Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Bury the Trash]

Feeling very empty at the minute but know that I done the right thing as couldn't leave him in pain. This was Buster taken a few weeks back, you wouldn't think that he was 14 or that he had a stroke 12 months ago as he recovered so well.

He looks a lovely Dog, not much comfort to you now but the pain will pass, gradually but the nice memories will still be there. .
Hopefully with time , in the future you could consider a new pup.

 

[ajcc]

Shift your focus to finding a new dog today would me my advice.

 

[Christoph1945]

Feeling very empty at the minute but know that I done the right thing as couldn't leave him in pain. This was Buster taken a few weeks back, you wouldn't think that he was 14 or that he had a stroke 12 months ago as he recovered so well.

Lovely dogs, with great temprements, keen sense of smell, and bright minds: HM Customs and Excise use them for seeking out drugs, contraband, and even cash, believe it or not.

I think that it was in Liverpool, but I could be wrong, one such dog had a price on it's head, offered by the bad guys.

 

[FG.]

@Christoph1945 we've got an 18 month old working Cocker, who is mad.
But 2 months ago the misses daughter visited and he kept sniffing her right ear.
Couple days later she rang to say she'd been to the doctor with an ear infection.

 

[Christoph1945]

@Christoph1945 we've got an 18 month old working Cocker, who is mad.
But 2 months ago the misses daughter visited and he kept sniffing her right ear.
Couple days later she rang to say she'd been to the doctor with an ear infection.

A couple of years ago, whilst metal detecting Talacre Sands, I found a Crufts registered dog tag and following up on a lttle research located the owner in East Midlands. The lady concerned was very pleased to get the tag back and it turned out that she trained dogs for sniffing out cancer.

Oh, and one guy found out that his dog could sniff out jet in the sands on the North East coast.

 

[glow worm]

To all those on here that have painful memories .. be it the loss of a 2 legged friend or the dog that was your only friend .. and are relieved that Christmas is over, here's hoping that 2023 will be better and here's a toast that a group I know use every year ...

Here's to you,
Here's to me,
Here's to health and prosperity,
Here's to those that we hold dear,
and here's to those no longer here.

Thank you TFF for being there when nobody else is, for allowing anonymous posts rather than having to put your real name as that encourages more people to be more open and to seek support, and Happy New Year to the TFF team that run this group.

 

[FG.]

@glow worm nice post and here's hoping for an ok new year for everyone.

I've been reading the "Confidence in UK AG" thread.
I've not been brave enough to comment, as i can't cope with being 'beaten up' by the super confident people.

Thank goodness there's plenty of people flying high on their beautifully smooth farming motorway.

I should do a video of the 3/4 mile 'council maintained' lane to my farm.
It would sum up how I feel about my confidence, without saying a word.

I know tarmac is expensive, but you can only get your tracking done so many times.

 

[Landrover]

@glow worm nice post and here's hoping for an ok new year for everyone.

I've been reading the "Confidence in UK AG" thread.
I've not been brave enough to comment, as i can't cope with being 'beaten up' by the super confident people.

Thank goodness there's plenty of people flying high on their beautifully smooth farming motorway.

I should do a video of the 3/4 mile 'council maintained' lane to my farm.
It would sum up how I feel about my confidence, without saying a word.

I know tarmac is expensive, but you can only get your tracking done so many times.

I know where your coming from here, I'm surrounded by "professional" farmers, farming half the county, sheds full of new machines, new pick ups, wives have range rovers, wonderful kids doing brilliantly at private school, gets me very down at times, the grass looks alot greener on the "other side" of the fence ! Then I remind myself that some of them had a very big "leg up" with compo from f&m and have married into money so it's not all from farming ! I sound bitter but I suppose I am ! I have always felt I look in at life from the outside, never really fitted in, and after my kids have both been diagnosed with ADD and autism, and leaning about those conditions, it's made me realise that I've have an awful lot of the traits for both of these things. Don't have very much confidence in the future of agriculture in the UK at all !

