Supporting an elderly relative

[Generally01]

I am supporting my husband's elderly uncle who turns 80 at the end of the year.

He only knows farming and has never had a social life / made friends etc. He has led a simple life.

Tonight when he came across to feed a few cows, I asked him how he was and he said he was bored when he is at home.

He enjoys the farming programmes on TV and reads all the farming press. I suggested getting a few jigsaws which he was pleased with.

I wondered if there is a befriending service that I could contact?

Trouble is he doesn't drive and can't use a telephone. Our village has little amenities (no bus, no shops, no meeting places)

Any ideas of how I can help him to not feel bored?

This is a great topic, I have seen and helped many bored old people, all my grandparents died when i was very young, so me and my siblings adopted quite a few grandparents. The first thing that comes to almost all of the younger genarations minds as to how to spend time involves electronics, they find no real interest in this type of entertainment, most of them were taught to spend time in a way that would benefit.
and besides they often become rather clumsily and can no longer be very agile on a small smart phone, even if they can see it properly and few can.
I think they should be allowed to work as long as they possibly can, because I know i wouldn't want to sit around waiting to die, i would sooner die sooner doing something i loved to do.

If he likes to take care of cows, get him some mini beef cattle that he can spoil rotten.

 

[farmerm]

I am supporting my husband's elderly uncle who turns 80 at the end of the year.

He only knows farming and has never had a social life / made friends etc. He has led a simple life.

Tonight when he came across to feed a few cows, I asked him how he was and he said he was bored when he is at home.

He enjoys the farming programmes on TV and reads all the farming press. I suggested getting a few jigsaws which he was pleased with.

I wondered if there is a befriending service that I could contact?

Trouble is he doesn't drive and can't use a telephone. Our village has little amenities (no bus, no shops, no meeting places)

Any ideas of how I can help him to not feel bored?

just to merge this thread with your other... sounds like he is a good example to point out (at a very carefully chosen moment) to your husband what the future holds for those who do not make the time for family and life outside of farm work... what happens when you are no longer fit to work yet know nothing else. I know my gran used to get taken to a morning group for a coffee, cake and chat. I think there were a couple of elderly male farmers who went too. It was like a parent and toddler group but kind of in reverse

 

[Generally01]

A lot of the older people i know like to mow lawns, this would be a great summer hobby, he could keep the whole neighborhood's lawns well mowed. as for winter then that can be harsh.

 

[Chae1]

Get him on Tff!

Can tell us how it's done. I don't have a grandfather. Somebody older to listen too. Think it would benefit me.

I got on well with my wifes grandfather but he died too.

 

[Dry Rot]

Some of the posts on here are extremely patronising to older people. (And that's a well chosen word!). The OP's uncle has apparently reached the age when he is mature enough to become the next president of the USA..... or of China!

Suggesting that old people can't use the internet is also rather rude. As an older person, I log on at least three times a day. On the other hand, the understanding of the use of UK English by those who write instructional copy on HOW to use the internet is appalling! I recently wanted to put up a new web page. I must have looked at the blurb of at least a dozen web presence providers (that's the people who publish your web page on the net) before finding one that was reasonably understandable. Ironically, it is published by a Latvian company! Sentences started lower case, incorrect punctuation, but mainly badly constructed sentences which simply did not make sense, let alone explain logically how to do it. A simple flow diagram is not difficult to make and would have done the job.

Getting on TFF shouldn't be beyond the capabilities of most 80 year olds, I would have thought. For some reason, using media has become ridiculously complicated. Just using Word on an Apple computer, for example, is a nightmare. I just want to write a goddam letter! Why do they have to "improve" things so they no longer work? There's a business opportunity there for someone -- just make videos showing how to get software to do simple straight forward things! Or write flow diagrams which do the same thing that we can download! Old people are not stupid, we just read and write English as it was meant to be, innit?

 

[Av Gorritt]

Doing a genealogy search might be beneficial for some older people , especially if they are at all computer savvy. ALL my immediate forebears were factory workers , my paternal grandfather was a weaver , and must have been quite good at his job - he reared 5 sons singlehandedly ( My Grandmother died when my father - the youngest son - was very young . ) He also put enough money by to pay the ingoing of a farm we still have . I often regret not asking questions of him , and also my grandfather on the distaff side , both of whom survived the great depression . I have no knowledge of our family history before , say 1900 . And if I try to bring up our recent history with my family , I 'm met with rather a blank stare . I might try it myself some time , but at least I've given enduring power of attorney to both my sons , just in case !

 

[Pennine Ploughing]

The Internet is the way forward, hours of endless entertainment, however getting him a PC or tablet will be to daunting for him, he will refuse to use it,
so Get him a big smart TV and a large keyboard to type with, and Internet put in, go round early evening to get him on YouTube, YouTube is so simple as once your on, its just clicking on the next clip, and after a while he will get in the way of getting on the Internet, there is so much farming stuff on there,
Trick is to get it set up, go and get him online a few nights till he gets in to see how good it is, then wean yourself off going as often, so he has to get himself on, once he gets in the way of things, get him a tablet for his birthday or Christmas,
Put parental lock on it, don't want him watching naughty stuff at his age

 

[PuG]

Buy him a good PC and farming simulator - I kid not. My Dad turns 70 next January and enjoys playing games online with other people. Better than being dribbled brain mush by the BBC, mentally stimulating and something to look forward to in the evening when we're finished outside on the farm.

