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Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
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<blockquote data-quote="waterbuffalofarmer" data-source="post: 6482631" data-attributes="member: 54454"><p>So sorry to hear that [USER=8214]@Friesianfan[/USER] I hope she recovers soon! Will be thinking of you all</p><p></p><p>Lately I've been having a rough time of it tbh.... I had a good talk with my brother this evening, my family seem concerned with how I am behaving lately. I told my brother that the reason why I am so reckless mostly and don't care about stuff is because I don't care about my life, it's a mess anyway so why should i care about it and what happens to me? My brother said it's exactly this attitude of not caring that's leading me to meet idiotic people who are constantly dragging me down and using me. I think he's right. I am freely admitting that as of past year I don't even recognise myself anymore, I haven't cared about my existence because to me it means so little and instead have acted like a spoilt teenager. It's a cycle I have to break and it's one that will take a while. I'm fed up with guys chasing after me all the time, I'm fed up that i hardly have any friendships at all where the other person isnt trying to constantly *get me into bed* as it were. I'm just fed up. Ik that whenever any guy talks to me and is nice that in the end it'll just be that one thing they're after. I'm fed up with everything about myself, so much so that idc what happens to me anymore. I'm sick of my job and my life. The fact I'm rearing animals that nobody wants, the fact that no matter how hard I try it's all in vain, it feels like that. 1 whole list of people wanting calves and yet when it comes down to it they spit in your face or ghost you. I'm sick of my brain and of my own voice/thoughts. I want the old sensible me back, but she's long gone and it's a struggle to actually get back to being the old me. Sorry for the rant</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="waterbuffalofarmer, post: 6482631, member: 54454"] So sorry to hear that [USER=8214]@Friesianfan[/USER] I hope she recovers soon! Will be thinking of you all Lately I've been having a rough time of it tbh.... I had a good talk with my brother this evening, my family seem concerned with how I am behaving lately. I told my brother that the reason why I am so reckless mostly and don't care about stuff is because I don't care about my life, it's a mess anyway so why should i care about it and what happens to me? My brother said it's exactly this attitude of not caring that's leading me to meet idiotic people who are constantly dragging me down and using me. I think he's right. I am freely admitting that as of past year I don't even recognise myself anymore, I haven't cared about my existence because to me it means so little and instead have acted like a spoilt teenager. It's a cycle I have to break and it's one that will take a while. I'm fed up with guys chasing after me all the time, I'm fed up that i hardly have any friendships at all where the other person isnt trying to constantly *get me into bed* as it were. I'm just fed up. Ik that whenever any guy talks to me and is nice that in the end it'll just be that one thing they're after. I'm fed up with everything about myself, so much so that idc what happens to me anymore. I'm sick of my job and my life. The fact I'm rearing animals that nobody wants, the fact that no matter how hard I try it's all in vain, it feels like that. 1 whole list of people wanting calves and yet when it comes down to it they spit in your face or ghost you. I'm sick of my brain and of my own voice/thoughts. I want the old sensible me back, but she's long gone and it's a struggle to actually get back to being the old me. Sorry for the rant [/QUOTE]
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Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
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