Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Started to read Paul McKenna's contribution to the Daily Mail yesterday and started by reading what he had to say about watching too much of the dramatic news that is being churned out on the TV these days; whilst we are all trying to navigate our way through these troubling times of Covid Pandemic and 'possible' civil war arising in the United States of America. Both the Mrs and I watched an untold number of hours TV coverage on the recent Washington insurrection; as depicted on CNN.

Probably time for us to start rationing the number of hours that we sit glued to the latest news and work out some sort of daily menu, or program.

 

[JD-Kid]

This time its a zoom call but its a good point about making notes about things I want to talk about .

during lockdown here I spoke to my shrink on FaceTime worked ok to be fair but I had been seeing him for a while so we had a better understanding and he knew my history so could would out if I was doing ok or slipped
he did ask if I thought it was a good Idea I said ummmm for some it would work ok as have a benchmark already set up for first timers maybe harder could appear happier than they realy are. due to being in there wee safe place while talking
yes having notes is a good idea all so easy. to go over the last few weeks of things that have happened and forget something that you felt was important to bring up
my next visit will be a rough one. 2 people I know died mates had alot of problems been very dry so harder on farm been having a few too many beers at night so alot to cover

 

[Christoph1945]

Got my appointment for my first Covid invaccination but nothing for my Mrs yet and she needs it far more than me.

Heavy snowfall about an hour ago and it will probably be bad under foot in the morning.

 

[Christoph1945]

Snow now heading eastward towards Warrington, Manchester, and beyond!

 

[Gong Farmer]

Got my appointment for my first Covid invaccination but nothing for my Mrs yet and she needs it far more than me.

Friends of ours had an invitation for hubby as he's over 80. Wife is late 70s so didn't get hers but since hubby is fairly deaf she went with him to 'interpret'. She got the jab anyway, 'since she was there'.
Perhaps you're a little deaf too?

 

[Christoph1945]

Friends of ours had an invitation for hubby as he's over 80. Wife is late 70s so didn't get hers but since hubby is fairly deaf she went with him to 'interpret'. She got the jab anyway, 'since she was there'.
Perhaps you're a little deaf too?

Over recent years, as I took my Mrs in a wheelchair for any jabs, the nurses would also give me the same jabs.

 

[Bury the Trash]

Over recent years, as I took my Mrs in a wheelchair for any jabs, the nurses would also give me the same jabs.

perhaps a better answer from you to that post wouldve been :

" Eh ? "




but 'comedy' is all about good timing i guess, thats why as they say,the likes of Morecombe and Wise were so good..

 

[Christoph1945]

perhaps a better answer from you to that post wouldve been :

" Eh ? "




but 'comedy' is all about good timing i guess, thats why as they say,the likes of Morecombe and Wise were so good..

Well; I do have hearing problems but I don't have short fat hairy legs!

 

[Big_D]

To everyone else who struggles with the short winter days..........WE DID IT!!!!!!! It's February and things just get better from now on

 

[Christoph1945]

To everyone else who struggles with the short winter days..........WE DID IT!!!!!!! It's February and things just get better from now on

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Hiya guys.
How is everybody doing these days?

 

[harrow]

Still here and after 4 zoom calls with a councillor I do wonder if its any good.

On a positive note, what about you ? I guess your up to your knees is mud ?

 

[GrannyAching]

Still here and after 4 zoom calls with a councillor I do wonder if its any good

It can be a slow and not necessarily straightforward process. Hang in there.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Mid summer here. (Sort of) to busy to scratch myself. Keeping busy is a BIG help.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Still here and after 4 zoom calls with a councillor I do wonder if its any good.

On a positive note, what about you ? I guess your up to your knees is mud ?

Glad to hear I have been oki, work has been rather hectic yeah..... But I've taken a few days off as I'm not well at all. So had my brothers and father cover for me yesterday. Other than that I'm OK rainfall hasn't been horrific here tbh, last few days have been lovely and mild, although I hear we are getting rather a cold snap next week

 

[harrow]

Sorry to hear your not that well, you will see the east is getting snow on Sunday and all next week it is going to be freezing cold, glad you have not had too much rain, so get your warm clothes ready for next week.
Look after Wales for me I hope to get there one day !

 

[Texel Tup]

Quite why I should be so staggered by the simple element of 'Goodness', which I find and as I read through these pages, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's that in my daily life, just about all those who I come in contact with really only seem to care about themselves, and how they can further their own interests.

A genuine and huge Well Done to all of you who reach out to others - they NEED you - NEVER give up. I find the level of simple kindness humbling and I should make a greater effort.

A couple of weeks back, the 'phone rang, it was my OH and she simply said "There's a dead body in Court Road". Court Road is really just a farm track. I went down immediately and the sight which greeted me was so easily understood. A car with all doors closed had its wheels in a rut and the driver had become stuck, his walking stick and his coat and the medication which it transpired he'd collected from our local health centre, in packets were strewn about - there were muddy hand prints over the side of the car where'd attempted to get back in.
The guy was called Robert, he was lying on his back in the mud and wet with his arms folded peacefully across his chest. I suspect that he realised that his end was close and he accepted his fait - that's what I want to think. Robert was 93 and the sole carer for his wife, also 93 and she has advanced dementia - probably a blessing. They had each other and no one else in the world. They lived in our next village.

