Things that make you sad

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
A few times I have been tempted to post things but they didn't fit into the "make you smile" or "grind your gears" thread so.......

I find it so sad that Dad has come to the point where he can no longer do any significant useful work around the farm each day. At 84 his body has finally had enough and I find it just so sad to hear him say things like "I'm useless" and "It's all just beyond me now". Last week he did manage half an hour of topping the driveway and he mowed his lawn this week but that's about it in the last 8 weeks.


:cry:
 
A few times I have been tempted to post things but they didn't fit into the "make you smile" or "grind your gears" thread so.......

I find it so sad that Dad has come to the point where he can no longer do any significant useful work around the farm each day. At 84 his body has finally had enough and I find it just so sad to hear him say things like "I'm useless" and "It's all just beyond me now". Last week he did manage half an hour of topping the driveway and he mowed his lawn this week but that's about it in the last 8 weeks.


:cry:
That's so sad to read @holwellcourtfarm .

All you can do is try to spend as much time around your Dad as you can. Give him as much reassurance as you can that he's still valued and loved by the family as ever, and that it's not all about how much work you can do.

You're very lucky to still have his company at his age, and remind him that you feel this way.

It won't be easy. My old man is a few years younger than yours, but he doesn't ever see himself retired; and it's a point of contention with my mother!

On many levels, they are incredible people and they're largely what makes this industry what it is.
 

Andy12345

Member
Location
Somerset
My father was left in 82 a thriving buisness, one of the last independent large hatcheries in the UK. Also an 800 acre arable unit that I ran until I saw the writing on the wall. He managed to spunk the lot away on a second wife a string of event horses you name it he could spend it. Sadly its all gone now he bankrupted himself twice! Very sad that my grand fathers legacy was wasted in such a way :(
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
My father was left in 82 a thriving buisness, one of the last independent large hatcheries in the UK. Also an 800 acre arable unit that I ran until I saw the writing on the wall. He managed to spunk the lot away on a second wife a string of event horses you name it he could spend it. Sadly its all gone now he bankrupted himself twice! Very sad that my grand fathers legacy was wasted in such a way :(
Can't "like" that but I've seen similar things happen. So sad.
 

Kiwi Pete

Member
Livestock Farmer
It's not easy to hear those words of defeat start to creep into conversation with our parents.
My mum is starting to slip a little too, from being a fiercely independent widow only a few short months ago, a couple of falls have really upset her confidence it seems.
Dreadfully difficult to watch age take that independence and drive away :cry:
Seems like we are both blessed, to have such a relationship with our parents, cherish what you have (and don't be scared to say that you love the old chap) I am glad that I did, and do.
It's a bugger. :(
 

Andy12345

Member
Location
Somerset
It's not easy to hear those words of defeat start to creep into conversation with our parents.
My mum is starting to slip a little too, from being a fiercely independent widow only a few short months ago, a couple of falls have really upset her confidence it seems.
Dreadfully difficult to watch age take that independence and drive away :cry:
Seems like we are both blessed, to have such a relationship with our parents, cherish what you have (and don't be scared to say that you love the old chap) I am glad that I did, and do.
It's a bugger. :(
My mum is similar, 78 and I've visited to find her 2/3 rds of the way up an apple tree pruning branches! Shes just had a minor op and its been interesting trying to keep her immobile for 6 weeks.....we have convinced her she has to slow down.... not sure she will listen though.
 

multi power

Member
Location
pembrokeshire
A few times I have been tempted to post things but they didn't fit into the "make you smile" or "grind your gears" thread so.......

I find it so sad that Dad has come to the point where he can no longer do any significant useful work around the farm each day. At 84 his body has finally had enough and I find it just so sad to hear him say things like "I'm useless" and "It's all just beyond me now". Last week he did manage half an hour of topping the driveway and he mowed his lawn this week but that's about it in the last 8 weeks.


:cry:
I hope it's just old age and not I'll health that's holding him back
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
I hope it's just old age and not I'll health that's holding him back
Thanks.

