Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

The_law_of_sod said:

Im long term member in tff but changed my name for this,

im mid 30’s
Run own buisness earning good enough money ,40-50 hours a week ,
Manual job,
Work basically on my door step,not ag related.
Set up on my own since i was 20
But wondering if all worth it ,nearly always stressed and chasing my tail trying catch up
Just expanding this year to try and see if helps with keeping up with work.

ive never really liked the work i do
,just choose it as a job i got offered when left school
Now i feel trapped,need to earn a certain amount a year to keep up with bills and provide for family and this job is only way i can see to do it, i dont know anything else that can earn as much.

When i was 18-19 i did have a breakdown and tried to take my own life a couple times,second was very nearly successful,
But never have thought about it since or ever felt near depressed as that ,
only ever the normal down days.

from outside my life looks great ,
Live in a house we recently built ourselves two young kids ,fairly new car etc etc
But i feel like lifes a real struggle.
Maybe this time of year?always feel crap this time of year.

Just thought id vent this where i can be anonymous.

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ARW said:

I’ve just got back from the local pub, we went to meet friends and sort out our upcoming skiing holiday, it was very quiet as I went to the bar and ordered a small wine and a alcohol free Guinness for myself, I was then questioned why I wouldn’t have a “real” drink by the red faced boozy regulars. The same crowd in most nights, drinking and smoking looking down on others who don’t need a drink to exist, it’s a sad reality

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The_law_of_sod said:

Im long term member in tff but changed my name for this,

im mid 30’s
Run own buisness earning good enough money ,40-50 hours a week ,
Manual job,
Work basically on my door step,not ag related.
Set up on my own since i was 20
But wondering if all worth it ,nearly always stressed and chasing my tail trying catch up
Just expanding this year to try and see if helps with keeping up with work.

ive never really liked the work i do
,just choose it as a job i got offered when left school
Now i feel trapped,need to earn a certain amount a year to keep up with bills and provide for family and this job is only way i can see to do it, i dont know anything else that can earn as much.

When i was 18-19 i did have a breakdown and tried to take my own life a couple times,second was very nearly successful,
But never have thought about it since or ever felt near depressed as that ,
only ever the normal down days.

from outside my life looks great ,
Live in a house we recently built ourselves two young kids ,fairly new car etc etc
But i feel like lifes a real struggle.
Maybe this time of year?always feel crap this time of year.

Just thought id vent this where i can be anonymous.

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JeepJeep said:

Use the expansion to pass the "Weight" to someone elses shoulders by emploting someone and take a step back and do the more enjoyable easier parts?

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czechmate said:

in my experience of employing folk; that sounds an awful lot worse

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czechmate said:

my first simple thought … how will expanding help with keeping up with work?
my simple take, if you are earning plenty but are stressed with the work load, you could scale back a bit and still be financially comfortable?

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JeepJeep said:

Use the expansion to pass the "Weight" to someone elses shoulders by emploting someone and take a step back and do the more enjoyable easier parts?

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JeepJeep said:

You pick the right one...

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ollie989898 said:

It's a bad time of year for a lot of people, I think the lack of day light and the cold just does a number on us quietly. And it is natural to examine one's life from time to time to see if you are happy with it or not. Don't compare with other folk- you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

If you are enjoying what you do then why is trying to keep caught up an issue? Conversely, what would really happen if you trimmed off some of your work and it didn't get caught up?

I have issues with perfectionism from time to time, and what I absolutely cannot stand is fecklessness. I will give you an example. Today at work I had seen some work an electrical contractor had done, replacing light fittings. All good, smart units, looked a good job. But they had simply trimmed off shed loads of wire and it's plastic conductor sheathes and left them all over the place. Ditto fixings and cardboard boxes and like. I could never work in such a job surrounded by such people. You've just charged a customer good money to do a safe and good, proper job, yet left a load of trash behind you? This sort of thing boggles my mind. Is the job too mundane, boring or poorly paid or are you just a sub-human drone who gives zero fudges about anything good or worthwhile, including other people's property?

One of my perennial 'problems' with agriculture was that I can't be doing with fudging about, things that don't work or things done on the cheap/fudged/bodged or half-arshed. Life is too short.

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The_law_of_sod said:

I think the time of year really is big issue come the summer everything feels much better,mainly because i can work more hiurs to keep up,

Thing is ive never really liked my work,it jind just happend wheni left school,
And i just no it pays better now then alot of other jobs that i would be able to do,

Im unsure if its running your own business or the actual job that i dont love hard to differentiate.

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JeepJeep said:

When you set up on your own you chasing the £... Simple.. I was extreme..

Now I don't care. Thats the Price.... Thats the TimeScale.... No Payment No Delivery.... Etc Etca Act like a Bellend I have a 10% bellend tax.... I dont answer emails after 5 or on Weekends. And I'll now happily ignore it all for a proper day or week off.

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The_law_of_sod said:

Its when jobs over run
Then its throws the next job out of line and so on and kind snowballs,
Thats where i start to feel alot of stress.
The actual doing of the jobs is the easy part i find its the balancing act of everything else.

hopefully bigger machines and bigger workspace will sort the issue.

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The_law_of_sod said:

It does take certain type person seen many people start and run it for 3-4 years and then fold.

Im in bench joinery.

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czechmate said:

many years ago (70’s), our family engineering company was on a brand new industrial estate (still there actually) of little units. I used to see no end of folk come and go, giving self employment a go.

Makes me laugh, some television programs about this kind of thing « oh, I want to be self employed so I can earn more, work less and take time off when I want ».

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