- Location
- Norfolk
Mirtazapine
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
This ^^^^^, all of this. Grieving is exactly the right description. Go easy on yourself. Keep in touch with friends. Take time for yourself. Ask for help (get a lady in to clean for you). It will come right in the end@marshfarmer it sounds as though you are grieving and that is normal. You’ve had a shock and a change has happened. Sometimes it helps to step ‘outside’ of ourselves and take a moment or three to be kind and supportive of ‘me’ (I mean you) as if to a child or best friend. There’s a saying “you’re your own worst enemy”. Well ...you can be your own best friend too, it just takes a little practice.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
That deep devastating aching, that grips one's very being and crushes the life from our hearts, can be most debilitating and a robber of appetite and concentration.
It is good that you have taken one of the first steps to healing and recovery by sharing your situation with us. It is also essential for you to talk things through with a trusted friend or one of the many support agencies that exist to offer help and support to the grieving, depressed, and wounded.
The Samaritans not only offer listening support over the phone but as I recall they also can offer a befriending service under special circumstances. The same may 'perhaps' be said for the specialised farming support agencies.
Stay safe, stay well, and please remember that there are many hearts reaching out to your situation.
Chris
It is good that you have taken one of the first steps to healing and recovery by sharing your situation with us. It is also essential for you to talk things through with a trusted friend or one of the many support agencies that exist to offer help and support to the grieving, depressed, and wounded.
The Samaritans not only offer listening support over the phone but as I recall they also can offer a befriending service under special circumstances. The same may 'perhaps' be said for the specialised farming support agencies.
Stay safe, stay well, and please remember that there are many hearts reaching out to your situation.
Chris
- Location
- Norfolk
So glad i went to the doc's appetite is back which is essential for work. I was a long term sufferer from depression but I wouldn't help myself,big cause of the breakup. Always worried about losing my guns stupidly, even tho I barely use them. Licence due soon, don't really care if I'm refused. To anyone struggling reading this in the future please please reach out to someone or go see the doc. Tough times ahead and I thought I had no friends but I can see them now.
- Location
- Owaka, New Zealand
Stay with us mate!!
You have many more friends than you think you do.
- Location
- Norfolk
Thanks. I used to use this forum loads and bff before hand but with each dark time i withdrew from everyone. Stupidly. I can't be like that now.
WRXppp
Member
- Location
- North Yorks
I’m still quite new to TFF and spent a long time looking at it from the outside, i’m glad I joined the family of TFF, i always keep an eye on this page having suffered and shut myself off from the world in the past, things WILL get better in time, you must be somewhat of an optimist in nature as you grow spuds for the free market!
Life can be a real arse, most of us are on this forum because we've either been involved with farming or still are and let's face it working with Mother Nature requires a tolerance to cope with things we have no control over.
Some can cope by battling head on and thriving on the challenge, some may go along with the flow and chalk up all the knocks and setbacks up to experience, others will bumble along never really tackling any problems head on and not really get anywhere but are happy with their lot. Then there are some who will think they're doing everything right then something comes along to burst the bubble and the bottom has fallen out of their world, even if you can recognise yourselves in the other descriptions there will still be times when you hit rock bottom.
Even the strongest person can struggle to get themselves back up on their feet and with farming being an often lone lifestyle help is not allways accepted let alone recognised and you will often feel that there's only you in the situation you're in. Think again, you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last, in those quiet moments of despair turn your mind to some of the positive words you've heard, look around you, there's so much more going on around you than your current problems, spring is not that far away, the nights are getting shorter and one of these days it might come dry!
