My Daughter is being bullied at school, I know the other main girl and her mother but not really sure what I can say to them, without the police calling around. My wife has written an email to my daughters tutor about the situation, but I dont think it will help. I fear it will make things worse! I fully expect to be taking my daughter to a new school next term. I feel this is so unfair as my daughter is genuinely a lovely 14yr old girl and has done nothing wrong. Not really sure what to do.
School bullying
- Thread starter Terry75
- Start date
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
As someone who has gone through it there is little you can actively contribute. If you inform school/parents then retaliation will be swift. Moving to a new school might be the best. Passively support your daughter as much as you can, listen to her, don't shower her with possible solutions but just listen. Help her deal with it and help her focus on constructive positive things.
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
Also exposure to people her age outside of school helps, young farmers for instance. Bullying usually stays isolated to location/crowd.
for me it was scouts.
for me it was scouts.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
How long has it been going on?
Read and memorise the school bullying policy.
Read and memorise the school safeguarding policy.
Inform the school in person. Take a friend with you. If there is any physical bullying, inform them that you will consider any failure to act promptly to be a safeguarding issue. Forget the tutor - this is for the head of year at least.
You're quite within your rights to inform the police of violence in, and on the way to school. If it is physical at all, the magic words "safeguarding" and "police" will do the job.
Schools should be safe places of learning. Your child should not have to leave. Bullies will just move on to someone else, so you need to have this addressed for the sake of the next persons child who they target.
Read and memorise the school bullying policy.
Read and memorise the school safeguarding policy.
Inform the school in person. Take a friend with you. If there is any physical bullying, inform them that you will consider any failure to act promptly to be a safeguarding issue. Forget the tutor - this is for the head of year at least.
You're quite within your rights to inform the police of violence in, and on the way to school. If it is physical at all, the magic words "safeguarding" and "police" will do the job.
Schools should be safe places of learning. Your child should not have to leave. Bullies will just move on to someone else, so you need to have this addressed for the sake of the next persons child who they target.
ollie989898
Member
If the school are not able to sort this to your satisfaction you can always take the child out of the school and put them into another one, so take some comfort in the fact there is a way out of this no matter what.
- Location
- Carmarthenshire, West Wales
I think there is a terrible culture in British schools of bullying, I did read that on Ofsted inspections, they ask the school how many bullying incidents there have been, and the higher the number mark the school down, so this is an incentive for schools to not record bullying, so I think email is the right thing, then follow it up with another asking for what the school is planning to do.
About 15 years ago, my son went to school in Denmark for 3 months, and when he came back he said, Danish children would not survive in a British school, they would not be able to cope with it, as an example he said his uncle trimmed his hair and no one took the mickey, over here he would not have gone to school with his hair like that! He also said he tried to teach them Rugby and when he did a dump tackle on one lad, they all found it too rough!
- Location
- Wiltshire
I was once a school governor. Don’t rely on email try to speak to the tutor. I would suggest going straight to the head. If he/she won’t listen go to chair of governors. Or the CEO or whatever the person in charge of an academy is called.
Write down every communication you have with the school in a diary. If you can every incident your daughter has. The schools first statement will the that they don’t have an issue, they will want to protect their reputation and brush things away.
It is a horrible situation to be in and I really feel for you. Your daughter should not have to go through this. She should not have to move school but if the school does not respond to this I would be wondering what else they are not doing.
10 years as a governor made me very cynical about the ability of many in the education system I’m afraid.
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Write down every communication you have with the school in a diary. If you can every incident your daughter has. The schools first statement will the that they don’t have an issue, they will want to protect their reputation and brush things away.
It is a horrible situation to be in and I really feel for you. Your daughter should not have to go through this. She should not have to move school but if the school does not respond to this I would be wondering what else they are not doing.
10 years as a governor made me very cynical about the ability of many in the education system I’m afraid.
Bg
- Location
- Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk
I'm not sure I know the answer but to the OP it just sounds such a shame and for your Daughter. I do think banning of smart phones during school time is a partial solution to many ills within the system
farmerm
Member
- Location
- Shropshire
Once the school is fully aware if the problem continues your daughter needs to stand up and punch the bully in the nose. Violence is never the answer, but sometimes it is.
- Location
- South wales
Sad thing is she would face a harsher punishment than the coward that’s bullying her
farmerm
Member
- Location
- Shropshire
Not if the school really understand the dynamic that is in play and your daughter is generally a well behaved and good pupil to teach. You do need to make it clear to the school what is happening and the impact on your daughter and you need the teachers on your side, after that she when she lashes out she is acting purely in self defense. Besides how can any punishment by the school be any worse than suffering another 2 years of being a miserable victim of the bullies, something that can affect you for life.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Dont hit them. There is a process. Get it going. You will find that, once the right buttons are pressed, that there is zero tolerance of this kind of behaviour.
As the others have said get to speak to the right person at school and get a plan in place to sort it out. Kids and schools are today more aware of the negative effect of bullying so the bully should know this and may well adjust her behaviour if the school handles the situation correctly.
