- Location
- Owaka, New Zealand
But, no problem is so big you can't run away from it. The Tasman sea is a great invention IMHO
AUSTRALIA AND AUSTRALIANS
The following has been written by the late Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame.
"Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea.
Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can't spell either.
The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three.
Typically, it is unique in this.
The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them.
Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else.
A stick is very useful for this task.
The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants.
A short history: Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died.
The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. They also discovered a stick that kept coming back.
Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north.
More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.
About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert - equipped with a stick.
Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.
There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world, although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching
a beach sunset is worth the risk.
As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a sour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud.
Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country"). The irritating thing about this is... they may be right.
TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA
Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason - WHATSOEVER.
The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
Always carry a stick.
Air-conditioning is imperative.
Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.
Wear thick socks.
Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick.
Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.
HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS
They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have.
How else do you get a stain on your shirt?
They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.
And they all carry a stick
Sounds like you need a battery impact wrench if you haven’t got one.Well, I should be working on this planter, getting it ready for planting grain sorghum.
But - I’ve lost enthusiasm & would rather stand here & have a beer or 6 & just look at it instead
View attachment 917870
Looking a lot greener after a couple of warmer days, we must have hit 20°C today, that was all we were waiting onThat's beautiful
You don't need a tractor, just put some cattle on it
Just headin' out for the evening's entertainment by the look of it.....The things you see, cruisin' down Crutch Canyon at 7pmView attachment 918483
Funny,I was thinking the same thing.I know what Pete was thinking....whos bangin that hot lass...lucky man.
Ant...
Verge mower seems to be doing a good enough job and doing well on it.The things you see, cruisin' down Crutch Canyon at 7pmView attachment 918483
Look for the film Leon the pig farmer.the main thing i remember about Wiltshire was the ridiculous ( so it seemed to me ) working hours. It was winter, so short daylight hours. We started at 4.30 or 5.30 ?, then had a hour "breakfast" break at about 7, then morning tea, then lunch, then afternoon tea & finished at about 6 or 7 ?
It was fu`cked - we were only actually working ( & getting paid for ) a 10 hour day, but the working day was about 14 hours long & we were starting & finishing in the dark, with very little "free" time at the end of the day. F`uck that. Id rather just work 10 hours straight without a break without all these bloody meal breaks . . .
I was sharing a cottage with a young English fella who worked on the arable side. I do remember drinking a whole bottle of gin ( straight ) one night & waking up about 2.00am lying on the concrete floor in the toilet, curled around the bowl, while he was standing over me having a p1iss. The next day wasnt good . . .
She had a tidy back end, I'd say she was heading around to Billy bullsh!t's pleasure domeI know what Pete was thinking....whos bangin that hot lass...lucky man.
Ant...
The one thing that fascinates me with the pics is how populated your area seems,there are lots of houses and farmsteads.Its turning green around these parts, as winter cover/spring cereals do there thing, days are still warm but nights are getting brisk. Grabbed a few random pics today so as not to be outdone by @Kiwi Pete [emoji16]View attachment 918671View attachment 918672View attachment 918673View attachment 918674View attachment 918675
Interesting side note. I was on hill in the first pic when I took the next 3
Last one was just a random spreading job