Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Kiwi Pete]

I work mainly alone, I used to enjoy working with the cattle, even though they can't talk they're still company

Man, I hear you!

I was full(and a half) time contracting before I met my wife, long days filled with foot fungi and junk food and not much else.

LUCKILY I also found my counsel, my best friend and confidante in her - I think we were both searching, and I was burnt out.
I didn't realise at the time how exhausted I was.

I think a really important "truth" that I learnt was, "how you spend your other 8 hours" ie those not working or asleep; since you are getting on track by reaching out ....... perhaps you can search for some 'personal development' type of stuff, I found that incredibly empowering and helped my discipline.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

I think you might be on to something I eat bread and drink a fair bit of coffee

I gave the same things the chop as @Christoph1945 other than the caffeine, I drink a fair bit of coffee.
But I notice rapidly how much even pizza, or a few rounds of toast for breaky, pastry etc make me grumpy.
I wasn't aware of it when I ate them all the time!

Aspartame is artificial sweetener BTW never could stand the taste

 

[Tomr10]

Do many of you drink caffeine free tea or coffee

 

[fiat 9090]

I gave the same things the chop as @Christoph1945 other than the caffeine, I drink a fair bit of coffee.
But I notice rapidly how much even pizza, or a few rounds of toast for breaky, pastry etc make me grumpy.
I wasn't aware of it when I ate them all the time!

Aspartame is artificial sweetener BTW never could stand the taste

That is all great information for me because I can now relate to it I also have a sweet tooth which doesn't help ,like you I drink a lot of coffee but am giving it up as of today Jan 1st

 

[lazy farmer]

Do many of you drink caffeine free tea or coffee

I do. Sleep comes much easier now and my mood is much leveller. I do still have caffeine strategically if I’ve got a long meeting coming up or a long drive. I find it helps keep me alert. However if for what ever reason I have caffeine after mid day sleep comes much harder that night.

 

[Big_D]

That is all great information for me because I can now relate to it I also have a sweet tooth which doesn't help ,like you I drink a lot of coffee but am giving it up as of today Jan 1st

Everyones different but maybe be wary of going cold turkey on it as can get withdrawal symptoms especially if drinking a lot of it. Not saying its right but there are studies which find coffee lessens risk of depression, of course this could be the case with decaff coffee too. I had a long period only drinking decaff but didn't seem to help me, have 2 cups normal coffee a day now, after breakfast and after lunch, any more/later/stronger makes me twitchy. Think there is probably something in the gluten thing, problem is when you are a bachelor and mood is low, then cooking for yourself is a struggle and bread becomes your staple food. Can relate to the being alone in the tractor now, avoid it like the plague, call it the glass cage of emotion, chuck in a diet of rolls and a bit of chain smoking for good measure and its a recipe for disaster! Rarely drink now which is a bugger because struggle in social situations but if I do drink, I will be in a bad way for weeks after so just not worth it. The aspartame thing worries me but the only thing I have with that in it would be diluting juice, need to wean myself onto just water. Its good to talk about these things as just like farming, your health has a lot of aspects that interlink, kiwipete would use the h word! Just like farming, worth looking for the low hanging fruit, easy changes with big reward.

 

[Christoph1945]

You can bore away , by the way what is aspartame food

Aspartame is a food additive generally added to drinks as a sweetener.

 

[Christoph1945]

It can be a bit of a bind having to keep reading all the labels on food packaging but most stores now have a freefrom section and diligent reading of contents on food can make choices that much easier.

I don't yet know if the problem is selective and there are only 'some' of us that suffer the psychological problems caused diet.

You may, or may not, remember that old Hovis TV advert that depicted a squabbling family sitting around the tea table and tucking into lashings of white bread with their meal. The advert goes on to depict the family switching to 'Hovis nothing added' and all became sweetness and light. So said Hove, it was the generally added material in bread that was destabilising family life and they had missed the fact that it was probably the wheat bread it's self (gluten) that was the problem.

The must in all of this is ………… keep a diet and emotional diary and see what sinks your boat; or spoils your time in the cab! Oh, and don't go cold turkey on the caffeine or stop any meds without medical advice and support.

