diary of a comedy sheep farm

spin cycle · Feb 25, 2024

sunday

'got outta the bed the wrong side'.....this leccy saga is really getting me down and making me angry......even communicating with the 'ombudsman' isn't easy.....you have to follow the online submission form.....then it's quite complicated to 'submit evidence'

......friday 4pm i was just sitting having a coffee and rollie after 'drainage wars' when my phone 'pinged'.....'you've missed a call....dial 759'....ffs i was sitting right there....fekkin phone signal

.....twas the 'case handler' from the ombudsman'

.......didn't get to speak to him....i'd hoped i could simply forward the email correspondence i have....BUT NO....needs to be in 'document'or pdf........now of course ,these days, being computer literate is a widely held skill......then again 200 years ago lambing was also a common skill.....the point is i'm not particularly good at that IT stuff ...then again i wouldn't expect my 'case handler' to go into my lambing shed and know what to do .....so why should i be expected to be a computer boffin......a bitta rant/muddle but hopefully ,dear reader, you extrapolate the point

stewed on it a bit saturday....then got up grumpy.....strawbs needed hay....muckheap needed fettlin.....admiral regailed me with what a 'bad night' she'd had....tbh i'd had enough

.......fortunately K was around and took admiral to do sheep (K is helping peacocks with pony whilst mrs p gets over her hip replacement)......after duties i returned home......MEANWHILE....mrs spin has been doing some diy on a bedroom...'ooh there's a little loose plaster'.....half a wall later

.....fair play she got stuck in....i wondered if i should interject or leave her to it :scratchhead:

....i'm so emasculated

......anyhoo returning home i suggested a 'skill swap'....i plaster....she sorts my emails into 'documents'....only for that not to work so she enlisted cakes who put them into pdf.....we then uploaded 22 pdf files but a further 4 won't upload

to the 'plastering'

......gap was to deep....need a render coat first.....not got quite enough to do whole job but enough for 4 'mixes' that'd do most of it... ... then when i finish i'll have a shower/shave (badly needed)

.....did 3 mixes....then thought 'sod it ..i'll have lunch before doing the last'.....mrs spin and cinders gone to supermarket.....i made chip butty c/w curry sauce (leftovers)....'hmm?.....my clothes a bit 'plastery' (some of it goes on the wall i swear)....i'll just take my jumper/trousers off and put some jim/jam shorts on'

......sat on sofa....tv on....'FECK ME ...the forth protocol was on....michael caine.....pierce brosnan...80's motors....whats not to like

'.......so i treated myself and skived

......2:30.....knock on the door

....'FFS if thats neddy or those bloomin jehovah witness again'.....only to open the door to mr+mrs sjt01

......except they were subjected to...

carbonfibre farmer said:
a vision of you wandering up the yard when I arrived in some sort of dressing gown and wellies combo with a rollie on the go, looking somewhat dishevelled

@adzy

so they may well need...

AftonShepherd said:
Saw this on one of the jokes threads and wondered if it might fit here

View attachment 1166297

edit....the sjt01....tbc

primmiemoo · Feb 25, 2024

Oops!

‍

(Which sketch in the Fast Show was that!)

spin cycle · Feb 25, 2024

primmiemoo said:
Oops! ‍

(Which sketch in the Fast Show was that!)

y'know the old lad who comes out and says 'today i have been mostly ...'.......well imagine him in red pjamas and unshaven

carbonfibre farmer · Feb 25, 2024

spin cycle said:
y'know the old lad who comes out and says 'today i have been mostly ...'.......well imagine him in red pjamas

Jessie

Screenshot_20240225_215219_Samsung Internet.jpg

cousinjack · Feb 25, 2024

spin cycle said:
.....cinders had her first full shift at our local filling station today....'how did you get on 'i asked ....'good' she replied 'there's a mars bar on the table for you'.....'ah thank you' i replied (bless she's bought her old dad a choccy bar with her first earnings)...

