Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

7610 super q · Apr 2, 2018

Jameshenry said:
This weather is taking it's toll, no wonder we suffer from depression at times , Trudging around in heavy rain and mud all day not knowing what to do with sheep and lambs, it tries your patience and mental health

+ 1. Much talk a week ago of it clearing up from the 10th onwards. Not now, according to my local forecast.
Could conceivably have no crops to harvest this year, if nothing gets planted. ( I'm all spring cropping ).
Ah well, always next year, I suppose.

I've stopped looking at the TAW thread. Been sowing in the East since Christmas.

Lazy Eric · Apr 2, 2018

I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.

spin cycle · Apr 2, 2018

Lazy Eric said:
I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.

lots of us i suspect get periods like that....difficult to console you as i know the feeling....best way of coping is to take the attitude that you're hanging in there and if you do.... things may get better

Bury the Trash · Apr 2, 2018

Lazy Eric said:
I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.[/QUOT

Yes, proper depression is more than just being 'cheesed off' for a period ot time, actually possibly more people these days understand what you have...
...... but then thinking on.....if you were on crutches with a broken leg it would easier for them to help by simply opening a door, whereas its a bit harder i guess,for a lot of people to know what to say or do with regards depression.

primmiemoo · Apr 2, 2018

Hello everyone.
Just wondering if it's ok here to give a friendly wave to a farmer I "know of" through another forum, please?
It isn't considered entirely correct to enquire after a member there, the reasoning seeming to be if a poster wants to drop out, they can, and it's up to them to join back in if they want to. It's a friendly place, other than that.

So, he's a gentle gentleman who farms a pedigree herd of native breed milkers in a wet area in Scotland. He's had a long winter - it started at first cut silage time and kept going - plus family illness and a bereavement in the past few months. Likes crosswords, and can explain complex farming procedures to non-farmers clearly, succinctly, and with humour. Haven't "seen" him since February, I think.

If he's a member of TFF and lurking, a best wishes, hang on in there >wave< from here. If any TFF farmers feel they might know him in person, then please pass on that he's being thought about, and hope that things are working out, if it's possible to do so.

Many thanks,
primmie.

Christoph1945 · Apr 3, 2018

I wonder why we have no emoticons for handshakes and hugs?

TheScottishDairyman · Apr 4, 2018

Lazy Eric said:
I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.

I no what you mean about hiding depression in the farming community because most don’t understand. Iv not long admitted that iv got depression iv been trying to hide it for months from family and friends and things just spiraled but anyway my family noticed first and when I actually did something about it iv found that speaking to people helps not majorly and not everyday but sometime it helps. Now I’m managing to tell work colleges and friends and I can say iv been 100% shocked at how kind and how many people that are in the farming community actually suffer from depression, people you would never of thought would be are suffering from it as well. iv been shocked by how many people you think I’m not going to say to them because they don’t understand but actually they do because there going through it as well. I find talking about it eases things now and again

JWL · Apr 4, 2018

BobGreen said:
Have things worked out @JWL ?

Things have taken a major change, she's back!
Bit of a whirlwind has happened in the past month and there's been a steep learning curve for the both of us and the boys. It's far from being a Disney fairytale but we are all comfortable with the situation and all rub along very nicely. I wouldn't be telling a lie if I said that there aren't some reservations on all sides, we have lived different lives for over 8 years but the deep friendship is very much there, dare I say it that we are a family again.
For those with the basic questions in the back of their minds, no it's not a shag fest, We're comfortable with each other and share the same bed but we're older and less energetic and anyway we've got two boys in the house which testify we knew what to do all those years ago.
Life is different now with adult conversations and reminiscing on times past, both the good and the bad. We are open and honest which is essential for any relationship. Differences of opinion have occurred but been dealt with as adults and with compromise, life is too short to be battling away over stupid matters of opinions.
This last month has really shown how deep our friendship really is.