If only I'd been there - *If Onlies* are pointless and they achieve nothing. The Police spokesperson insisted that CPR be attempted - his hands had turned black and he'd been dead for at least 12 hours. I accept that the lady on the end of the 'phone didn't see things as we did, but once rigor-mortis has set in, then any chance of resuscitation has been passed. The lady also didn't want to be contradicted, it was easy enough to become angry with her, easy enough to almost laugh. ……..

Now, this anger, this resentment, this pointless attempt at self recrimination, all entirely understandable emotions and telling myself that it really wasn't my fault that the poor old sod had clearly become confused, and lost his way - and it wasn't my fault but NONE of that, helps. A year ago I'd have been OK - just as I was when I shot my beloved old brood mare and sent her off to heaven - it's all a part of the rich tapestry that we call life, but now, the fact that Robert died alone, and cold and soaked - the image wont leave me.

The Snowdrops are out, the sun is shining, we have turned the corner of winter, but we've yet to beat C-19. Perhaps that's it, perhaps it's just this prison sentence which most of us are serving.

Does anyone else find themselves coming up to the boil, and they aren't too sure why?

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Quite why I should be so staggered by the simple element of 'Goodness', which I find and as I read through these pages, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's that in my daily life, just about all those who I come in contact with really only seem to care about themselves, and how they can further their own interests.

A genuine and huge Well Done to all of you who reach out to others - they NEED you - NEVER give up. I find the level of simple kindness humbling and I should make a greater effort.

A couple of weeks back, the 'phone rang, it was my OH and she simply said "There's a dead body in Court Road". Court Road is really just a farm track. I went down immediately and the sight which greeted me was so easily understood. A car with all doors closed had its wheels in a rut and the driver had become stuck, his walking stick and his coat and the medication which it transpired he'd collected from our local health centre, in packets were strewn about - there were muddy hand prints over the side of the car where'd attempted to get back in.
The guy was called Robert, he was lying on his back in the mud and wet with his arms folded peacefully across his chest. I suspect that he realised that his end was close and he accepted his fait - that's what I want to think. Robert was 93 and the sole carer for his wife, also 93 and she has advanced dementia - probably a blessing. They had each other and no one else in the world. They lived in our next village.

If only I'd been there - *If Onlies* are pointless and they achieve nothing. The Police spokesperson insisted that CPR be attempted - his hands had turned black and he'd been dead for at least 12 hours. I accept that the lady on the end of the 'phone didn't see things as we did, but once rigor-mortis has set in, then any chance of resuscitation has been passed. The lady also didn't want to be contradicted, it was easy enough to become angry with her, easy enough to almost laugh. ……..

Now, this anger, this resentment, this pointless attempt at self recrimination, all entirely understandable emotions and telling myself that it really wasn't my fault that the poor old sod had clearly become confused, and lost his way - and it wasn't my fault but NONE of that, helps. A year ago I'd have been OK - just as I was when I shot my beloved old brood mare and sent her off to heaven - it's all a part of the rich tapestry that we call life, but now, the fact that Robert died alone, and cold and soaked - the image wont leave me.

The Snowdrops are out, the sun is shining, we have turned the corner of winter, but we've yet to beat C-19. Perhaps that's it, perhaps it's just this prison sentence which most of us are serving.

Does anyone else find themselves coming up to the boil, and they aren't too sure why?

I can quite understand the recurrent feeling of "if only...." in that situation and feel for you. On the other hand imagine if he'd lain there for days and his partner had been alone.

Have you talked to your OH about your feelings?

 

[GrannyAching]

Quite why I should be so staggered by the simple element of 'Goodness', which I find and as I read through these pages, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's that in my daily life, just about all those who I come in contact with really only seem to care about themselves, and how they can further their own interests.

A genuine and huge Well Done to all of you who reach out to others - they NEED you - NEVER give up. I find the level of simple kindness humbling and I should make a greater effort.

A couple of weeks back, the 'phone rang, it was my OH and she simply said "There's a dead body in Court Road". Court Road is really just a farm track. I went down immediately and the sight which greeted me was so easily understood. A car with all doors closed had its wheels in a rut and the driver had become stuck, his walking stick and his coat and the medication which it transpired he'd collected from our local health centre, in packets were strewn about - there were muddy hand prints over the side of the car where'd attempted to get back in.
The guy was called Robert, he was lying on his back in the mud and wet with his arms folded peacefully across his chest. I suspect that he realised that his end was close and he accepted his fait - that's what I want to think. Robert was 93 and the sole carer for his wife, also 93 and she has advanced dementia - probably a blessing. They had each other and no one else in the world. They lived in our next village.

If only I'd been there - *If Onlies* are pointless and they achieve nothing. The Police spokesperson insisted that CPR be attempted - his hands had turned black and he'd been dead for at least 12 hours. I accept that the lady on the end of the 'phone didn't see things as we did, but once rigor-mortis has set in, then any chance of resuscitation has been passed. The lady also didn't want to be contradicted, it was easy enough to become angry with her, easy enough to almost laugh. ……..

