Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Well suicide might seem like a way out but just consider the devastation left behind. Parents, children. family friends left heartbroken. Your own untapped potential wasted. There is always a better way.

DrWazzock said:

Well suicide might seem like a way out but just consider the devastation left behind. Parents, children. family friends left heartbroken. Your own untapped potential wasted. There is always a better way.

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If we no longer have use for our lives; we can perhaps give them away, rather than throwing them away in suicide. All much easier to say than do, I know.

JWL said:

It's very hard to ask for help if you are a cantankerous git such as myself

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Although somewhat of an aside from our recent exchange your statement set me thinking and I am wondering if you 'perhaps' have a problem with high blood pressure. Most on here will already know that I try to keep to a gluten free diet and that years ago I d accidently discovered that gluten tended to influence my emotions; making me rather testy and irritable. I likened it to an unbroken doubled barrelled twelve bore, with a hair trigger and a faulty safety catch; fine most of the time but just try knocking it!

During my recent very short stay in hospital I was unable to choose any gluten free food, or decaffeinated coffe; so I just went with the flow and accepted what was offered. By teatime last night I was rather sensitive and retired to bed early, as prickly as a porcupine confronted by a bear with a sore arse.

Long story short ....... unable to sleep, mind racing, got up and put the bins out and then threw my self down on the couch and eventually slipped into an uncomfortable slumber. When I eventually woke up and checked mmy blood pressure it was 180/101 with a heart rate of 49 bpm; not good eh?

I firmly believe that many of our emotions, including depression, can be influenced by diet; as can our general health.

ps ........ just rechecked my bp and I have got it down to 119/67 51 bpm; just hoping that it's now going to level out and not hit rock bottom.

Have a good day and take no sh!t off those townies, Red Tractor inspectors, or Pixies ...... oops Pikeys.

Chris

Yes as a matter of fact I am being treated for high blood pressure but I am now reading really low, just under average. When I went, eventually, it was 224/154 but all brought down with tablets and constant.
Even with that hiccup in health it didn't really alter my outlook on life, I know there are people far worse off than I so I take what I have and go with it. I spent an entire childhood watching my father dealing with kidney failure and heart problems and the depression he went through

JWL said:

Yes as a matter of fact I am being treated for high blood pressure but I am now reading really low, just under average. When I went, eventually, it was 224/154 but all brought down with tablets and constant.
Even with that hiccup in health it didn't really alter my outlook on life, I know there are people far worse off than I so I take what I have and go with it. I spent an entire childhood watching my father dealing with kidney failure and heart problems and the depression he went through

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My mother, who ruled the house with an iron hand, at times had a look that could turn one to simpering jelly but she also suffered with high blood pressure and kidney problems for most of her life.

DrWazzock said:

Christianity ain’t easy street. It’s challenging. Knowing what is the right thing to do isnt easy at all. It’s a dilemma. Enrich yourself/put others first. Renounce worldly things / keep the economy going? Massive dilemmas with far reaching consequences for mankind and indeed the planet. Christ tried a radical new approach. Dead by 30 because of it. But he refreshed a lot of people who travailed and were heavily laden and liberated them to some extent from the fear and stranglehold of worldly things, death included. I don’t have the answers though. Never will have.

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Saw a fascinating Youtube video recently putting forward the idea that Jesus didn't exist, he was an invention of the Romans to subdue the Jews, who up to then were aggressive and at war, waiting for their prophecies to come to fruit with a Messiah to lead them into battle against the Romans. The Flavian emperors created a new prophecy with a Messiah more passive and submissive. They managed to get this into mainstream teachings and it worked, the Jews followed this new Messiah and gave up their war-like approach. Christians today have reacted to this theory by saying it doesn't matter whether he existed then or not, he still 'resides within me' and guides my life etc. Can't argue with that.
Christianity is much like this now, heaven isn't a place, it's a concept. Jesus wasn't a person, but a guiding principle.