Hang on,
According to the ‘dairy milk’ advert…. You’re the one that’s supposed to show up and buy your hard working daughter the chocolate aren’t you ???

cue ‘message of endearment’ over the loadspeaker as you leave …

sjt01 · Feb 26, 2024

spin cycle said:
......sat on sofa....tv on....'FECK ME ...the forth protocol was on....michael caine.....pierce brosnan...80's motors....whats not to like '.......so i treated myself and skived......2:30.....knock on the door....'FFS if thats neddy or those bloomin jehovah witness again'.....only to open the door to mr+mrs sjt01

Apologies for interrupting your viewing!

spin cycle · Feb 27, 2024

monday

my shame at being so scruffy unkempt when the sjt's called in on sunday was the last straw.....first thing after tending admiral i was into naam and the turkish barbers.....he was on his todd....his wife had gone home to bulgaria cos her mum was ill.....bit confused cos he's from turkey :scratchhead:

......anyhoo he had a punter so i sat down.....5 mins later another chap came in.....abdul from tunisia....he'd come by bus from norwich but it was late.....he's helping out until july apparently.......'you sheep farmer....you sell me one?....no problem...i do everything'.....'you're wasting your time' the barber laughed 'he won't do it'......tbh i felt quite guilty i couldn't oblige but..... y'know you just can't....and the welfare issue.....but it's odd how it is so normal to them.....killing/butchering a sheep a common skill.....as yelly knows all to well i suspect

after the barber i went to the builders merchant for some bits and had excellent craic and worked the coffee machine unaided

......driving home i felt a lot better.....almost human again.....back at the yard K was nowhere to be seen :scratchhead:

.....i found her indoors fiddling with the admirals wheelchair....the lever/spring that allows the seat to pivot/lock had come adrift

......there was no obvious way it fitted back on suggesting a part lost elsewhere :scratchhead:

.....the admiral was in full panic and ringing various 'agencies'...i swear the fire brigade was on the list

.....faced with this pressure i managed to lock the seat in place with two 13mm bolts....tbc

the leccy saga carries on....with cakes' help 26 emails were converted to pdf then uploaded as evidence to our 'ombudsman case file'....unfortunately they all seemed to get jumbled up in the process ....i spent an hour putting them in list order....it worked our case was 'accepted' today

twas mechanic session in afternoon......despite my slightly better morning i was still a bitta mess.....mechanic reckons i'm her most 'stressed client' :scratchhead:

......a point i debated on account i never panic.....surely stressed ppl run round 'exploding' :scratchhead:

...i don't do that :scratchhead:

......then she went on that i should just say 'meh' when it comes to the leccy saga and just see what happens

.....she made me promise i would (fortunately i'd crossed my fingers)

....i always feel better after a session though

skipped admiral shop.....finished early then onto emails in evening

tuesday

hay barns are slowly emptying so had a move round and the ewes now have slightly more room

....then it was back to naam cos admiral was outta groceries....only had my muddy boots so resolved to nip home.....only to find the fekkin road closed twixt farm and village

....no warning

......off to supermarket in muddy boots

.......decided my boots were 'beyond the pale'.....so left them in the berli and went in in socks....only to find they were odd

....saw pigeon joe who was in good spirits.....apparently if pigeon fanciers want to race from france they have to get their loft 'vet certified'......a vet is coming from shropshire to norfolk next month....inspecting 19 lofts in the day at £65/pop

........MEANWHILE....mrs spin was having trouble with vat login.....accountant knew what problem was....needed old login details....then he couldn't log in remotely so had to come out and mrs spin had retrieve our old vat book from farm.....cept road closed so was 5 mile detour.....you couldn't make it up

....at least it's sorted

pottered about in house in afternoon....made rather a good joke on another thread

right back to my emails.....i've now two disputes running....i think i'll codename them in case mechanic tunes in.....SO,,,,case 1 is about the faulty meter reads with smartest energy.....codename MACBETH.....dispute 2 is with bionic about underestimating our usage to our new supplier (british gas lite)....OTHELLO

anyhoo....MACBETH sent me a final bill for 5kwh and 351 days standing charge today....whilst OTHELLO has emailed me with a case reference thats 26 digits long including upper/lower case...numbers and punctuation marks....only trouble is you can't reply to it

.

the mechanic has forbade me from 'spending more than 1 hour this week' on our leccy travails.....a quick google and i've decided to use 'venus' time.....where 1 earth hour equates to 10 days

...but ssshh

yellowbelly · Feb 27, 2024

spin cycle said:
it's odd how it is so normal to them.....killing/butchering a sheep a common skill.....as yelly knows all to well i suspect

You must be a brave man, Spin.

You'd not get me to sit in chair while a brace of 'furriners' who want to catch and butcher some sheep, were wielding sharp instruments behind my back

spin cycle said:
the leccy saga carries on....with cakes' help 26 emails were converted to pdf then uploaded as evidence to our 'ombudsman case file'..

