Working all your life at home on the farm with that old "It will be yours one day"

mixedfmr said:

I got out of it, but the kids suffered with numerous schools, an emotional roller coaster. The whole event taught me to advise, “never underestimate or trust a mother and her daughters.”

In my mid-teens father had a breakdown and was never the same, I left school at 16 having farmed from the potty, Mother was non farming and brought no £, but because of fathers’ illness and been the eldest (brother and 2 sisters) we were close. So, I worked hard, and farming was good, I had much of my way, with respect to father. took pocket money till I married, after all I was doing it for my future on the farm (with my brother)

Early mid 20s (me) succession and death duty planning undertaken , with 2 sons now on the farm, and 2 sisters living there I felt planning was essential, so eventually mirror wills were created and insurance policies taken out to cover eventualities, One to pay death duty tax as calculated at the time, and one to compensate sisters so they would leave the farm intact, I thought the planning was done as the parental survivor would leave the farm and workings to 2 sons equally, and sisters paid for by ins paid out of farm.

As they say everything’s ok until sons marry, and so it proved to be. Sons bought houses off farm in their own names, through the farm (the first warning appeared, I took out a repayment mortgage, brother an endowment to secure extra cash at the end the SIL said) and minimal wages with most costs paid. Mother took against my wife who was a farmers daughter and sided with brother’s wife (who was coarse and brash and had zero value of money) from non-farming and no £. Wife was told by mother it was not a farm for horses when she took her horse or he collie dog. But new stables were built for SILs rescue nag!

The slurry slowly hit the fan, and then wife s father died, she was left the retirement house and some cash, while her brother who had a good job elsewhere got the farm. My family did not ever mention a thing!!!! The slurry was building now, for no reason I could yet see, but the closer you are the less you see.

About this time mother wants to discuss an update to sisters’ inheritance (me 35 ish) and says they should have the farmhouse and a paddock with development potential in middle of the village as well as the insurance, set in stone. I said the farm about 300 acres was supporting 2 brothers with family’s (7 Grandchildren) and houses, as well as the original farm house, and maybe they could have the farm house, but to come back to the farm if they lived there and did not marry, but not the paddock, as they would have their private pensions and state, plus the insurance policy and other things the farm provided. There was no argument, no raised voices, but I now recognise this to be a turning point.

The slurry was now everywhere and we decided to leave (me late 30s ) after 10 long years of ever increasing isolation and misery,

Brother and I were tenants, parents the owners, and despite the 2 sons supposedly going on to inherit the farm 50/50 for continuity as 4th generation as agreed, Mother now said why should not the sisters be equal and get a full share. After an initial derisory offer with money PROMISED on parents’ death (OK) a protracted negotiation took place. Eventually a sum agreed, approx. 20% of whole.

Brother now had whole farm for his family and got a new 4 by 4 as soon as we left.

I was advised to go as far away as possible for fathers’ sake.

Bought a house and worked for other for some years, moved house again, eldest went to 5 schools, but we had not found our settled place.

5/6 years on, I happened to see my father for the first time since left, ( I had heard they had sold the farm yard for development,) all he said was, if your moneys hers, then your wife’s moneys yours, has she bought you a farm yet? Brother passed in his car and shouted about wife’s money and shut the window and locked the doors when I approached.

ALL WAS NOW CLEAR jealousy of an inheritance had simmered for years, and wife’s money was to balance lack of brothers’ wife’s £. They had driven us out thinking we were financially ok.

Houses went up as we moved, saw a farm we liked and could afford with 50% interest only mortgage, With hard work, and spending little, we got established, ½ acreage of brother and loan

Forward 20+ years, social media says SIL boasts of been spendaholic. Then Father died (in paper) and I eventually saw his will,

I WAS SHOCKED. After they found out about my wife’s inheritance they had completely cut me out of the will, nearly 2 years before we left. If I had died there, wife ( and young kids) would have had a fight on to get anything, as the Partnership tenancy was in the accounts only.

