You really should have a look at cinch you can scroll through at your own leisure on ya phone an think about it for as long as you want without some pushy twit stood breathing down your neck
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Ah yes. That old chestnut.
“If it’s for “the farm” any amount of expense can be justified. Whereas anything for our life or personal benefit is seen as a “waste” or an extragance.
Yeah I’ve just recently spaffed enough to buy a new Range Rover on fertiliser but think the 54 plate Skoda will have to run for another year due a very serious case of drought induced personal expenditure retention.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Yup. What better way to build a farm for the future, than have your children grow up in relative poverty, damp and cold then learn to hate everything about the farm.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
It’s my Mrs who is going through the mill. 30 years teaching, one year retirement then a more or less terminal diagnosis with her life only prolonged by gruelling surgery, chemo etc. Tge cruelty of life is quite staggering reslly. There is no reassurance or solution other than try to make best of what’s left. That sounds so glib and blase but it’s the best that can be done.
There are thousands up and down the country in this sort of situation all dealing with it in their own way and not making as much noise about it as I am on here. But it just helps to write it down somehow, not to say “poor us” but just to say this is what happens. It’s life. Never take it for granted.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
There has always been that ongoing conflict here between Presbyterian work ethic and more hedonistic wives, in laws etc. Don’t know who is right quite frankly. I wouldn’t swap where we are now despite some of the lack of foreign holidays etc. I am used to not having foreign holidays that I don’t even enjoy them to be fair. All I think about on holiday is the money “wasted” which is probably fairly sad, but it’s how I’ve ended up. I get bored if I’m away from the workshop for very long. Fairly sad also. No real friends. But I’m used to it. Never have had any. Socially very awkward.
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
i have a SAM self propelled I am thinking of selling if you are seriously thinking of it
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Friends are overrated I think. Still, will be back to work soon so less time to dwell.
Of course there are people who are dealing with worse things, there are also those who will shout about the most menial things. Your hand, is your hand and you can and should be able to post about it as much as you want. There is a massive community here who care, use it.
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
yes and that « a friend in need is a friend indeed », nonsense… regularly changed to « a friend in need is… a pain in the asss »
- Location
- Lincolnshire
The only way to get through this stuff is to be philosophical about it.
And really now I no longer fear death. I don’t encourage it or want it or seek it or advise it but I don’t fear it. It’s lost it’s power. If it’s going to happen, bring it on. My work is done.
And really now I no longer fear death. I don’t encourage it or want it or seek it or advise it but I don’t fear it. It’s lost it’s power. If it’s going to happen, bring it on. My work is done.
My heart goes out to you both your in a sh!t situation with no easy answer other than just keep on keeping on an supporting your wife pm me if you've no one to unload on whenever
Happy at it
Member
- Location
- NI
Sorry to hear of a your situation. I don't mean to be negative, but just as easily you might have prepare for the possibility that she won't change her mindset.
A family member here who always had depression, was given a sudden terminal cancer diagnosis, and it was as if the depression robbed him of the ability to process what was happening, and the mental state was the exact same as before regardless of the situation.
it was so incredibly sad to watch the way in which, the last few months of health were used up. Maybe that's a selfish outlook, a failure to give the family members some sense of reassurance/satisfaction etc but I guess what we are like, and what we think we will be like when that time comes, could be two different things.....
- Location
- pembrokeshire
your philosophy and life choices are similar to mine also others in the family dont understand my way of thinking
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
It was almost the opposite with my dad, it almost seemed as though the lack of having to stress about the future was a relief for him
farmerm
Member
- Location
- Shropshire
You may be becoming recluse but you are certainly not alone in how you are feeling! I will shrug off a £5k invoice for agrichems because it is what it is... yet I get in a right grump when my wife buys coffee out or wants to take kids to McDonalds, something that takes twice as long as cost fives times more than cooking what we have in the house... I am an expert in avoiding making decisions for the fear of making bad ones. With looming subsidies cuts, high farm input costs, soaring living costs and little confidence commodities will not at some point crash back I am finding discretionary spending far more difficult than I have ever before. I see all our outgoings rising yet my perception is my incoming is far from keeping pace.
- Location
- cornwall
I’m a worrier, certainly never had suicidal thoughts though, but just wanted to see how other people deal with it.
I’ll wake at 3 am, and start thinking about how dry it is and how I’m going to grow enough grass, or I’ll worry about the tb test next week on the youngstock and how we are going to get them in without them escaping etc. it’s never really the finances I worry about, more the practical things.
I’ll wake at 3 am, and start thinking about how dry it is and how I’m going to grow enough grass, or I’ll worry about the tb test next week on the youngstock and how we are going to get them in without them escaping etc. it’s never really the finances I worry about, more the practical things.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
It’s difficult, especially as the mornings get lighter. What I’ve tried to do is say to myself “well, there’s not a lot I can do about it while I’m lying in bed so I might as well forget it till I get up.”
I also keep a pen and paper or diary next to my bed to write stuff down that might occur to me while I’m in bed. I write it down so that i won’t forget about it, and so I can put it out of my mind till morning.and not spend the rest of the night churning it over or worrying about forgetting to do it.
The other thing is that things seem a lot worse in the early hours than they actually are. It’s a trick the brain plays on us. I’ve got to the stage of telling my “brain” “well, you can eff off and stop that nonsense right now” when it’s doing it’s best to disturb me with some maladjusted thought and pointless thought process.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
So, for many years I have kept a dream diary. But it also doubles as a worry list. When I wake up with something on my mind, firstly I check im still alive. Dont laugh. If youve watched the Welsh BBC series Hidden you might have seen the girl on their counting and touching things which is known as the 54321 grounding technique. See 5 things. Touch 4 things. Hear 3 things. Smell 2 things. Taste 1 thing. Then if I can still remember what I was worrying about, I write it down. Then go back to sleep. When I wake up, I can look over it. If its fixable, I try and get it fixed that day. It its something a bit less likely (I often worry that the grain in my sheds is melting -so far it never has) I can show myself that really it was just my brain getting practise for difficult situations. Its good to occasiaonlly think like this. Its bad to be doing it every night and is probably a symptom of a current high-pressure time of year. If its every night for a prolongued period of time, then you need to find a coping technique.
ollie989898
Member
I believe talking therapy has a place. But there are two provisions- you have to 'want' to do it, and you have to genuinely have time to do it. It's a date and a time every week or month which is reserved solely for you and that becomes quite a powerful thing for a lot of people I believe. It's a precious hour or two where you are able to sit down and talk about whatever you want. There is no pre-set agenda or the need to make 'progress'. It is also pretty cheap even if you want to do it privately (a real deal psychiatrist would be a lot more but still not ridiculous).
I do wonder if a day or two off farm or maybe even working for someone else might be useful for people here. I am blessed in that I am able to chop and change shifts in different places so I can get a change of scene as often as I like. A day away from your own farm might be useful and encourage the return of the 'fun factor' in farming?
I do wonder if a day or two off farm or maybe even working for someone else might be useful for people here. I am blessed in that I am able to chop and change shifts in different places so I can get a change of scene as often as I like. A day away from your own farm might be useful and encourage the return of the 'fun factor' in farming?