Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[fiat 9090]

At the time when I was struggling and battling for recovery from an unbelievably deep and destructive psychological breakdown and drug withdrawal symptoms, I found that making a jobs list for the next day proved to be of great assistance in getting things done. I didn't always complete the list on that day and would add the uncompleted task to the list for the next day. I would also break some jobs down into smaller bites.

I always kept my jobs list at hand and ticked off each job as I completed the task and moved on to the next. Oh, and I tried not to make the list too long; lest falling too short should discourage me.

As an aside, perhaps to assist and support some of our silent readers, are there any of us here who have used any of the psychological support organisations and can report on the value thereof? I, sadly, never did but was supported by my wife, local clergy, and psychiatric hospital staff.

The FCN and the Samaritans sound like superb organisations to assist anyone in times of deep stress. I have never used either of the aforementioned organisations but did work manning a phone for the Samaritans for a time ( a long time after my recovery) and would commend them to anyone in need of a friendly ear to listen to them. Of course, the FCN will be more attuned to problems of an agricultural nature, I suppose.

Stay safe, stay well, and may your new year be greatly blessed with peace and contentment.

Chris .

Hi Chris at the moment I'm half way through my degree on psychotherapy and I have a good grasp on mental health i also suffer from depression and anxiety so feel free to pm me anytime (in total confidence)

 

[Christoph1945]

Hi Chris at the moment I'm half way through my degree on psychotherapy and I have a good grasp on mental health i also suffer from depression and anxiety so feel free to pm me anytime (in total confidence)

Many thanks for your kind invitation; I will keep it in mind.

Although I stumbled in here by apparent accident the experience has been very enlightening and sharing some of my own past ( although very psychologically painful at times ) has been quite educational for me. My main reason for staying was initially to try and inform others that even the deepest despair is survivable and new days are reachable.

For some of us there appears to be a progression downwards …. frustration/anger/anxiety/depression/despair …. and the sooner that we ask for help the better our chances of a quick recovery and avoiding the full journy.

Chris

 

[Lili]

The immediate response to suicide is guilt . Why? Could I have made a difference? How could they have got to that stage and nobody noticed? Why didn't I make more effort to help? If only I'd been with them I could have stopped them. Terrible situation for everyone.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

The immediate response to suicide is guilt . Why? Could I have made a difference? How could they have got to that stage and nobody noticed? Why didn't I make more effort to help? If only I'd been with them I could have stopped them. Terrible situation for everyone.

Not to mention the traumatic stress for the person who finds them depending on the method they used.

 

[Christoph1945]

Some food for thought!

The main difference between happiness and contentment is that, while
happiness denotes an emotional state, which is more short term,
contentment refers to a state, which is long term. Unlike happiness
contentment involves a calmness, which is very stable and longer lasting.

 

[Christoph1945]

A spirit of gratitude and thankfulness can bring about great contentment!

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

A spirit of gratitude and thankfulness can bring about great contentment!

View attachment 853553

Also I am a firm believer that we are pushed into dissatisfaction and unhappiness by the marketing industry. Their whole approach is to make us feel we deserve and need things we don't yet have. We need to spend at least as much time looking at folk worse off than ourselves and building contentment as we do looking at those with more than us.

 

[teslacoils]

You are too kind, I'm nothing special, but every so often I do let the bravado slip, hide myself away for 10 minutes, bawl like a child then crack on. Mainly because it's got to come out.

Tbh a good cry is a great help. Recently I found myself sat in the yard, wondering what I was going to do after a fortnight of everything breaking or going wrong. Mrs teslacoils drove by on her way to work and stopped to give me a kiss goodbye, which resulted in me bawling like a child for twenty minutes while I dumped about a month's worth of crap into the air.

Mrs teslacoils is a very organised, matter of fact person, whereas I am not. But it is tricky to discuss things in a house full of children. Kids both pick up on these things, but also learn (bad) things from seeing it. I'm strongly of the opinion that depression and anxiety are passed on through the family, and si shielding your children from it and teaching them good mental health is just as important as getting them to clean their teeth and learn their spellings.

Still, much more in control now. 2020 has started off awfully but the return of a proper sensible bedtime and regular exercise is helping, along with booking a holiday which while expensive at least gives something to look forward to.

 

[Jameshenry]

Being content is a very underestimated state of mind, people will often ask what do you do for fun ? or what makes you happy ? Personally i think if you have reasonable feeling of being content, you rarely if ever need to actively seek out these two short lived and much sought after (all most like a quick fix) feelings.

 

[glow worm]

Sorry, suicides usually happen with an instant boredom and lose of control. Dont try to understand because you cant unless you experience the same instant boredom. I was taught in motocycle driving courses that I will always go where I look at, was having problem with narrow turns and my teachers wanted me to look forward, not at the ground. I believe that the same rule goes for life too. We always go where we look at, if we look at the bad things we cant get rid of bad thoughts, we should focus on beautiful things and go for them. This rule is much more important for someone depressed.

