Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[ridger]

I would maybe liken it to a slippery slope. You're tootling along, everything ok, then a couple of things go wrong and it knocks you. Something else happens that maybe wouldn't normally bother you, but because you're a bit down already, you sink a bit lower. You're now a bit more touchy, so even the slightest things send you off on one. Don't know if that makes sense, but it's how you deal with it that matters.

You've put what I was thinking into words, much better than I ever could. Then when you think your at your lowest, someone tramps you on down. Everyone needs to talk. The lowest time I find, is 3 in the morning, worrying, unable to sleep, debts high, morale and funds low, once you get up and going again it's never so bad. Don't quit, and don't bottle everything up.

 

[Tomjoad]

Is there anywhere to go to discuss the implications of suicide.
My father did it, and pressures of work and marriage problems are bringing back the whole thing.
I was only young but it's something that has always lurked and is there now.
Anyone know where you can go just to talk

@Ali by recognising that there are issues and by being willing to talk you are half way there.
Best of luck with sorting your problems out, it takes real courage to come on here and talk so honestly.

 

[Ali]

There are great people here. While I may have problems at home, they probably pale to others that may be here.
If anyone wants to discuss and share there issues I am happy to discuss. I am in a bad place mainly due to work, but I have found people here that will help and of anyone wants to yarn and be pointed on the right direction of people that can help hereb

 

[caveman]

My sister did it. She was not involved farming but the fallout remains the same. It is a really awkward, cowardly thing to do and causes a great deal of trouble for those remaining.

I disagree with you.
To lump all victims together with the same, wrong diagnosis, (that they are selfish cowards) is very short sighted.
You sure you aint got it in the back of your mind to do the same and the thought of being branded a coward is stopping you?
I reckon the state of ones pshycy is as inherent as any other illness.
Perhaps you need to see somebody to help you come to terms with your loss?

 

[Chae1]

To add to cavemans post many people do it because they believe they are a burden to others and better off without them. Not cowardly in my opinion. Our mum did it 6 years ago, and 2 of my wifes brothers have. When your depressed you can't look at things logically and blow the smallest thing out of proportion.

I probably posted this earlier in same thread.

 

[smcapstick]

I disagree with you.
To lump all victims together with the same, wrong diagnosis, (that they are selfish cowards) is very short sighted.
You sure you aint got it in the back of your mind to do the same and the thought of being branded a coward is stopping you?
I reckon the state of ones pshycy is as inherent as any other illness.
Perhaps you need to see somebody to help you come to terms with your loss?

You needn't worry, I'm quite all right. The damage was done to our parents and one brother that was very close to her.

Because of that single action, their lives have been made worse. There has also been a roll-on effect - relations with their friends, neighbours, tenants, suppliers, customers and extended family have also been negatively impacted. All because the individual would not face up to their problems.

I understand your views, I really do. My problem with it is this - responsibility no longer lies with the individual. These days it is never the fault of the victim, it's the fault of the system, society etc etc. This echoes in the health and safety thread, as well as in the endless discussion regarding benefits, the NHS - the whole social welfare system. Go to work on a quarry and the is a HSE talk every morning to cover the company's backside because if some idiot jumps into a crusher, it's not his fault. It's the system's fault.

An individual's actions are sanctioned by the individual.

 

[Baling Hay]

There are great people here. While I may have problems at home, they probably pale to others that may be here.
If anyone wants to discuss and share there issues I am happy to discuss. I am in a bad place mainly due to work, but I have found people here that will help and of anyone wants to yarn and be pointed on the right direction of people that can help hereb

You work offshore in oil and gas don't you?

 

[Ali]

You work offshore in oil and gas don't you?

Yep. That is why you get the big wages, you have to take the big sacrifices.
Looks great from the outside but it must have some of the highest rates if divorce, alcoholics Ill health etc.

 

[Baling Hay]

Yep. That is why you get the big wages, you have to take the big sacrifices.
Looks great from the outside but it must have some of the highest rates if divorce, alcoholics Ill health etc.

Not asking what your salary is but what do people typically get working offshore for different roles?

If it is causing you so much trouble is the money really worth it?

 

[yorkie]

My sister did it. She was not involved farming but the fallout remains the same. It is a really awkward, cowardly thing to do and causes a great deal of trouble for those remaining.

as some one who thought about it and didn't go thru with it in end you are talking shite,would not have affected any one at the time,as any one who noes me will tell you I am far from a coward

 

[Ali]

Not asking what your salary is but what do people typically get working offshore for different roles?