Brother was to get the farm. But sisters were to get the Farm House ( only house on the farm ) plus development paddock in the village, insurance pay out ( planned for ), AND monies from the sale of the farmyard development. So that was why brother had not rebuilt a farmyard, and just cobbled together some thing ramshackle. Mother had gone further than I had ever thought and given all the benefits and advantages that came with THAT farm for future proofing, to my sisters, (who had not married, and never been practically involved on it ) to keep them by her. But according to a friend it has caused an almighty slurry storm between all parties, no one speaking. All because a mother wants control for her daughters benefit over her daughter in-laws.

I got out / Glad we got out!

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som farmer said:

that's awful, and l feel for you.

you, at least, knew why your mother turned against you.

mine was all for continuing the farm, after OM died, or was to my, and others faces. All the time plotting to sell the farm, and keep the cash for herself. That cash, and greed, is the only reason l can/could think off.

it's the why, that really bugged me, never saw that coming, nor did a lot of others. Looking back, l think l probably had more help, than l should off, from the professionals, on sorting it all out, from the will side .

siblings were probably drip feeding bile as well, or at least one was. But it was all completely pointless, no body got any cash, except me, life assurance to 'sort' any issues. But no-one wanted it 'sorted' just sold.

split the family, l never spoke more than a few words to her in 27 yrs, gone 2 yrs, siblings don't get on, and so forth. 30 yrs this month, and still not sorted out.

utterly pointless.

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mixedfmr said:

Could nt say about the slurry on here too low down and BAD , But as you , i had 3 others wispering in mothers ear
Strange thing, most people brought up with enough £, handle it well (thats wife, no complaints there shes a worker). But those without , it runs through their fingers and has done

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som farmer said:

never underestimate the greed and avarice, that money can cause.

but why it happens so often in farming families .............. farms are worth a lot of money these days.

l have been wondering recently, whether the one who 'stayed behind' to farm, is regarded by siblings, as a bit slow/thick, or whatever PC allows you to say. So they can take advantage of that.

certainly appears that way to me, now we are trying to sort out an unholy mess, whatever we ask for, in terms of paperwork, is very very slow, in coming, and never ever complete. Its as if they don't think we will notice the missing crucial bits.

we are lucky, l think/hope, as the original solicitor, who drew up the documentation, managed to completely feck it up, and the only way to sort it out, is for the 3 of us, to agree a way forward

even the solicitors acting for the trust, that was set up, different ones now, really don't seem to want to milk it. Although they did try and get us to sign an indemnity,

l am the youngest, at 68, and have had this hanging over me, for 30yrs, you cannot fully plan for the future etc. Just don't want/need it. But son farms ............... And there is also the little matter of tax, if we still farm, we get the relief, if we sell up, taxman has his pound of flesh, when l depart.

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suffolksmallholder said:

A neighbour, keen for his son to take over was complaining that the young man, even though he’d been to Ag college and had been making his own way in the Farming world would bring his own and different ideas to ‘Fathers’ farm.
I should only give him half he opined.
How’s that as a set up to fail, eh
As bad as the twbyods.
I think he has relented now as I think son said foxtrot osca
SS

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mixedfmr said:

I got out of it, but the kids suffered with numerous schools, an emotional roller coaster. The whole event taught me to advise, “never underestimate or trust a mother and her daughters.”

In my mid-teens father had a breakdown and was never the same, I left school at 16 having farmed from the potty, Mother was non farming and brought no £, but because of fathers’ illness and been the eldest (brother and 2 sisters) we were close. So, I worked hard, and farming was good, I had much of my way, with respect to father. took pocket money till I married, after all I was doing it for my future on the farm (with my brother)

Early mid 20s (me) succession and death duty planning undertaken , with 2 sons now on the farm, and 2 sisters living there I felt planning was essential, so eventually mirror wills were created and insurance policies taken out to cover eventualities, One to pay death duty tax as calculated at the time, and one to compensate sisters so they would leave the farm intact, I thought the planning was done as the parental survivor would leave the farm and workings to 2 sons equally, and sisters paid for by ins paid out of farm.

