Walterp
Member
- Location
- Pembrokeshire
I've mentioned before that only the witty and erudite liberals on The Guardian's boards have kept their composure, and their sense of fun, during the shambles that was Brexit. They are a shining example to one and all.
Here's the last laugh.
(Somewhere in Whitehall)
Davis: “Ceeeeeeelebration yeah, come on…it’s time to celebrate...”
Hammond: “Well those first rounds of negotiations were exhausting, but you got there in the end, eh David?”
Davis: "First round…there’s more?”
Hammond: “You are joking, right?”
Boris: “Well I think this is terrible deal. We are paying the EU about £40 billion, you should have told them to go ‘whistle.’ At this rate, I will never be PM!”
Gove: “Nor me.”
Boris: “Traitor. You’ll never be PM – you never went to Eton. ‘May Eton Flourish - Floreat Etona.’”
Davis: “Celebratory drink anyone?”
Boris: “David, why are you celebrating? The Northern Ireland deal makes no sense whatsoever - how can people in Northern Ireland be UK and EU citizens, but not the rest of the UK?”
Davis: “We don’t know yet...we just got the Irish gov’t and the DUP to agree to the terminology. Single or a double?”
Boris: “I can’t believe you got the DUP to talk directly to the Irish gov’t, they haven’t talked in decades!”
Davis: “It was rather easy actually. Once Theresa and I met with Arlene and laid out our proposal - she took one look, shook her head and said she would do it her bloody self.”
Boris: “Actually, I can believe it!”
Davis: “God only knows what the final agreement will look like, but we will sort out the details later…or rather they will!”
Hammond: “Well, I think this agreement has taken some of the pressure off us and at long last we can now start the trade talks.”
Davis: “Trade talks?”
Boris: “Rubbish - 16 months of negotiation and all you come back with is this shoddy agreement. Just what have you been doing David?”
Davis: “Mainly grandstanding. You see our position is this – we don’t have one. But we knew that if we agreed 16 months ago what we have agreed today, we would have been accused of giving in to the EU and betraying the British people – this way we can say that a deal has been reached at ‘the last minute’ without losing too much face. In fact, some people are calling it a success.”
Boris: “Which people?”
Davis: “….well, me and Theresa mainly..”
Boris: “But we have backed down on each and every red line.”
Davis: “….as Rees-Mogg said, the lines were ‘more pink than red.’”
May: “…I can be a bloody difficult woman…’”
Cabinet: "Oh f**k she’s awake.”
May: “…I have been clear…Labour will cause a run on the pound...”
Hammond: “Good morning Theresa…here’s your cup of tea…”
May: “Oh – it’s my devoted cabinet…good morning everyone. So, what are we talking about?”
Hammond: “I’ll give you 3 guesses, it’s what are we always talking about?”
May: “’I’m a celebrity get me out of here!’ I do like Ant and Dec - national treasures, just like me.”
Hammond: “No, apart from ‘Celebrity.’”
May: “Oh darts – one hundred and eighttttty! I love the darts you know, so working class. Makes me feel like one of the people…but obviously I don’t watch it for too long as I feel dirty and have to shower. It’s almost as if you can feel the poverty.”
Hammond: “Oh FFS. We are talking about Brexit.”
May: “….and no doubt you are talking how I do not budge an inch against the dastardly EU and stood my ground for the right deal for the British people…and together will build a global Britain…”
Boris: “Oh god, she’s off again…”
May: “….and be in no doubt that a global Britain…will be a beacon for the industries of tomorrow…”
Hammond: “Quick Andrea, show her your new shoes...”
Leadsom: “Theresa, hey Theresa, look at my shiny new high-heals....”
May: “...on they are lovely, do you know I actually think I think better in high heels!”
Cabinet: “Oh FFS.”
(NB: “I actually think I think better in high heels” – is an actual Theresa May quote!)
Here's the last laugh.
(Somewhere in Whitehall)
Davis: “Ceeeeeeelebration yeah, come on…it’s time to celebrate...”
Hammond: “Well those first rounds of negotiations were exhausting, but you got there in the end, eh David?”
Davis: "First round…there’s more?”
Hammond: “You are joking, right?”
Boris: “Well I think this is terrible deal. We are paying the EU about £40 billion, you should have told them to go ‘whistle.’ At this rate, I will never be PM!”
Gove: “Nor me.”
Boris: “Traitor. You’ll never be PM – you never went to Eton. ‘May Eton Flourish - Floreat Etona.’”
Davis: “Celebratory drink anyone?”
Boris: “David, why are you celebrating? The Northern Ireland deal makes no sense whatsoever - how can people in Northern Ireland be UK and EU citizens, but not the rest of the UK?”
Davis: “We don’t know yet...we just got the Irish gov’t and the DUP to agree to the terminology. Single or a double?”
Boris: “I can’t believe you got the DUP to talk directly to the Irish gov’t, they haven’t talked in decades!”
Davis: “It was rather easy actually. Once Theresa and I met with Arlene and laid out our proposal - she took one look, shook her head and said she would do it her bloody self.”
Boris: “Actually, I can believe it!”
Davis: “God only knows what the final agreement will look like, but we will sort out the details later…or rather they will!”
Hammond: “Well, I think this agreement has taken some of the pressure off us and at long last we can now start the trade talks.”
Davis: “Trade talks?”
Boris: “Rubbish - 16 months of negotiation and all you come back with is this shoddy agreement. Just what have you been doing David?”
Davis: “Mainly grandstanding. You see our position is this – we don’t have one. But we knew that if we agreed 16 months ago what we have agreed today, we would have been accused of giving in to the EU and betraying the British people – this way we can say that a deal has been reached at ‘the last minute’ without losing too much face. In fact, some people are calling it a success.”
Boris: “Which people?”
Davis: “….well, me and Theresa mainly..”
Boris: “But we have backed down on each and every red line.”
Davis: “….as Rees-Mogg said, the lines were ‘more pink than red.’”
May: “…I can be a bloody difficult woman…’”
Cabinet: "Oh f**k she’s awake.”
May: “…I have been clear…Labour will cause a run on the pound...”
Hammond: “Good morning Theresa…here’s your cup of tea…”
May: “Oh – it’s my devoted cabinet…good morning everyone. So, what are we talking about?”
Hammond: “I’ll give you 3 guesses, it’s what are we always talking about?”
May: “’I’m a celebrity get me out of here!’ I do like Ant and Dec - national treasures, just like me.”
Hammond: “No, apart from ‘Celebrity.’”
May: “Oh darts – one hundred and eighttttty! I love the darts you know, so working class. Makes me feel like one of the people…but obviously I don’t watch it for too long as I feel dirty and have to shower. It’s almost as if you can feel the poverty.”
Hammond: “Oh FFS. We are talking about Brexit.”
May: “….and no doubt you are talking how I do not budge an inch against the dastardly EU and stood my ground for the right deal for the British people…and together will build a global Britain…”
Boris: “Oh god, she’s off again…”
May: “….and be in no doubt that a global Britain…will be a beacon for the industries of tomorrow…”
Hammond: “Quick Andrea, show her your new shoes...”
Leadsom: “Theresa, hey Theresa, look at my shiny new high-heals....”
May: “...on they are lovely, do you know I actually think I think better in high heels!”
Cabinet: “Oh FFS.”
(NB: “I actually think I think better in high heels” – is an actual Theresa May quote!)
