Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Kiwi Pete]

I’m sure these prescriptions were easier when life expectancy was shorter. With today’s longer life expectancy the future and all its possibilities, which most of us won’t take advantage of for a variety of reasons, yawns ahead of us. I think this is a cause of a lot of stress. The massive amount of unrealised choice out there. My husband is deeply dis-satified with life on the farm( he doesn’t do any of the farming per se, just having the work and busyness around annoys him tremendously). When I ask what he would prefer he gives me all sorts of unrealistic suggestions-basically ‘not this’. So how do you go about finding a solution to ‘ not this’? Today is our 34 th wedding anniversary

I'm not sure what "the answer" is.

I know what my answer is... understanding the cause of the cognitive dissonance, and just deciding to make the best of the good stuff.

(There's always not-good stuff).

That was probably why I got so depressed, just a general tendency to be negative, I made it a goal to catch myself doing it and stop it.
Not "turn it around", to me that's delusional.. just stop and refocus on something I do like about "pressure I'm under"

I don't like what money does, but I do have enough to go around

I don't like staying in one place, but I can build something bloody brilliant where I am

I don't know if that's anyone elses' answer or not!

Happy anniversary

 

[JD-Kid]

The difference is that you have realised this early enough to get out before the tendrils of agricultural borrowing get into you "it's only 25 years interest only Mr teslacoils". Eek.

The difference between young and pretty, Vs knackered and gnarled are stark.

For me, it's the utter fear and terror of getting things wrong. Has now led me to do very little. What a wuss. If 20 year old me could see current me he'd walk away shaking his head.

20 year old me word punch me in the face and say wake up whats become of you were did the hopes and dreams go

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

And yet those with the green grass still look over the fence.....Its human nature to become complacent and unhappy with your lot at times...

 

[Bury the Trash]

I’m sure these prescriptions were easier when life expectancy was shorter. With today’s longer life expectancy the future and all its possibilities, which most of us won’t take advantage of for a variety of reasons, yawns ahead of us. I think this is a cause of a lot of stress. The massive amount of unrealised choice out there. My husband is deeply dis-satified with life on the farm( he doesn’t do any of the farming per se, just having the work and busyness around annoys him tremendously). When I ask what he would prefer he gives me all sorts of unrealistic suggestions-basically ‘not this’. So how do you go about finding a solution to ‘ not this’? Today is our 34 th wedding anniversary

If i'm on completely the wrong track or too simplistic please forgive me ....as I'm even not sure if its very remote or not where you are ? but could it be that /being away from a town or more populated area sort of thing that gets to him but takes it out on the it on the farm instead?

 

[DrWazzock]

There is a lot to be said for trying to remould present circumstances rather than throwing everything up in the air. I have learned as I have got older that “clean breaks” are often not very clean and although geographical location or job might be completely different, the same old generic problems can resurface, such as general dissatisfaction, loneliness, depression etc. I used to flip between my city job and my farming work and really the “problems” with both jobs were fundamentally the same.
Yes the grass often looks greener from afar but it can soon turn brown.
A bit like setting up a combine, don’t change everything at once. Try small adjustments and see what happens before changing something else.

 

[Bury the Trash]

There is a lot to be said for trying to remould present circumstances rather than throwing everything up in the air. I have learned as I have got older that “clean breaks” are often not very clean and although geographical location or job might be completely different, the same old generic problems can resurface, such as general dissatisfaction, loneliness, depression etc. I used to flip between my city job and my farming work and really the “problems” with both jobs were fundamentally the same.
Yes the grass often looks greener from afar but it can soon turn brown.
A bit like setting up a combine, don’t change everything at once. Try small adjustments and see what happens before changing something else.

Thats what i was getting at in earlier posting

and also you can't run away from yourself.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Theres always someone worse off than you... I wonder if the person who is the most worse off on the planet thinks yes there is still someone worse off than them??.(sorry I'm bored shìtless atm).

