Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Christoph1945 · Apr 25, 2024

Well, perhaps it is time for a rethink and a reassessment of my ongoing health situation. As if a ruptured Achilles, minor Umbilical rupture, bone-on-bone arthritic knee joint, failing hearing, desperate bladder control, and poor memory were not enough; yesterday I took another nose dive and hit the floor quite hard.

After suffering three painful falls over the last eighteen months, or so, our daughter has suggested that I should perhaps be attending a falls clinic. Fortunately for me, all three falls were at ground level and I didn't have far to go but good judgment being the best part of good luck I gave away my long extension ladder and have already surrendered all my driving permits.

I imagine that the Old Black Dog will soon be sitting out of sight thinking that he/she will be able to start snapping at my heels.

I hope and trust that all you folks are doing well and that the present break in the weather will be able to lift your spirits and make you ready for the coming months.

Wood field · Apr 25, 2024

Strange old year for us , mrs was ill and hospitalised, she got home after a week and a half and straight into lambing time , we had a total of 3 vet students over a few weeks and their youth and enthusiasm helped us both mentally and physically, all 3 are a credit to themselves
Mrs back to work Monday last , then on Tuesday she phoned to say she was on her way home, her dad is poorly and her mum asked her to go down south. Father in law is now in stoke mandeville with aggressive cancer plus liver and kidney problems.
He’s refused treatment for cancer and been given 3 months

As for me, I get the odd blip mostly due to weather and lambing, but am still feeling good ( apart from my knee)
An old chap who walks his dog up the lane and always says hello was talking to me this morning, he lost his wife in February, I could see the upset in his eyes , all I could say was , don’t be alone the kettle is always on
Life’s short and precious and we need to be there for each other, even if it’s just a kind word to a stranger

Landrover · Apr 25, 2024

I'm feeling very low at the moment, just a combination of lots of stuff has added up, wife is having tests for cancer, hopefully it's not, both of us are miserable due to being "hard up" it seems all the time compared to others locally, our big car broke down just before Easter and still not fixed, parts have finally arrived so hopefully that will be sorted beginning of next week,it's something that should have been done under warranty if we had know about it at the time, been difficult having to borrow cars and shuffle stuff around ! My wife only likes her car (nervous driver). My mum and dad are both in their 80s and not in the best of heath and they are caring for another relation in their 90s. We have alot going on in life and are both feeling really overwhelmed by it all ! Both of us need a holiday tbh but I think it will be the end of the year before we can take/afford one ! To add to our stress our son changes school in September, he's going to private school which has always been our plan, I know we should say we're hard up if we can afford to send a child to a fee paying school but it will be a big stretch for us ! We are both feeling like it's time for a big change in our lives ! We are typical asset rich cash poor farmers, myself and my brother have just managed to get my mum and dads stranglehold on the farm "books" removed after my mum admitted that she can't do them anymore due to being blind in one eye and limited mobility in her hands due to a stroke ! Is this just a combination of the awful weather and various things happening all at the same time ? I have suffered badly from anxiety and depression in the past but have not had the "black dog" for years, I found ways to cope and at time unfortunately just had to get on with it ! Sorry about the long moan !

Wood field · Apr 25, 2024

Landrover said:
I'm feeling very low at the moment, just a combination of lots of stuff has added up, wife is having tests for cancer, hopefully it's not, both of us are miserable due to being "hard up" it seems all the time compared to others locally, our big car broke down just before Easter and still not fixed, parts have finally arrived so hopefully that will be sorted beginning of next week,it's something that should have been done under warranty if we had know about it at the time, been difficult having to borrow cars and shuffle stuff around ! My wife only likes her car (nervous driver). My mum and dad are both in their 80s and not in the best of heath and they are caring for another relation in their 90s. We have alot going on in life and are both feeling really overwhelmed by it all ! Both of us need a holiday tbh but I think it will be the end of the year before we can take/afford one ! To add to our stress our son changes school in September, he's going to private school which has always been our plan, I know we should say we're hard up if we can afford to send a child to a fee paying school but it will be a big stretch for us ! We are both feeling like it's time for a big change in our lives ! We are typical asset rich cash poor farmers, myself and my brother have just managed to get my mum and dads stranglehold on the farm "books" removed after my mum admitted that she can't do them anymore due to being blind in one eye and limited mobility in her hands due to a stroke ! Is this just a combination of the awful weather and various things happening all at the same time ? I have suffered badly from anxiety and depression in the past but have not had the "black dog" for years, I found ways to cope and at time unfortunately just had to get on with it ! Sorry about the long moan !

