I hate to say it, it sounds very much like the situation I was in, but you're the one with cold logic and reason and no matter how much you want to impart the facts and realism into the situation you can't because you just know that you'll drive an even bigger reason for her to walk away and never look back.
It sounds so cliched to say that which you will have allready had ............. "She's having one of those mid-life crisis things". In some ways that glib statement could explain it to outsiders looking in, perhaps it could describe the situation but a break like this is far deeper than a passing statement. My ex, bless her, was/is one of those that has to plan out everything and run through all her options in case there's something to upset her original plan so she can implement Plan A, B or C. After a life in farming and dealing with the Mother of all Bitches Mother Nature we take it as it comes and deal with the problems as they arise. Experience has shown us that we can plan as much as we like but something will allways cock it up and all those Plan A's and B's were a complete waste of time and effort. Those planners of life will have allready have had all the arguments with others played out in their heads and the results allready logged before they physically talk to those people. You've half hinted in the fact that she doesn't want to go to counselling, she's allready played that scenario out in her head.
It's harsh, but all that you can do is to give her time with no pressure, hopefully if the love is deep enough and she still has trust in you she will be able to start seeing what she has walked out on.
My ex got caught up with what can only be described as a serial ar*ehole who preyed on her vulnerability and ended up marrying him even though she knew it was a bad idea, he reduced her into a shell of the woman she was and got her into real financial difficulties. At long last she has managed to escape the emotional grip he had put on her and has got out of the relationship and is trying to survive on her own allbeit with a fair amount of support from myself and her parents but at least she's getting her self esteem and confidence back. She knows that the door is allways open to come back, she may do but that is her decision not mine. She has so much guilt on not just walking out on me but from walking away from her children and missing out on supporting them as they have grown from being children into young adults.
All that I can say is to be supporting, not judgemental, and just be there when and if she wants to talk. Life's a bitch and some of us find out how much more than others.
It sounds so cliched to say that which you will have allready had ............. "She's having one of those mid-life crisis things". In some ways that glib statement could explain it to outsiders looking in, perhaps it could describe the situation but a break like this is far deeper than a passing statement. My ex, bless her, was/is one of those that has to plan out everything and run through all her options in case there's something to upset her original plan so she can implement Plan A, B or C. After a life in farming and dealing with the Mother of all Bitches Mother Nature we take it as it comes and deal with the problems as they arise. Experience has shown us that we can plan as much as we like but something will allways cock it up and all those Plan A's and B's were a complete waste of time and effort. Those planners of life will have allready have had all the arguments with others played out in their heads and the results allready logged before they physically talk to those people. You've half hinted in the fact that she doesn't want to go to counselling, she's allready played that scenario out in her head.
It's harsh, but all that you can do is to give her time with no pressure, hopefully if the love is deep enough and she still has trust in you she will be able to start seeing what she has walked out on.
My ex got caught up with what can only be described as a serial ar*ehole who preyed on her vulnerability and ended up marrying him even though she knew it was a bad idea, he reduced her into a shell of the woman she was and got her into real financial difficulties. At long last she has managed to escape the emotional grip he had put on her and has got out of the relationship and is trying to survive on her own allbeit with a fair amount of support from myself and her parents but at least she's getting her self esteem and confidence back. She knows that the door is allways open to come back, she may do but that is her decision not mine. She has so much guilt on not just walking out on me but from walking away from her children and missing out on supporting them as they have grown from being children into young adults.
All that I can say is to be supporting, not judgemental, and just be there when and if she wants to talk. Life's a bitch and some of us find out how much more than others.