Now, this anger, this resentment, this pointless attempt at self recrimination, all entirely understandable emotions and telling myself that it really wasn't my fault that the poor old sod had clearly become confused, and lost his way - and it wasn't my fault .....

I can't like your post, it would seem wrong but, quite genuinely, thanks for feeling you could share. I'm sure I could ask you all sorts of details about why he was in the track, had other vehicles been past etc etc.

You though, did take the trouble to care for Robert even though he was past knowing. You've honoured him by thinking about him and his life since. When I "retired", I started doing domiciliary care because there is a massive shortage of people who will do it and it was my way of not vegetating and giving something to the local rural community. I've lived meeting so many amazing people. The stories of their lives are fascinating to me.

Sorry for the ramble. The point of my post id to say yes, I recognise coming to the boil at the sheer injustice of what can happen to people, probably a lot more people of all ages that can go in noticed. In my case it's been children, sometimes parents when I was teaching, and now aged people. As carers, we are often impotent you in the face of family/nurses/doctors who actually don't have an approach centred on our client. A recent example was where a doctor just wouldn't engage in supporting us with palliative care, basically write the client off (no hospital due to covid) but only spoke to the family who were doing no care and were really out of their depth. Broke my colleagues' hearts that last week.

I feel cross thinking about Robert because where was his care package? There really should have been something in place for him and his wife but what happens is people are independent, they say they don't need help and then it's just too easy for the system to sign them off because there aren't enough social workers or carers anyway so unless they get flagged up again by doctors or nurses or the community or family they've gone through the net.

It's not a nice world we live in but while there's a few people who reach out and offer support and none judgemental understanding we have to hope it will be paid forward. You'll be more aware now, probably your wife, too. (Not that you weren't before but you get what I'm saying I hope).

It's not wrong to care to the point where you get cross but remember "don't get mad, get even" by which I mean use your fury as productively as possible not to destroy yourself.

 

[Christoph1945]

Quite why I should be so staggered by the simple element of 'Goodness', which I find and as I read through these pages, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's that in my daily life, just about all those who I come in contact with really only seem to care about themselves, and how they can further their own interests.

A genuine and huge Well Done to all of you who reach out to others - they NEED you - NEVER give up. I find the level of simple kindness humbling and I should make a greater effort.

A couple of weeks back, the 'phone rang, it was my OH and she simply said "There's a dead body in Court Road". Court Road is really just a farm track. I went down immediately and the sight which greeted me was so easily understood. A car with all doors closed had its wheels in a rut and the driver had become stuck, his walking stick and his coat and the medication which it transpired he'd collected from our local health centre, in packets were strewn about - there were muddy hand prints over the side of the car where'd attempted to get back in.
The guy was called Robert, he was lying on his back in the mud and wet with his arms folded peacefully across his chest. I suspect that he realised that his end was close and he accepted his fait - that's what I want to think. Robert was 93 and the sole carer for his wife, also 93 and she has advanced dementia - probably a blessing. They had each other and no one else in the world. They lived in our next village.

If only I'd been there - *If Onlies* are pointless and they achieve nothing. The Police spokesperson insisted that CPR be attempted - his hands had turned black and he'd been dead for at least 12 hours. I accept that the lady on the end of the 'phone didn't see things as we did, but once rigor-mortis has set in, then any chance of resuscitation has been passed. The lady also didn't want to be contradicted, it was easy enough to become angry with her, easy enough to almost laugh. ……..

Now, this anger, this resentment, this pointless attempt at self recrimination, all entirely understandable emotions and telling myself that it really wasn't my fault that the poor old sod had clearly become confused, and lost his way - and it wasn't my fault but NONE of that, helps. A year ago I'd have been OK - just as I was when I shot my beloved old brood mare and sent her off to heaven - it's all a part of the rich tapestry that we call life, but now, the fact that Robert died alone, and cold and soaked - the image wont leave me.

The Snowdrops are out, the sun is shining, we have turned the corner of winter, but we've yet to beat C-19. Perhaps that's it, perhaps it's just this prison sentence which most of us are serving.

Does anyone else find themselves coming up to the boil, and they aren't too sure why?

I have reluctantly pressed the like button to say thankyou for believing that you were able to share with us the troubling event that you folks have been so unfortunate to come across. Because you are a person who does care, you will automatically be sensitive to many such events and it is obvious that you are a person of deep sensitivity.

Questions such as If only, what if, why did I, why didn't I, could I have done things differently and how could I have made a difference (if at all) can haunt us infinitum but if we choose to share our thoughts, fears, and suspicions we can rob them of their power over us. Been there but didn't share and paid a terrible price; been there, shared and found healing.

I think that most folk suffer from some level of depression but keep ahead of it by keeping on the move, by socializing, hobbies, and past times, but lockdowns have severely restricted peoples abilities to keep ahead of that old Black Dog.

To count the number of friends and relatives that have committed suicide has used up all the fingers on one hand and commenced to use up the other; leaving, oh so many unanswered questions.

Stay safe, stay well, and above all please continue to share.

Chris