Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Loneliness, depression, and anxiety are but states of mind but nonetheless real, painful, and debilitating. Rejection can accentuate all three maladies to unbearable levels.

Why do you ask?

 

[TheScottishDairyman]

Hi. Iv recently been to see the doctor about depression. It’s been bothering me for a lot of months now but iv been trying to hide it from family and friends as I felt there was a bit of shame behind it to admit that I wasn’t coping. However my wife and family figured things out and got me to the doctor and iv since been put on anti depressants. I find it a hard thing to talk about with family as they’ve never been through any thing like this and just don’t no what to say for the best. The thing I’m finding hardest to deal with is I’m a stockman I work for a good farm. Not huge pressures put on me by them however I put huge pressures on my self. I’m finding it extremely hard to cope with the bad days that you have with livestock at the moment and I feel that that is where a lot of the problems have arose from. I’m questioning at the moment if a move away from livestock is what I’m going to need to get my mental health back on track. I apologise for my long winded nothingless speech I just thought it might help if I shared.

 

[Old Tip]

@TheScottishDairyman your post is neither long winded and definitely not nothingness. Working with livestock can bring pleasure and pain, you put so much into their care and well being and sometimes it’s still not enough and they get ill or die. I wouldn’t rush into making too many changes but definitely talk to your wife about it if you can or if not a trusted friend or one of the help lines on here

 

[Lili]

@TheScottishDairyman No need to feel any shame. We set ourselves some very high standards sometimes and its the fear of failing and not coping that can grind people down. Good that your wife and family are supporting you. Try to talk to them when things are bad - it will help you and reassure those that care for you that you are communicating your feelings. As Old Tip says if you can't talk to them try one of the helplines - they are there to listen and talk through any problems. Hope you feel more positive soon. Best wishes

 

[primmiemoo]

Hi Scottish Dairyman. Tagging on to say "What everyone else has said".
The end of winter is always hard as well. It's been a long one for many of us, and has been the sort of winter that's allowed all sorts of difficult feelings to surface.
Nothing wrong with sharing them.
More best wishes

 

[Weasel]

Hi. Iv recently been to see the doctor about depression. It’s been bothering me for a lot of months now but iv been trying to hide it from family and friends as I felt there was a bit of shame behind it to admit that I wasn’t coping. However my wife and family figured things out and got me to the doctor and iv since been put on anti depressants. I find it a hard thing to talk about with family as they’ve never been through any thing like this and just don’t no what to say for the best. The thing I’m finding hardest to deal with is I’m a stockman I work for a good farm. Not huge pressures put on me by them however I put huge pressures on my self. I’m finding it extremely hard to cope with the bad days that you have with livestock at the moment and I feel that that is where a lot of the problems have arose from. I’m questioning at the moment if a move away from livestock is what I’m going to need to get my mental health back on track. I apologise for my long winded nothingless speech I just thought it might help if I shared.

Know exactly what you mean. I'm a stockman as well as have my own stock, I treat the place I works stock as my own and if there's a bad day I take it to heart. Ive been put in antidepressants and they have helped. They seem to take the edge off things.

 

[davieh3350]

Does anyone suffer with loneliness?

I sometimes go for days without seeing anyone, it gets me down at times as I'm quite a social person. I usually go and annoy the neighbours in the evenings if I've not seen anyone during the day. Going to the shop for things can take hours as you tend to stop and talk to folk.
It's not like real life, but joining in on tff is like having proper friends (but it has side affects too, late nights where you should be sleeping... But are chatting away. Sore eyes. Not getting your work done cos you're too busy on here)
You've just got to get out and about!

 

[Christoph1945]

I can't help but imagine farming the moors, marshes, or headlands must accentuate one's feeling of isolation and perhaps engender loneliness. But then again, one can feel isolated within a large family situation or amongst the teeming crowded cities of our present day world.

