diary of a comedy sheep farm

[adzy]

'FARMER WHO' and 'THE FARM THAT TIME FORGOT'

friday afternoon...feet up it's a toss up.....rerun binge of juliet bravo or clean out the berli .....it's alright having a 'berli tardis' but it doesn't matter how much junk you throw in the back it never fills up and you can never find anything......the number of hammers i've bought over the years...but can i find one......i'm interrupted....the 'intergalactic fax machine' from the 'time masters'......'ffs' think i 'why can't they just text instead of communicating like it's 1983'....i get up....rip off the msg and read 'strange goings on in breckland earth...investigate please....co ordinates follow'.....i sigh 'for heaven sake 'breckland earth' ....of course it's strange going on....the whole fekkin place isn't right....what now?......ppl running round naked amongst gorse bushes wearing animal masks?....i keep telling them....thats 'normal for norfolk' but 'oh no' will they listen.....besides why can't they send that 'doctor'.....bloomin b'strd.....police box that can materialise wherever it likes....but it's me gets the gig....fekkin 100 mile round trip in the berli only to find the locals romping about 'in the nip'...i suppose i could divert after mart.......lets see.....looks like 45 mins from mart....hour on site....hour and a half home.....leave mart 7:45 ?....i should be home just in time for 'homes under the hammer' at 11am

saturday comes...i'm off...it all goes according to plan until i'm nearly at the co'ordinates ...near a pit hole on a lunar type lane and the old 'temporal disturbance mointor' goes haywire....'ah' thinks i 'nothing new...i mean for a start it's french electronics and secondly i spilt a costa vanilla latte t'other day...thats probably it'......i approach the steading....'' oh god if there's a lad in a rocking chair playing a banjo...i'm off...i'm not going thru that...again' ....however the 'natives' are friendly.....if a touch 'eccentric'.....the younger seems to fashioning some kinda 'shrine' out of cage wheels whilst the older,sieve in hand, seems prospecting thru the yard dust....occasionally whooping with delight with a 'find'....a very shiney 11mm spanner hangs like a medallion.....i give them the old 'i'm a sheep farmer looking for feed grains' cover story that satisfies them.....again the loading weighing is eccentric but nowt that odd....somehow i'm sold a wheel....'ah i'll chuck it berli ...plenty of room'.....i depart....'fekkin wild goose chase' i start to say but then the monitor goes again....same place.....then signal's gone....'meh' thinks i.......arriving home..it'll be tight but....i switch on the telly....'WTF....closing credits...i'll never know how much that 2 bed semi in Dudley made'....checking the clock its 'NOON'......an hour lost......'bloomin great...i'm gonna miss 'football focus' now writing this lot up'

REPORT....standard time bubble anomaly discovered at co ordinates....time distortion of slowing time 100% whilst inside that is compensated 2 to 1 once outside.....no ongoing problem....natives friendly but quaint' END REPORT.....ps any further news on my request for a netflix subscription?

You've not lived until you've seen Charles snr balanced precariously on the back of a power Harrow "adding ballast" whilst a visibly annoyed Charles jnr rags the guts out of the elderly Ford 4000 its attached to in a vain attempt to break the surface of the iron like hard pan that passes for potato ground.

And that's before the trays of flints and mummified apples come out...

Talk about strange goings on in breckland.

 

[robbie]

All the above makes our place seem normal!!!!!!

 

[robbie]

@spin cycle are you running your saw on cheap supermarket fuel????
We had no end of trouble with mowers, strimmers and chainsaws when running them on normal E7 pump petrol as soon as we changed to E5 (bp ultimate, she'll vpower) we didnt have any more problems.
The increased bio diesel content was f**king them up.

The missus used to work in the fuel industry and supermarket fuel was even worse and only just passed the spec to keep the price competitive.

 

[carbonfibre farmer]

All the above makes our place seem normal!!!!!!

You and your dad have been to the yard of many bargains.....and took something away......after spending most of the visit in our wheat

 

[carbonfibre farmer]

You've not lived until you've seen Charles snr balanced precariously on the back of a power Harrow "adding ballast" whilst a visibly annoyed Charles jnr rags the guts out of the elderly Ford 4000 its attached to in a vain attempt to break the surface of the iron like hard pan that passes for potato ground.

And that's before the trays of flints and mummified apples come out...

Talk about strange goings on in breckland.

And you keep coming back to serve penance on the planter with snr

 

[spin cycle]

@spin cycle are you running your saw on cheap supermarket fuel????
We had no end of trouble with mowers, strimmers and chainsaws when running them on normal E7 pump petrol as soon as we changed to E5 (bp ultimate, she'll vpower) we didnt have any more problems.
The increased bio diesel content was f**king them up.

