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<blockquote data-quote="egbert" data-source="post: 6790387" data-attributes="member: 9965"><p>I'm reminded of a piece I read backalong - it was supposedly tongue in cheek, but.......</p><p>I've pasted it below </p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you for seeing me Minister. I realise it was difficult to fit me in your busy schedule, and that you have several meetings this morning. In fact, the delegates from the Greater British Newt Trust are already in the foyer, along with those from ‘Earth Matters!’, and ‘Animals are Friends’.</p><p></p><p> Yes, I’ll try and be brief, your staff have already advised me that you’ve a luncheon engagement at 11.30</p><p></p><p> So I’ll cut to the chase. Some of my office have been noticing something going on these last few months, and have been investigating these farmer chaps. And the thing is Sir, they seem to be disappearing.</p><p></p><p> Industry has been running campaigns to encourage new entrants for several years, but they seem to have rather backfired. Our contacts in the main agri-colleges assure me they’ve been enrolling plenty of students, but looking closer, what they’re actually turning out are land managers, recreation and equine experts, and bio-diversity monitors. Yes Sir, all vital to the nations wellbeing, and largely keyed in with your policy plans, but somewhat irrelevant to actually farming the land.</p><p></p><p>Where those young men and women whose career paths include growing food have gone has taken some research, and it seems the cream of them have left Sir. Where? They’ve emigrated Sir. And it’s the industry wide assumption that food production is no longer considered important that’s driving them.</p><p></p><p> We realise that you’ve undertaken to maintain their, as you called it recently, ‘blasted subsidies’ for another 7 years, but apparently it’s not the money. It is the consistent disrespect. The go-getters, the actual chaps who do the work and drive the business of farming Sir, are vanishing.</p><p></p><p> I put a team to crunch the demographic, and what we’re soon to be left with are the categories referred to (strictly in-house) as the ‘Blow-in Lama Lovers’, and the ‘Slipper Farmers’. This latter are of most concern Sir, as they are mostly of farming stock, and retain the appearance of being farmers. But in the main, they’re simply using something called roll-over money (ironically from our own infrastructure and housing development drive) to acquire more land, on which to do very little farming. Closer investigation suggests that a lot of this group have already sent their successors overseas, increasingly using our cash to buy land in countries more conducive with their natural inclinations. It seems to have been a monumental own goal, Sir. </p><p></p><p> It isn’t helping that the younger generation have been discreetly courted by several overseas Governments. Which ones Sir? Well it’s mostly Canada, and the Antipodes, and some of our erstwhile EU partners. Worryingly the best of the technical people, and the most able agronomists, have also been, well frankly….poached by the Kansas State Department of Agriculture. Yes I know you’ve an aversion for intensive farming methods, and agro-chemicals are a sin Sir, but it is my job to point these things out.</p><p></p><p> I’ve spoken personally to the heads of the agri-colleges I mentioned.</p><p></p><p>Regrettably, the heads themselves admit they’ve also been suffering from something of a brain drain, and only 2 of them would admit, when pressed, to having anyone on site who could actually start their larger tractors, leave alone programme the GPS systems which know where their actual fields are nowadays.</p><p></p><p> You might well laugh Sir, we had a chortle about it ourselves. However, I remind you we don’t know where anybody’s fields are anymore. Not since the system crash in ‘Mapping’ last October.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Further enquiries have revealed the same is happening in the fishing and forestry communities. Since your pronouncement that the remaining 18% of UK waters not declared marine habitat protection zones will have to be shared with our former EU partners, and that the drive to afforest another 22% of the British landscape will be strictly with nature friendly amenity plantations, there has been a similar exodus from both of those industries. Sorry Sir? Well yes, they are both actual ‘industries’. They employ some tens of thousands, and generate goods we need every day. No Sir. Who would have thought it? Again, it seems there has been deliberate enticement going on below our radar. Canada, Alaska, and curiously Chile, seem to be implicated. </p><p></p><p> Yes Sir, quite so. But I really think you ought to care Sir</p><p></p><p> The ‘Institute for fiscal matters’, yes, those rascals, have produced a 10 year primary industry projection, pointing out that the economy won’t be able to stand the hit from the looming imbalance in the balance of payments –forgive the terminology.</p><p></p><p> No Sir, I’ve no idea how matters came to this pass.