 

[czechmate]

I know where your coming from here, I'm surrounded by "professional" farmers, farming half the county, sheds full of new machines, new pick ups, wives have range rovers, wonderful kids doing brilliantly at private school, gets me very down at times, the grass looks alot greener on the "other side" of the fence ! Then I remind myself that some of them had a very big "leg up" with compo from f&m and have married into money so it's not all from farming ! I sound bitter but I suppose I am ! I have always felt I look in at life from the outside, never really fitted in, and after my kids have both been diagnosed with ADD and autism, and leaning about those conditions, it's made me realise that I've have an awful lot of the traits for both of these things. Don't have very much confidence in the future of agriculture in the UK at all !

i look at this from the other side… we have been here towards 10 years and at the moment she is on her third old Clio. All circa 20 years old. When the last two broke and we look to replace, I ask if she wants something a bit … better?
No!
Much easier to be happy with a wife that doesn’t need a shiny Range Rover in my book

 

[Bury the Trash]

Don't get me started about potholes @FG.

I know where your coming from here, I'm surrounded by "professional" farmers, farming half the county, sheds full of new machines, new pick ups, wives have range rovers, wonderful kids doing brilliantly at private school, gets me very down at times, the grass looks alot greener on the "other side" of the fence ! Then I remind myself that some of them had a very big "leg up" with compo from f&m and have married into money so it's not all from farming ! I sound bitter but I suppose I am ! I have always felt I look in at life from the outside, never really fitted in, and after my kids have both been diagnosed with ADD and autism, and leaning about those conditions, it's made me realise that I've have an awful lot of the traits for both of these things. Don't have very much confidence in the future of agriculture in the UK at all !

Yes i know of plenty of people like that you mention and i think the same doesn't get me down these days though i wouldnt want to be like them or want what they have either.
no, its not necessarily bitterness ,its just noting facts and truths that are uncomfortable for some to be honest about i guess ,question is does all that money/ new vehicle buying etc make them happier ? certainly doesn't make them better or more genuine people .
More money would be helpful at times to sort out problems easier and quicker mind you and i think ,that might help happiness a bit i dare say but such is life.

Actually though Tbh i've learnt huge amounts of things through repairing stuff out of necessity rather than like those who can just go and buy new when they need it.
Keeps my feet on the ground as well .

 

[Al R]

Don't get me started about potholes @FG.

Yes i know of plenty of people like that you mention and i think the same doesn't get me down these days though i wouldnt want to be like them or want what they have either.
no, its not necessarily bitterness ,its just noting facts and truths that are uncomfortable for some to be honest about i guess ,question is does all that money/ new vehicle buying etc make them happier ? certainly doesn't make them better or more genuine people .
More money would be helpful at times to sort out problems easier and quicker mind you and i think ,that might help happiness a bit i dare say but such is life.

Actually though Tbh i've learnt huge amounts of things through repairing stuff out of necessity rather than like those who can just go and buy new when they need it.
Keeps my feet on the ground as well .

Money isn’t everything, we did several years when I was employed on a lowish income, 2 young children and wife with severe baby blues/depression, always waiting for the next cheque to clear before we could buy food for the children etc..
Running several high profit businesses now doing similar if not less hours than before, 3 cars, bought a house recently etc, kids are doing very well in primary school, life going well but the wife isn’t happy and wants to leave Grass is always greener on the other side scenario, just remember - usually it’s fake.

 

[Bury the Trash]

Money isn’t everything, we did several years when I was employed on a lowish income, 2 young children and wife with severe baby blues/depression, always waiting for the next cheque to clear before we could buy food for the children etc..
Running several high profit businesses now doing similar if not less hours than before, 3 cars, bought a house recently etc, kids are doing very well in primary school, life going well but the wife isn’t happy and wants to leave Grass is always greener on the other side scenario, just remember - usually it’s fake.

Often Al , I've no useful specific reply other than to think of what an old local chap used to always say
" Well the only thing to do is take one day at a time "
Helps me sometimes.

 

[JWL]

Was with those feelings @Landrover back in my college days. Sat on a 3 year diploma course surrounded by the main with farmers sons who were only there to tick a few boxes and see a bit of life away from home whereas a few of us were there to at least qualify for a job a bit higher up than just a farm worker.
We could see that generally in the job market that you may be more than capable and be the best person possible to do the job if you hadn't got a few bits of paper with your name on then you would struggle to get on in the industry.
Yes farming does have opportunities for people with no qualifications but those breaks are few and far between especially if you're working for company or agent run farms where paperwork is all they understand.
I've had some bloody good jobs over the years, been given some real golden opportunities but I have had to curb my cynicism more times than I would like to mention when dealing with some totally inept management and owners. In those situations all you can do is knuckle down and get on with what they tell you to do as they're the ones writing the cheque with your name on. Have that wry smile when things go tits up, walk away and move on to the next job, one day you might get that leg up or opportunity to get a chance to make your own way.

