came out with "Oh, bloody f@#king Jewboy market that place is".
Still makes me chuckle 25yrs later, was just so incongruous.
 

kiwi pom

Member
Location
canterbury NZ
A rant! Pure and simple! Got to let off steam but I need a new vaguely polite swear word! been onto a firm for the 5th time over several weeks today to sort out the same problem. 30 minutes minimum wait time for each call listening to GASTLY music. Cut off 3 times after 20 minutes. Today been on the phone on and off waiting since 10!! and still no answer. BEAUTIFULL spring day outside. 1st time for weeks. So, something that can be said with great feeling without Granny disowning me?
Can't help with the swear words but can't you just ring the number, put your phone on speaker, or ear phones and carry on as normal?
No phone signal?
 

Al R

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
West Wales
Nobspank

Ringpiece

Coyte

Twernt

Twunt

just make something up. The trouble is, nothing letoff steam better than a proper, good old swear. You can try and be as polite as you like, the moment you’ve finished the conversation you’ll have to let it out in private.

My Dad was great at swearing. Just the right word at just the right time. He managed to put the F word in to a sentence four times in a row without any other words in between one day whilst particularly exasperated. For a mild mannered chap as he was it was something to behold. The volume of each of the four rose as the sentence went on, steadily and with gravity.
It was extremely impressive.

It went something like…. “I’ve just about had enough of this f***ing, f***ing……F***ing, F***ING WEATHER!! “
1 of my dads friends bought a pigeon off his neighbour when he was 14 and the pigeon died the next day so he went to the house and was greeted by the wife, upon opening the door he shouted “You can tell that f***ing fu**er the fu**ing fu**ers fu**ed” 🤣
 

Bwcho

Member
Location
Cymru
As a proud Welsh speaker, it won't come as a surprise that I'd urge the OP to look at the Welsh language for a solution.

Brych (afterbirth)
Cachwr (shitter)
Diawl (devil)
Ffwrch (vagina)....add twrch (mole) in front for an impressive rhyming term.
Twmffat (idiot)
Cachgi (coward)
Cont (you don't need me to translate that)
Cwd (scrotum)

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
 

Bwcho

Member
Location
Cymru
As a proud Welsh speaker, it won't come as a surprise that I'd urge the OP to look at the Welsh language for a solution.

Brych (afterbirth)
Cachwr (shitter)
Diawl (devil)
Ffwrch (vagina)....add twrch (mole) in front for an impressive rhyming term.
Twmffat (idiot)
Cachgi (coward)
Cont (you don't need me to translate that)
Cwd (scrotum)

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
I've also learnt that the TFF swear-o-meter isn't bilingual 😂
 

Al R

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
West Wales
As a proud Welsh speaker, it won't come as a surprise that I'd urge the OP to look at the Welsh language for a solution.

Brych (afterbirth)
Cachwr (shitter)
Diawl (devil)
Ffwrch (vagina)....add twrch (mole) in front for an impressive rhyming term.
Twmffat (idiot)
Cachgi (coward)
Cont (you don't need me to translate that)
Cwd (scrotum)

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
Hwch my uncle used to say which I think is Sow but if a ewe wouldn’t load into a trailer they’d be called a hwch 🤣
Is Ham as in short for Hambon (idiot) welsh or English?
 

glow worm

Member
Location
cornwall
Can't help with the swear words but can't you just ring the number, put your phone on speaker, or ear phones and carry on as normal?
No phone signal?
I wish it was that easy! 1st u have to work your way though multiple options having made sure not only that you're using a landline .. cordless .. but that you have a 2nd one charged up in case the first one goes flat because of the wait ... and believe me, I've had it happen! This is the one advantage over a mobile. Yes, you can carry on working all round the house, but they will eventually answer .. if you're lucky .. when you are as far away as possible from where all the relevant papers are... or worse .. in the loo! No longer do you get ' good afternoon, sorry to keep you waiting', now it's 'what's your account number' and if you don't answer in about 10 seconds flat .. and all your notes are further away than that .. they hang up! 🤬
 

SFI - What % were you taking out of production?

  • 0 %

    Votes: 79 42.5%
  • Up to 25%

    Votes: 65 34.9%
  • 25-50%

    Votes: 30 16.1%
  • 50-75%

    Votes: 3 1.6%
  • 75-100%

    Votes: 3 1.6%
  • 100% I’ve had enough of farming!

    Votes: 6 3.2%

Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

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As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
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