I was told a similar thing when I was having advanced driving lessons donkey years ago. They said I was driving on dipped headlights by looking at the front of the bonnet, rather than full beam .. looking ahead. A relevant saying I've heard is .. Stop looking backwards or you'll fall over what lies ahead.

Being content is a very underestimated state of mind, people will often ask what do you do for fun ? or what makes you happy ? Personally i think if you have reasonable feeling of being content, you rarely if ever need to actively seek out these two short lived and much sought after (all most like a quick fix) feelings.

I've been asked that and its a pretty scary thought .. alter the days from everything that a dairy herd entails.. . to a life without cows .. which inevitably will happen one day .. then what? With no time at the moment to develop a non dairy life .. the future looks ... scary. I see 'normal?' people walking around the big cities .. headphones on .. glued to phone ..coffee in hand, usually non recyclable ones .. not for me thanks. Even the Starlings are better than that!!

 

[Crofter64]

Tbh a good cry is a great help. Recently I found myself sat in the yard, wondering what I was going to do after a fortnight of everything breaking or going wrong. Mrs teslacoils drove by on her way to work and stopped to give me a kiss goodbye, which resulted in me bawling like a child for twenty minutes while I dumped about a month's worth of crap into the air.

Mrs teslacoils is a very organised, matter of fact person, whereas I am not. But it is tricky to discuss things in a house full of children. Kids both pick up on these things, but also learn (bad) things from seeing it. I'm strongly of the opinion that depression and anxiety are passed on through the family, and si shielding your children from it and teaching them good mental health is just as important as getting them to clean their teeth and learn their spellings.

Still, much more in control now. 2020 has started off awfully but the return of a proper sensible bedtime and regular exercise is helping, along with booking a holiday which while expensive at least gives something to look forward to.

I grew up in a very loving household with a mentally ill brother 21 years older than myself. When I was 10 he tried to kill himself with a knife. There was blood everywhere and my parents ( who were completely devastated) just re arranged the furniture and told me my brother had been hit by a bus. My parents told me the truth when I was 18, but until then I spent 8 years trying to fix something I didn’t understand and thought might be my fault. I adored my parents and do not blame them for what they did. They did it out of love to spare me. I now think they should have unburdened a bit , and told me as much as was age appropriate, and explained the situation . Children want to be included and they are stronger than you might think, especially if there is love between the parents and you look at issues together, on the same team. If you are having problems with the farm it is actually fair to let them know so they can get an idea of what they are getting into ( if they farm) and also you teach them how to manage. If they don’t know you are struggling with something they won’t know how you triumphed either.
I’m happy for you that you have a loving and understanding wife. That is a great blessing.

 

[Christoph1945]

I grew up in a very loving household with a mentally ill brother 21 years older than myself. When I was 10 he tried to kill himself with a knife. There was blood everywhere and my parents ( who were completely devastated) just re arranged the furniture and told me my brother had been hit by a bus. My parents told me the truth when I was 18, but until then I spent 8 years trying to fix something I didn’t understand and thought might be my fault. I adored my parents and do not blame them for what they did. They did it out of love to spare me. I now think they should have unburdened a bit , and told me as much as was age appropriate, and explained the situation . Children want to be included and they are stronger than you might think, especially if there is love between the parents and you look at issues together, on the same team. If you are having problems with the farm it is actually fair to let them know so they can get an idea of what they are getting into ( if they farm) and also you teach them how to manage. If they don’t know you are struggling with something they won’t know how you triumphed either.
I’m happy for you that you have a loving and understanding wife. That is a great blessing.

What was your relationship with your brother like and what eventually happened to him; is he still alive today?

 

[Christoph1945]

As an aside;

I stumbled upon this book some time ago and it had been sitting on a shelf in the office until very recently and I must say I was, only last week, stunned by an event that followed practicing some of the advice contained within it's pages.

 

[Crofter64]

Tbh a good cry is a great help. Recently I found myself sat in the yard, wondering what I was going to do after a fortnight of everything breaking or going wrong. Mrs teslacoils drove by on her way to work and stopped to give me a kiss goodbye, which resulted in me bawling like a child for twenty minutes while I dumped about a month's worth of crap into the air.

Mrs teslacoils is a very organised, matter of fact person, whereas I am not. But it is tricky to discuss things in a house full of children. Kids both pick up on these things, but also learn (bad) things from seeing it. I'm strongly of the opinion that depression and anxiety are passed on through the family, and si shielding your children from it and teaching them good mental health is just as important as getting them to clean their teeth and learn their spellings.

Still, much more in control now. 2020 has started off awfully but the return of a proper sensible bedtime and regular exercise is helping, along with booking a holiday which while expensive at least gives something to look forward to.