BobGreen · Apr 4, 2018

JWL said:
Things have taken a major change, she's back!
Bit of a whirlwind has happened in the past month and there's been a steep learning curve for the both of us and the boys. It's far from being a Disney fairytale but we are all comfortable with the situation and all rub along very nicely. I wouldn't be telling a lie if I said that there aren't some reservations on all sides, we have lived different lives for over 8 years but the deep friendship is very much there, dare I say it that we are a family again.
For those with the basic questions in the back of their minds, no it's not a shag fest, We're comfortable with each other and share the same bed but we're older and less energetic and anyway we've got two boys in the house which testify we knew what to do all those years ago.
Life is different now with adult conversations and reminiscing on times past, both the good and the bad. We are open and honest which is essential for any relationship. Differences of opinion have occurred but been dealt with as adults and with compromise, life is too short to be battling away over stupid matters of opinions.
This last month has really shown how deep our friendship really is.

That’s really good news. Hope it all works out

waterbuffalofarmer · Apr 4, 2018

JWL said:
Things have taken a major change, she's back!
Bit of a whirlwind has happened in the past month and there's been a steep learning curve for the both of us and the boys. It's far from being a Disney fairytale but we are all comfortable with the situation and all rub along very nicely. I wouldn't be telling a lie if I said that there aren't some reservations on all sides, we have lived different lives for over 8 years but the deep friendship is very much there, dare I say it that we are a family again.
For those with the basic questions in the back of their minds, no it's not a shag fest, We're comfortable with each other and share the same bed but we're older and less energetic and anyway we've got two boys in the house which testify we knew what to do all those years ago.
Life is different now with adult conversations and reminiscing on times past, both the good and the bad. We are open and honest which is essential for any relationship. Differences of opinion have occurred but been dealt with as adults and with compromise, life is too short to be battling away over stupid matters of opinions.
This last month has really shown how deep our friendship really is.

that's very good news

It shows maturity to do what you have both done and I truly hope it all works out

waterbuffalofarmer · Apr 4, 2018

Lazy Eric said:
I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.

Believe me you're not better off dead. Death is a horrible thing. Life is a beautiful gift from Yahweh (God) and Ik that sometimes everything can get a bit much, weather being a big factor in this... I suffer from a mild form of depression, so I don't really know what it is to have severe depression. But a few years ago I suffered a mental breakdown and it has changed my mental well being forever. But such is life and we have to carry on. Take every day as it comes, fight for what we have and never give up that fight. I find if I'm in depression mode I read some of the book of psalms, which reminds me of Dawid's (David's) own suffering and how Yahweh (God) helped him through that. Some of them are truly uplifting to the soul

I don't really know what else to say tbh, apart from hang in there. Keep posting, we are all here for you anytime, we do all care about you x

waterbuffalofarmer · Apr 4, 2018

TheScottishDairyman said:
I no what you mean about hiding depression in the farming community because most don’t understand. Iv not long admitted that iv got depression iv been trying to hide it for months from family and friends and things just spiraled but anyway my family noticed first and when I actually did something about it iv found that speaking to people helps not majorly and not everyday but sometime it helps. Now I’m managing to tell work colleges and friends and I can say iv been 100% shocked at how kind and how many people that are in the farming community actually suffer from depression, people you would never of thought would be are suffering from it as well. iv been shocked by how many people you think I’m not going to say to them because they don’t understand but actually they do because there going through it as well. I find talking about it eases things now and again

very true on that note. Admittance to yourself is the first step and truly the biggest... Keeping a diary is also good too, so if you feel there are not many people to talk to about it you can write down your thoughts and innermost feelings in that. They also say that if somit is troubling you writing it down can be very healthy as it helps to ease the mind a lot. But talking to other people, you dont know if anyone will understand until you try, can also be good as they can give a new opinion on whatever it is that is troubling you and then help you to see a different side to it all

Hope this helps x Stay safe lads and lasses and please do keep posting

waterbuffalofarmer · Apr 4, 2018

ARW said:
Who else is feeling down with the weather?
This winter has dragged, we are sick of the wet and mud, and every job made harder and all machines impossible to keep clean. we have been busy fencing as always but this last 3 days we have achieved nothing, lots of jobs to go to but we have no desire, this has left me feeling a useless, I’m at wits end today, I have no decent shed to mend machines in, we are just waiting for the rain to stop.

