Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Just dropped in whilst the good wife is watching the Manchester United v Everton match on the TV and was thrilled to see the FCN banner alongside this thread. Is the FCN hotline, like the Samaritans, a twenty four hour service?

OK; I can probably answer that question by clicking on the FCN logo and taking a look inside. I just couldn't resist asking the question!

 

[rich8100]

Yes it is.

Its not really about being a strong person or a weak person, everyone will have a breaking point, its a case of how long before you do break than how much before you break.

The trick is see it and react on it quicker, ask for the help you need, there is nothing weak about asking for help.

The human brain is a remarkable piece of kit, but the mind is a cluster f**k of emotions.

Forget about the ifs and buts. What happens happens, nothing will change it. One saying the army have used for years is, adjust, adapt and overcome.

 

[Weasel]

The answer to that in my experience is too keep a diary. Just look back at what happened last year and you'll see you got through it. Also keep a to do list. Just weekly. When you've completed job, cross it off. Feels like you've achieved something.

I read that book too @Big_D and found it useful. Would be good for people that are helping a friend through a difficult time also.

Like the idea of a diary

 

[jade35]

Read this article in yesterday's Telegraph http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/health/we-can-all-save-a-life-by-talking-more-about-mental-health

It was mentioned that depression awareness week has been running from 18th to 24th April http://www.depressionalliance.org/get-involved/depression-awareness-week-2016

Looking online, it also mentions that mental health awareness week will be from 16th to 22nd May 2016 https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week

The last paragraph of the article -

"One in four people will experience mental illness at some point in their lives – but that means four in four of us know someone who will. So if you are struggling right now – if it feels like the light has been extinguished and all hope is lost – please, this weekend, be like Alex and that nine-year-old boy and tell someone. Because only by telling someone can things start to get better. They can get better, and they will."

 

[ajcc]

Does anyone get overwhelmed feeling thinking ahead about how much work is to do? Like thinking ahead of shearing time silage time then straw time? But when the time comes and after it you look back and think that wasn't as bad. Yet you worry the same the next year? Brain always seems in overdrive

Yep, break it down ,take one day at a time and stay focused on one day and one task. Decide as you lay in bed what you are going to do in the day ahead and just focus on the short term and the pieces will fall into place over time.
"Running around like a headless chicken" and "not seeing the wood for the trees" are two expressions I often remind myself of when it is all seeing a bit insurmountable.

 

[Auckland Blue]

I try and make a list of jobs I would like to complete for the week and then prioritise them. I then list what I want to achieve each day. Nothing ever goes to plan so I have learnt to be conservative in my expectations ! If I get on quicker "happy days" I go to the next job. If there is a problem or something unexpected turns up then the list runs into the next week.

I try and bust the work up into small chunks, taking one step at a time as ajcc suggests.

I get a great deal of satisfaction crossing jobs off lists. Particularly unpleasant ones.

I try not to worry about what I should have got done or what I have to do in the future, and I try and remind myself that "I am only human. I have a plan. I am doing the best I can with what I have got, what more can I do"

Some things happen that are beyond my control and it is important for me to put them into perspective. They are not my fault . I did the best I could. This has happened and I will do the best I can to deal with it.

The past has shown me that I can usually come out the other side in one piece. Hairs going greyer though!

I try and switch of when I am not working, even if its only for an hour before I go to bed. Read a chapter of a book, watch a movie, listen to the radio or music. Anything to break the thought cycle of what's worrying me. That way I find I have a slightly clearer head to make decisions the next day. Peak season, like everyone else, is eat sleep and work and I just get on with it but come the winter life returns to some semblance of normality and I am very grateful for that. I realise that that is not the case for many.

This is my way of coping with some of the pressure that we all face. It doesn't solve the practical problems that put me under pressure but I feel I am in a better frame of mind to make important decisions when those problems come along

 

[Alicecow]

I try and make a list of jobs I would like to complete for the week and then prioritise them. I then list what I want to achieve each day. Nothing ever goes to plan so I have learnt to be conservative in my expectations ! If I get on quicker "happy days" I go to the next job. If there is a problem or something unexpected turns up then the list runs into the next week.

I try and bust the work up into small chunks, taking one step at a time as ajcc suggests.

I get a great deal of satisfaction crossing jobs off lists. Particularly unpleasant ones.

I try not to worry about what I should have got done or what I have to do in the future, and I try and remind myself that "I am only human. I have a plan. I am doing the best I can with what I have got, what more can I do"

Some things happen that are beyond my control and it is important for me to put them into perspective. They are not my fault . I did the best I could. This has happened and I will do the best I can to deal with it.

The past has shown me that I can usually come out the other side in one piece. Hairs going greyer though!

I try and switch of when I am not working, even if its only for an hour before I go to bed. Read a chapter of a book, watch a movie, listen to the radio or music. Anything to break the thought cycle of what's worrying me. That way I find I have a slightly clearer head to make decisions the next day. Peak season, like everyone else, is eat sleep and work and I just get on with it but come the winter life returns to some semblance of normality and I am very grateful for that. I realise that that is not the case for many.

This is my way of coping with some of the pressure that we all face. It doesn't solve the practical problems that put me under pressure but I feel I am in a better frame of mind to make important decisions when those problems come along

Brilliant
Couldn't have said it any better myself

 

[Christoph1945]

Spot on Blue. Some jobs, I even subdivide into segments and tick them off as I go. That is once I overcome any inertia!

Mind you, if I don't keep a close eye on my diet and eat items that I know will upset my equilibrium; things get all out of proportion and jobs and problems actually look far larger than they actually are.

I was once asked what was the best way to eat an elephant.........."one bite at a time?". "Or invite dinner guests?" Just a silly riddle, I suppose.