</p><p></p><p> Oh, on my way in, I was advised to let you know to expect a call from the PM, who is apparently not sounding very happy.</p><p></p><p> Good day Sir.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="egbert, post: 6790387, member: 9965"] I'm reminded of a piece I read backalong - it was supposedly tongue in cheek, but....... I've pasted it below Thank you for seeing me Minister. I realise it was difficult to fit me in your busy schedule, and that you have several meetings this morning. In fact, the delegates from the Greater British Newt Trust are already in the foyer, along with those from ‘Earth Matters!’, and ‘Animals are Friends’. Yes, I’ll try and be brief, your staff have already advised me that you’ve a luncheon engagement at 11.30 So I’ll cut to the chase. Some of my office have been noticing something going on these last few months, and have been investigating these farmer chaps. And the thing is Sir, they seem to be disappearing. Industry has been running campaigns to encourage new entrants for several years, but they seem to have rather backfired. Our contacts in the main agri-colleges assure me they’ve been enrolling plenty of students, but looking closer, what they’re actually turning out are land managers, recreation and equine experts, and bio-diversity monitors. Yes Sir, all vital to the nations wellbeing, and largely keyed in with your policy plans, but somewhat irrelevant to actually farming the land. Where those young men and women whose career paths include growing food have gone has taken some research, and it seems the cream of them have left Sir. Where? They’ve emigrated Sir. And it’s the industry wide assumption that food production is no longer considered important that’s driving them. We realise that you’ve undertaken to maintain their, as you called it recently, ‘blasted subsidies’ for another 7 years, but apparently it’s not the money. It is the consistent disrespect. The go-getters, the actual chaps who do the work and drive the business of farming Sir, are vanishing. I put a team to crunch the demographic, and what we’re soon to be left with are the categories referred to (strictly in-house) as the ‘Blow-in Lama Lovers’, and the ‘Slipper Farmers’. This latter are of most concern Sir, as they are mostly of farming stock, and retain the appearance of being farmers. But in the main, they’re simply using something called roll-over money (ironically from our own infrastructure and housing development drive) to acquire more land, on which to do very little farming. Closer investigation suggests that a lot of this group have already sent their successors overseas, increasingly using our cash to buy land in countries more conducive with their natural inclinations. It seems to have been a monumental own goal, Sir. It isn’t helping that the younger generation have been discreetly courted by several overseas Governments. Which ones Sir? Well it’s mostly Canada, and the Antipodes, and some of our erstwhile EU partners. Worryingly the best of the technical people, and the most able agronomists, have also been, well frankly….poached by the Kansas State Department of Agriculture. Yes I know you’ve an aversion for intensive farming methods, and agro-chemicals are a sin Sir, but it is my job to point these things out. I’ve spoken personally to the heads of the agri-colleges I mentioned. Regrettably, the heads themselves admit they’ve also been suffering from something of a brain drain, and only 2 of them would admit, when pressed, to having anyone on site who could actually start their larger tractors, leave alone programme the GPS systems which know where their actual fields are nowadays. You might well laugh Sir, we had a chortle about it ourselves. However, I remind you we don’t know where anybody’s fields are anymore. Not since the system crash in ‘Mapping’ last October. Further enquiries have revealed the same is happening in the fishing and forestry communities. Since your pronouncement that the remaining 18% of UK waters not declared marine habitat protection zones will have to be shared with our former EU partners, and that the drive to afforest another 22% of the British landscape will be strictly with nature friendly amenity plantations, there has been a similar exodus from both of those industries. Sorry Sir? Well yes, they are both actual ‘industries’. They employ some tens of thousands, and generate goods we need every day. No Sir. Who would have thought it? Again, it seems there has been deliberate enticement going on below our radar. Canada, Alaska, and curiously Chile, seem to be implicated. Yes Sir, quite so. But I really think you ought to care Sir The ‘Institute for fiscal matters’, yes, those rascals, have produced a 10 year primary industry projection, pointing out that the economy won’t be able to stand the hit from the looming imbalance in the balance of payments –forgive the terminology. No Sir, I’ve no idea how matters came to this pass. Oh, on my way in, I was advised to let you know to expect a call from the PM, who is apparently not sounding very happy. Good day Sir. [/QUOTE]
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