Fromebridge said:

Saw a fascinating Youtube video recently putting forward the idea that Jesus didn't exist, he was an invention of the Romans to subdue the Jews, who up to then were aggressive and at war, waiting for their prophecies to come to fruit with a Messiah to lead them into battle against the Romans. The Flavian emperors created a new prophecy with a Messiah more passive and submissive. They managed to get this into mainstream teachings and it worked, the Jews followed this new Messiah and gave up their war-like approach. Christians today have reacted to this theory by saying it doesn't matter whether he existed then or not, he still 'resides within me' and guides my life etc. Can't argue with that.
Christianity is much like this now, heaven isn't a place, it's a concept. Jesus wasn't a person, but a guiding principle.

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Ah Ha; a Roman Geofry Archer?

There is some of the most sound psychological guidance and advice within most religious scriptures that have been recorded and passed down throughout history. For thousands and thousands of years men (and women) have observed and studied human kind and recorded what they have learned.

Personally I do believe that there was a real Jesus but his teachings were nothing new but old teachings that he clarified and lived by; he didn't just talk the talk, he walked the walk! I'm happy with both creation scripture and Darwin; one tells me who and why and the other tells me how.

There ya go; I have probably just got my self banned from most Christian churches, as well as the synagogue!

Fromebridge said:

Saw a fascinating Youtube video recently putting forward the idea that Jesus didn't exist, he was an invention of the Romans to subdue the Jews, who up to then were aggressive and at war, waiting for their prophecies to come to fruit with a Messiah to lead them into battle against the Romans. The Flavian emperors created a new prophecy with a Messiah more passive and submissive. They managed to get this into mainstream teachings and it worked, the Jews followed this new Messiah and gave up their war-like approach. Christians today have reacted to this theory by saying it doesn't matter whether he existed then or not, he still 'resides within me' and guides my life etc. Can't argue with that.
Christianity is much like this now, heaven isn't a place, it's a concept. Jesus wasn't a person, but a guiding principle.

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Now that ehic I can accept. In fact, if you look carefully, most religions espouse kindness and co-operation. It's just the zealots that choose to corrupt them in their own interest. I aspire to be a thoroughly good person and respect all religions so long as they respect me.

Christoph1945 said:

Ah Ha; a Roman Geofry Archer?

There is some of the most sound psychological guidance and advice within most religious scriptures that have been recorded and passed down throughout history. For thousands and thousands of years men (and women) have observed and studied human kind and recorded what they have learned.

Personally I do believe that there was a real Jesus but his teachings were nothing new but old teachings that he clarified and lived by; he didn't just talk the talk, he walked the walk! I'm happy with both creation scripture and Darwin; one tells me who and why and the other tells me how.

There ya go; I have probably just got my self banned from most Christian churches, as well as the synagogue!

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Very good post! But if we believe in that Jesus was "real", some of his teaching was "new". The Old Testament and Jewish tradition was still very much "an eye for an eye" sort of thing, always settling old scores.I think he kind of said we had to break this tradition,or it would go on forever.When you think about it,most of the troubles in the World are caused by peoples trying to do this.

Christoph1945 said:

Wotz a wobble box? It's not rude, iz it?

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A wobble box is a strange and mythical contraption known only to owners of antique combine harvesters. When using the combine the wobble box will either be 'going' or 'gone.' The antique combine owner then spends their winter locked away rebuilding the wobble box ready for the next season. With the refurbished box fitted and harvest approaching the combine is extracted from the shed and 'run up' for 10 minutes to exorcise the rats by which time the wobble box will be 'on it's way out' again. Hope this helps.

jendan said:

Very good post! But if we believe in that Jesus was "real", some of his teaching was "new". The Old Testament and Jewish tradition was still very much "an eye for an eye" sort of thing, always settling old scores.I think he kind of said we had to break this tradition,or it would go on forever.When you think about it,most of the troubles in the World are caused by peoples trying to do this.

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Alas, the eye for an eye was not a command but a law of limitations and sadly many folk want far more than an eye, or a tooth. Jesu, I believe, was teaching that retribution breads only greater retribution but his advised way breaks the cycle.

Many of us are slowly learning that resentments and bitterness held against others breeds within our selves fertile ground for the development of high blood pressure, ulcers, and a whole host of other maladies; including depression.

Perhaps the teaching of self control and good anger management in our homes and schools could succeed, where religion has failed?

holwellcourtfarm said:

Now that ehic I can accept. In fact, if you look carefully, most religions espouse kindness and co-operation. It's just the zealots that choose to corrupt them in their own interest. I aspire to be a thoroughly good person and respect all religions so long as they respect me.