 

[davieh3350]

It's a sad state of affairs really. Back in the 1800s where I live there used to be 250 people, now it's under 30. It's changed even in the last few years, incomers who aren't involved with countryside work, who only live here mean the fields are empty of people next to no dances/parties in the halls now. Pubs are ripping tourists off so they've made it too expensive for locals to go out to socialise in.
I've found going about selling meat has been a good way to get to meet people (I've become quite good at stopping passing walkers and getting a sale) I'm considering doing a farmers market stall at some point, but that's a way off yet.
Anything where you get to speak to people casually helps. You can subtly offload your grievances on them (being very careful not to be a bore though)

I once was chatting to a lass on a dating site, she asked what I was up to that evening. I said I was going to wander down to my neighbours to collect my mail and have a cup of tea as I'd not seen anyone for 4 or 5 days. She couldn't understand why they had my mail, and secondly why hadn't I seen anyone. I said it was because the mail gets dropped off in the mailbox at the bottom of the track and they lift it for me sometimes, and I'd not left my workshop for days.
She said she couldn't cope with the isolation... I asked her.. When you've finished work for the day, how many people do you see or speak to? As it could take me a long time to get anywhere if I met some of the fellow glen inhabitants.. She said that she usually went home and watched tv till it was time to go to bed, and that was with neighbours right beside her.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Isolation is a big thing for a lot of people sometimes. I myself hate too many people around, prefer my own company, but there are times the loneliness gets unbearable and it sends me into a spiralling state of depression. I would suggest, for anyone who can ofc, if you do like your own company that's great... But every now and again get out into a town, even walking amongst a few people can help lift you out of feeling lonely, strange ik.

 

[Christoph1945]

We once stayed in a cottage in Snowdonia (Garth-y-Foel) and before taking our money the owner firstly asked if we minded isolation. The landlady told us that some people would rent and then have to leave part way through their break, because of the isolation. Hardly saw a soul for days and at night, in the dark, we were surrounded by the reflective eyes of sheep.

The silence was so deep you could hear the smallest of country sounds and the big double bed was the strangest we had ever slept in. One would wake in the night with the sensation that the bed had grown and we were rather like small children with plenty of room to move! Not scary though.

It all made for a real nice break, far from the maddening crowds, and we returned several time more to absorb the peace and tranquility of the place. Not sure if we could spend a lifetime there though! Typical townies I suppose; just in love with the romantic view of country life.

 

[Christoph1945]

PS............I was fit and well when we stayed at Garth but years earlier, when my mind had gone into meltdown and I was suffering from major ( prescribed ) drug withdrawal, it would have been impossible to have spent time there without going even deeper into a somewhat nightmare situation.

Two point that can be drawn from what I write are...........first, recovery is possible, even from the deepest depression and secondly.....'never' just stop your meds without medical consultation and advice.

Stay safe, stay well, and have a blessed Easter.

Chris

 

[jade35]

[

PS............I was fit and well when we stayed at Garth but years earlier, when my mind had gone into meltdown and I was suffering from major ( prescribed ) drug withdrawal, it would have been impossible to have spent time there without going even deeper into a somewhat nightmare situation.

Two point that can be drawn from what I write are...........first, recovery is possible, even from the deepest depression and secondly.....'never' just stop your meds without medical consultation and advice.

Stay safe, stay well, and have a blessed Easter.

Chris

Best wishes to you and your family @Christoph1945 for a peaceful and happy Easter.

 

[Tompkins]

Is @Tompkins checking in here at all? Hope your feeling better than a few weeks back, I'd guess it going to be a long road at home for you yet but hopefully it's going the right way

Yeah, still here! It's going to be a long road with a few big bumps along the way. This bloody weather doesn't help when there's fert to spread, spring crops to plant, plus all the other things that seem to drop at my door!

 

[nickirl]

Loneliness, depression, and anxiety are but states of mind but nonetheless real, painful, and debilitating. Rejection can accentuate all three maladies to unbearable levels.

Why do you ask?

Im wondering do i suffer from it or is it a side effect of everything else.

 

[BobGreen]