In fact we play Space Engineers together on one persistent server - my sister and brother in Brecon, myself and dad here in France pop on in the evening, Discord (voice commincation) all at once.

https://www.spaceengineersgame.com

 

[Dry Rot]

I truly marvel at the Internet. I have three linkages on a mower and the pins joining them have enlarged/elongated the holes. Just researching how to go about repairing those holes has led me into some fascinating areas. Just thinking up different search terms to Google is interesting enough. American is DEFINITELY a different language! Just to confirm once more, I am over 80 and the Internet keeps my brain working. Facebook, Youtube, Google....yes, it can be exasperating at times, but it does make me think! Get him a PC and set it up, then make up a simple list of instructions how to use it just to get on line.

 

[Nearly]

just to merge this thread with your other... sounds like he is a good example to point out (at a very carefully chosen moment) to your husband what the future holds for those who do not make the time for family and life outside of farm work... what happens when you are no longer fit to work yet know nothing else. I know my gran used to get taken to a morning group for a coffee, cake and chat. I think there were a couple of elderly male farmers who went too. It was like a parent and toddler group but kind of in reverse

Middle-aged and Dodderers?

 

[Bald Rick]

Get him on Tff!
Somebody older to listen too. Think it would benefit me.

Excellent idea

I am older than you btw and willing to help ....

 

[ollie989898]

Buy him a good PC and farming simulator - I kid not. My Dad turns 70 next January and enjoys playing games online with other people. Better than being dribbled brain mush by the BBC, mentally stimulating and something to look forward to in the evening when we're finished outside on the farm.

In fact we play Space Engineers together on one persistent server - my sister and brother in Brecon, myself and dad here in France pop on in the evening, Discord (voice commincation) all at once.

https://www.spaceengineersgame.com

Space engineers is utterly utterly ace. So original in concept and well executed, too.

 

[Lincsman]

How about a camera system in the cow sheds and farm yard.. Calving camera?? so he can look at whats going on from the sofa?

 

[honeyend]

Not as old but house bound and unable to walk far last year, and going outside to do check the animals last year kept me going, even if I needed a chair when I got there. I second the Gator, I could get in that and get driven round the fields, easier than a car, but a good quality disabled buggy that is road legal would get him out and about. I would get him an ipad, less fiddly than a phone, and set up some zoom meetings, I can believe he is the only one in the same boat, and get him on the forums.
I think being bored is worse when you are not tired, and have no plans. So even when I drugged up to the eyeballs and just sat in a chair, I was thinking about what we were going to do next, so if not a bucket list, I would suggest in helping him to achieve an objective. What about an allotment, he can practice no till, and meet people and tell them where they are going wrong, like my 83 year old BIL does, all the time. Don't get him on about spuds.
The more you see people, the more you value your own company.

 

[Generally01]

There's an older guy around my area, who at one time was a well known vet, but in recent years he had a disease that paralyzed his legs, but he still keeps very busy in his wood shop thats set out for a wheelchair bound person, its very unique and he never has to worry about what to do next.

 

[ollie989898]

I can't help but agree with the above comments. I have met so many elderly people in recent years. I have no medical explanation for this but I would say that I believe that allowing elderly people sit and do nothing will simply accelerate their physical and mental decline. In hospital the term used is 'pyjama paralysis'. Elderly people who are allowed to stay in bed or sit all day in their pyjamas, doing nothing for themselves or worse, care staff gradually doing more and more for them out of kindness. It's human nature to help people who you believe are struggling with something but occupational therapists will tell you that if people are never allowed to do anything for themselves, they gradually lose the mental and physical capacity to do tasks and even in short spaces of time the lack of capability can become alarming and can be very hard to reverse.

I'm not saying that we are expecting granddad to run marathons or anything (though some of them apparently are capable of these feats) but getting the old man a gator, a dog and a wheel barrow and getting him to mow the lawn might be the best thing you can do. For those people who can't manage these kinds of things it may be worth exploring what local community options are available. The local town here has a man shed where people of all kinds can congregate (or at least they could pre-covid19) and do manly stuff like gardening and wood work and learn or practice new skills. Often I think just a familiar face and the chance of a good moan (TFF, step forward) are as good as anything.

 

[2wheels]

Get him on Tff!

Can tell us how it's done. I don't have a grandfather. Somebody older to listen too. Think it would benefit me.

I got on well with my wifes grandfather but he died too.

plenty of us old farts on here willing to give unsolicited advice.

 

[Will Wilson]

Join TFF and have an opinion about the best type of welly.

On a serious note reading has a lot going for it - long story but an elderly relative (in a similar vane to your own story) only discovered the Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole in the last weeks of his life and loved them. I know this because they were my copies.

Laughing is very important.

 

[Still Farming]

Lot of older family here no interest in online, internet or computers now or ever.

 

[Generally01]

Join TFF and have an opinion about the best type of welly.

On a serious note reading has a lot going for it - long story but an elderly relative (in a similar vane to your own story) only discovered the Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole in the last weeks of his life and loved them. I know this because they were my copies.

Laughing is very important.

And if their eyes are to poor to read very well you could start them on podcasts, old radio shows, or audiobooks, basically just keep them thinking about something all the time.