diary of a comedy sheep farm

[Chopsy Varmint]

Now listen up Spinny old chap, I may just have the answer you're looking for

A 955 is a wonderous thing but it'll just be another tractor. If all that cash is burning a hole in yer pocket I can let you have these 3 for a fraction of the price of the Into.

It'll solve the Christmas present problem for Mrs Spin and both the girls at a single stroke with the added bonus of injecting new blood into the Narfuk Hurdlers. It's a win/win situation......

The old bitch is getting fed up with taking them back to the field that they should be in so they're currently in D Wing (our maximum security facility)
View attachment 927457 View attachment 927458

Go on Spin, you know you want to, especially after all the negatives about Shetlands on that other thread

My word but you're a dark horse, YB!!

All this time you have your own Hurdlers, and beautiful puissance animals trained to jump when they hear the HOYS music too.

Traditionally it would be Olympia at this time of year so instead I think it would be just marvellous if you and @spin cycle do a virus version on youtube for the thread. Please be setting up a course of eight fences within a 20m x 20m arena, 90-100cm including an 80cm oxer, water tray, and a one-stride double* in a figure of eight pattern for the National Hurdler Grand Prix. Fence dressing with tinsel and poinsettia fillers will be judged before the class. Rosettes will be awarded to 6th place and the judge's decision is final. I wonder if Spin could persuade Arkwright to be the main sponsor...

Would Boxing Day suit, instead of going hunting/shooting and catching germs?

* I don't know what the stride length of a Hurdler is but no doubt as experienced trainers you and Spin can set the fences accordingly.

 

[spin cycle]

serious hurdler competition there YB ......could be a norfolk v lincs showdown one day

few little setbacks today,,,know i mustn't grumble...perhaps a bit of karma for being in such a good mood yesterday

down to arkwrights for coffee and baccy...arkwright hands me a bill....old petrol/diesal bills from summer he forgot to give me....£185....no reason to doubt but i shall still check,,,,at farm walk FD and do rounds....mobile hairdresser coming so i have tidy up + mop kitchen floor...just finishing when K arrives....i send her and admiral to set up hurdles to get lambs in.......mopping finished i toddle outside and we get lambs up from meadow....unfortunately i'd not noticed K had set the hurdles up wrong ....instead of 'yard' the lambs have choice of 'yard' or 'field opposite'......of course they choose 'field'....K hares off after them....i berate admiral 'we'd better go up lane and in top gate'......i then set hurdles up correctly....turn round and admiral has disappeared up the drive without me....i retire to strawbs barn near by for a little

eventually lambs in...we sort some candidates for sat.....draft out a few small ones for first fattening pen....change some hay rings and water tanks.....hairdresser arrives....i get trim then admiral gets 'blue rinse' (well without the blue)......lunch... phone rings....nev requires an 'opinion' ....i take van + trailer..'it'll only be 5mins then i can go pick up ring feeder from bale'

hour and a half later.....i've been to garage + arkwrights in futile search for right size jubillee clip.....we've scratched our collective heads about the 'diversity' of our drainage system and had an unsuccessful 'fishing trip' down DLP for missing drain rods......nev wanted to finish but we have to declare for now...he's done a spanking job levelling /tidying the garden....he was interrupted today by a nosey neighbour who, after telling nev he'd not had his tank emptied in 20 years, expressed surprise that 'james can't drive a digger'.....'he can' retorted nev 'just not as good as me'

nev departs 3pm...i check emails....kill sheet from tuesday....not up to my usual standard but not to bad really....i've been drafting hard and sending lighter ....i go get my hayrack....back to farm....finish up....home....on computer...emails....'ammended kill sheet'....not the one i just got but the one from last week.....now on original sheet it had one 'bruising' on remarks but later remittence showed it valued ok....cept now they've gone and 'condemned' it...never had a lamb condemned before...i suppose the bruising got worse........feel guilty for animal TBH...that it was my fault ....was from a pen of ram lambs ...'rough housing'...or i'd put extra lamb on trailer....wonder if on top of lost lamb i have to pay killing/disposal

better news at home....boy qualifies as nqt at end of term....or tommoz as i pointed out 'oh yeah...hadn't thought of it that way' exclaims boy......gawd help our education system...TBF on him it's been tougher cos o covoid and kids love him....'your well posh sir' was quite sweet....also funny sitting down to tea and saying to both he and cinders 'good day at school ?'