 

[simmy_bull]

@blackbob im sorry I've not looked in here for a while and I've just seen you were asking after me earlier in April I must of missed the alert somehow I didn't want you to think I was ignoring your question. I'm doing OK I suppose muddling along with the spring how it is. It's funny how a few things seem to give you a kicking at the wrong time I've been farming on my own for ten years and always had plenty of silage. Not this year the year I could do with it cos I don't think they'll be massive crops to cut. This year I ended up with Hoggs left to sell after X mas which has turned you to be a bad thing as they've gone with the grass that the ewes could have done with. It's been a wet spring which would of been much easier to cope with had it not followed such a wet winter. Hey ho I'm just taking one day at a time at the moment and see what happens. Hope other folks are doing ok I can imaging there lots of farmers feeling the pinch at the moment. Thanks to all those on here that take the time to support people it means a lot just to have somewhere to turn to.

 

[kernowcluck]

I think this thread and another here started by @milkloss just highlights the fact that we individually think we are the only ones to struggle, feel down or unable to see the wood for the trees, but collectively most of us are running on parallel lines. By posting on here you are really helping others and hopefully feel supported as well.
Ifeel quite angry that so many of you amazing hard-working farmers who are feeding the nation and caring for our wonderful countryside are so up against it at the moment. You are so important yet undervalued. Look after yourselves both in body and soul xx

 

[kneedeep]

That's one of the great positives (and negatives ) of our 'culture'.
It's more than beneficial, for a fragmented, often isolated, diverse group of similar minded people, to be able to share/unload/educate/ help each other, anonymous when required.
Unfortunately, due to us also being fragment. .............
It makes one easy prey for the ruthless sharks out there , masquerading under the banner of 'agri businessmen' .

If only there was an organisation that could unite everyone's best interests, including the great great majority of 'one man bands' who simply are unable to leave their stock/ farm to attend meetings/votes/policy making frameworks, support them positively, that , then could actually carry some clout.....

THIS IS THE AGE OF THE INTERNET Y'KNOW
@Guy Smith
And thanks to Govt. policy , an awful lot of farmers are now on it, one way or another.
(Even those with sh#t under their fingernails like me!!)

Just a thought.
I know its far to radical for an organisation like the NFU to grasp, but we are now surviving ( just) in a new modern era.

 

[Christoph1945]

Considering what you guys and gals have to cope with, you must be giants but you just don't realise it. Of course, even giants need some help and support from time to time and I believe that this thread is sowing seeds that will produce fruit that will surprise us all.

As a none-farming outsider, it is a privilege and an education to be able to share this thread and I offer you my sincere thanks for accepting my presence.

 

[kernowcluck]

@Christoph1945 you are a very welcome presence in our farming family. If you ever need any hands on experience I've always got a chicken shed or two to clean out - barrow and shovel job I'm afraid!

It's sometimes healthy to get a different perspective looking into a problem from outside as it's easy to beome too embroiled in our own troubles to see the solutions. Thank you for your kind and understanding words.

 

[glasshouse]

That's one of the great positives (and negatives ) of our 'culture'.
It's more than beneficial, for a fragmented, often isolated, diverse group of similar minded people, to be able to share/unload/educate/ help each other, anonymous when required.
Unfortunately, due to us also being fragment. .............
It makes one easy prey for the ruthless sharks out there , masquerading under the banner of 'agri businessmen' .

If only there was an organisation that could unite everyone's best interests, including the great great majority of 'one man bands' who simply are unable to leave their stock/ farm to attend meetings/votes/policy making frameworks, support them positively, that , then could actually carry some clout.....

THIS IS THE AGE OF THE INTERNET Y'KNOW
@Guy Smith
And thanks to Govt. policy , an awful lot of farmers are now on it, one way or another.
(Even those with sh#t under their fingernails like me!!)

Just a thought.
I know its far to radical for an organisation like the NFU to grasp, but we are now surviving ( just) in a new modern era.

Totally agree that farmers who have no workers are totally unrepresented on NFU etc as impossible to commit time.

 

[Christoph1945]

Hey-up Kernocluck,

that sounds like a most enticing invitation but at 71, my back wouldn't be up to all that spade and barrow work. Besides, it would cost me a small fortune in fuel travelling down to Cornwall from North West Cheshire. We often did the journey when our lad was at the Cambourne School of Mines.
I think that the best I could mange would be a bit of sheep watching, or scare-crowing closer to home; the wife reckons that I'm best dressed for a bit of scare-crowing.

How many chicken sheds do you have and what do you do with all that poop?.

 

[Weasel]

When things get on top of folk do you ever find you take it out on your partner? Like snapping and talking to her badly?

 

[simmy_bull]

Yes, she sometimes bares the brunt of it. Unfairly 99% of the time. It's usually someone your close to though that gets it in the neck.

 

[Weasel]

Yes, she sometimes bares the brunt of it. Unfairly 99% of the time. It's usually someone your close to though that gets it in the neck.

Feel terrible for it tho

 

[Old Boar]

We only let rip to those we trust. This is fine if you try to explain later why you snapped and apologise and talk it though. It can be a good first opening to explain how you are feeling, why you may have talked like that and then ASK HER (or him) how THEY feel. They may be feeling the same but have been hiding it, trying to be a support to you. Much better if you support each other and are totally truthful about how you are feeling. The worst thing is being shouted at, asking why, and not getting an answer, and resentment soon builds. Silence is not golden - talk it though, you both will feel better.

 

[simmy_bull]

@Weasel Yes I know where your coming from. Have you been a bit snappy lately? I find tiredness is one of the worse things suppose that goes hand in hand with been busy but I find myself been short if I'm tired and I know I'm doing it and that grinds my gears more usually