Never be sorry to talk,

Lili · Apr 25, 2024

Landrover said:
I'm feeling very low at the moment, just a combination of lots of stuff has added up, wife is having tests for cancer, hopefully it's not, both of us are miserable due toan awful lot going on at the moment being "hard up" it seems all the time compared to others locally, our big car broke down just before Easter and still not fixed, parts have finally arrived so hopefully that will be sorted beginning of next week,it's something that should have been done under warranty if we had know about it at the time, been difficult having to borrow cars and shuffle stuff around ! My wife only likes her car (nervous driver). My mum and dad are both in their 80s and not in the best of heath and they are caring for another relation in their 90s. We have alot going on in life and are both feeling really overwhelmed by it all ! Both of us need a holiday tbh but I think it will be the end of the year before we can take/afford one ! To add to our stress our son changes school in September, he's going to private school which has always been our plan, I know we should say we're hard up if we can afford to send a child to a fee paying school but it will be a big stretch for us ! We are both feeling like it's time for a big change in our lives ! We are typical asset rich cash poor farmers, myself and my brother have just managed to get my mum and dads stranglehold on the farm "books" removed after my mum admitted that she can't do them anymore due to being blind in one eye and limited mobility in her hands due to a stroke ! Is this just a combination of the awful weather and various things happening all at the same time ? I have suffered badly from anxiety and depression in the past but have not had the "black dog" for years, I found ways to cope and at time unfortunately just had to get on with it ! Sorry about the long moan !

If you feel your not coping please have a word with your GP. Best wishes to you and your wife and take care.

Bury the Trash · Apr 25, 2024

Landrover said:
I'm feeling very low at the moment, just a combination of lots of stuff has added up, wife is having tests for cancer, hopefully it's not, both of us are miserable due to being "hard up" it seems all the time compared to others locally, our big car broke down just before Easter and still not fixed, parts have finally arrived so hopefully that will be sorted beginning of next week,it's something that should have been done under warranty if we had know about it at the time, been difficult having to borrow cars and shuffle stuff around ! My wife only likes her car (nervous driver). My mum and dad are both in their 80s and not in the best of heath and they are caring for another relation in their 90s. We have alot going on in life and are both feeling really overwhelmed by it all ! Both of us need a holiday tbh but I think it will be the end of the year before we can take/afford one ! To add to our stress our son changes school in September, he's going to private school which has always been our plan, I know we should say we're hard up if we can afford to send a child to a fee paying school but it will be a big stretch for us ! We are both feeling like it's time for a big change in our lives ! We are typical asset rich cash poor farmers, myself and my brother have just managed to get my mum and dads stranglehold on the farm "books" removed after my mum admitted that she can't do them anymore due to being blind in one eye and limited mobility in her hands due to a stroke ! Is this just a combination of the awful weather and various things happening all at the same time ? I have suffered badly from anxiety and depression in the past but have not had the "black dog" for years, I found ways to cope and at time unfortunately just had to get on with it ! Sorry about the long moan !

combination of things certainly don't help and build up and not so easily shifted then, but hopefully with the car fixed that will be one big thing off the list ,we rely on them so much these days struggling with them adds a lot of stress .September is a bit of a way off yet anyway but when the time comes it will be fine, try not to worry.
Try to ' chunk it all down ' and deal with what is current on the list instead of all at once.

Christoph1945 · Apr 26, 2024

dave78+ said:
Millions of people suffer with depression.

I backtracked a wee bit in reading your post and it reminded me of how I learned the truth of your statement. Having crashed and burned, I spent almost four months incarcerated in a mental health hospital.

