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Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
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<blockquote data-quote="Texel Tup" data-source="post: 8542861" data-attributes="member: 49448"><p>Picking out your well made points has me struggling between the juxta-positioned senses of an anger at any person ~ and perhaps more so a woman, who can put her reliance upon a poison which she must know is impacting upon her child and then a near overwhelming sense of pity that the poor woman has no apparent control …. it leaves me wondering what on earth has gone so terribly wrong …. and as you most probably will too. </p><p></p><p>I have never really got my head around anyone who looks at themselves, sees what's wrong but then continues …. it must surely be a case of being overwhelmed rather than a lack of will power.</p><p></p><p>I'm an alcoholic and I accept that ~ not 'was' ~ I am. For all but 30 years I had a bottle of gin a day, every day. Then I got to be about 70 and realised that I'd lived a charmed life and that a blemish free career of 30 years drink driving, couldn't last forever. I'm not proud and I'm not apologising either, it's how it was. Now I keep a diary and I probably have a pint once a week, or on occasion I'll buy a bottle of spirits and that's usually gone overnight. I WON'T drink and drive, though not perhaps for the obvious reason of risk, but now, if someone died because I was drunk at a wheel, I would never live with myself. I really don't do morality, but as I age, I'm getting in to self preservation mode and now and following ANY booze, the anxiety levels, first thing in the mornings, have become unbearable. Following an evening with even one small drink, the next morning I see all those who I have wronged in my life ~ they seem to queue up …. and it's a burden which is crippling. </p><p></p><p>Every day without booze is a battle ~ every morning and every night but, and perversely, I relish the fight. How I wish that I could sit and enjoy a single G&T …. but one is never enough and two is too many. How I envy those who are able to engage with moderation ….</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Texel Tup, post: 8542861, member: 49448"] Picking out your well made points has me struggling between the juxta-positioned senses of an anger at any person ~ and perhaps more so a woman, who can put her reliance upon a poison which she must know is impacting upon her child and then a near overwhelming sense of pity that the poor woman has no apparent control …. it leaves me wondering what on earth has gone so terribly wrong …. and as you most probably will too. I have never really got my head around anyone who looks at themselves, sees what's wrong but then continues …. it must surely be a case of being overwhelmed rather than a lack of will power. I'm an alcoholic and I accept that ~ not 'was' ~ I am. For all but 30 years I had a bottle of gin a day, every day. Then I got to be about 70 and realised that I'd lived a charmed life and that a blemish free career of 30 years drink driving, couldn't last forever. I'm not proud and I'm not apologising either, it's how it was. Now I keep a diary and I probably have a pint once a week, or on occasion I'll buy a bottle of spirits and that's usually gone overnight. I WON'T drink and drive, though not perhaps for the obvious reason of risk, but now, if someone died because I was drunk at a wheel, I would never live with myself. I really don't do morality, but as I age, I'm getting in to self preservation mode and now and following ANY booze, the anxiety levels, first thing in the mornings, have become unbearable. Following an evening with even one small drink, the next morning I see all those who I have wronged in my life ~ they seem to queue up …. and it's a burden which is crippling. Every day without booze is a battle ~ every morning and every night but, and perversely, I relish the fight. How I wish that I could sit and enjoy a single G&T …. but one is never enough and two is too many. How I envy those who are able to engage with moderation …. [/QUOTE]
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Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
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