 

[primmiemoo]

That is all great information for me because I can now relate to it I also have a sweet tooth which doesn't help ,like you I drink a lot of coffee but am giving it up as of today Jan 1st

Hi @fiat 9090 . I find I cannot get on with artificial sweeteners. They make me feel even duller than normal, and can bring on headaches. Stevia - from a plant, although processed - is a better option if intending to keep a sweet tooth. Better than that though, is re-acquiring a taste and smell for sour, bitter, salty, and umami. You might be surprised by what natural sweetness you've forgotten about after that.

With bread, my feeling is it's the Chorleywood processed, and mass produced, cheap bread in general that are culprits when people report problems with gluten, and feel they are intolerant/allergic to it. A late, respected farmer I knew said that the difference between feeling unwell because you're eating poor quality bread, and having gluten allergy is like the difference between a headache and migraine - once you've had migraine, you know it!
See how you get on with sourdoughs, and breads that are allowed to prove for the full amount of time before baking, especially wholemeals - which I find I recognise as nutritious, and don't need too much to know I've eaten well.

Sorry if that sounds too fixey - particularly should you be doing it already. ?

 

[primmiemoo]

Do many of you drink caffeine free tea or coffee

Not me. A friend's son is a chemist, and says that chemicals used to decaffeinate are not good for man nor beast.

 

[Christoph1945]

Strange that you should write that; I find that too much decaffeinated coffee upsets my bladder control. Just don't drink too much caffeinated, or decaffeinated, these days.

 

[Turkish_FR]

Hello all. I was on this forum years ago. I have rejoined with a different name.I used to suffer ups and downs like some on here and some days where really challenging. In the last few years I have been diagnosed with a physical condition which requires six different drugs. These drugs have made me live life at a different pace and I basically just enjoy each day. I never bothered the gp prior to getting my condition as I thought I was fit enough not to need pills. Now I will take any to make life easier. Thank the NHS as the pills cost over £250 every 4weeks.

This is horrible and sound like an advertisement to me more than an experience of a real patient. Taking pills to feel good is the final phase and worst case of depression. People be addicted to these pills and need more and more pills in time because as I mentioned before, brain is getting used to these excessive-easy obtained dopamine levels and become not to get satisfied and wants more and more to feel good.

 

[fiat 9090]

Hi @fiat 9090 . I find I cannot get on with artificial sweeteners. They make me feel even duller than normal, and can bring on headaches. Stevia - from a plant, although processed - is a better option if intending to keep a sweet tooth. Better than that though, is re-acquiring a taste and smell for sour, bitter, salty, and umami. You might be surprised by what natural sweetness you've forgotten about after that.

With bread, my feeling is it's the Chorleywood processed, and mass produced, cheap bread in general that are culprits when people report problems with gluten, and feel they are intolerant/allergic to it. A late, respected farmer I knew said that the difference between feeling unwell because you're eating poor quality bread, and having gluten allergy is like the difference between a headache and migraine - once you've had migraine, you know it!
See how you get on with sourdoughs, and breads that are allowed to prove for the full amount of time before baking, especially wholemeals - which I find I recognise as nutritious, and don't need too much to know I've eaten well.

Sorry if that sounds too fixey - particularly should you be doing it already. ?

No that sounds interesting and adjusting our taste buds to like different foods is something I should consider

 

[fiat 9090]

This is horrible and sound like an advertisement to me more than an experience of a real patient. Taking pills to feel good is the final phase and worst case of depression. People be addicted to these pills and need more and more pills in time because as I mentioned before, brain is getting used to these excessive-easy obtained dopamine levels and become not to get satisfied and wants more and more to feel good.

I think what he meant he is taking drugs to stay alive just as I take aspirin and heart tablets I don't think he mentioned psychiatric medication and by the sound of what he has been through he might need them I also take mood stabilizers to help my mood fluctuations so don't generalise please

 

[fiat 9090]

You are too kind, I'm nothing special, but every so often I do let the bravado slip, hide myself away for 10 minutes, bawl like a child then crack on. Mainly because it's got to come out.

Being honest with yourself really is key, and you put it far better than I did. And, as the saying goes, it's OK to not be OK.