I was in a mixed ward; something of an experiment in those days. We had a dining area, a lounge with TV, and dormitories at each end; one end for males and the opposite end for females. We were young and old, with a multitude of ages in between. Mental health problems had brought down people from all walks of life; Anglican priest, practising GP, gents hair stylists, exKorian veteran and professional musician; to just mention a few.

Interestingly, we had no foreign nationals among us!

One may think that depression is a unique human condition but I am led to believe that animals can also suffer from depression.

Bury the Trash · Apr 26, 2024

Christoph1945 said:
I backtracked a wee bit in reading your post and it reminded me of how I learned the truth of your statement. Having crashed and burned, I spent almost four months incarcerated in a mental health hospital.

I was in a mixed ward; something of an experiment in those days. We had a dining area, a lounge with TV, and dormitories at each end; one end for males and the opposite end for females. We were young and old, with a multitude of ages in between. Mental health problems had brought down people from all walks of life; Anglican priest, practising GP, gents hair stylists, exKorian veteran and professional musician; to just mention a few.

Interestingly, we had no foreign nationals among us!

One may think that depression is a unique human condition but I am led to believe that animals can also suffer from depression.

yes they do, quick to mind examples are naturally active dogs such as collies, 'not getting out enough' or sheep or cattle indoors at times, not necessarily observed as proper depressed at the time but the opposite shown/seen in their reaction to getting out side again ,such as cattle turned out for the first time in spring.

and Of course at times It will be linked in with Min/ Vit/nutrition / empty belly as often seen noticeable differences that the keeper stock will be aware of , even subtle changes if you spend enough time observing that is

and theres the thing that when a dog or maybe even a cat i guess loses its owner /keeper and some can pine i think.

Christoph1945 · Apr 27, 2024

Bury the Trash said:
and theres the thing that when a dog or maybe even a cat i guess loses its owner /keeper and some can pine i think.

I remember that (some years ago) a girl who had her horse kept at a local stables was knocked down and killed as she crossed the road to enter the stabling establishment.

I often wondered how the horse must have felt when its mistress was late and then never turned up at all. I also wonder if some naughty horses have been produced by being sold on, like a no longer required motorbike, or car.

Monty Roberts, the Horse Whisperer, teaches something called join-up; which may help horses overcome the pain and trauma of being sold on. I'm not sure about cats, dogs, and other animals though.

choochter · Apr 27, 2024

Christoph1945 said:
I remember that (some years ago) a girl who had her horse kept at a local stables was knocked down and killed as she crossed the road to enter the stabling establishment.

I often wondered how the horse must have felt when its mistress was late and then never turned up at all. I also wonder if some naughty horses have been produced by being sold on, like a no longer required motorbike, or car.

Monty Roberts, the Horse Whisperer, teaches something called join-up; which may help horses overcome the pain and trauma of being sold on. I'm not sure about cats, dogs, and other animals though.

I use the teachings of Monty Roberts, seen him twice, very insightful.
As well as with horses, his methods work well with cattle, dogs and children.
Hopeless with cats though.

Christoph1945 · Apr 27, 2024

choochter said:
I use the teachings of Monty Roberts, seen him twice, very insightful.
As well as with horses, his methods work well with cattle, dogs and children.
Hopeless with cats though.

Although not involved in horsekeeping or welfare, I read most of the books written by Monty and also watched many of his videos.

During an idle moment one day, it suddenly dawned on me that I had seen the principle in action, long before I knew of Monty Roberts.

As a child, I would be given a Christmas treat of a visit to the circus; along with many children of the employees of the factory where dad worked. As part of the show, there was always an act with horses and the showman would (with the crack of a whip) drive the horses round and round until one observed the animals mouthing, as though chewing, and he would then draw the animals in towards himself before pushing them away to perform some action or other.

As for cats; I once read a book on how to train your cat and it made very interesting reading and it even taught how to get your cat to use the toilet and not the litter tray.

Wood field · Apr 30, 2024

Been a crap year so far , my knee is really sore and my hands arnt the best , thankfully lambing time is coming to an end. Weathers been dreadful, and with Mrs w being hospitalised ( Now on the mend) and lambing time it’s been hectic, Although I keep fairly stoic about it all , mrs went back to work last Monday but on Tuesday had to go to her parents as all wasn’t good, Her Dad passed away on Thursday night so she is sorting things for her mum.