As has been said above when there's been a partnership break up don't fall out, yes it's easy to fall into a slanging match but what's the point, something drew you together in the first place especially if you've been together for quite a while, my marriage breakup happened over 8 years ago, we've been the best of friends as it was financial problems and the care burden of my eldest boy who is autistic that split us apart. It was a cry for help from my wife, I was powerless to help, I was working all the hours god sent to keep the money coming in, working away from home which in turn compounded the problem of her having to cope with everything at home. When we split the Social Services fell over themselves to provide respite and help to cope with Josh but all of it too late to save our marriage. Both my ex and I feel bitterness to the system that could have helped at the time not wait untill it had destroyed us as a family. Eight years on, my ex who married again, badly, has finally realised that we had and still do have a special relationship and has been sorting out her life to come back home. Sounds all very fairy tale-esque but we are adults and as such realise that fairy tales do not exist in the real world. We will get back together again, the boys are happy to have their mom back and we will go on to see what else life has got to chuck at us.
Just get out there and live your life, you can change your's, it's up to the others around you to live their life with you or to go their own way, don't fret about them as you can make enough mistakes on your own without worrying about controlling others
Some can cope by battling head on and thriving on the challenge, some may go along with the flow and chalk up all the knocks and setbacks up to experience, others will bumble along never really tackling any problems head on and not really get anywhere but are happy with their lot. Then there are some who will think they're doing everything right then something comes along to burst the bubble and the bottom has fallen out of their world, even if you can recognise yourselves in the other descriptions there will still be times when you hit rock bottom.
Even the strongest person can struggle to get themselves back up on their feet and with farming being an often lone lifestyle help is not allways accepted let alone recognised and you will often feel that there's only you in the situation you're in. Think again, you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last, in those quiet moments of despair turn your mind to some of the positive words you've heard, look around you, there's so much more going on around you than your current problems, spring is not that far away, the nights are getting shorter and one of these days it might come dry!
As has been said above when there's been a partnership break up don't fall out, yes it's easy to fall into a slanging match but what's the point, something drew you together in the first place especially if you've been together for quite a while, my marriage breakup happened over 8 years ago, we've been the best of friends as it was financial problems and the care burden of my eldest boy who is autistic that split us apart. It was a cry for help from my wife, I was powerless to help, I was working all the hours god sent to keep the money coming in, working away from home which in turn compounded the problem of her having to cope with everything at home. When we split the Social Services fell over themselves to provide respite and help to cope with Josh but all of it too late to save our marriage. Both my ex and I feel bitterness to the system that could have helped at the time not wait untill it had destroyed us as a family. Eight years on, my ex who married again, badly, has finally realised that we had and still do have a special relationship and has been sorting out her life to come back home. Sounds all very fairy tale-esque but we are adults and as such realise that fairy tales do not exist in the real world. We will get back together again, the boys are happy to have their mom back and we will go on to see what else life has got to chuck at us.
Just get out there and live your life, you can change your's, it's up to the others around you to live their life with you or to go their own way, don't fret about them as you can make enough mistakes on your own without worrying about controlling others
llamedos
New Member
STEPHEN’S STORY
February 13, 2018 Farm Safety Blog 2018, Latest News, Mind Your Head
TODAY’S MIND YOUR HEAD BLOG FROM THE FARMING COMMUNITY NETWORK (FCN) IS ABOUT STEPHEN, A BEEF FARMER STRUGGLING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE END OF HIS MARRIAGE.
THIS STORY IS BASED ON TRUE EVENTS, HOWEVER THE NAMES OF THE INDIVIDUALS HAVE BEEN CHANGED IN ORDER TO PROTECT THEIR IDENTITY.
Stephen ran a 200-acre beef farm with his wife, Rachel for 15 years. When Rachel decided to file for divorce and custody of the children, it came as a devastating shock to Stephen. Not only did he have to carry on running the farm on his own, he had to adjust to a new life at home, without his family close by.
https://www.yellowwellies.org/stephens-story/
marcusthehat
Member
Unfortunately, my experience with NHS Dr.'s in respect of stress or depression,
has been uniformly poor, across 3 local GP's,
simply prescribe meds, , change meds, up the dose of meds, keep one on the meds.
And in the end I was so "dosed" up as to be dysfunctional, but all they were interested in doing was increasing the dose.
Now I never once made any reference to suicidal thoughts, because I did not have any.
