New parents

[tr250]

Trouble is Women in respect of looking after children /babies wont let up and danger is they run themselves into the ground by putting them first over themselves.


and btw where's the op one post and fudge off type is it?

and wtf's it actually got to do with owing your own farm? what difference does that make as opposed to being a tenant ?

Yes after having 3 I always say to expectant father’s now that in the first few weeks you can’t do much anyway and quite frankly your in the way most of the time. So get your head down get some sleep she will need you more when the flowers people have sent have died all the visitors have stopped coming round to see the baby and forgotten all about it and she’s left on her own with it and the baby’s drinking more and sapping her energy that’s when she’ll be exhausted and will need the help.

 

[milkloss]

Had a week or so off as it was a c section and then a few hours throughout the day. The family we have left weren’t particularly helpful.

 

[Bury the Trash]

Had a week or so off as it was a c section and then a few hours throughout the day. The family we have left weren’t particularly helpful.

Helps a lot if there's family or friends .

 

[Al R]

Maybe it is just me. I don't get a marriage or partnership where one side is on their own. Meaning left on your Tod to cope. If a couple embark on a shared endeavour such as having a child then surely this endeavour should be shared equally unless agreement is made before the event but let's be honest unless a man is trying remove a watermelon from his backside on a daily basis without pain relief I don't see much progress.

I do a hell of a lot, only missed a handful of bedtimes in 8 years, I do a huge amount with the kids, mainly after 6pm though (their mine then so I’m told)
I was arable only when we had the kids fortunately, had 36 hours off for the first one before back in harvesting then had a few broken up days off as it was Christmas but didn’t get paternity pay. Second one the missus held off until I had 300ac grass and 250ac or wholecrop in and sheeted and had it the next day, luckily it rained for a week but still wasn’t paid a dime as I hadn’t booked it off in advance - on a low wage as it was. Between not helping enough and serious money problems with 2 small kids at home the wife spiralled into serious baby blues (couldn’t drive for a few years) still on a lot of medication now several years later, primarily due to stress from almost being made homeless with 2 under 2 meanwhile I was working 80+ hour weeks on a low pay but due to having to have the cheques coming regularly in I couldn’t leave the place I’d wanted to leave for years.
I never wish to see anyone especially a new mother in that position again so I try and do my bit here, pick the kids up from school whenever I can, never miss a school play/recital, taught both the kids to read books, their maths and multiplications etc. quite often it’s the easy things that can make all the difference..

 

[serf]

That's an unfair too generalised an answer.

Was it 'a bit daft'

 

[Bury the Trash]

Was it 'a bit daft'

It was but she's ok .

 

[K39]

Didn’t mean to offend I meant it as a general farming community question owns/tenet farmer sorry. My wife had tramatic c-section with our son I tried to be there but farm comes first so had to leave to her on with her family doesn’t want help her at all and my parents etc work as well so they could only help when they can. But I can see resentment setting and I don’t think she understands

 

[Bury the Trash]

Didn’t mean to offend I meant it as a general farming community question owns/tenet farmer sorry. My wife had tramatic c-section with our son I tried to be there but farm comes first so had to leave to her on with her family doesn’t want help her at all and my parents etc work as well so they could only help when they can. But I can see resentment setting and I don’t think she understands

Apologies @K39 . from me.
Yes It can be a difficult balancing act.
Are there any local organisations that could help, like a church group ?

 

[Flatlander]

My first one was middle of combining. Wet year too so was catchy weather. Took her in to be induced first thing in the morning still no action by five so I went home as dr said they would try again the next day. Started cutting early and by noon wife was At bursting point waiting for me to turn up. Got there just in time for the show. Back on the combine by five. Second one was in March and much more relaxed And was around the house. I try to put my kids to bed each night and alway make breakfast for them. Fortunately they get up early. First one would spend most days sat in the tractor during drilling and thought the sprayer was the best thing ever. Could have been the fact that we would often stop in town for ice cream when going between farms. Quality time for me for sure.

 

[kiwi pom]

Both of mine arrived at a quiet time of year so time off work was easy to get. We didn't have lots of family around which I think makes it more important to help out.
Back in my self employed days in the UK I looked after a dairy farm for a week for one of my customers when they had their second child so he could look after number 1. They lived off farm at the time, so he wanted to be at home, he did make a couple of appearances for a brew and a yarn but mostly left me to it.
Just like holiday cover it can be done if you plan AND want to do it. I do think the farm acts as a convenient excuse for some.