He had a very mild stroke 4 1/2 years ago (while driving the Matbro back across the farm) from which he recovered about 90%. Last May he was hospitalized for 18 days with low blood sodium, much more serious than it sounds, and that knocked him badly. Now it's not clear whether it's just his age or something underlying. A whole load of tests have not found anything abnormal. It's really got him depressed though, he's always said "once i'm no use you'd better dig a hole and shoot me", only partly in jest.

If I make 80 as active as he did I'll happily accept that, he was doing full days of general farm work still.
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
My 'dad' is 89 in October and the saddest thing about him is that he has always been a miserable old git. The only difference to him now from when I was a kid is that he's not as physically able and I can tell him what I think of him without fear of his belt.
I often hear "you're getting so like your dad", usually said in exasperation. I hope the same isn't true of you in that case.
 

MrNoo

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Cirencester
My 'dad' is 89 in October and the saddest thing about him is that he has always been a miserable old git. The only difference to him now from when I was a kid is that he's not as physically able and I can tell him what I think of him without fear of his belt.

It's interesting how very differently some of us view our fathers and our relationships with them. Mine is 75, not had an interest in the farm for 20 or so years, he's a miserable barsteward, overly critical, selfish, greedy and thinks of no one else but himself. I notice his health is in decline which is sad to see, a very clever man in his prime but a bloody shocking father.
 

Sussex Martin

Member
Location
Burham Kent
I often hear "you're getting so like your dad", usually said in exasperation. I hope the same isn't true of you in that case.
I am sometimes compared to him as I am quick tempered and don't suffer fools gladly, I am opinionated and am unafraid to voice that opinion. I do however try my best to refrain from being critical too quickly with my loved ones which can lead to a painfully bitten tongue at times.
The main difference between me and my father is that I have been and continue to be a good dad and grandad.
It's interesting how very differently some of us view our fathers and our relationships with them. Mine is 75, not had an interest in the farm for 20 or so years, he's a miserable barsteward, overly critical, selfish, greedy and thinks of no one else but himself. I notice his health is in decline which is sad to see, a very clever man in his prime but a bloody shocking father.
I am envious of those that have a really good relationship with their dads, I feel I missed out on so much throughout my life because of an unforgiving selfish, violent, drunken father, I have two brothers that have committed suicide and a lot of the blame for that can be put squarely on his doorstep.
I left home before my 16th birthday to get away from his bullying, there is so much more I could say but an Internet forum is probably not the right place to write about it and if I did it would spoil my Sunday :).
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
I am sometimes compared to him as I am quick tempered and don't suffer fools gladly, I am opinionated and am unafraid to voice that opinion. I do however try my best to refrain from being critical too quickly with my loved ones which can lead to a painfully bitten tongue at times.
The main difference between me and my father is that I have been and continue to be a good dad and grandad.

I am envious of those that have a really good relationship with their dads, I feel I missed out on so much throughout my life because of an unforgiving selfish, violent, drunken father, I have two brothers that have committed suicide and a lot of the blame for that can be put squarely on his doorstep.
I left home before my 16th birthday to get away from his bullying, there is so much more I could say but an Internet forum is probably not the right place to write about it and if I did it would spoil my Sunday :).
At least you've done your best to rise above it (y)

There are many folk, some of whom are quick to judge, who have no idea how nasty some others' lives have been at times. As some can hope to do is get out and stay determined not to repeat the sins of their parents.
 
Thanks.

He had a very mild stroke 4 1/2 years ago (while driving the Matbro back across the farm) from which he recovered about 90%. Last May he was hospitalized for 18 days with low blood sodium, much more serious than it sounds, and that knocked him badly. Now it's not clear whether it's just his age or something underlying. A whole load of tests have not found anything abnormal. It's really got him depressed though, he's always said "once i'm no use you'd better dig a hole and shoot me", only partly in jest.

If I make 80 as active as he did I'll happily accept that, he was doing full days of general farm work still.
One of my Aunts had low blood sodium, yes its way more serious than it sounds!:eek::eek::eek:
 
I didn't mean this thread to be depressing Paul, just to air some sadness without feeding depression.

Perhaps the fact that Dad's thoroughly enjoyed his life is what makes his decline so sad.
He certainly has enjoyed his life. All he ever wanted to do was farm and that is all he has ever done. He has the most wicked sense of humour and it is sad to see that fading as his frustration at not being able to do much kicks in.
 
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