I grew up in a very loving household with a mentally ill brother 21 years older than myself. When I was 10 he tried to kill himself with a knife. There was blood everywhere and my parents ( who were completely devastated) just re arranged the furniture and told me my brother had been hit by a bus. My parents told me the truth when I was 18, but until then I spent 8 years trying to fix something I didn’t understand and thought might be my fault. I adored my parents and do not blame them for what they did. They did it out of love to spare me. I now think they should have unburdened a bit , and told me as much as was age appropriate, and explained the situation . Children want to be included and they are stronger than you might think, especially if there is love between the parents and you look at issues together, on the same team. If you are having problems with the farm it is actually fair to let them know so they can get an idea of what they are getting into ( if they farm) and also you teach them how to manage. If they don’t know you are struggling with something they won’t know how you triumphed either.
I’m happy for you that you have a loving and understanding wife. That is a great blessing.

 

[Crofter64]

What was your relationship with your brother like and what eventually happened to him; is he still alive today?

I hated him for many years, mostly because he was terrifying and occasionaly violent. My parents adored him and felt that they could heal him with love( he had been an extremely talented musician, tennis player, linguist and student. He was extremely good looking and the only boy of a noble family with 3 sisters and 9 female cousins, and he was what helped keep my father alive during the last months of the war and his imprisonment in Siberia). He was sometimes hauled away by police and put in the mental hospital but my mother always brought him home and said she would heal him with love, kindness and safety( he was under the care of a psychiatrist always). I grew up and bought a farm with my husband and very young children and right away we converted the old granary to a guesthouse for my parents and a small hut for my brother. Then they started to spend 5-6 months with us in the summer and I began to ask my brother to help with chores. The healing that happened then ( caring for animals) was amazing and prepared my brother for the death of our parents- i.e. he became conscious enough so he could handle living alone, if we visited him twice a day, in a retirement home. I grew to love my brother and see the beautiful, gentle man under the craziness on the outside and when he died three years ago ( he had said that he would die at 72 because 2+7=9 , and nine is death?????????and he collapsed on his 73rd birthday and died ten days later of lung cancer ) we sisters went catatonic. It is very draining to live with such a mentally ill person for so long and to keep them and the whole show on the road. i,e running multiple households etc., And also the severely ( psychotically)mentally ill can pull you into their illness so we never expressed our deepest love for our brother, we had to maintain a certain distance for the sake of our own husbands and children. So, when he died our hearts were filled with the enormous love we had kept inside and all the sadness and grief over a life lived in such abysmal suffering.

 

[Crofter64]

As an aside;

I stumbled upon this book some time ago and it had been sitting on a shelf in the office until very recently and I must say I was, only last week, stunned by an event that followed practicing some of the advice contained within it's pages.

View attachment 853644

like what?

 

[Greenbeast]

Being content is a very underestimated state of mind, people will often ask what do you do for fun ? or what makes you happy ? Personally i think if you have reasonable feeling of being content, you rarely if ever need to actively seek out these two short lived and much sought after (all most like a quick fix) feelings.

You are so spot on

 

[Greenbeast]

Being content is a very underestimated state of mind, people will often ask what do you do for fun ? or what makes you happy ? Personally i think if you have reasonable feeling of being content, you rarely if ever need to actively seek out these two short lived and much sought after (all most like a quick fix) feelings.

You are so spot on

 

[Christoph1945]

like what?

I lived and grew up in a very socialist environment and despite thinking that I wasn't in any way racist, I eventually discovered that I hated and despised America and Americans (I was well indoctrinated). As the years have passed, I found that I was able to change my racist views and became quite tolerant; even working along side Americans and eventually visiting America, a country that I swore I would never set foot in.

Born on March 30th 1945, into a very troubled and violent world, I knew nothing of all the lives that were being lost on all sides. Strangely, I grew up completely devoid of any Germanic or Russian prejudices. The sacrifices made by the American young men on the ground, during the battle of the Hurtgen forest and the Battle of the Bulge meant very little or nothing to me.

Just recently, I was contemplating my birth and infancy and all that was taking place during those days and I thought of all the lives that were lost and was filled with 'thankfulness' (gratitude) for all those young Americans that gave their lives for me. What came next is almost indescribable but I was hit and almost overwhelmed by a wave of warmth and love, that I have never before experienced towards America and Americans.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I was told a similar thing when I was having advanced driving lessons donkey years ago. They said I was driving on dipped headlights by looking at the front of the bonnet, rather than full beam .. looking ahead. A relevant saying I've heard is .. Stop looking backwards or you'll fall over what lies ahead.

I've been asked that and its a pretty scary thought .. alter the days from everything that a dairy herd entails.. . to a life without cows .. which inevitably will happen one day .. then what? With no time at the moment to develop a non dairy life .. the future looks ... scary. I see 'normal?' people walking around the big cities .. headphones on .. glued to phone ..coffee in hand, usually non recyclable ones .. not for me thanks. Even the Starlings are better than that!!

Way too many farmers (my father being a clear case) have zero interests outside farming and no plan for when farming stops. This causes huge mental health issues.