If it is causing you so much trouble is the money really worth it?

you dairy farm for a living and lots of people hit hard times be that emotionally or financially but they still do it.
Why do I work offshore, because its what I do, if I dint do my job I would get bored, also it allows my family to maybe have more in life than they otherwise would. I chose these sacrifices to try and make sure I provide for my kids what I never got.
Unfortunately for me four jobs that should all have been spread out have all rolled into one, very long hard graft with added contractual problems and smaller issues which have all come together in one big train smash.
But after you talk to folk, which is probably the hardest by the way, then you realise that things aren't as bad as you see them.
I will

 

[bobajob]

I once heard the phrase (or words to this effect)

'We all have troubles, and if everyone hanged their troubles/ problems out on the washing line for everyone to see, they would probably rather take their own problems than someone else's'

 

[smcapstick]

I once heard the phrase (or words to this effect)

'We all have troubles, and if everyone hanged their troubles/ problems out on the washing line for everyone to see, they would probably rather take their own problems than someone else's'

Sound's like the words of a wise chap. I like that.

 

[grumpy]

I once heard the phrase (or words to this effect)

'We all have troubles, and if everyone hanged their troubles/ problems out on the washing line for everyone to see, they would probably rather take their own problems than someone else's'

thats a good un,but this takes some beating

O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!

 

[llamedos]

There is also one, "never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes"

 

[bobajob]

[QUOTESound's like the words of a wise chap. I like that. ][/QUOTE]


Yeah he was a wise chap, very astute. (and his funeral was this week aged 64, after a short illness)

 

[oil barron]

I once heard the phrase (or words to this effect)

'We all have troubles, and if everyone hanged their troubles/ problems out on the washing line for everyone to see, they would probably rather take their own problems than someone else's'

I think crocodile Dundee nailed it. He said I don't need a shrink, just go to the pub and tell Wally, then he tells everyone else - problem solved.

Facebook is the worst thing for depression, folk only post the good things that are happening so you go on there and think everyone else is doing great.

 

[grumpy]

I think crocodile Dundee nailed it. He said I don't need a shrink, just go to the pub and tell Wally, then he tells everyone else - problem solved.

Facebook is the worst thing for depression, folk only post the good things that are happening so you go on there and think everyone else is doing great.

ahh @Walterp advice?

 

[Gilchro]

There is also one, "never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes"

And then you're a mile away in new shoes

 

[Allied Weighing]

I have read all these posts with interest. And for those of you that have lost a loved one and have been able to share your experiences I admire you for being so open. I can offer a little insight into this, as i have a sister who has suffered from what used to be called 'manic depression' for over 25 years. She has attempted suicide unsuccessfully on a fair amount of occasions. 1 in 3 people during their lives are likely to suffer from some sort of depression. Depression/mental health issues can be short term and there is usually a trigger which sets it off, money troubles being the most pertinent one. The sufferer feels an overwhelming fear of failure and feels they have no control and can see no way out of the situation they are in. They are often frightened to admit they have 'failed' in their eyes and let everyone down. As they can see no end to their situation suicide becomes an option. This scenario can apply to kids at school who feel under pressure with exams/are being bullied. When my daughter was at primary school her 9 year old friend hanged herself. Society today does not address the problems people face with mental health unlike Cancer and other illnesses who receive far more funding and publicity, and telling somebody who feels in so much despair to simply 'snap out of it' doesn't work What to one person may not be a problem to someone else it can be insurmountable. Long term mental health issues which my sister has are dealt with by trying to manage the situation with medication in the majority of cases, not try and find out the root cause of the problem. My sister regularly rang various organizations/help lines and nobody could give her the answers. I spent hours and hours on the phone to her going round in circles and i could not get her to change her mind. Tablets alcohol was hidden but she would go and buy some more. I have witnessed first hand the irrational behavior driving at 100mph, bringing strange men into her house (she's married) running up thousands of pounds on credit cards, sleeping for weeks and not getting out of bed and the list goes on and on. It's heartbreaking to see someone that you love behaving like a stranger and not being able to help them and even sadder that there is no cure.
Ironically now some years ago she suffered an SAH and subsequent stokes and is now bedridden, she cannot walk, she can't stand up, she can't really talk. She relies on 24 hour care, and has lived in the same room for the last 3 years. She still has depression but is now not in a position to be able to do anything about it. She has no quality of life.

There is still and always will be a stigma attached to mental health issues. I would urge anyone who is feeling depressed to talk to as many people as you can, don't feel you are on your own and don't feel you can't get help. To most problems there is usually a solution, talking is taking the first step. There are alot of kind people out there and it is surprising how many will step up to the mark. It is a 'silent' illness but doesn't need to be. Don't judge other people because unless you are in their shoes you have no idea how they feel