what grinds your gears

[Lofty1984]

I've been in a nightclub with my horse.
Proper yokel here mate.

What are you plans once you sell?

 

[Kidds]

Well the nightclub has been demolished and my horse died nearly 14 years ago so it won't involve them.
Otherwise, carry on as I am but somewhere else.

 

[JJT]

I've been in a nightclub with my horse.
Proper yokel here mate.

Well this is me and the the mrs on our way to the longhorn bar in bandera, texas.

 

[Kidds]

They won't fit through the door.

 

[sawdust]

They won't fit through the door.

Depends how big the door is

 

[JJT]

They won't fit through the door.

Wanna bet?

 

[JWL]

I've been in nightclubs with some old mares in my youth

 

[Kidds]

I am a farmer. Most of you are too so you will understand I hope.
My place is up for sale, I am very proud of my farm and I am happy to chops all day to anyone that is genuinely interested. I am not even slightly interested in local people asking the estate agent for a viewing just so they can have a nose around inside my house (which I am rather less proud of)
The last one wanted to come on bank holiday afternoon, I told them to feck off and they'd have to go to Rhyll the same as every other fecker.

I have another viewing booked in for Monday and I think I am going to call in sick.

I called in sick

 

[Nearly]

Powergrid are turning the power off tomorrow to trim tree branches. I've messaged them to say, if you need access then I won't be here, as I can't work without power so will be at another 'site'.
I'm expecting reply 'We need access onto the farm.'
Perhaps I shouldn't go anywhere and stay here to make sure they don't rag around the fields with the unimog.

Anyone collecting bags of firewood tomorrow will be unlikely to be offered a cuppa.

 

[Red Fred]

A mate just phoned up in exasperation- he has been having a clear out pre-moving and decided to donate lots of surplus stuff to the charity shops, of which the metropolis of Ringwood has many.
He took his set of dumb-bells but two shops told him they are not allowed to accept fitness gear in case someone injures themselves and sues the charity for selling the stuff.
They also went through his books and rejected the DIY books for the same reason- someone might electrocute themselves and it would be our fault!

 

[Greenbeast]

People that tell you how long they have been in their trade to reinforce their point.

It makes no difference if you've been an engineer/barman/clown/astrophysicist for 5 or 50 years - eggs is still eggs.

a farmer made this point to me when dropping off some gilts we had off him. Next day in the light noticed one was in-pig. Not sure what would be better, either he didn't notice or pulled a fast one.
Either way, his long 'service' at pig farming was wasted.

 

[smcapstick]

Not having a snooker cue in the workshop to lift my link arms up grinds my gears.

Now I have a wet back from rolling around on the ground to get under the tractor

 

[Ley253]

Regarding speeding tickets, you can do a Naughty Boys course, and keep the clean licence.

 

[smcapstick]

Regarding speeding tickets, you can do a Naughty Boys course, and keep the clean licence.

Just got my second letter, today, as the first was addressed to the company rather than me, personally.

I hope they let me take the course - I'll find out what they decide soon enough.

 

[A1an]

Arnold fudgein' Clark.

Bought ourselves an Audi A3 from Arnold Clark in December 2016, I wanted the wheels refurbed and a years MOT (its 1st MOT), no problem. Car was collected and paperwork was filed when we got home and "Audi MOT" written on calendar for this December.

Turns out they never MOT'd the car and I only found out this afternoon when our local unmarked cop car pulled me over as my Reg set off their alarm. August 2nd it ran out.

I'm now blessed with a Fixed Penalty Notice.

Yes I know, I should've double checked the MOT but I took their word for it.

Gutted, Ive got/had a clean license.

Well, today I was on my way to a meeting in my (works) Hilux and guess what happened? Yup, blue lights behind and pulled over by the same officer as last time, the reason? No phucking MOT!!!!

Went out in June, clerical oversight in head office. Another £100!

I've never been in the back of a cop car all my driving life and now twice in under 3 weeks.

What's next?.. A beer and a nip I think.

 

[Traffic dodger]

Tight entrances or field gates , then the locals put little while pegs on the verge as they do not want tractor or trucks running on the verges and if that fails they put their wheely bins out on purpose to restrict it further even if the dustman is not coming.

 

[Old Boar]

There is a fence under there somewhere...

No it is not a nest, it is the flood waste left in piles 30ft from the stream. It meets a post and builds up, taking down the lines. And it is a tad damp underfoot, which does not make for leverage...

Only a couple more 100 yards to go...

 

[Pan mixer]

a farmer made this point to me when dropping off some gilts we had off him. Next day in the light noticed one was in-pig. Not sure what would be better, either he didn't notice or pulled a fast one.
Either way, his long 'service' at pig farming was wasted.

Probably in pig to her brother - might not be a nice outcome.

 

[Ley253]

Well, today I was on my way to a meeting in my (works) Hilux and guess what happened? Yup, blue lights behind and pulled over by the same officer as last time, the reason? No phucking MOT!!!!

Went out in June, clerical oversight in head office. Another £100!

I've never been in the back of a cop car all my driving life and now twice in under 3 weeks.

What's next?.. A beer and a nip I think.

Perhaps you could take advantage of the reminder option, there is a fee, but I think it may be less than your fines!

 

[Greenbeast]

Probably in pig to her brother - might not be a nice outcome.

Indeed, quality farming all round.
She farrowed a while later, 11, 6 survived.
all had 'greasy skin'
Needless to say I won't be getting in touch when we're short again.