talking of tea it was take out tonight and kebab shop selected ....blimey 'kebab king' greeted me like i was his long lost brother...'where u been?..i no see u ages'....i apologise profusely and my 'family sized' order placates him but will take 15 mins......thats ok i order a 'cheeky' bit of chicken c/w complimentary chips and retire to the car to wait....then i see the most extrordinary sight....i'm parked nose in opposite one of holt's joules and there's a man in there ON HIS OWN SHOPPING...now fair enough being dragged in there by a female companion is mitigation but this bloke is brazen.....HE'S ALREADY BOUGHT SUMMAT AND IS CARRYING ON.....agog i watch....he picks stuff up looks at it....compares it to something else....my initial shock wears off and i take 'stock'....it's definitely a bloke....good hair ( mines cut so i can match him there).....wax jacket...but not the sort thats been dragged thru the hedge in pursuit of a baby hurdler or had numerous bits of baler twine stuffed in it's pockets each piece not really long enough to be any good...it's like new.....and the time he takes...i had time to take my teeth out...eat my chicken c/w complimentary chips....roll + smoke a rollie.....put my teeth back in again....then, and only then. as i open the car door does he emerge with THREE FEKKIN BAGS

back home eating our takeaway i recount my tale but to hear their reaction they think he's the normal one

 

[primmiemoo]

It's ok, spin. Joules only sells vaguely looky-likey farm clothing. No pockets are large enough to carry cord in, and nothing is cut to permit full pelt after so much as a Beltex.
Your image is quite safe

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

serious hurdler competition there YB ......could be a norfolk v lincs showdown one day

few little setbacks today,,,know i mustn't grumble...perhaps a bit of karma for being in such a good mood yesterday

down to arkwrights for coffee and baccy...arkwright hands me a bill....old petrol/diesal bills from summer he forgot to give me....£185....no reason to doubt but i shall still check,,,,at farm walk FD and do rounds....mobile hairdresser coming so i have tidy up + mop kitchen floor...just finishing when K arrives....i send her and admiral to set up hurdles to get lambs in.......mopping finished i toddle outside and we get lambs up from meadow....unfortunately i'd not noticed K had set the hurdles up wrong ....instead of 'yard' the lambs have choice of 'yard' or 'field opposite'......of course they choose 'field'....K hares off after them....i berate admiral 'we'd better go up lane and in top gate'......i then set hurdles up correctly....turn round and admiral has disappeared up the drive without me....i retire to strawbs barn near by for a little

eventually lambs in...we sort some candidates for sat.....draft out a few small ones for first fattening pen....change some hay rings and water tanks.....hairdresser arrives....i get trim then admiral gets 'blue rinse' (well without the blue)......lunch... phone rings....nev requires an 'opinion' ....i take van + trailer..'it'll only be 5mins then i can go pick up ring feeder from bale'

hour and a half later.....i've been to garage + arkwrights in futile search for right size jubillee clip.....we've scratched our collective heads about the 'diversity' of our drainage system and had an unsuccessful 'fishing trip' down DLP for missing drain rods......nev wanted to finish but we have to declare for now...he's done a spanking job levelling /tidying the garden....he was interrupted today by a nosey neighbour who, after telling nev he'd not had his tank emptied in 20 years, expressed surprise that 'james can't drive a digger'.....'he can' retorted nev 'just not as good as me'