 

[Christoph1945]

At a complete loss as to what to write. I have known that agony of being cast aside by a beloved and left wondering ..... where did love go, or was it all just lust? Rejection, like death, is to be mourned, but only for a period.

Also managed to hide my semi-literacy for years but always feared being found out. Out of a family of seven kids, I was the thickest!

As for farming in the UK having no future; without you folks, the rest of us would all disappear down the shitter like turds. OK, some would be big turds!

Spent a lifetime looking for somewhere to belong but never did find it; often outspoken and duly punished! (sacked)

Spent more than my fair share of time being crunched up by our old friend the black dog, and spat out to start all over again.

Rejection and abandonment can, if we let it, produce deep-seated anger within our hearts and that, alas, is the initiator for the black dog to come calling.

Sorry for rambling but trust that we will all continue sharing
throughout 2023.

Stay safe, stay well, and let's all show that black dog the way out.

Chris

 

[Andy Nash]

At a complete loss as to what to write. I have known that agony of being cast aside by a beloved and left wondering ..... where did love go, or was it all just lust? Rejection, like death, is to be mourned, but only for a period.

Also managed to hide my semi-literacy for years but always feared being found out. Out of a family of seven kids, I was the thickest!

As for farming in the UK having no future; without you folks, the rest of us would all disappear down the shitter like turds. OK, some would be big turds!

Spent a lifetime looking for somewhere to belong but never did find it; often outspoken and duly punished! (sacked)

Spent more than my fair share of time being crunched up by our old friend the black dog, and spat out to start all over again.

Rejection and abandonment can, if we let it, produce deep-seated anger within our hearts and that, alas, is the initiator for the black dog to come calling.

Sorry for rambling but trust that we will all continue sharing
throughout 2023.

Stay safe, stay well, and let's all show that black dog the way out.

Chris

Wishing everyone who is standing at the bottom of a dark hole a happier year.
I was that person and things did get better for me. So they will for you.

 

[L P]

@glow worm nice post and here's hoping for an ok new year for everyone.

I've been reading the "Confidence in UK AG" thread.
I've not been brave enough to comment, as i can't cope with being 'beaten up' by the super confident people.

Thank goodness there's plenty of people flying high on their beautifully smooth farming motorway.

I should do a video of the 3/4 mile 'council maintained' lane to my farm.
It would sum up how I feel about my confidence, without saying a word.

I know tarmac is expensive, but you can only get your tracking done so many times.

Put up with the pot holes, we all have them and smooth them over when they get too rough. I thought I was the only one with confidence in that column and was chastised for showing hope! What I didn't mention was the 20 year sh!t storm to get to the point I'm actually confident on the current direction of the farm... for the past 5 years it has worked and is not showing any signs of letting us down yet.... no doubt things will alter and we will have to alter with it. Happy new year guys