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Religions would be far more attractive without people don't you think?

Christoph1945 said:

Perhaps the teaching of self control and good anger management in our homes and schools could succeed, where religion has failed?

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But where do you draw the line,when you are being bullied or wronged? How do you get it to stop? At the moment i have three problems that fills my waking day,and nights. A 12 month loan that i have paid off,but the loan company have added another £1400 on,just because they believe they can. (A defense has already been lodged on a CCJ for this) Another demand for £6750 from a finance broker who did absolutely nothing for me,and has later told me,"i didnt read the small print",and they are going to lodge another CCJ.And the worst of all,a phone call from Animal Health Trading Standards saying i will receive a letter in the post,inviting me to answer questions under caution about 5 calves that went to the licensed dead stock collector in 2017,for which they have no records for.(other than recorded in my own movement book,i have no records either as it was 4 years ago). This was two weeks ago,and i have still not received any letter,so 2 weeks of worry. Added to this,i have the day to day running of my farm,calving cows,doing crop work etc. And all the time,trying to keep a brave front on for the wife,so as not to worry her too much.

jendan said:

But where do you draw the line,when you are being bullied or wronged? How do you get it to stop? At the moment i have three problems that fills my waking day,and nights. A 12 month loan that i have paid off,but the loan company have added another £1400 on,just because they believe they can. (A defense has already been lodged on a CCJ for this) Another demand for £6750 from a finance broker who did absolutely nothing for me,and has later told me,"i didnt read the small print",and they are going to lodge another CCJ.And the worst of all,a phone call from Animal Health Trading Standards saying i will receive a letter in the post,inviting me to answer questions under caution about 5 calves that went to the licensed dead stock collector in 2017,for which they have no records for.(other than recorded in my own movement book,i have no records either as it was 4 years ago). This was two weeks ago,and i have still not received any letter,so 2 weeks of worry. Added to this,i have the day to day running of my farm,calving cows,doing crop work etc. And all the time,trying to keep a brave front on for the wife,so as not to worry her too much.

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Alas, being something of a dumb townie, I have no knowledge that could be helpful to you for the problems that you have outlined but knowing the think-tank that TFF is, it is my betting that there are good folk on here that may be able to advise on best moves to make in those situations and please don't forget the hot-lines that are set up and waiting for calls from folk such as your self. Or any of us, for that matter!

I don't know your marital situation but with your wife being out of the loop you will be missing out on her strength, insite, and valuable input. How would you feel about bringing your wife in on the situation and possibly ringing one of the hotlines; where you will be able to find supportive contacts to work through those very challenging situations.

As you have struggled with the ongoing situations, has suicide appeared to hold any attractions for you, at all?

You may feel alone in all this but please believe me you are not.

Chris

HELP LINES

All of these provide general support by pointing you in the right direction to get help and advice as well as providing mental health support.

DPJ Foundation 0800 587 4262 or text 07860
RABI 0808 281 9490
FCN 03000 111 999
Tir Dewi 0800 121 4722
Gay Farmer helpline on 07837931894 .

Also remember Citizens Advice for general help and specific financial help/debt rescheduling.

Christoph1945 said:

Alas, being something of a dumb townie, I have no knowledge that could be helpful to you for the problems that you have outlined but knowing the think-tank that TFF is, it is my betting that there are good folk on here that may be able to advise on best moves to make in those situations and please don't forget the hot-lines that are set up and waiting for calls from folk such as your self. Or any of us, for that matter!

I don't know your marital situation but with your wife being out of the loop you will be missing out on her strength, insite, and valuable input. How would you feel about bringing your wife in on the situation and possibly ringing one of the hotlines; where you will be able to find supportive contacts to work through those very challenging situations.

As you have struggled with the ongoing situations, has suicide appeared to hold any attractions for you, at all?

You may feel alone in all this but please believe me you are not.