Further to our leccy saga, that I relayed on here the other day, regarding smart meters - yesterday, Mother received 2 identical electric bills in two separate envelopes from eon. They are ESTIMATED

FFS, it's taken 18 mths 2 smart meters, countless phone calls 3 eon engineers, 2 Northern Powergrid engineers and one ombudsman and we're back in exactly the same place that we started.

You couldn't make this stuff up.
People with half a brain cell are overqualified to work for eon

spin cycle · Feb 27, 2024

yellowbelly said:
You must be a brave man, Spin.

You'd not get me to sit in chair while a brace of 'furriners' who want to catch and butcher some sheep, were wielding sharp instruments behind my back

Further to our leccy saga, that I relayed on here the other day, regarding smart meters - yesterday, Mother received 2 identical electric bills in two separate envelopes from eon. They are ESTIMATED
FFS, it's taken 18 mths 2 smart meters, countless phone calls 3 eon engineers, 2 Northern Powergrid engineers and one ombudsman and we're back in exactly the same place that we started.

You couldn't make this stuff up.
People with half a brain cell are overqualified to work for eon

blimey m8 you don't know how much you've cheered me up

.....i'm at my end with the sheer stupidity that all of them have in the utilities sector

.....i was getting paranoid it was just me

......there must be a dedicated college they all attend

on the other 'furriners/hair cut thing'......i know it's a bit touchy and i hate to mention it... but tbf toupees don't grow so you wouldn't be in a position to know surely ?

Hill Ground · Feb 28, 2024

spin cycle said:
on the other 'furriners/hair cut thing'......i know it's a bit touchy and i hate to mention it... but tbf toupees don't grow so you wouldn't be in a position to know surely ?

do you have to go and get them shampooed and hoovered like cleaning carpets?

Or are they dry clean only??

spin cycle · Feb 28, 2024

Hill Ground said:
do you have to go and get them shampooed and hoovered like cleaning carpets?

Or are they dry clean only??

I suspect....like most things in life.....it's very much different grades and 'you get what you pay for'.....from 'nhs emergency nylon type' ( which deliver involuntary electric static to the unfortunate scalp when touched)...right thru to 'siberian ibex handcrafted by an Inuit shamen in an igloo'....and everything in between

obviously the maintenance spec will vary

yellowbelly · Feb 28, 2024

Hill Ground said:
do you have to go and get them shampooed and hoovered like cleaning carpets?

Or are they dry clean only??

spin cycle said:
I suspect....like most things in life.....it's very much different grades and 'you get what you pay for'.....from 'nhs emergency nylon type' ( which deliver involuntary electric static to the unfortunate scalp when touched)...right thru to 'siberian ibex handcrafted by an Inuit shamen in an igloo'....and everything in between

obviously the maintenance spec will vary

Sorry, no time to comment at the moment......

.......just doing my hair....

Screenshot_20240228-080823_PhotoInspire!.jpg

spin cycle · Mar 1, 2024

wednesday thru thursday

seemed to pee down with rain every time i set foot outside then come out sunny the moment i went indoors

,,,,except thursday when it just rained all day

......the road flood has gone and ,so far, not come back

wednesday .....was miserable first thing but cheered up as day went on....found 10 decent ram lambs for abattoir then into the office ostensibly to pay bills....but got stuck into MACBETH....uploaded more evidence that their system promptly shuffled

......you can't re arrange them.....all i could do was go thru them annotating a list so the case handler can follow in some kinda order.....33 emails + 6 photo's

.....all done in rough order on paper....earmarked sunday to transfer it to the computer

.......did get the bills done later....another month of mr micawber so thats ok

thursday

rained all day

and contrasting jobs.....abattoir run in rain midday til 3pm......catching cull ewes later

in the morning i was hob nobbing

.....

refreshments provided

.note the clever use of mustard AND ketchup

....so twas nfu meeting on sfi.....my main interest is how to combine our existing stewardship with some more sfi.....should be possible.....but feck knows how

