Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Wood field]

Sometimes finding lambs can be just the tonic you need to lift your spirit because without your intervention it won’t end well for them . When I’ve got them in a pen and they are warm and dry with a belly full of milk I say to myself that’s a job well done and always feel better for the rest of the day

I struggle to get them onto the bottle, I find it easier to foster them on if I e a ewe But I know what you mean.
I did finally get the two to feed this morning

 

[robs1]

I bet that hurt to make.
Glad he's ok, so sad when families fall out.

Very brave to put that up, hopefully his daughters will see it and have a long hard think about life.
Sorry to say it but ex partners can do so much damage to their kids by their lies. Mine did for years and I didn't see my daughter for five years but thankfully we patched it up, I really hope he can for all their sakes, certainly was very moving watching that.

 

[Christoph1945]

There, but for the grace of God, go many of us!

Is anyone still up and about, and if so, what are your plans for the rest of the day?

 

[czechmate]

There, but for the grace of God, go many of us!

Is anyone still up and about, and if so, what are your plans for the rest of the day?

i wasn’t.
something to do with cows no doubt

 

[Christoph1945]

i wasn’t.
something to do with cows no doubt

How many?

 

[czechmate]

How many?

300 animals including all sizes - as we finish everything, so carry older animals than is usual for calf breeders

 

[czechmate]

So I spend quite a lot of time feeding this thing…

 

[czechmate]

Not quite the farming idéal that some picture

 

[Wood field]

Not quite the farming idéal that some picture

That’s some shed !

 

[czechmate]

That’s some shed !

the previous owner of this farm really liked buildings

 

[Christoph1945]

So I spend quite a lot of time feeding this thing…

View attachment 1179571

OK, wot iz it?

 

[DefenderDave]

As a quick back story, I moved to my in-laws medium farm 4 years ago, leaving behind all my friends and family in my home county a couple of hours away.
I have spent the last few years trying to improve the farm as it would be in the bottom 25% of performers, would only break even or make a small profit at best even with full subs. But every change I try to make no matter how big or small is shot down as they see no need to change how the business is run. Always an answer of “we have always survived before” or “ the grain price will just have to go up”.

To give an idea the silage sheet ontop of the clamp never used to have any form of weight on it, nor were there aide sheets, so there used to be about 2-3 ft of pure sh*te ontop of the clamp. This is just one example of hundreds I could of picked.

the farm is always a mess, piles of scrap and rubbish everywhere, but trying to tidy up is a “waste of time”.

I get paid under minimum wage but self employed, so no sick or holiday pay either. I pay full rent on a house on the farm, all bills too. But apparently, I’m bankrupting the farm and shouldn’t be taking such a large wage. As my father in law doesn’t. But he has no rent, all bills paid for by the farm and takes 20k ish out in drawings a year. I should add my wife works 30 hrs off farm and then 30hrs a week on farm completely unpaid.

Im fed up of feeling like I’m being taken for granted, I do the most hours on the farm and get put down on everything I do. I hoped things would get better, but instead they keep getting worse, and I’m just feeling hopeless. I don’t enjoy farming anymore and I can’t see how in the future we will have time for children working like this.

Sorry for the long winded post. The long winter hasn’t helped and my mum is not well at the moment, and there is nothing I can do to help which adds to the feeling of hopelessness

 

[DrWazzock]

As a quick back story, I moved to my in-laws medium farm 4 years ago, leaving behind all my friends and family in my home county a couple of hours away.
I have spent the last few years trying to improve the farm as it would be in the bottom 25% of performers, would only break even or make a small profit at best even with full subs. But every change I try to make no matter how big or small is shot down as they see no need to change how the business is run. Always an answer of “we have always survived before” or “ the grain price will just have to go up”.

To give an idea the silage sheet ontop of the clamp never used to have any form of weight on it, nor were there aide sheets, so there used to be about 2-3 ft of pure sh*te ontop of the clamp. This is just one example of hundreds I could of picked.

the farm is always a mess, piles of scrap and rubbish everywhere, but trying to tidy up is a “waste of time”.

I get paid under minimum wage but self employed, so no sick or holiday pay either. I pay full rent on a house on the farm, all bills too. But apparently, I’m bankrupting the farm and shouldn’t be taking such a large wage. As my father in law doesn’t. But he has no rent, all bills paid for by the farm and takes 20k ish out in drawings a year. I should add the wife works 30 hrs off farm and then 30hrs a week on farm completely unpaid.

Im fed up of feeling like I’m being taken for granted, I do the most hours on the farm and get put down on everything I do. I hoped things would get better, but instead they keep getting worse, and I’m just feeling hopeless. I don’t enjoy farming anymore and I can’t see how in the future we will have time for children working like this.

Sorry for the long winded post. The long winter hasn’t helped and my mum is not well at the moment, and there is nothing I can do to help which adds to the feeling of hopelessness

That’s a very tough situation. It would get anybody down. Difficult to know what to say but some people just can’t be helped and unfortunately have to learn the hard way.
I’d imagine if you were putting your effort into a different job or business to present one you’d be much better rewarded. I really would think seriously about changing your career path because from what you say it just doesn’t sound like a good long term prospect where you are. Go somewhere where you’ll be appreciated.

 

[kiwi pom]

As a quick back story, I moved to my in-laws medium farm 4 years ago, leaving behind all my friends and family in my home county a couple of hours away.
I have spent the last few years trying to improve the farm as it would be in the bottom 25% of performers, would only break even or make a small profit at best even with full subs. But every change I try to make no matter how big or small is shot down as they see no need to change how the business is run. Always an answer of “we have always survived before” or “ the grain price will just have to go up”.