nev departs 3pm...i check emails....kill sheet from tuesday....not up to my usual standard but not to bad really....i've been drafting hard and sending lighter ....i go get my hayrack....back to farm....finish up....home....on computer...emails....'ammended kill sheet'....not the one i just got but the one from last week.....now on original sheet it had one 'bruising' on remarks but later remittence showed it valued ok....cept now they've gone and 'condemned' it...never had a lamb condemned before...i suppose the bruising got worse........feel guilty for animal TBH...that it was my fault ....was from a pen of ram lambs ...'rough housing'...or i'd put extra lamb on trailer....wonder if on top of lost lamb i have to pay killing/disposal

better news at home....boy qualifies as nqt at end of term....or tommoz as i pointed out 'oh yeah...hadn't thought of it that way' exclaims boy......gawd help our education system...TBF on him it's been tougher cos o covoid and kids love him....'your well posh sir' was quite sweet....also funny sitting down to tea and saying to both he and cinders 'good day at school ?'

talking of tea it was take out tonight and kebab shop selected ....blimey 'kebab king' greeted me like i was his long lost brother...'where u been?..i no see u ages'....i apologise profusely and my 'family sized' order placates him but will take 15 mins......thats ok i order a 'cheeky' bit of chicken c/w complimentary chips and retire to the car to wait....then i see the most extrordinary sight....i'm parked nose in opposite one of holt's joules and there's a man in there ON HIS OWN SHOPPING...now fair enough being dragged in there by a female companion is mitigation but this bloke is brazen.....HE'S ALREADY BOUGHT SUMMAT AND IS CARRYING ON.....agog i watch....he picks stuff up looks at it....compares it to something else....my initial shock wears off and i take 'stock'....it's definitely a bloke....good hair ( mines cut so i can match him there).....wax jacket...but not the sort thats been dragged thru the hedge in pursuit of a baby hurdler or had numerous bits of baler twine stuffed in it's pockets each piece not really long enough to be any good...it's like new.....and the time he takes...i had time to take my teeth out...eat my chicken c/w complimentary chips....roll + smoke a rollie.....put my teeth back in again....then, and only then. as i open the car door does he emerge with THREE FEKKIN BAGS

back home eating our takeaway i recount my tale but to hear their reaction they think he's the normal one

Apart from the bruised lamb, sounds like a pretty good day all told.

The bloke shopping on his own, in a clean wax jacket...? Nope, I'd say he most likely knows the difference between 'taupe' and 'beige', puts a matching wax jacket on his spaniel in the rain, and leaves his wife to put the bins out. Probably not uncommon in Holt and Burnham though?

 

[spin cycle]

Apart from the bruised lamb, sounds like a pretty good day all told.

The bloke shopping on his own, in a clean wax jacket...? Nope, I'd say he most likely knows the difference between 'taupe' and 'beige', puts a matching wax jacket on his spaniel in the rain, and leaves his wife to put the bins out. Probably not uncommon in Holt and Burnham though?

who doesn't leave their wife to put the bins out


edit...i do really

 

[yellowbelly]

* I don't know what the stride length of a Hurdler is but no doubt as experienced trainers you and Spin can set the fences accordingly.

Stride length is not a problem for the 'Lincolnshire Leapers' - if you re-watch the video, you'll see they are very happy to 'fiddle into the bottom' of their fences.

There's a bit of schooling needed with the last one at the end. That's a 4' gate (not a hurdle, like the other two) and he would have picked up 4 faults 'cos he gave it 'a bit of a clout'.

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

who doesn't leave their wife to put the bins out

I used do it because my ex would mess up the recycling, deliberately I suspect, to get out of being asked to do it again. But don't you remember Theresa May decreed putting the bins out is a 'boy job'?

 

[spin cycle]

I used do it because my ex would mess up the recycling, deliberately I suspect, to get out of being asked to do it again. But don't you remember Theresa May decreed putting the bins out is a 'boy job'?

it's on my list of 'husbandly duties' which TBF isn't very long....make the tea....put bins out....clear up cat 'kills'.....keep drains clear....there's one other thing but it's been so long since i performed it i'm fekked if i can remember what it is

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

Stride length is not a problem for the 'Lincolnshire Leapers' - if you re-watch the video, you'll see they are very happy to 'fiddle into the bottom' of their fences.