 

[Bury the Trash]

sorry I'm bored shìtless atm)

lol, sounds like youve been readin all my posts

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

lol, sounds like youve been readin all my posts

No. Tending to the greenness on my side of the fence

better in than out though.......

Trouble is I have time to think ......

 

[Bury the Trash]

No. Tending to the greenness on my side of the fenceView attachment 933174 better in than out though.......View attachment 933175
Trouble is I have time to think ......

mowing luc.?
thats a bit warm to say the least. ....

boy i loved that country and the people i met but i dont think i could cope with that high heat or when its dry for very long periods ,.

sometimes thinkins good sometimes it aint i guess.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Yes. Lucerne.The suns shining , so I guess I'll make hay....

 

[Farmer Roy]

Barely the day started and... it's already six in the evening.
Barely arrived on Monday and it's already Friday.
... and the month is already over.
... and the year is almost over.
... and already 40, 50 or 60 years of our lives have passed.
... and we realize that we lost our parents, friends.
and we realize it's too late to go back...
So... Let's try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time...
Let's keep looking for activities that we like...
Let's put some color in our grey...
Let's smile at the little things in life that put balm in our hearts.
And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left. Let's try to eliminate the afters...
I'm doing it after...
I'll say after...
I'll think about it after...
We leave everything for later like ′′ after ′′ is ours.
Because what we don't understand is that:
Afterwards, the coffee gets cold...
afterwards, priorities change...
Afterwards, the charm is broken...
afterwards, health passes...
Afterwards, the kids grow up...
Afterwards parents get old...
Afterwards, promises are forgotten...
afterwards, the day becomes the night...
afterwards life ends...
And then it's often too late....
So... Let's leave nothing for later...
Because still waiting see you later, we can lose the best moments,
the best experiences,
best friends,
the best family...
The day is today... The moment is now...

 

[Farmer Roy]

mowing luc.?
thats a bit warm to say the least. ....

boy i loved that country and the people i met but i dont think i could cope with that high heat or when its dry for very long periods ,.

sometimes thinkins good sometimes it aint i guess.

at the Council depot we have a commercial ice maker for filling our water bottles ( 5 litre jugs, not the useless little 700ml ones ). It gets a fair bit of use during summer

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Just need a pair of 44's of Gin & Tonnic .

Fridge in tractor is bloody handy 6 months of the year here too

 

[Crofter64]

Trouble is I have time to think ......

I sometimes think that as farmers we spend too much time thinking about farming. I have a subscription to Audible and I am listening to books on topics I know nothing about- just to stretch my mind a bit and get it out of its’ ruts.

 

[Farmer Roy]

Just need a pair of 44's of Gin & Tonnic .

Fridge in tractor is bloody handy 6 months of the year here too

sounds like a great idea - unfortunately council do random drug & alcohol testing . . .
Having said that, Parks & Gardens ( remember, we are the most overworked, understaffed & most multi skilled department of Council, who basically do all the shît no one else wants to do ) recently scored a fridge from a Council owned house that got sold. Occasionally, if we all knock off at the same time ( which doesn’t always happen, as generally some of us start early, in toilets or watering or weed spraying . . . ) we might all have a beer together on a Friday afternoon. After hours of course ( & in our shed out of sight )
Dunno if we have a budget for 44’s of G & T though
The beers are bought from the 10c recycling from empty cans & bottles

 

[primmiemoo]

Sometimes the dance between winter and spring comes along early...





The snowdrops are cultivated, and I expect to see some around now. The primroses are wild ones.

 

[harrow]

I am talking to my councilor tomorrow, do I mention the farming forum ?

 

[GrannyAching]

I am talking to my councilor tomorrow, do I mention the farming forum ?

I don't see why you wouldn't. They will probably want to ask you if you have any support/people you can talk to.
Hope it goes well.

Is it your first session?

 

[harrow]

I don't see why you wouldn't. They will probably want to ask you if you have any support/people you can talk to.
Hope it goes well.

Is it your first session?

First one with this councilor, I have to explain about why I want to move to west Wales sorry I am serious about getting to Wales, people seem much nicer.