I know where you're coming from BobGreen, I was devastated when my wife left but in the age old ways of being brought up with the "Stiff upper lip and all that" way of thinking I didn't put up much of a fight, I couldn't have lived with myself if I thought I had trapped her into doing something she didn't want, I would not want to feel that I had "caged" her in any way so I just rolled over and let her go. There's not been a day in the past 8 years that I didn't find myself thinking about her or the past in those quiet moments, we had gone through so much and I allways thought that between us we could conquer anything that life could throw at us. We had had a fair amount of upheavals over the years, when we got married I took on a position of shepherd on a large estate, the tied cottage was a great home and we felt secure. Our first child was born and that was quite traumatic with her and him in a special care unit 50 miles away for three weeks just as I was finishing lambing of 1300 ewes. I would visit in the afternoon after sorting out all the main jobs leaving the vet students to cover, get to the hospital at 2pm and sit down by her bed and the next thing I'd know would be herself waking me up at 3 as I had to be back to get back to my job. Bad timing? Well that bit sort of got taken out of our hands as she had to have an emergency caesarian a month early. The following year just as Josh had his first birthday the farm office announced that due to a change in policy with the agents and trustees of the estate that the flock would be cut in half, contract shepherding meant that I had 6 weeks to find myself a new job and a new house. Now that for a low spot in my life took some beating!
It took me 30 years to find someone I wanted to be with and when she went I just couldn't bring myself to go out looking again, yes I'd look at other women from a distance but just couldn't see what I had seen in my wife, that's a sad thing to say finding that I would compare everyone to just the one person but I just couldn't bring myself to burden my "baggage" on someone else. I have my two sons in tow, my eldest being autistic can feel like a millstone around my neck at times as he will never be entirely capable of independant living, yes he could go into a home but it's not a life I would want for him and I would feel forever guilty at doing so. Yes he may have to go into one when I pop my clogs but he will be older and may be more capable, no one knows and it's not a life I want for him now while I'm capable of giving him a life with me.
Having to sort two boys through school and now onto college by myself has made me fiercely protective about them and it's too difficult for me to include anyone else in my life hence me staying single but if she is prepared to come and stand by my side again then she is more than welcome, it will be good to see her build that inner strength that drew me to her in the first place back up again.
It's early days and is in the process of just starting but I live my life day to day, with the amount of disappointments I've had in life I just take things as they come.

Have things worked out @JWL ?

 

[CharcoalWally]

Tried to post this yesterday but deleted it. I've been feeling very low these past few months, it's definitely getting worse, I wouldn't say depression, more anxiety with all the bells & whistles which is causing me to feel despondent. I cant seem to shake it off and have a good day.
I had an experience at the weekend that's knocked the stuffing out of me, I had a bad experience with a road raging driver, I've never come across an individual such as this, around mid to late 20s in a brand new merc and incredibly threatening from the off, just looked and acted like a thug. He'd driven at me whilst overtaking parked cars as I was on my side passing them. Got out of his car tried to get into mine, the whole nine yards, and his dolly bird joined in too, other traffic built up behind us both and to be honest as the car behind me backed up I did too out of embarrassment, I didn't want to cause anyone trouble so I gave in, I've felt terrible since, I know its a trivial thing but on top of everything else its just pounded any self esteem I had into the ground. I've always hated bullies having been bullied when younger, this has just taken me right back there. I wish I could have got out of the car with confidence and talked with him, knowing I could handle any assault, but I have no confidence, this probably showed.
Sorry I know this isn't a big thing, and I know a lot of you guys on here have more serious stuff to worry about than my dented pride but it somehow feels bigger than that to me on top of how I was feeling already.

Oh @Juggler . I see you posted this on Tuesday , but I've only just read it.

First of all , I feel really angry that a man as good as you has been left feeling like this.

Secondly , you should not have got out of your car , as anyone driven to anger like that has bigger problems than you have. I'd be willing to bet that inside his head is not a nice place to be.

Thirdly , it's high , high time to stop giving caring about your past and focus on what matters to you here , now and today. No-one who knows you , loves you , and cares about you gives a damn about what has been , it's the man they see in front of them every day , that they come home to and work with and socialise with and pass the time of day with in the most ordinary way that matters to them. Believe me , I know. I used to waste far too much time in my youth questioning whether I'd done the right things , or said the right things , or whether I related to other people in the right way , and , literally , I woke up one morning and realised that absolutely none of that mattered any more. None of that.

And then I stopped giving a damn.

Not.

A

Damn.

Now , it might not come to us all like that - yes , as others have said , you might want to speak to someone. You may need somebody to throw a few ideas or curses around to. You might not , it might just come to you.

But please try. Try for those that are close to you , and those , like me , that are not. Because it upsets me to see you , a man that I rate and hold dearly as a poster on here , who has never met you , feel like this.

 

[Jameshenry]

This weather is taking it's toll, no wonder we suffer from depression at times , Trudging around in heavy rain and mud all day not knowing what to do with sheep and lambs, it tries your patience and mental health

 

[Princess Pooper]

Came across this today https://maryobrienrural.com.au/articles/are-you-bogged-mate/ , very well written.

 

[ARW]

Who else is feeling down with the weather?
This winter has dragged, we are sick of the wet and mud, and every job made harder and all machines impossible to keep clean. we have been busy fencing as always but this last 3 days we have achieved nothing, lots of jobs to go to but we have no desire, this has left me feeling a useless, I’m at wits end today, I have no decent shed to mend machines in, we are just waiting for the rain to stop.