I fear as long as the Dr. can declare "no suicidal thoughts", they perhaps do not treat the patient with the same concern, rightly or wrongly.
My last FAC took a substantial time to process, because they required a Med Dr.'s input, here in NI this was a first for me, but at least that part of the overall system appears to be working.
Fingers crossed, now that I am retired and do not have to suffer working with Uncaring-Unsackable-Stupid every day,
I have come off all Meds, and feel much better.
Anyway now with Spring approaching, it is probably the best time of the year to battle depression, at least in my repeated experiences.
best wishes
marcus
has been uniformly poor, across 3 local GP's,
simply prescribe meds, , change meds, up the dose of meds, keep one on the meds.
And in the end I was so "dosed" up as to be dysfunctional, but all they were interested in doing was increasing the dose.
Now I never once made any reference to suicidal thoughts, because I did not have any.
I fear as long as the Dr. can declare "no suicidal thoughts", they perhaps do not treat the patient with the same concern, rightly or wrongly.
My last FAC took a substantial time to process, because they required a Med Dr.'s input, here in NI this was a first for me, but at least that part of the overall system appears to be working.
Fingers crossed, now that I am retired and do not have to suffer working with Uncaring-Unsackable-Stupid every day,
I have come off all Meds, and feel much better.
Anyway now with Spring approaching, it is probably the best time of the year to battle depression, at least in my repeated experiences.
best wishes
marcus
robo
Member
- Location
- northamptonshire
I have a good friend who suffered withdeppression had,nt seen him for a while, swopped his job etc.met him on the road near the farm one day.said over the last couple of years
he had been really depressed ... but his sense of humour still the same as ever and has been a lot better just lately..he also said people had told him pull yourself together. his reply to this was Thats like telling a blind man to look harder. when he put it like that it makes you think a bit more
Life can be a real arse, most of us are on this forum because we've either been involved with farming or still are and let's face it working with Mother Nature requires a tolerance to cope with things we have no control over.
Some can cope by battling head on and thriving on the challenge, some may go along with the flow and chalk up all the knocks and setbacks up to experience, others will bumble along never really tackling any problems head on and not really get anywhere but are happy with their lot. Then there are some who will think they're doing everything right then something comes along to burst the bubble and the bottom has fallen out of their world, even if you can recognise yourselves in the other descriptions there will still be times when you hit rock bottom.
Even the strongest person can struggle to get themselves back up on their feet and with farming being an often lone lifestyle help is not allways accepted let alone recognised and you will often feel that there's only you in the situation you're in. Think again, you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last, in those quiet moments of despair turn your mind to some of the positive words you've heard, look around you, there's so much more going on around you than your current problems, spring is not that far away, the nights are getting shorter and one of these days it might come dry!
As has been said above when there's been a partnership break up don't fall out, yes it's easy to fall into a slanging match but what's the point, something drew you together in the first place especially if you've been together for quite a while, my marriage breakup happened over 8 years ago, we've been the best of friends as it was financial problems and the care burden of my eldest boy who is autistic that split us apart. It was a cry for help from my wife, I was powerless to help, I was working all the hours god sent to keep the money coming in, working away from home which in turn compounded the problem of her having to cope with everything at home. When we split the Social Services fell over themselves to provide respite and help to cope with Josh but all of it too late to save our marriage. Both my ex and I feel bitterness to the system that could have helped at the time not wait untill it had destroyed us as a family. Eight years on, my ex who married again, badly, has finally realised that we had and still do have a special relationship and has been sorting out her life to come back home. Sounds all very fairy tale-esque but we are adults and as such realise that fairy tales do not exist in the real world. We will get back together again, the boys are happy to have their mom back and we will go on to see what else life has got to chuck at us.