I got a text this morning saying , mums not coping well, I may have to stay until the funeral.
I feel really selfish saying this but this morning, I feel overwhelmed and bloody lonely, not help having just caught two lambs by their dead mother , silly little things that add to the work. Sorry I am rambling on, as I know there are people in a much worse place

colhonk · Apr 30, 2024

Ramble away all you want, it may help

czechmate · Apr 30, 2024

Wood field said:
Been a crap year so far , my knee is really sore and my hands arnt the best , thankfully lambing time is coming to an end. Weathers been dreadful, and with Mrs w being hospitalised ( Now on the mend) and lambing time it’s been hectic, Although I keep fairly stoic about it all , mrs went back to work last Monday but on Tuesday had to go to her parents as all wasn’t good, Her Dad passed away on Thursday night so she is sorting things for her mum.

I got a text this morning saying , mums not coping well, I may have to stay until the funeral.
I feel really selfish saying this but this morning, I feel overwhelmed and bloody lonely, not help having just caught two lambs by their dead mother , silly little things that add to the work. Sorry I am rambling on, as I know there are people in a much worse place

that’s a tough “few” days

All the best

czechmate · Apr 30, 2024

czechmate said:
that’s a tough “few” days
All the best

can’t you get some more young vet students?

Wood field · Apr 30, 2024

czechmate said:
can’t you get some more young vet students?

They are all back in uni I think, I’ll be ok just seemed like I needed to sound off

Lili · Apr 30, 2024

Wood field said:
Been a crap year so far , my knee is really sore and my hands arnt the best , thankfully lambing time is coming to an end. Weathers been dreadful, and with Mrs w being hospitalised ( Now on the mend) and lambing time it’s been hectic, Although I keep fairly stoic about it all , mrs went back to work last Monday but on Tuesday had to go to her parents as all wasn’t good, Her Dad passed away on Thursday night so she is sorting things for her mum.

I got a text this morning saying , mums not coping well, I may have to stay until the funeral.
I feel really selfish saying this but this morning, I feel overwhelmed and bloody lonely, not help having just caught two lambs by their dead mother , silly little things that add to the work. Sorry I am rambling on, as I know there are people in a much worse place

Have you a neighbour who you could chat with? Can you spare an hour off the farm for a change of scenery. Best wishes.

Wood field · Apr 30, 2024

Lili said:
Have you a neighbour who you could chat with? Can you spare an hour off the farm for a change of scenery. Best wishes.

My near neighbour just caught me at the gate , I’ve got something for you , she said
Two iced cinnamon buns

She was asking for the mother in laws address so she could send a condolence card to my wife
These are non farming neighbours and lovely people
It cheered me up

Lili · Apr 30, 2024

Wood field said:
My near neighbour just caught me at the gate , I’ve got something for you , she said
Two iced cinnamon buns She was asking for the mother in laws address so she could send a condolence card to my wife
These are non farming neighbours and lovely people
It cheered me up

SometImes things turn up just at the right time!

Jasper · May 1, 2024

Wood field said:
Been a crap year so far , my knee is really sore and my hands arnt the best , thankfully lambing time is coming to an end. Weathers been dreadful, and with Mrs w being hospitalised ( Now on the mend) and lambing time it’s been hectic, Although I keep fairly stoic about it all , mrs went back to work last Monday but on Tuesday had to go to her parents as all wasn’t good, Her Dad passed away on Thursday night so she is sorting things for her mum.

I got a text this morning saying , mums not coping well, I may have to stay until the funeral.
I feel really selfish saying this but this morning, I feel overwhelmed and bloody lonely, not help having just caught two lambs by their dead mother , silly little things that add to the work. Sorry I am rambling on, as I know there are people in a much worse place

Sometimes finding lambs can be just the tonic you need to lift your spirit because without your intervention it won’t end well for them . When I’ve got them in a pen and they are warm and dry with a belly full of milk I say to myself that’s a job well done and always feel better for the rest of the day

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