Yes, which is why I included a one-stride double to sort out the fiddlers. Take off too deep into the bottom of the first fence and they'll be wrong for the second with no room for correcting themselves. Guaranteed four faults, especially if there's a good 'kick-on' fence before the double.

There's a bit of schooling needed with the last one at the end. That's a 4' gate (not a hurdle, like the other two) and he would have picked up 4 faults 'cos he gave it 'a bit of a clout'.

As long as it stays up, no worries. He'll pick his feet up properly next time I expect.

 

[spin cycle]

Stride length is not a problem for the 'Lincolnshire Leapers' - if you re-watch the video, you'll see they are very happy to 'fiddle into the bottom' of their fences.

There's a bit of schooling needed with the last one at the end. That's a 4' gate (not a hurdle, like the other two) and he would have picked up 4 faults 'cos he gave it 'a bit of a clout'.

PAH show ponies

note to self....first class trash talk though i say it myself

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

it's on my list of 'husbandly duties' which TBF isn't very long....make the tea....put bins out....clear up cat 'kills'.....keep drains clear....there's one other thing but it's been so long since i performed it i'm fekked if i can remember what it is

Boiler service?

 

[Lodekka]

it's on my list of 'husbandly duties' which TBF isn't very long....make the tea....put bins out....clear up cat 'kills'.....keep drains clear....there's one other thing but it's been so long since i performed it i'm fekked if i can remember what it is

I think that means you are not ‘fekked’ after all then...

 

[Lodekka]

In our house it’s ‘bins, bogs, leccys and locks’. Nothing of anything else neither

 

[clod hopper]

who doesn't leave their wife to put the bins out


edit...i do really

Errrrrr, that's a blue job Spin! We have pink and blue jobs in our house. Saves a lot of arguments Basically pink indoors blue outside. Now . . . in case you are wondering I do blue jobs (you know all the smelly dirty ones - the fun ones usually ). On occasions I do try to help Mrs Clodhopper with pink jobs. Never goes well!!!! "don't put it there!!!" or "did you clean under it?" or "you missed a bit!" or "really???!" Get the picture! The fridge is totally out of bounds "what are you doing in there??" or "STOP! I'll pass it to you" the kitchen floor is tiled I need a passport before I venture there!!
I love her to bits. She is disabled and very protective of what she can physically do, so I do understand and to be totally honest . . . She'd be the last person I'd want in my tool shed. I'd never find any thing again!!!!! So better this way.

 

[delilah]

arkwright hands me a bill....old petrol/diesal bills from summer he forgot

ooh, does he do credit, this I must try, I will tell him i'll settle up next time i'm in, see if he remembers that he only sees us once a year .

 

[spin cycle]

friday....wasn't a good day....turns out i was just really tired.....sorting lambs for mart...not going well cos short of pens to draft into....midway admiral arrives and declares that strawbs' horses 'must have hay'....i explode exclaiming we're not 'loco parentis'....anyhoo i get lambs ready....wash trailer....lunch....last weeks remittence doesn't arrive however so i don't know what last lot actually made.....in the end i say 'feck it' and decide not to go....later strawbs asks for hay but i make her take some up in a barrow.....get home and go to bed....wake at 9pm...bath + mooch then sleep again til 8:30am

today was better....much refreshed

move some bales around.......K and i set up new pen and we get remaining lambs housed grouped in 3 lots 40-50 strong......strawbs gets her hay and another in her barn for emergencies.....prep coupla little jobs.....aggy turns up with half a field shelter on a trailer but it's dry enough for him to get down field so no hassle to me....get distracted by city kicking off early and afternoon bitta write off....but never mind cos city top......did have a think + get my head round what to do viz stewardship/cropping next year

 