Chris

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My wife is aware of everything,but i dont want to involve her any more than i have to to,It just makes her worry more.She is working hard now doing vaccinations(she is a fully qualified nurse with many years experience) and is getting her PIN back after first doing track and trace,then working for Public Health England. She needs to concentrate on her job and not get distracted by me and the farm. We also have our 15 year old son and 14 year old daughter to look after etc,help them through schooling and the teenage years. I get more angry if anything,which was in reply to your post.In particular with the Trading Standards,which i believe is being caused by one person.I dont think i have anything to answer for.My records are up to date and correct with CTS,and everything present and correct at my recent TB test and cattle identification inspection.I believe they have too much time on their hands,and not enough to do.What i would find helpful is someone who knows the very minutiae of the law in these respects.I am in the NFU legal assistance scheme but have found the solicitors they use fairly poor,and the costs are discretionary.Never thought of suicide,and never will.Have too much to live for and two lovely kids.I have mild depression in the mornings,and am a slow starter,but once into the day,it wares off,and am much more inclined to fight back.Just need to find the relevant people to help me do it.

Sorry for my late reply, I missed your post last night. I am greatly pleased to hear that you are not hiding any of the problems from your wife, as that would sap a great deal of your psychological energy and not be helpful for controlling your mild depression. If you folks sit at the dining table together it may be helpful to open up some of the your problems and ideas to a general family discussion over meal times; after all, you are a family team.

I always take a peek at posters details, just to see roughly where they are located, how long they have been members of TFF, and what kind of farming they are into; just to bring my silly townie mind up to speed. Seeing how long you have been a TFF member got me wondering if you had shared your ongoing problems in any of the other TFF threads. Many of your fellow farmers on TFF probably don't read this thread but will have highly helpful information that will be of assitance to you.

Despite not being a farmer, I can certainly identify with some of your frustration and anger over your situations and the lack of resolutions to them but over many years I personally have learned that bottled up anger and unresolved frustrations can certainly lead to deeper anger and depression but upon learning to share I was able to at least dilute some of the anger, frustration. and depression, and progress through dark days into better times.

I learned the hard way that my children were far wiser, beyond their years even, than I gave them credit for. When I was heavy laden, borne down, and sinking fast, I didn't ask for help or attempt to share my troubles and so I had to take a very dark journey that could have been avoided.

As you progress and find a way through your troubles please keep us all posted and many will learn from your discoveries. Please let us know where you find support, which threads gave you the best advice, and how your other family members are doing. Without my wife, my rock, I would never have made it through some very dark times and alas I often fail to give her the credit that she is due.

Stay safe, stay well, and have a good day; the sun is almost up!

Chris

jendan said:

But where do you draw the line,when you are being bullied or wronged? How do you get it to stop? At the moment i have three problems that fills my waking day,and nights. A 12 month loan that i have paid off,but the loan company have added another £1400 on,just because they believe they can. (A defense has already been lodged on a CCJ for this) Another demand for £6750 from a finance broker who did absolutely nothing for me,and has later told me,"i didnt read the small print",and they are going to lodge another CCJ.And the worst of all,a phone call from Animal Health Trading Standards saying i will receive a letter in the post,inviting me to answer questions under caution about 5 calves that went to the licensed dead stock collector in 2017,for which they have no records for.(other than recorded in my own movement book,i have no records either as it was 4 years ago). This was two weeks ago,and i have still not received any letter,so 2 weeks of worry. Added to this,i have the day to day running of my farm,calving cows,doing crop work etc. And all the time,trying to keep a brave front on for the wife,so as not to worry her too much.

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Can you remember the calves going? If so were they stillborn or did they die before registration? As far as I know there is no requirement to notify anyone if they die before they are legally required to be recorded on BCMS. In that case they just go in your own records.

holwellcourtfarm said:

Can you remember the calves going? If so were they stillborn or did they die before registration? As far as I know there is no requirement to notify anyone if they die before they are legally required to be recorded on BCMS. In that case they just go in your own records.

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That's the sort of feedback I was thinking of when I suggested that posting some of the problems on other threads may bring in ideas from other farmers who have been through similar tight spots and found a way through.

Out of interest; at what point in time must an animal be registered and is there any flexibility in the timing? Also, is there any good way of insuring that one avoids getting into similar situations; perhaps double recording of an unregistered animal death? I don't know if my questions make any sense but you know me ......... the townie, always playing catch-up, from the outside looking in!