The missus used to work in the fuel industry and supermarket fuel was even worse and only just passed the spec to keep the price competitive.

bp e5 ....occasional use....fuel old may be problem but nev fired her up on new

 

[adzy]

And you keep coming back to serve penance on the planter with snr
View attachment 1176434View attachment 1176435View attachment 1176436

Happy days.

 

[robbie]

bp e5 ....occasional use....fuel old may be problem but nev fired her up on new

The higher bio content doesn't suit them engines and goes off quickly.

 

[johnb5555]

Occasional use, I get the Aspen stuff, not meant to go off

 

[spin cycle]

lambing is 80% done....things getting easier ....the hoggs have been disastrous but the ewes have done better so the target i hoped for should be reached .....a miracle considering our start......the hoggs might be just one of those things OR it could be my fault....so petrified of big lambs and fat hoggs i maybe didn't feed well enough?......in our accident prone days we had hoggs lambing good lambs in the fattening pens on 1kg conc/day....something to ponder

wednesday was grim.....weather....picked another sick ewe and twins off the field....forgot admirals prescription repeat last week so had to arrange an emergency supply....i was really low come days end.....sick mum and sick sheep

thursday/today things improved....all the sick ewes have responded to tlc and meds and will go back out tomorrow .......thoughts turn to other jobs.....get sprayer out to tackle our 'biblical thistles'.....a by product of being such a 'greeny' i'm afraid.....anyhoo smeg was parked in the way....she's had the winter off tucked up in the barn.....would she start.......'old is gold' of course she did......only took a new battery...half a can of easy start.....15 mins on battery boost and she was away third attempt

 

[primmiemoo]

Is this better weather cheering everyone else, then? I didn't need my "easy start" strong coffee to feel like cracking on this morning, for once.

 

[wrenbird]

I’ve reached an age of such general decrepitude that I need at least two strong coffees to start the day, one for each eyelid. ☕️☕️

 

[primmiemoo]

 

[wrenbird]

Youm got it exact right there @primmiemoo

 

[spin cycle]

blimey 11 days have past.....and i spoke to soon ..........lambing took a downturn......kept loosing lambs out on the field....ewes just seem to give up on them.....all in all with the bad start.....crappy ending and losses it's been a bit of a disaster......add in the weather and the admiral's continuing poor mental health......this is the toughest my life has been

as far as the sheep....i could look for answers....blame myself.....but i suspect ,reading on here, i'm far from alone and as i said to charlie, i'm spinning a lot of plates but none of them particularly well

the only mitigation is that i anticipated what might happen and have been able to rejig a few things.....i had presence of mind late march to rip up part of a tired grass field with a view to reseeding.....that is now stewardship fallow....the arable it replaced sown with 'cuckoo barley' with spring barley off the heap....it might not come to much but i can keep it clean with stuff i have and worst case i'll get stewardship payment as 'enhanced stubble'......the rest of the grass field i sprayed off yesterday......i'll re sow but with pure ryegrass with a view to sfi or clover/grass for sheep?

so so tired......tough write......disappointing read....sorry...i did try to compose it in my head during the day but once seated it didn't flow

 

[primmiemoo]

blimey 11 days have past.....and i spoke to soon ..........lambing took a downturn......kept loosing lambs out on the field....ewes just seem to give up on them.....all in all with the bad start.....crappy ending and losses it's been a bit of a disaster......add in the weather and the admiral's continuing poor mental health......this is the toughest my life has been

as far as the sheep....i could look for answers....blame myself.....but i suspect ,reading on here, i'm far from alone and as i said to charlie, i'm spinning a lot of plates but none of them particularly well

the only mitigation is that i anticipated what might happen and have been able to rejig a few things.....i had presence of mind late march to rip up part of a tired grass field with a view to reseeding.....that is now stewardship fallow....the arable it replaced sown with 'cuckoo barley' with spring barley off the heap....it might not come to much but i can keep it clean with stuff i have and worst case i'll get stewardship payment as 'enhanced stubble'......the rest of the grass field i sprayed off yesterday......i'll re sow but with pure ryegrass with a view to sfi or clover/grass for sheep?

so so tired......tough write......disappointing read....sorry...i did try to compose it in my head during the day but once seated it didn't flow

No need for any apologies, Spin. Difficult lambing times happen, unwell agèd p.s happen. The weather is ... the wę@ť*êř. Yet you're on top of taming the paperw*rk, and you've plans!