If that doesn't work then new school.... as potentially another 4 years being subjected to a bully just isn't worth sticking around for.
Tell your daughter that the bully has probably got things going on in her life that are causing her to take it out on someone else, it probably isn't more specific than that (although it feels like it is). It is probably bad luck that the bully chose your daughter and it isn't through any fault of your daughters. I hope she has a good circle of friends to dilute the crap as that will make a difference.
If that doesn't work then new school.... as potentially another 4 years being subjected to a bully just isn't worth sticking around for.
Tell your daughter that the bully has probably got things going on in her life that are causing her to take it out on someone else, it probably isn't more specific than that (although it feels like it is). It is probably bad luck that the bully chose your daughter and it isn't through any fault of your daughters. I hope she has a good circle of friends to dilute the crap as that will make a difference.
Netherfield
Member
- Location
- West Yorkshire
Had this problem many years ago, I went to the head teacher and complained, his response 'what can we do about it, the bully has now been excluded from three other schools before coming here, her mother is a single parent drunken junkie' all I can do is put her on detention again'.
Fortunately the girl got into trouble out of school and was removed to an approved school.
Fortunately the girl got into trouble out of school and was removed to an approved school.
- Location
- Portsmouth
Sorry to hear this. I hope you can resolve it. You
I hope my kids don't have to experience being bullied. Each day I drop mine of at school/nursery I say "be good, be kind, have fun". If was told they were bullying anyone as they get older they would be so severely punished they would not continue.
However I have also drilled into my older one that if someone is being unkind to him or anyone else he should take the following steps:
1) ask them to stop
If it continues
2) tell a teacher
if it continues
3) ask them to stop
If it continues
4) tell the same teacher
If it continues
5) f**king smack them as hard as he can!
I have made it clear to my son, if he follows the process he will have my support. I have also told the teacher this.
Many don't agree but I learnt as a teenager that most the time a bully needs to be given a bloody good hiding. As said earlier violence is not the answer, but sometimes it is (when other options have been explored)
I hope my kids don't have to experience being bullied. Each day I drop mine of at school/nursery I say "be good, be kind, have fun". If was told they were bullying anyone as they get older they would be so severely punished they would not continue.
However I have also drilled into my older one that if someone is being unkind to him or anyone else he should take the following steps:
1) ask them to stop
If it continues
2) tell a teacher
if it continues
3) ask them to stop
If it continues
4) tell the same teacher
If it continues
5) f**king smack them as hard as he can!
I have made it clear to my son, if he follows the process he will have my support. I have also told the teacher this.
Many don't agree but I learnt as a teenager that most the time a bully needs to be given a bloody good hiding. As said earlier violence is not the answer, but sometimes it is (when other options have been explored)
- Location
- Lincolnshire
They have a policy. Make them follow it to the very letter. If not resolved rapidly, speak with the chair of govs. Remind them that they have a duty to your child.
What they can do about it is clearly set out in their processes and procedures. They won't deviate from the policy. If you feel aggrieved, the chain in school is:
Head of year
Head and or designated safeguarding lead
Chair of govs
After this they need to be told you will be passing on the details to the local authority and offsted. You can highlight issues via the ofsed patentview website. I'd strongly suggest you keep a diary of events.
I've only had need to complain about another child's behaviour towards my son once, but after they failed to sort it it was straight to a meeting with the chair of govs and head, and it was then resolved within a few weeks.
Its not fair that your child has to move. I hope that this hasn't gone on very long, and I'm pleased your child is able to tell you what the situation is. With only a few days left until the end of term, unless you are both set on changing schools, it needs addressing on Monday morning. You may want to go in person, and say that you will wait until whoever is needed is free. This should not be your child's tutor - if they are needed the school will take them out of a lesson to meet with you.
By acting decisively, even if you move schools, it shows your child you have their back. Meetings should be calm, factual, and if possible include dates of occurances. If yo feel it may get heated, take someone with you (ideally Tony, from Bullseye, as he is very calming).
Reassure your child that you don't need to run from bullies. The bullys home life has zero, zero relevance in this situation.
You may feel that the chair of govs is pretty powerless, but I guarantee it will keep the school on their toes.
Wilksy
Member
- Location
- East Riding
Lasses can be horrible, my daughter is at an all girls school, and she’s had her run in’s with bullies, in balance she has a mouth on her and drew a fair bit of negative attention, the good thing she has learnt from it, they have I ‘well-being’ department that deals with such issues which seems to be sufficient in her case, but I do feel for your daughter, I was bullied, not bad, but you don’t forget it
I have no real advise. But I was bullied all the way through secondary school. The worst was my older brother so didn’t have a very good home life, parents where great but couldn’t understand why I spent so much time outside and was a very emotional teenager. I was so glad to leave home and go to ag college, school wanted me to stay on a do sixth form but was out of that place and never looked back. at least your daughter has hold you and your trying to help, because as 15 year old lad living in the middle of no where it seemed like I had no one to could talk to 