I assume that means fendts will be producing vaccines as well as fuel
Coronavirus Humour (And conspiracy Theories)
- Thread starter Bald Rick
- Start date
he was standing out side addressing a crowd with a row of their finest products along side.
Hindsight
Member
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Hindsight
Member
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Boohoo
Member
- Location
- Newtownabbey
Boohoo
Member
- Location
- Newtownabbey
Old Boar
Member
- Location
- West Wales
- Location
- Scottish Highlands
stole this, it's hilarious!!
f**kin 2020
A timeline of the Shitshow so far.
January
Everything's fine. China has the cold or some sh!t but "2020 is my year"
February
Nowt to do wi us China, this is why we don't eat things that still have f**kin plans for 2moro.
Best of luck though!
March.
Pffft. It's probably fine. Boris has it under control. (We'll just ignore the fact he brushes his hair wi the arse end of a hedgehog and has the I.Q of a kitchen utensil) WE'RE FIIIINE.
Wait. What's that now? Where's all the bread gone? Why's McDonald's taped up like a murder scene? We should wear masks now Boris aye? Yes?... Boris?... no?? Boris??!
Ok we're HOMESCHOOLING???!
f**k.
April.
Our pensioners are all given 3-5 working days to live. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ETHEL STAY INSIDE! Popping in the co-op is bloody a death sentence so stop scuttling round 27 times a day looking for flour. THERE'S NO f**kING FLOUR ETHEL! Erm can I have some toilet roll please? Let's all make masks out the gussets of oor big knickers an hoard loaves of bread like we're goni build a f**kin hoose wi it!
f**k OFF JOE WICKS I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!
I'm rated "pee poor and drunk" by Ofsted and the kids are surviving on custard creams and the tears of my misspent youth.
ENTER Dominic Cummings Stage right:
"let's go on a jolly wee road trip and ignore all the rules. Oh.. and I'll check my eyesight on the f**king motorway".
No repercussions whatsoever. C*NT.
Joe exotic is elected king of the world and the entire human race trolls Carole f**kin Baskin.
May.
Help. April was 6 years long. We've all got beards and the fridge has a restraining order against me and my 7 chins.
Half of us are now Gin soaked hermits who only crawl out on a Thursday to clap.
Boris says we've to go to work. But not go to work. But if we can work we should definitely go to work. Only don't go by bus... or car.. or any public transport.
LETS ALL SPROUT SOME f**kING WINGS AND FLYYYYY.
Masks?? No?...
June.
Shops, zoos and theme parks reopen.
We spend most of this month in the queue for McDonald's with big Sandra and her entire extended family and the rest of the month ramming ourselves into Primark.
Still can't go see our maws...
July.
Bars open. No one remembers anything else.. we're all f**kin minced and our kids are feral.
Masks now though aye? No? Actually... yes. Yes. But not till the 24th. Are we safe till the 24th?? Has the virus has been f**kin furloughed till then Boris?!
August.
Where the actual f**kity f**k did August go? Did Boris tax it?
September
When the schools FINALLY opened we all thought we'd be hoofin the kids over the school fence with a bowl of Shreddies by the crack of Dawn (sick of Dawn getting her arse out. Dunno how she's no been lifted)
But in actual fact we're gutted. And so grateful for all the extra time and memories we've made. So thanks for that Lockdown. Fair play.
Thank you.
Not you Boris.
You're still a sleekit wee fanny...
f**kin 2020
A timeline of the Shitshow so far.
January
Everything's fine. China has the cold or some sh!t but "2020 is my year"
February
Nowt to do wi us China, this is why we don't eat things that still have f**kin plans for 2moro.
Best of luck though!
March.
Pffft. It's probably fine. Boris has it under control. (We'll just ignore the fact he brushes his hair wi the arse end of a hedgehog and has the I.Q of a kitchen utensil) WE'RE FIIIINE.
Wait. What's that now? Where's all the bread gone? Why's McDonald's taped up like a murder scene? We should wear masks now Boris aye? Yes?... Boris?... no?? Boris??!
Ok we're HOMESCHOOLING???!
f**k.
April.
Our pensioners are all given 3-5 working days to live. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ETHEL STAY INSIDE! Popping in the co-op is bloody a death sentence so stop scuttling round 27 times a day looking for flour. THERE'S NO f**kING FLOUR ETHEL! Erm can I have some toilet roll please? Let's all make masks out the gussets of oor big knickers an hoard loaves of bread like we're goni build a f**kin hoose wi it!
f**k OFF JOE WICKS I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!
I'm rated "pee poor and drunk" by Ofsted and the kids are surviving on custard creams and the tears of my misspent youth.
ENTER Dominic Cummings Stage right:
"let's go on a jolly wee road trip and ignore all the rules. Oh.. and I'll check my eyesight on the f**king motorway".
No repercussions whatsoever. C*NT.
Joe exotic is elected king of the world and the entire human race trolls Carole f**kin Baskin.
May.
Help. April was 6 years long. We've all got beards and the fridge has a restraining order against me and my 7 chins.
Half of us are now Gin soaked hermits who only crawl out on a Thursday to clap.
Boris says we've to go to work. But not go to work. But if we can work we should definitely go to work. Only don't go by bus... or car.. or any public transport.
LETS ALL SPROUT SOME f**kING WINGS AND FLYYYYY.
Masks?? No?...
June.
Shops, zoos and theme parks reopen.
We spend most of this month in the queue for McDonald's with big Sandra and her entire extended family and the rest of the month ramming ourselves into Primark.
Still can't go see our maws...
July.
Bars open. No one remembers anything else.. we're all f**kin minced and our kids are feral.
Masks now though aye? No? Actually... yes. Yes. But not till the 24th. Are we safe till the 24th?? Has the virus has been f**kin furloughed till then Boris?!
August.
Where the actual f**kity f**k did August go? Did Boris tax it?
September
When the schools FINALLY opened we all thought we'd be hoofin the kids over the school fence with a bowl of Shreddies by the crack of Dawn (sick of Dawn getting her arse out. Dunno how she's no been lifted)
But in actual fact we're gutted. And so grateful for all the extra time and memories we've made. So thanks for that Lockdown. Fair play.
Thank you.
Not you Boris.
You're still a sleekit wee fanny...
- Location
- Limousin
