f**k Up Fortnight

yellowbelly

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
N.Lincs
'Twas always thus - that 10-14 days in the run up to the start of lambing heralds the onslaught of TLD, prolapses, blown guts, abortions and the 1001 other things that can go wrong with sheep :banghead:

Many moons ago, when I was young and keen, an old bloke once told me, "A farm or a piece of ground can only sustain a certain number of sheep. No matter what you do (with improved husbandry, new techniques or drugs, or anything else) to increase numbers they will eventually die back to that number." He was right.

It's all well documented in various threads here on TFF, many people are well into f**k Up Fortnight.

So, for all of you, here's a few gems from that great farming commentator, Henry Brewis, to hopefully lighten your mood and raise a bit of a smile :)
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A Dying Race

The yow is a creature I've studied too long,
And still found no reason to burst into song,
The beast is not witty, amusing or well read,
And gives the impression she'd rather be dead,

Whether it's post or just ante natal,
Every disease will be more or less fatal,
For the length of her life she will always desire,
To baffle the shepherd and quickly expire,

You may think the animal is quite tame,
But nothing runs far when it's constantly lame,
Dose her, inject her, take care if her feet,
If science can cure her then the bugger won't eat,

The fit ones have singles, the worst produce three,
All with a brain the size of a pea,
And mother can't count, her arithmetic stinks,
So she may have had more than the stupid bitch thinks,

They're awkward, they're brainless, you must come to terms,
That bugs and bacteria and most of all worms,
Will assist every sheep to escape from this earth,
As quickly as possible, soon after birth,

The breed doesn't matter, they're all on a par,
The trouble comes with them, you needn't look far,
They're only appeal comes later of course,
With small new potatoes and a little mint sauce.


The Vet

She got a tin of Terramycin
And a bottle full of dope
A pint of penicillin
And a canny bit of hope
The vet was optimistic
He'd worked miracles before
But the yow was quite determined
And she died at half past four
The vet was very sad indeed
He thought it might've lived
And I was disappointed too
'Cos he charged me ninety quid

Keep smiling everybody, it's just the way sheep are.
 

Electricfencer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Cotswolds
Think I'd rather go out and find a dead lamb than a mis-mothering.
As someone said the other day, you wouldn't do it for a hobby.

A hobby is surely somet to enjoy. But do know a man whose hobby is blue faced Leicester s. Like he says, if it not these be drink or woman instead.
[/QUOTE]
If that’s the 3 opinions I pretty sure bfl would be the last I would do as a hobby. 😂
 

Al R

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
West Wales
Why is it the singles are almost finishing and then the triplets decide to kick off 🤦🏻‍♂️ Walked in this morning, 12 nice singles walking around. 3 nice triplets with a ewe, then she lambs another, then another 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣 On discovery she seems to have a random blank side 😭 meanwhile 2 other triplets lambing but neither looks like they’ve lambed yet. Glad I’ve got so many outside where not many problems occur!
 

Pennine Ploughing

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
North Cumbria
Think I'd rather go out and find a dead lamb than a mis-mothering.
As someone said the other day, you wouldn't do it for a hobby.

A hobby is surely somet to enjoy. But do know a man whose hobby is blue faced Leicester s. Like he says, if it not these be drink or woman instead.
[/QUOTE]
Spent half of it on fast women and slow cars, wasted the rest on sheep
 

neilo

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
Montgomeryshire
I’m about two thirds of the way through the Charollais ewes and yesterday, coming back in from feeding the ewes and lambs on a sunny afternoon, made the stupid stupid mistake of thinking it was going well, with far fewer losses than I can remember. Not lost a lamb for 3 days I thought, great stuff.

Of course, I then walk into the shed to feed them an hour later, to be greeted by a dead single and a shearling ewe that really can’t be arsed. :facepalm:
This morning there was a triplet, with the first one dead a few days by the sniff. Second one I kept going for 10 minutes before he joined the first. Oh well, I thought, at least the third one is as bright as a button. I’ve just finished skinning him after the bitch pawed him to death in the individual pen. She’s not happy with the imposter so she’s got a bag on now too.

image.jpg


Still, it’s a nice day out again.👍
 

Electricfencer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Cotswolds
I’m about two thirds of the way through the Charollais ewes and yesterday, coming back in from feeding the ewes and lambs on a sunny afternoon, made the stupid stupid mistake of thinking it was going well, with far fewer losses than I can remember. Not lost a lamb for 3 days I thought, great stuff.

Of course, I then walk into the shed to feed them an hour later, to be greeted by a dead single and a shearling ewe that really can’t be arsed. :facepalm:
This morning there was a triplet, with the first one dead a few days by the sniff. Second one I kept going for 10 minutes before he joined the first. Oh well, I thought, at least the third one is as bright as a button. I’ve just finished skinning him after the bitch pawed him to death in the individual pen. She’s not happy with the imposter so she’s got a bag on now too.

View attachment 1023649

Still, it’s a nice day out again.👍
Yeah but you must love it though, as people keep saying to me. 😂
 

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Man fined £300 for bonfire-related waste offences

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Written by William Kellett from Agriland

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A man has pleaded guilty at Newtownards Magistrates’ Court to waste offences relating to a bonfire next to the electrical sub-station on the Circular Road in Newtownards, Co. Down.

Gareth Gill (51) of Abbot’s Walk, Newtownards pleaded guilty to two charges under the Waste and Contaminated Land (Northern Ireland) Order 1997, for which he was fined £150 each and ordered to pay a £15 offender’s levy

On June 25, 2018, PSNI officers went to Gill’s yard, where they found a large amount of waste consisting of scrap wood, pallets, carpet and underlay.

Discussion with Northern Ireland Environment Agency (NIEA) officers confirmed the site...
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