And as you so eloquently put it, lying to ourselves about things is usually where we start to go wrong. "if I keep quiet about the things that are bothering me, they will go away" is a line I used to say to myself. Yeh.... That went well [emoji23] got into a 7 week long spiralling bender of depression, drink and being a general arse hole to myself and others. Then I woke up one morning to my daughter sat at the end of my bed, crying. After asking her what was wrong, she pointed to my front which was plastered in blood. (from my nose and eye)
I brushed it off and told her everything is fine, don't worry and she full blown suckapunched me in the face and said, well screamed "don't lie to me. I'm small I'm not a moron" and that scared me more than anything any Dr had said. In lying to myself, I'd been lying to her, and worse it had been chewing her up realising that something was wrong but I had been disregarding how she felt by hiding it and lying to myself. Children are incredibly.... Wisdomous? And as they look at life objectively, do it without a warped compass and see things for what they are. She helped me sort my own head out, and in doing so put me on the path to realising I had lied to myself, ehich started the "getting better"

Sometimes, being told you are a moron is a good thing [emoji23] but realising you have been one, and taking the steps to get help, will make you a hero to someone, and yourself

By the way are you able to stay working

 

[DrWazzock]

This is horrible and sound like an advertisement to me more than an experience of a real patient. Taking pills to feel good is the final phase and worst case of depression. People be addicted to these pills and need more and more pills in time because as I mentioned before, brain is getting used to these excessive-easy obtained dopamine levels and become not to get satisfied and wants more and more to feel good.

I think there is a misunderstanding of translation.

It can be the case that in some people there is a chemical imbalance in the brain causing severe depression that can only be corrected with medically prescribed drugs. I have seen this first hand in close relatives, and believe me, careful prescription of drugs by medical professionals is much better than the alternative which is most likely suicide. No amount of persuasion or pep talks will have much effect on someone who is clinically depressed. They need proper medical help and most likely prescribed medication.

I agree that we can to some extent, by lifestyle choices, sometimes but not always help prevent ourselves from declining into such a state but if we do get into such a state it is very important we seek medical help and if necessary take whatever drugs are prescribed. There is no shame in this, just as there is no shame in seeking treatment for any other type of illness.

Best wishes.

 

[fiat 9090]

I would not wish to take away from any of that at all. Yes life is what you make it. Go for it. For some though, for various reasons it can be a bit more of a struggle to see the positives. I hope we all get to wherever we want to be eventually.

I can understand what you mean for many Xmas s I had to put on a facade for the kids but this year I actually liked the two days off enjoying the day for what it is the birthday of Jesus Christ ,if your struggling this year ,its ok to struggle

 

[fiat 9090]

I think there is a misunderstanding of translation.

It can be the case that in some people there is a chemical imbalance in the brain causing severe depression that can only be corrected with medically prescribed drugs. I have seen this first hand in close relatives, and believe me, careful prescription of drugs by medical professionals is much better than the alternative which is most likely suicide. No amount of persuasion or pep talks will have much effect on someone who is clinically depressed. They need proper medical help and most likely prescribed medication.

I agree that we can to some extent, by lifestyle choices, sometimes but not always help prevent ourselves from declining into such a state but if we do get into such a state it is very important we seek medical help and if necessary take whatever drugs are prescribed. There is no shame in this, just as there is no shame in seeking treatment for any other type of illness.

Best wishes.

Sometimes to get out of the black hole we need medication to get us on the first rung of the ladder so we can then use our own power and resourses to climb the rest of the way ourselves

 

[Kiwi Pete]

No that sounds interesting and adjusting our taste buds to like different foods is something I should consider

Baby steps!

FWIW I recognise I am a coffee addict

*group claps support

But it doesn't keep me awake at night, quite the opposite, it is a part of my bedtime ritual to make a big mug of coffee to take to bed.
Without "my crutch" of coffee, I feel lost, the nights I can't be bothered getting up to make a brew are generally the nights I stay up half the night on here, and oversleep the next morning as a result.

I expect I just have a higher than normal tolerance to caffeine, I know plenty who cannot drink it past noon

 

[fiat 9090]

Baby steps!

FWIW I recognise I am a coffee addict

*group claps support

But it doesn't keep me awake at night, quite the opposite, it is a part of my bedtime ritual to make a big mug of coffee to take to bed.
Without "my crutch" of coffee, I feel lost, the nights I can't be bothered getting up to make a brew are generally the nights I stay up half the night on here, and oversleep the next morning as a result.

I expect I just have a higher than normal tolerance to caffeine, I know plenty who cannot drink it past noon

I'm going to cut back to 4 spoons of instant per day that's half what I'm on now