[Flat 10]

friday....wasn't a good day....turns out i was just really tired.....sorting lambs for mart...not going well cos short of pens to draft into....midway admiral arrives and declares that strawbs' horses 'must have hay'....i explode exclaiming we're not 'loco parentis'....anyhoo i get lambs ready....wash trailer....lunch....last weeks remittence doesn't arrive however so i don't know what last lot actually made.....in the end i say 'feck it' and decide not to go....later strawbs asks for hay but i make her take some up in a barrow.....get home and go to bed....wake at 9pm...bath + mooch then sleep again til 8:30am

today was better....much refreshed

move some bales around.......K and i set up new pen and we get remaining lambs housed grouped in 3 lots 40-50 strong......strawbs gets her hay and another in her barn for emergencies.....prep coupla little jobs.....aggy turns up with half a field shelter on a trailer but it's dry enough for him to get down field so no hassle to me....get distracted by city kicking off early and afternoon bitta write off....but never mind cos city top......did have a think + get my head round what to do viz stewardship/cropping next year

Cropping?!

 

[clod hopper]

friday....wasn't a good day....turns out i was just really tired.....sorting lambs for mart...not going well cos short of pens to draft into....midway admiral arrives and declares that strawbs' horses 'must have hay'....i explode exclaiming we're not 'loco parentis'....anyhoo i get lambs ready....wash trailer....lunch....last weeks remittence doesn't arrive however so i don't know what last lot actually made.....in the end i say 'feck it' and decide not to go....later strawbs asks for hay but i make her take some up in a barrow.....get home and go to bed....wake at 9pm...bath + mooch then sleep again til 8:30am

today was better....much refreshed

move some bales around.......K and i set up new pen and we get remaining lambs housed grouped in 3 lots 40-50 strong......strawbs gets her hay and another in her barn for emergencies.....prep coupla little jobs.....aggy turns up with half a field shelter on a trailer but it's dry enough for him to get down field so no hassle to me....get distracted by city kicking off early and afternoon bitta write off....but never mind cos city top......did have a think + get my head round what to do viz stewardship/cropping next year

Well done mate keep chugging along
If it helps, I suffered a bad patch of depression for a long time. Looking back now it started when I was 28ish until my early 40's. That's when I was I really adressed it. I was one angry bast**d. Pm if you like. More than happy to talk about it.

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

friday....wasn't a good day....turns out i was just really tired.....sorting lambs for mart...not going well cos short of pens to draft into....midway admiral arrives and declares that strawbs' horses 'must have hay'....i explode exclaiming we're not 'loco parentis'....anyhoo i get lambs ready....wash trailer....lunch....last weeks remittence doesn't arrive however so i don't know what last lot actually made.....in the end i say 'feck it' and decide not to go....later strawbs asks for hay but i make her take some up in a barrow.....get home and go to bed....wake at 9pm...bath + mooch then sleep again til 8:30am

today was better....much refreshed

move some bales around.......K and i set up new pen and we get remaining lambs housed grouped in 3 lots 40-50 strong......strawbs gets her hay and another in her barn for emergencies.....prep coupla little jobs.....aggy turns up with half a field shelter on a trailer but it's dry enough for him to get down field so no hassle to me....get distracted by city kicking off early and afternoon bitta write off....but never mind cos city top......did have a think + get my head round what to do viz stewardship/cropping next year

Sounds like you needed the rest and recharge. Running yourself down is no use to anyone, but it's all to easy to do when you're spinning plates especially at this time of year and this bloody year in particular.

I have a question, something that I was pondering along with other meaning of life stuff while driving between clients the other day... will we be having a Diary Christmas party/disco?

 

[spin cycle]

Sounds like you needed the rest and recharge. Running yourself down is no use to anyone, but it's all to easy to do when you're spinning plates especially at this time of year and this bloody year in particular.

I have a question, something that I was pondering along with other meaning of life stuff while driving between clients the other day... will we be having a Diary Christmas party/disco?

careful what you wish for