 

[ajd132]

Both of mine arrived at a quiet time of year so time off work was easy to get. We didn't have lots of family around which I think makes it more important to help out.
Back in my self employed days in the UK I looked after a dairy farm for a week for one of my customers when they had their second child so he could look after number 1. They lived off farm at the time, so he wanted to be at home, he did make a couple of appearances for a brew and a yarn but mostly left me to it.
Just like holiday cover it can be done if you plan AND want to do it. I do think the farm acts as a convenient excuse for some.

There’s an important bit of gutter that needs fixing.

 

[Jrp221]

We were contracting when we had our 4. No. 1, OH was silaging, he was back at work the day after I came home. Actually I think it was the same for 2 & 3. No. 4 picked me up Fri evening, back to work Sat and I was back on the school run Mon. He would have driven me mad home for 2 weeks and the joys of being self employed means no work no money. He never got up during the night with the baby, what’s the point? He couldn’t feed them and farming Is dangerous enough without being overtired working machinery. I guess had we been farming, and living in site he would be in for meals etc so would have seen more of us as it was he didn’t see No. 4 for 2 weeks once we were home (unless we went to where he was working, foraging maize). We survived, kids all have good work ethics and we’re still married!

 

[alomy75]

The best thing for new parents: electronic ear defenders.

Hear me out on this. It's 3am, you and your wife are knackered because you haven't slept through a night for weeks, and it's your turn to settle the baby because it's 'between feeds'. So you pick them up, and hold them to your shoulder, and then the crying starts - 5" from your ear and it's the most stressful noise you can imagine.
With electronic ear defenders you can hear everything, right up to the point the crying goes over 84 decibels, then it all goes quiet(er) again. Bliss!

This is so true; my second is 4 months old now and I have ear plugs in every pair of trousers/dotted around the nap areas. Makes my brain shake when she screams without them

 

[Jerry]

First one was in hospital from May when he was born to October so had to juggle that with work.

Second one was by C section so had to help wife a fair bit the first two weeks.

 

[yellowbelly]

Maybe it is just me. I don't get a marriage or partnership where one side is on their own. Meaning left on your Tod to cope. If a couple embark on a shared endeavour such as having a child then surely this endeavour should be shared equally unless agreement is made before the event but let's be honest unless a man is trying remove a watermelon from his backside on a daily basis without pain relief I don't see much progress.

When our first born arrived, @Mrs Y B retired from tractor driving and concentrated on the children.

Whilst she was a very handy baler operator, she was a lot better mother and, as we had a very rapidly expanding, business at the time, somebody (me) had to put some serious hours on the tractors.

It's just the way it was - she had a job she was good at and , without wishing to blow my own trumpet, so did I. We just got on with it.

By the time our two 'small people' were old enough to go to school they knew where every tractor franchise's parts department was and had been on more different customers' farms in Lincolnshire that the average machinery salesman.

Not sure how the daily water melon removal thing fits in

 

[yellowbelly]

We were contracting when we had our 4. No. 1, OH was silaging, he was back at work the day after I came home. Actually I think it was the same for 2 & 3. No. 4 picked me up Fri evening, back to work Sat and I was back on the school run Mon. He would have driven me mad home for 2 weeks and the joys of being self employed means no work no money. He never got up during the night with the baby, what’s the point? He couldn’t feed them and farming Is dangerous enough without being overtired working machinery. I guess had we been farming, and living in site he would be in for meals etc so would have seen more of us as it was he didn’t see No. 4 for 2 weeks once we were home (unless we went to where he was working, foraging maize). We survived, kids all have good work ethics and we’re still married!

Sounds like a very similar situation to us

 

[kiwi pom]

There’s an important bit of gutter that needs fixing.

That's been broken for 17 years.

 

[yin ewe]

Didn’t mean to offend I meant it as a general farming community question owns/tenet farmer sorry. My wife had tramatic c-section with our son I tried to be there but farm comes first so had to leave to her on with her family doesn’t want help her at all and my parents etc work as well so they could only help when they can. But I can see resentment setting and I don’t think she understands

The farm shouldn't come first, your family must come first. Certainly animals need fed, milked, bedded, calved, lambed etc, but you really should be doing the bare minimum outside. C section is major surgery, we've had 3, the last one was quite difficult, hence the missus said there wouldn't be anymore

 

[spin cycle]

in fairness to op.......things/attitudes have changed in last 20 years it's more expected that dads do more now.....i can remember a story my in laws told me.....one night my fil ,tired from milking, came in and said 'havn't you got them (3kids) in bed yet'

my mum was driving combine 8 months pregnant and i was born 3 weeks early.....the midwife told her 'don't expect this baby to be alive'

 

[traineefarmer]

Anyone who thinks the farm comes before family should have a chat with their vet about sterilisation options.