Just get out there and live your life, you can change your's, it's up to the others around you to live their life with you or to go their own way, don't fret about them as you can make enough mistakes on your own without worrying about controlling others
Very moved by your story. I realise real life is not a “fairy tale” but I’d like to wish you all the best of luck for the future
I split with the love of my life 6 months ago. She suffered extreme depression and anxiety and she or rather the illness pushed me and everyone away. Made me think she wasn’t really bothered about me and I didn’t try hard enough to convince her of my love and commitment
She wanted to go separate ways which I reluctantly acccepted at the time. She did get better, met someone new. We are still in contact. It has been a tough time. She knows full well I want her back and I’ve nearly managed that. So I’m stuck. I can’t move on with the thought in my head we may start over one day. It is like her depression has moved to me if that makes sense ! I have to get on with my life though and if we do get back together in the future then that would be the best outcome
I know where you're coming from BobGreen, I was devastated when my wife left but in the age old ways of being brought up with the "Stiff upper lip and all that" way of thinking I didn't put up much of a fight, I couldn't have lived with myself if I thought I had trapped her into doing something she didn't want, I would not want to feel that I had "caged" her in any way so I just rolled over and let her go. There's not been a day in the past 8 years that I didn't find myself thinking about her or the past in those quiet moments, we had gone through so much and I allways thought that between us we could conquer anything that life could throw at us. We had had a fair amount of upheavals over the years, when we got married I took on a position of shepherd on a large estate, the tied cottage was a great home and we felt secure. Our first child was born and that was quite traumatic with her and him in a special care unit 50 miles away for three weeks just as I was finishing lambing of 1300 ewes. I would visit in the afternoon after sorting out all the main jobs leaving the vet students to cover, get to the hospital at 2pm and sit down by her bed and the next thing I'd know would be herself waking me up at 3 as I had to be back to get back to my job. Bad timing? Well that bit sort of got taken out of our hands as she had to have an emergency caesarian a month early. The following year just as Josh had his first birthday the farm office announced that due to a change in policy with the agents and trustees of the estate that the flock would be cut in half, contract shepherding meant that I had 6 weeks to find myself a new job and a new house. Now that for a low spot in my life took some beating!
It took me 30 years to find someone I wanted to be with and when she went I just couldn't bring myself to go out looking again, yes I'd look at other women from a distance but just couldn't see what I had seen in my wife, that's a sad thing to say finding that I would compare everyone to just the one person but I just couldn't bring myself to burden my "baggage" on someone else. I have my two sons in tow, my eldest being autistic can feel like a millstone around my neck at times as he will never be entirely capable of independant living, yes he could go into a home but it's not a life I would want for him and I would feel forever guilty at doing so. Yes he may have to go into one when I pop my clogs but he will be older and may be more capable, no one knows and it's not a life I want for him now while I'm capable of giving him a life with me.
Having to sort two boys through school and now onto college by myself has made me fiercely protective about them and it's too difficult for me to include anyone else in my life hence me staying single but if she is prepared to come and stand by my side again then she is more than welcome, it will be good to see her build that inner strength that drew me to her in the first place back up again.
It's early days and is in the process of just starting but I live my life day to day, with the amount of disappointments I've had in life I just take things as they come.
It took me 30 years to find someone I wanted to be with and when she went I just couldn't bring myself to go out looking again, yes I'd look at other women from a distance but just couldn't see what I had seen in my wife, that's a sad thing to say finding that I would compare everyone to just the one person but I just couldn't bring myself to burden my "baggage" on someone else. I have my two sons in tow, my eldest being autistic can feel like a millstone around my neck at times as he will never be entirely capable of independant living, yes he could go into a home but it's not a life I would want for him and I would feel forever guilty at doing so. Yes he may have to go into one when I pop my clogs but he will be older and may be more capable, no one knows and it's not a life I want for him now while I'm capable of giving him a life with me.
Having to sort two boys through school and now onto college by myself has made me fiercely protective about them and it's too difficult for me to include anyone else in my life hence me staying single but if she is prepared to come and stand by my side again then she is more than welcome, it will be good to see her build that inner strength that drew me to her in the first place back up again.
It's early days and is in the process of just starting but I live my life day to day, with the amount of disappointments I've had in life I just take things as they come.