.....anyhoo coupla points ....first i queried a 'mythical field' they had on a slide to illustrate combining options.....i asked if the field was 'actual area' or bps area....because the former can be 5-10% smaller....this threw the presenter until another attendee confirmed my suspicion that ,upon, inspection areas of hedge...corners....any bit that doesn't have the option cover is deducted.....it also emerged that defras aim is 85% of farmers putting in 10-15% into sfi.....rather naive IMO....not least because they're assuming food will be worth producing......i mean whats the point of claiming environmental payments to effectively give it to the supply chain/supermarkets?.....my guess that the sfi may become over subscribed leading to modulation , area limits or the scheme being shut to new applications

friday

real mash up.....strawbs needed hay....sheepy chores......coupla hours 'scrimming' plasterboard....van needed to go in for headlight bulb and slow puncture before mart adventures with antipodean 'shotgun' tommoz

robbie · Mar 1, 2024

spin cycle said:
wednesday thru thursday

seemed to pee down with rain every time i set foot outside then come out sunny the moment i went indoors ,,,,except thursday when it just rained all day......the road flood has gone and ,so far, not come back

wednesday .....was miserable first thing but cheered up as day went on....found 10 decent ram lambs for abattoir then into the office ostensibly to pay bills....but got stuck into MACBETH....uploaded more evidence that their system promptly shuffled ......you can't re arrange them.....all i could do was go thru them annotating a list so the case handler can follow in some kinda order.....33 emails + 6 photo's.....all done in rough order on paper....earmarked sunday to transfer it to the computer.......did get the bills done later....another month of mr micawber so thats ok

thursday

rained all day and contrasting jobs.....abattoir run in rain midday til 3pm......catching cull ewes later

in the morning i was hob nobbing.....

View attachment 1167572

refreshments provided

View attachment 1167573

.note the clever use of mustard AND ketchup....so twas nfu meeting on sfi.....my main interest is how to combine our existing stewardship with some more sfi.....should be possible.....but feck knows how.....anyhoo coupla points ....first i queried a 'mythical field' they had on a slide to illustrate combining options.....i asked if the field was 'actual area' or bps area....because the former can be 5-10% smaller....this threw the presenter until another attendee confirmed my suspicion that ,upon, inspection areas of hedge...corners....any bit that doesn't have the option cover is deducted.....it also emerged that defras aim is 85% of farmers putting in 10-15% into sfi.....rather naive IMO....not least because they're assuming food will be worth producing......i mean whats the point of claiming environmental payments to effectively give it to the supply chain/supermarkets?.....my guess that the sfi may become over subscribed leading to modulation , area limits or the scheme being shut to new applications

friday

real mash up.....strawbs needed hay....sheepy chores......coupla hours 'scrimming' plasterboard....van needed to go in for headlight bulb and slow puncture before mart adventures with antipodean 'shotgun' tommoz

Dreamy!!!! I'll take your sheepy farmer stuff and even the leccy debacle over my day yesterday and today.
Wednesday my disco went limp(limp mode) I knew the symptoms it was a split inlet manifold......LR in there wisdom thinks a plastic inlet manifold is a good idea.

So yesterday at 3.30 I set about replacing it. It's in there somewhere.

Found it, who in their right mind thinks not only is a plastic manifold a good idea but to then make it so its a combined manifold and rocker cover and part timing cover all in one

And then make it so all the fuel system, common rail and injectors needs to come out too!!aswell as slackening the turbo and removing a zillion pipes and wires !!!!!!!

Give me a iffy leccy bill, iffy emails and a ombudsman anyday!!!!!

robbie · Mar 1, 2024

All this after having a RT pigs audit in the morning, then having to go and put rope bangers up to stop crows from pulling up all my wheat despite it being well established and then to top it off @carbonfibre farmer I got to the bakery and got stuck behind some half fossilised ole gal who thought she was mary berry and took an age telling everyone about each cake and not being able to decide which one she wanted despite already standing there staring at them in the que for 5 minutes before hand!!!

Flat 10 · Mar 1, 2024

robbie said:
Give me an iffy leccy bill, iffy emails and an ombudsman anyday!!!!!

And a berli by the sound of it

robbie · Mar 1, 2024

Flat 10 said:
And a berli by the sound of it

How would that affect my street cred?????

Flat 10 · Mar 1, 2024

robbie said:
How would that affect my street cred?????

what is this you speak of?

carbonfibre farmer · Mar 2, 2024

robbie said:
How would that affect my street cred?????

You have Street cred??!!

EDIT.

But I forgot your Dr Dre

robbie · Mar 2, 2024

carbonfibre farmer said:
You have Street cred??!!

Have you never seen me cruz'in through Hingham!!!!
Window down, shades on, tunes blasting..............sometimes it's a right pain to find somewhere to park outside the bakery!!!!!

diary of a comedy sheep farm

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