Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[czechmate]

Do alot of you who are self employed run own business feel same as me time to time,all of the time?

all the time

 

[CornishRanger]

Im long term member in tff but changed my name for this,

im mid 30’s
Run own buisness earning good enough money ,40-50 hours a week ,
Manual job,
Work basically on my door step,not ag related.
Set up on my own since i was 20
But wondering if all worth it ,nearly always stressed and chasing my tail trying catch up
Just expanding this year to try and see if helps with keeping up with work.

ive never really liked the work i do
,just choose it as a job i got offered when left school
Now i feel trapped,need to earn a certain amount a year to keep up with bills and provide for family and this job is only way i can see to do it, i dont know anything else that can earn as much.

When i was 18-19 i did have a breakdown and tried to take my own life a couple times,second was very nearly successful,
But never have thought about it since or ever felt near depressed as that ,
only ever the normal down days.

from outside my life looks great ,
Live in a house we recently built ourselves two young kids ,fairly new car etc etc
But i feel like lifes a real struggle.
Maybe this time of year?always feel crap this time of year.

Just thought id vent this where i can be anonymous.

This isn't a great time of year mentally as has been said. Do you know the root of your previous depression, and did you ever "get closure" or did you bury it with work? Your not trapped, I was about your age when I forced to start over with very little notice after investing many year of earning potential into the "home farm". I may not have a lot but I restarted and am making progress.

You have time, you can keep doing what your doing and pay the bills and consider your opinions, what do your want to be doing instead, what do you need to get there, and adjust your lifestyle to suit. If you want to change course and that means a pay cut in the short term you can prepare so it doesn't impact too much.

Have you sat down and talked this through with anyone, your partner, family, friend, counsellor or some-one? Sometimes a spoken conversation can help clarify what your thinking?

 

[czechmate]

all the time

l havé Worked for my dad, been on my own, sometimes worked fir other farmers, been back on my own etc, always more relaxed working for other people, or even with my dad the burden was shared.
kind of had “the buck stops here “ for 15 years now

 

[czechmate]

all the time

mind you, feckin cows don’t help

 

[JeepJeep]

Do alot of you who are self employed run own business feel same as me time to time,all of the time?

Yup... Be easier to work for someone else go home switch off. Holidays etc..

Then paddling you own canoe , you can go your own way

 

[CornishRanger]

Do alot of you who are self employed run own business feel same as me time to time,all of the time?

Time to time, but I have never been employed in the traditional 9-5, 5 days a week, that would be a bit of a shock. It's stressful when the buck stops with you though.

 

[The_law_of_sod]

This isn't a great time of year mentally as has been said. Do you know the root of your previous depression, and did you ever "get closure" or did you bury it with work? Your not trapped, I was about your age when I forced to start over with very little notice after investing many year of earning potential into the "home farm". I may not have a lot but I restarted and am making progress.

You have time, you can keep doing what your doing and pay the bills and consider your opinions, what do your want to be doing instead, what do you need to get there, and adjust your lifestyle to suit. If you want to change course and that means a pay cut in the short term you can prepare so it doesn't impact too much.

Have you sat down and talked this through with anyone, your partner, family, friend, counsellor or some-one? Sometimes a spoken conversation can help clarify what your thinking?

I had counselling but never got to the cause of it,it feels like i was another person back then very happy then could switch for no real reason
A break up then drinking at weekend added ,caused the 2nd attempt ,
I lost an apprenticeship, i damaged my parts of my body forever, once i recovered to be able to work again i had already decided that was not ever going to do it again very selfish of me and to see family after all of it felt very ashamed,didnt see many friends again after it.

I dont talk to anyone as fear of loved ones thinking im going back to the depression days,its not fair to put stress onto them
If i ever felt goong to far back down depressed route i would seek help though.

 

[cornishking]

Do alot of you who are self employed run own business feel same as me time to time,all of the time?

Hello, self employment and running a business is relentless, I struggle during the winter months, self doubt and questioning my sanity happens on a daily basis. I've worked for a large farming company in the past and progressed to farm manager. I had the opportunity to start my own business and took, this was over 14 years ago and I'm still trying to find the work/life balance!
But in all honesty if you care about your job/career/business/employed/self employed there's always going to be hassles and elements of "taking work home ".
Bigger certainly isn't better ,it's about finding the sweet spot. (Holy grail)
I hope you find balance in your life, in Cornwall we have funding for business mentoring and development. Perhaps your county offers similar services?

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I dont talk to anyone as fear of loved ones thinking im going back to the depression days,its not fair to put stress onto them
If i ever felt goong to far back down depressed route i would seek help though.

Then you are putting even more pressure on yourself. Unless your partner has some idea what you are facing then you could also be unfairly giving them false ideas.

There's no way answer to that one but you really don't help yourself by bottling it up.

Well done for posting on here.

 

[cornishking]

Then you are putting even more pressure on yourself. Unless your partner has some idea what you are facing then you could also be unfairly giving them false ideas.

There's no way answer to that one but you really don't help yourself by bottling it up.

Well done for posting on here.

It took me years to talk to my wife about my mental illnesses. It was almost too late before I finally summoned the courage to tell her. It certainly lifted the burden and my wife finally had answers to my workaholic/ odd behaviour which was dominating our relationship.
Don't leave it unsaid

 

[The_law_of_sod]

Then you are putting even more pressure on yourself. Unless your partner has some idea what you are facing then you could also be unfairly giving them false ideas.

There's no way answer to that one but you really don't help yourself by bottling it up.