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

So I wanted to get this out there. It's been a really tough few weeks for me, for the family too but yeah. One of our dogs died and I couldn't save her in time, we gave her a burial on christmas day and I am not going to lie but it's left a massive hole in our hearts and lives. A week prior my brother, who has been dumped by his toxic gf as apparently he couldn't give her what she needed according to her, went up to try to offer her everything she needed and was rejected by her and she even refused to see him, sent her family out. He then received a text saying if he went near her again the police would be called, not that he would have gone back tbh. He has a narrative in his head atm that I am at fault for his relationship breakdown. She caused so much drama snd hurt to this family as we were moving house, everything had to be about her, first she decided to manipulate him from signing the contract as she wanted him up by her, which could've made us homeless again. Then she tried pulling on him how he wasn't putting her first over his family. She refused to come see him, he had to see her all of the time and when he couldn't see her because of financial difficulties, she dumped him as she expected him to not only do her bidding but financially support her etc, always money money money. She csme to see him once, but only with her sisters and they didn't pay for fuel or anything at all for him to ferry them around, or even food for him to eat as they said they would. They also refused to take a coach longer than from Bristol to Exeter as they were scared guys would jump on them etc, crazy... To top it all off my younger bro who dated her even more manipulative and toxic sister was dumped by her sister over her accusing him of making her miserable with his presumed depression, he actually told me it was her making him miserable and she was way too clingy and controlling, to top it all off I noticed she used to slap him for no reason quite a bit... so my older bros girlfriend insulted my younger bro through my older bro, we were hardly talking at this point me and them as their behaviour was atrocious, I removed them all off social media as I was just so angry and fed up with them. Note, I didn't tell them about it because no matter what anybody said yo them they were so narcissistic and self obsessed they couldn't believe anybody hated them and they were always right, I know grom experience I couldn't have even spoken to them or her sbout their behaviour being inappropriate because it would cause more drama. Well here's the thing, my older bro accuses me of destroying his relationship as she used that as leverage to try to seperate me and him from being close, instead of just messaging me and talking to me. There is more info coming out about her too from him every so often when he rants that shows how horrible she really was. The sad thing is because she blew the friendship, which tbh she had done over time anyway rarely talking to me and causing upset etc, it was a finalising off no longer friends. I did that for me because I couldn't take seeing them anymore on my socials, it made me excessively angry and I wasn't standing by and being polite and nice to somebody who was that level of poison. The unfortunate fact now is that she pushed into his head how horrible I am and how she is the victim, apparently what I did have her anxiety and ab eating disorder. Well I'm sorry but that is none of my problem, if she had behaved decently then she wouldn't have had not only those issues but she would have kept loving friendship and relationship. Now he blames me for everything, so in a way she has destroyed our relationship snd unfortunately I don't know where to go from here. No matter what I say or do I am at fault. If I say nothing he continues to make sly comments. We had a massive fight last night and I told him if he carries on down this path then I won't see him as my brother, because the narrative he is spinning is what she told him and he needs to stop defending her

 

[quattro]

Things are worse…..waiting for the vet, how they can in good conscience charge £671 for this I really don’t know, it’s making it even harder. I’m now a complete mess as apart from not standing my dog is still mentally sharp and as strong as an ox on his front end. He’s trying so hard.

My son’s spaniel went off it’s back legs and we thought it would have to be put down when he took it to the vet
but he gave it some tablets to try and after a couple of days it was standing and slowly walking
thats was couple of years ago can walk miles no bother still

 

[CornishRanger]

@waterbuffalofarmer you can't reason with a self centred narcissist in my experience, and they will manipulate people and undermine you before you even realise they are out to get you, a lesson I learnt from bitter experience, and I see you have too. Try to avoid confrontation with your brother, it will only support what she's said and keep driving the wedge. Just answer with facts, if he makes "emotional" arguments ask him why/how he came to feel the way he does, sow the seed of doubt and let him go away and mull it over. Is she still living a distance away? I gather you are now down here in sunny Cornwall.... I guess your brother is too? If there is too much distance, too little for her to gain, she may loosen her grip, but if he keeps chasing her a narcissist will probably string him along unless he threatens to get in the way of something bigger.

Long story short I guess, try and see your brother is as much a victim as anyone, from what you say he's been used and manipulated, he will need time to straighten his head out and people he can rely on in his corner.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

@waterbuffalofarmer you can't reason with a self centred narcissist in my experience, and they will manipulate people and undermine you before you even realise they are out to get you, a lesson I learnt from bitter experience, and I see you have too. Try to avoid confrontation with your brother, it will only support what she's said and keep driving the wedge. Just answer with facts, if he makes "emotional" arguments ask him why/how he came to feel the way he does, sow the seed of doubt and let him go away and mull it over. Is she still living a distance away? I gather you are now down here in sunny Cornwall.... I guess your brother is too? If there is too much distance, too little for her to gain, she may loosen her grip, but if he keeps chasing her a narcissist will probably string him along unless he threatens to get in the way of something bigger.

Long story short I guess, try and see your brother is as much a victim as anyone, from what you say he's been used and manipulated, he will need time to straighten his head out and people he can rely on in his corner.

I completely agree with that sentiment. She blocked him on socials, he was no longer a need for her. She lives quite a way away in Pembrokeshire. He is very much a victim, we think he's also had a mental breakdown because of her. It's so difficult atm because one minute he's OK, the next he's trying to start up a fight and the next he's loving and doting, it's extremely confusing. We will always be here to support him and I had a talk with mum, when he wants to start an argument I'm going to say to him, look I'm not going here because we don't get anywhere and then walk away. He caught me at a bad moment yesterday and I really let him have it, which I shouldn't have done, but yeah.