As they say everything’s ok until sons marry, and so it proved to be. Sons bought houses off farm in their own names, through the farm (the first warning appeared, I took out a repayment mortgage, brother an endowment to secure extra cash at the end the SIL said) and minimal wages with most costs paid. Mother took against my wife who was a farmers daughter and sided with brother’s wife (who was coarse and brash and had zero value of money) from non-farming and no £. Wife was told by mother it was not a farm for horses when she took her horse or he collie dog. But new stables were built for SILs rescue nag!

The slurry slowly hit the fan, and then wife s father died, she was left the retirement house and some cash, while her brother who had a good job elsewhere got the farm. My family did not ever mention a thing!!!! The slurry was building now, for no reason I could yet see, but the closer you are the less you see.

About this time mother wants to discuss an update to sisters’ inheritance (me 35 ish) and says they should have the farmhouse and a paddock with development potential in middle of the village as well as the insurance, set in stone. I said the farm about 300 acres was supporting 2 brothers with family’s (7 Grandchildren) and houses, as well as the original farm house, and maybe they could have the farm house, but to come back to the farm if they lived there and did not marry, but not the paddock, as they would have their private pensions and state, plus the insurance policy and other things the farm provided. There was no argument, no raised voices, but I now recognise this to be a turning point.

The slurry was now everywhere and we decided to leave (me late 30s ) after 10 long years of ever increasing isolation and misery,

Brother and I were tenants, parents the owners, and despite the 2 sons supposedly going on to inherit the farm 50/50 for continuity as 4th generation as agreed, Mother now said why should not the sisters be equal and get a full share. After an initial derisory offer with money PROMISED on parents’ death (OK) a protracted negotiation took place. Eventually a sum agreed, approx. 20% of whole.

Brother now had whole farm for his family and got a new 4 by 4 as soon as we left.

I was advised to go as far away as possible for fathers’ sake.

Bought a house and worked for other for some years, moved house again, eldest went to 5 schools, but we had not found our settled place.

5/6 years on, I happened to see my father for the first time since left, ( I had heard they had sold the farm yard for development,) all he said was, if your moneys hers, then your wife’s moneys yours, has she bought you a farm yet? Brother passed in his car and shouted about wife’s money and shut the window and locked the doors when I approached.

ALL WAS NOW CLEAR jealousy of an inheritance had simmered for years, and wife’s money was to balance lack of brothers’ wife’s £. They had driven us out thinking we were financially ok.

Houses went up as we moved, saw a farm we liked and could afford with 50% interest only mortgage, With hard work, and spending little, we got established, ½ acreage of brother and loan

Forward 20+ years, social media says SIL boasts of been spendaholic. Then Father died (in paper) and I eventually saw his will,

I WAS SHOCKED. After they found out about my wife’s inheritance they had completely cut me out of the will, nearly 2 years before we left. If I had died there, wife ( and young kids) would have had a fight on to get anything, as the Partnership tenancy was in the accounts only.

Brother was to get the farm. But sisters were to get the Farm House ( only house on the farm ) plus development paddock in the village, insurance pay out ( planned for ), AND monies from the sale of the farmyard development. So that was why brother had not rebuilt a farmyard, and just cobbled together some thing ramshackle. Mother had gone further than I had ever thought and given all the benefits and advantages that came with THAT farm for future proofing, to my sisters, (who had not married, and never been practically involved on it ) to keep them by her. But according to a friend it has caused an almighty slurry storm between all parties, no one speaking. All because a mother wants control for her daughters benefit over her daughter in-laws.

I got out / Glad we got out!

Click to expand...