Hope you're finding chances to top up your batteries.

 

[LukeMcCullagh]

blimey 11 days have past.....and i spoke to soon ..........lambing took a downturn......kept loosing lambs out on the field....ewes just seem to give up on them.....all in all with the bad start.....crappy ending and losses it's been a bit of a disaster......add in the weather and the admiral's continuing poor mental health......this is the toughest my life has been

as far as the sheep....i could look for answers....blame myself.....but i suspect ,reading on here, i'm far from alone and as i said to charlie, i'm spinning a lot of plates but none of them particularly well

the only mitigation is that i anticipated what might happen and have been able to rejig a few things.....i had presence of mind late march to rip up part of a tired grass field with a view to reseeding.....that is now stewardship fallow....the arable it replaced sown with 'cuckoo barley' with spring barley off the heap....it might not come to much but i can keep it clean with stuff i have and worst case i'll get stewardship payment as 'enhanced stubble'......the rest of the grass field i sprayed off yesterday......i'll re sow but with pure ryegrass with a view to sfi or clover/grass for sheep?

so so tired......tough write......disappointing read....sorry...i did try to compose it in my head during the day but once seated it didn't flow

Hey,

Spin sorry to hear you are having a crap time of it, I know it is easy to say but try and make some time for yourself.

 

[Radio]

Take care Spin , look after yourself, thanks again for your honesty and sharing in a trying time.

 

[spin cycle]

friday

bit of a day today

first thing i had to take the 'psm' to the 'main dealers'......she's still a bit worried.....up the fuel additive and back again in a fortnight

back home ....looking at the rain i pondered whether to let the ewes + lambs back onto a more sheltered field.....they've been on this new paddock since monday ...plenty of grass but not much shelter.....only trouble was i'd sprayed old field after moving them....part round up and part prevail (thistlex clone).....former should be ok but latter ought to be 7 days....though agronomist told me it's really just to make sure the chem is fully translocated really......anyhoo admiral and i set off .....only to find an enterprising hurdler had already decided for me.....bulldozed down a small piece of electric fence and led a cohort back already....we check the field....everything seems ok remarkably so we exit thru the gate.....trundling back to the yard when we hear bleats and lo/behold some a tha b'strds have decided to follow us.....once again barging a small section of leccy fence......wouldn't be quite so bad but this is mains powered energiser ....'safari park grade' according to the blurb when i bought it......much swearing and bribery they were hustled/persuaded back.....except the half dozen i found in the grain store later

quick rollie break....then i needed to rejig orphan pen......mrs spin and K have done great work on our tiddlers/orphans......mrs spin is doing barn changeover....pings a msg....'take it you know about the tree down in the lane?'......answer 'NO'

so...i jump on mule and off to investigate......feck me a decent ash has come out of a copse and wiped out the phone line to our neighbours.....he's already there chainsaw in hand....'hello james' he laughs......'oh ffs ' i say crestfallen .....anyhoo his forklift is elsewhere so i thank him for making a start and off i go to get my jalopy and 'stoohl'......back at yard i start the stoohl get it running hoping it decides to clear itself slightly before required to act......mrs spin rings openreach.....after some 'difficulty' she 'persuades' them and they promise 4 hours

back at the tree my stoohl behaves itself....well apart from the smoke........we cut the tree up a bit....i push the rest back in the copse and he volunteers to clear the rest up.....'oh thank you' says i 'you're a fantastic neighbour and i'm such a useless one'.....'well at least you're here' he says 'most of my other neighbours arn't' (he has another holding in another village)....'btw is your fuel mix right?' he gestures towards the stoohl......i explain my 'views on the brand'....then notice his chainsaw is a stihl also....'i love mine' he says.......now at the risk of sounding envious i must say his kit is immaculate and mine...well lets be honest....scrap........but i should be able to match him in chainsaws.....but no....apparently i've managed to buy 'dr stoohl's friday afternoon's finest'.....never the less grateful i head back to the yard and finish the orphan pen.....long lunch

back at farm some odd jobs then i decide i'll have another ride round the field just in case they're are any lambs struggling.....i'm not disappointed.......set of twins that are ok but no mum.....fortunately mrs spin is about so we catch those then set off to find ewe.....which we do....she's in a poor way .......so they're all home tucked/topped up

eventually home i'm just pulling in and gerry is walking round.....she's only baked me a cake

tbh....given events I'm just wondering if may 3rd is 'be nice to your village idiot day"

 

[Suffolksucklers]