To give an idea the silage sheet ontop of the clamp never used to have any form of weight on it, nor were there aide sheets, so there used to be about 2-3 ft of pure sh*te ontop of the clamp. This is just one example of hundreds I could of picked.

the farm is always a mess, piles of scrap and rubbish everywhere, but trying to tidy up is a “waste of time”.

I get paid under minimum wage but self employed, so no sick or holiday pay either. I pay full rent on a house on the farm, all bills too. But apparently, I’m bankrupting the farm and shouldn’t be taking such a large wage. As my father in law doesn’t. But he has no rent, all bills paid for by the farm and takes 20k ish out in drawings a year. I should add the wife works 30 hrs off farm and then 30hrs a week on farm completely unpaid.

Im fed up of feeling like I’m being taken for granted, I do the most hours on the farm and get put down on everything I do. I hoped things would get better, but instead they keep getting worse, and I’m just feeling hopeless. I don’t enjoy farming anymore and I can’t see how in the future we will have time for children working like this.

Sorry for the long winded post. The long winter hasn’t helped and my mum is not well at the moment, and there is nothing I can do to help which adds to the feeling of hopelessness

You won't change them unfortunately, no matter how hard you work.
Why did you move there in the first place and is there any reason you can't move on?

 

[teslacoils]

As a quick back story, I moved to my in-laws medium farm 4 years ago, leaving behind all my friends and family in my home county a couple of hours away.
I have spent the last few years trying to improve the farm as it would be in the bottom 25% of performers, would only break even or make a small profit at best even with full subs. But every change I try to make no matter how big or small is shot down as they see no need to change how the business is run. Always an answer of “we have always survived before” or “ the grain price will just have to go up”.

To give an idea the silage sheet ontop of the clamp never used to have any form of weight on it, nor were there aide sheets, so there used to be about 2-3 ft of pure sh*te ontop of the clamp. This is just one example of hundreds I could of picked.

the farm is always a mess, piles of scrap and rubbish everywhere, but trying to tidy up is a “waste of time”.

I get paid under minimum wage but self employed, so no sick or holiday pay either. I pay full rent on a house on the farm, all bills too. But apparently, I’m bankrupting the farm and shouldn’t be taking such a large wage. As my father in law doesn’t. But he has no rent, all bills paid for by the farm and takes 20k ish out in drawings a year. I should add the wife works 30 hrs off farm and then 30hrs a week on farm completely unpaid.

Im fed up of feeling like I’m being taken for granted, I do the most hours on the farm and get put down on everything I do. I hoped things would get better, but instead they keep getting worse, and I’m just feeling hopeless. I don’t enjoy farming anymore and I can’t see how in the future we will have time for children working like this.

Sorry for the long winded post. The long winter hasn’t helped and my mum is not well at the moment, and there is nothing I can do to help which adds to the feeling of hopelessness

Pick up all the scrap and turn into ££££

 

[DefenderDave]

That’s a very tough situation. It would get anybody down. Difficult to know what to say but some people just can’t be helped and unfortunately have to learn the hard way.
I’d imagine if you were putting your effort into a different job or business to present one you’d be much better rewarded. I really would think seriously about changing your career path because from what you say it just doesn’t sound like a good long term prospect where you are. Go somewhere where you’ll be appreciated.

You won't change them unfortunately, no matter how hard you work.
Why did you move there in the first place and is there any reason you can't move on?

so I moved up here as my wife wanted to go back to her family farm, I had always dreamt of having my own farm and had no idea he would be so ignorant towards change/ hard to work with.
My brother in law left the family farm for a job in the city for the reasons I mentioned, but his parents are convinced it’s nothing to do with them and he would love to come back to the farm.

I was definitely happier working with other farms, and it felt more rewarding. If I left I feel like I would have wasted my only opportunity to get on the farming ladder. But now I’m starting to feel like what’s the point if you don’t enjoy life anymore.

 

[DrWazzock]

so I moved up here as my wife wanted to go back to her family farm, I had always dreamt of having my own farm and had no idea he would be so ignorant towards change/ hard to work with.
My brother in law left the family farm for a job in the city for the reasons I mentioned, but his parents are convinced it’s nothing to do with them and he would love to come back to the farm.

I was definitely happier working with other farms, and it felt more rewarding. If I left I feel like I would have wasted my only opportunity to get on the farming ladder. But now I’m starting to feel like what’s the point if you don’t enjoy life anymore.

Struggles with family members will follow you for almost your entire working life in your situation. There will be a sibling to pay out even if your working relationship with parents in law lasts that long. If you can endure all that on a long term basis then stay with it but it will be a long hard road and the rug could be pulled from under you on somebody else’s whim any time if they turn awkward. You really would need to enjoy the daily work to continue with that kind of working relationship.
I’d calmly and considerately think about extracting yourself maybe after one last ditch attempt round the table to state your grievances and see if they show any understanding. Chances are they won’t and you’d best moving on before you invest too much of your time in the place.

 

[DrWazzock]

I don’t think there’s ever a moment on the “family farming ladder” when it’s “yours” and you feel you’ve got there. That doesn’t mean it’s all bad as it can be fairly crap working for a boss in industry but folks should be aware that family farming arrangements aren’t all sweetness and light. Basically you work and work and work and then you die. I don’t mind the work and I’m content with the fact it never will be “mine” as there are many others involved. I’m satisfied with with it compared to a 7.30 to 7.30 job in engineering industry. I don’t make as much money. The good thing is I can have a cuppa when I like and stop and hear the birds whistling. That’s about it.

 

[Christoph1945]

Good morning Dave.

Sorry to read of your present situation and all the stress that it must be inflicting on you and probably on your marriage. What is your wife's take on the situation?

 

[czechmate]

OK, wot iz it?

a mill. It smashes who grain to large dust