Well done for posting on here.

You’re right getting it off chest one way or another i find is helpful,
One coping way i learnt all those yeara ago from councillor,
But i dont tell family all,
I do tell them when
Things are bit stressful or bit much when i do fell overwhelmed,
But i wont say more ,never have even when i was very depressed ,i find easier to talk to Strangers ,
Its One way i have found helps and another way which is a bit of a weird one but it helps is when reading /watching and see other people who have been or are in alot worse situations then myself sort of kicks me back ,to realise my problems are no where near as bad,

one example is the bits i see from the
War in ukraine ,certainly makes snap out when i see the reality of war.

 

[The_law_of_sod]

It took me years to talk to my wife about my mental illnesses. It was almost too late before I finally summoned the courage to tell her. It certainly lifted the burden and my wife finally had answers to my workaholic/ odd behaviour which was dominating our relationship.
Don't leave it unsaid

She knows i had depression and can tell
As soon as something up
Apparently ,she can see me face changes ?Fake smile etc

another thing she pick up over the years is im often very quick to change emotions, from getting snappy/cross to going back to all fine all Within few minutes ,
I always put down to tiredness but she think could Be maybe more .
Any body else have any thing similar?

 

[CornishRanger]

She knows i had depression and can tell
As soon as something up
Apparently ,she can see me face changes ?Fake smile etc

another thing she pick up over the years is im often very quick to change emotions, from getting snappy/cross to going back to all fine all Within few minutes ,
I always put down to tiredness but she think could Be maybe more .
Any body else have any thing similar?

That all sounds pretty normal to people. We, on the whole, probably aren't as good at hiding things from those closest to us as we like to think.

Some people have "short fuses" snap and get cross for a bit then it's out of the system, and on again. I think that's more healthy than those who bottle it up and brood over it, I think that leads to deeper emotions, anger, self pity, depression. It how frequently you feel like this that you need to think about, occasionally is just life, often, there may be an underlying problem?

 

[CornishRanger]

I had counselling but never got to the cause of it,it feels like i was another person back then very happy then could switch for no real reason
A break up then drinking at weekend added ,caused the 2nd attempt ,
I lost an apprenticeship, i damaged my parts of my body forever, once i recovered to be able to work again i had already decided that was not ever going to do it again very selfish of me and to see family after all of it felt very ashamed,didnt see many friends again after it.

I dont talk to anyone as fear of loved ones thinking im going back to the depression days,its not fair to put stress onto them
If i ever felt goong to far back down depressed route i would seek help though.

Pleased to hear your not in the same position as you were in the past. Doesn't matter who you talk to, but if you use them as a sounding board you may see more clearly what your thinking, running over things in my head results in everything getting clouded a fog of by "what if this? What about that? If I did ....? What did I come in here for anyway?! Speaking it out loud removes some of the layers and focuses the mind.

If you don't see yourself going back down the depression road its more of a business/strategic discussion at this point, as to where you see you and your families life and business going from here. It's good to keep questioning these things

 

[nelly55]

Yes when you find one of your best pedigree simmi cows dead this morning,

 

[Christoph1945]

Time and time again we generally advise sharing our inner fears, anxieties and troubles with a trusted other but you don't have to go the whole hog and do a prince Harry; that way will only bring greater troubles and will probably end in tears and more recriminations.

Who then should we turn to? A partner? A trusted friend? God? Any one of the support agencies just waiting for our call?

The Samaritans have links to many other organisations that may be more appropriate for particular circumstances.

Writing of Prince Harry;
how do you suppose that he could have done things better?

 

[Christoph1945]

Yes when you find one of your best pedigree simmi cows dead this morning,

How did that come about?

 

[CornishRanger]

Writing of Prince Harry;
how do you suppose that he could have done things better?

In just about any way! I quiet honestly believe he has emotional scars following the lost of his mother, but the recent disclosures from him and his wife appear to be more to do with publicity/profit, than personal or public good. I feel they are playing to an American public. As an aside, the publishing of his "combat kills" i found disgusting yes it is part of the job but there's no good to come of that sort of comment

 

[FG.]

Yes when you find one of your best pedigree simmi cows dead this morning,

That is heart breaking, I'm so sorry for you.

 

[Eiddwen]

The ride is through though.

Youd not hire a babysitter who was like that. So you'd surely not leave your children with her?

I think folk generally come here for either a) a handhold because they already know what needs doing or b) advise as they genuinely don't know the score. But I'm going to be blunt here : get your children out of that situation.

Your Mrs needs help. But your children need it more. Double standards hat time but if you were a woman with a husband like that everyone would be saying get out.

Pm me if you want. I'm quite concerned. Britain is not large - it's like 4 hours from here to cumbria but I'm going to take a wild stab that your brain is giving a million reasons for plodding on, and you're likely in a socially isolated position. you've probably got stock responsibilities and all sorts of things are giving you reasons to not do what needs to be done.

"Even with two kids involved" FFS chap, thats the primary reason.

Absolutely right, I agree with every word of this. Sometimes we put up with a ghastly situation thinking misguidedly that we are trying our best to support someone then it is so easy to get ' normalised ' to that situation. Your children come first and if their mother was strong enough and in her right mind she would tell you that herself. Who knows by getting yourself and the children out of the situation it might, just might be the rock bottom that she has to hit to pick her life back up again. If not at least you will have demonstrated to your children that there is a better way to live life when they grow up and have families of their own. Be strong, your children are your future and it appears to fall on you to determine their future. Good luck