This relationship was only just over a year. I’ve been divorced 10 years now which was tough at the time with two boys 9&7 at the time who I’ve brought up mainly by myself on little money and rented houses. No way as difficult as yourself though I don’t think of ex wife at all now haven’t spoken in ages
I’ve dated a few since divorce but this latest was I thought the one. She had a bad time with depression last winter which although I stood by her it pushed us apart. Friends and family have said to forget her and find someone new but they don’t understand that I don’t want to !
We are still in regular contact. She has often said we have a bond that can’t be broken. I perhaps should break contact totally but find that difficult and wait to see what develops
I hope it works out for you. As someone once said it’s better to try and fail then to regret never trying at all
llamedos
New Member
EMMA’S STORY
February 14, 2018 Farm Safety Blog 2018, Latest News, Mind Your Head
ON VALENTINE’S DAY, WHEN MANY OF US ARE CELEBRATING WITH HEARTS AND FLOWERS, ONE WOMAN’S STORY HIGHLIGHTS THE DEVASTATION THAT LOSING A LOVED ONE TO SUICIDE REALLY BRINGS AND THE INSPIRATION THAT HAS DRIVEN HER TO SET UP A FOUNDATION IN HIS MEMORY TO SUPPORT PEOPLE IN RURAL COMMUNITIES WITH POOR MENTAL HEALTH, ESPECIALLY MEN IN THE AGRICULTURAL SECTOR. MEET THE INSPIRATIONAL EMMA PICTON-JONES…
“My story really began in July 2016. On the 5th of that month I found myself becoming a widow at the age of 27 with an 18 month year old and a 4 year old following my husband’s suicide. To say the suicide came as a shock is an understatement. Naively I presumed that because he had a wife and 2 children and a seemingly settled life he would push through the demons and come out the other side. Sadly he felt that our two children and I would be better off without him and he took the decision to end his life on that fateful day.
https://www.yellowwellies.org/emmas-story/
- Location
- Portsmouth
Such a good post to read on a miserable cold wet day!
Glad your moving in the right direction.
jade35
Member
- Location
- S E Cornwall
What an amazing woman and what strength of character to be able to set up this scheme to help others in the agricultural community when her and her children's world has been turned upside down.
EMMA’S STORY
February 14, 2018 Farm Safety Blog 2018, Latest News, Mind Your Head
ON VALENTINE’S DAY, WHEN MANY OF US ARE CELEBRATING WITH HEARTS AND FLOWERS, ONE WOMAN’S STORY HIGHLIGHTS THE DEVASTATION THAT LOSING A LOVED ONE TO SUICIDE REALLY BRINGS AND THE INSPIRATION THAT HAS DRIVEN HER TO SET UP A FOUNDATION IN HIS MEMORY TO SUPPORT PEOPLE IN RURAL COMMUNITIES WITH POOR MENTAL HEALTH, ESPECIALLY MEN IN THE AGRICULTURAL SECTOR. MEET THE INSPIRATIONAL EMMA PICTON-JONES…
“My story really began in July 2016. On the 5th of that month I found myself becoming a widow at the age of 27 with an 18 month year old and a 4 year old following my husband’s suicide. To say the suicide came as a shock is an understatement. Naively I presumed that because he had a wife and 2 children and a seemingly settled life he would push through the demons and come out the other side. Sadly he felt that our two children and I would be better off without him and he took the decision to end his life on that fateful day.
https://www.yellowwellies.org/emmas-story/
Lili
Member
- Location
- Aberystwyth hinterland
I have met Emma and can confirm that she has immense courage and was determined that something positive should come out of personal tragedy.
How’s things today @marshfarmer, I do hope you had a reasonable night
- Location
- Norfolk
I've slept A1 since the first tablets Monday night. Hard managing the house and farm, too much temptation to eat poorly. Did some tidying on farm and serviced handlers, which made me feel more positive as well as the warm sun during the day, all helps.
Thanks for asking