The weather is very debilitating yes. I'm sorry you feel that way, you're not useless tho... The weather has a big effect on things, you can only do what you can do until it all calms down. Best thing to do on days like this is to find other projects to keep occupied with whether it be stuff you never really tried before and such. I find reading and study helps. Always good to keep the mind active, brainteasers and such. Crosswords and code words help also

simmy_bull · Apr 4, 2018

ARW said:
Who else is feeling down with the weather?
This winter has dragged, we are sick of the wet and mud, and every job made harder and all machines impossible to keep clean. we have been busy fencing as always but this last 3 days we have achieved nothing, lots of jobs to go to but we have no desire, this has left me feeling a useless, I’m at wits end today, I have no decent shed to mend machines in, we are just waiting for the rain to stop.

I’m sure the rest of the country is feeling the strain too but I’ve never known this farm to be so wet and our area in general. It’s soul destroying at this time of year when things should be turning the corner. You have my sympathy as I’m about at my wits end with it too!!

Elpresidente · Apr 4, 2018

7610 super q said:
+ 1. Much talk a week ago of it clearing up from the 10th onwards. Not now, according to my local forecast.
Could conceivably have no crops to harvest this year, if nothing gets planted. ( I'm all spring cropping ).
Ah well, always next year, I suppose.
I've stopped looking at the TAW thread. Been sowing in the East since Christmas.

Don't give up yet I've combined plenty of crops in North Pembrokeshire that weren't planted until mid may in fact for some people it's the norm even in a good year. I even remember my father combining some spring barley when I was a kid that wasn't planted until June.

Roy Baty · Apr 6, 2018

Lazy Eric said:
I feel hopeless whatever the weather, sun or rain, snow or hail. Isn’t a day goes by where at some point in every 24 hours I think I’d be better off dead. On meds which I know without I would have been dead years ago. No offence to ARW but feeling fed up and severe depression is why I try to hide it in the farming community, most don’t really understand. They think it will pass . They are two completely different things.

This resonates very strongly with me.

I am convinced now that I'm going to have to go back on the chemicals after what I will only describe as a very strong, harsh wake-up call over the last few days. This is not an ideal situation, but will hopefully give me some time to get some proper help after convincing myself everything would eventually come right, and then it not doing so.

Christoph1945 · Apr 6, 2018

No doubt most of us heard about the young immigrant who built and placed a bomb on a train. Although people were hurt when the bomb went off, it could have been a lot worse had he placed the materials in a steel container instead of the plastic bucket that he did use.

Our emotions, fears, and depressive episodes are somewhat similar to the explosive mixes that can be used to create a destructive situation. If we bottle up our fears, emotions, and depressions, we allow them to build and exert far more pressure, ready for that destructive event.

Avoiding suppression and repression of our fears and emotions can head off major psychological problems but sometimes we need the advice and guidance of professionals to defuse a building situation. Prescribed medication can provide a much needed support for those of us who are struggling with depression/anxiety but talking and sharing with a trusted confidant can greatly assist in robbing our inner fears of their power over us.

For some, the long hidden fear is rather like a flask of fuming nitroglycerin that no one should ever know about ot touch and that is why many support hotlines have been set up to allow people to talk anonymously and rob the past of it's power.

Remember that old adage ......... It's good to talk!............ and don't forget............ A trouble shared is a trouble halved! They may sound trite but they are in fact true.

Stay safe, stay well, and I assure you that even the deepest depression/anxiety is survivable.

Chris

Alicecow · Apr 17, 2018

Hope everyone is doing ok today.
@Juggler , hope your tw @ meets a big lorry on a narrow bridge like one guy did here. Not sure why he thought the lorry should give way & reverse off the bridge, but matey boy did not look happy as he walked over to pick up his wing mirror

Had someone (a bloke & a woman in a bmw) being an arrse to me last year in a supermarket car park at a very difficult time for me emotionally, still annoys/upsets me a bit, I wanted to kick all their side panels in at the time, didn't though, but then they have to live with themselves & I don't ever have to see them again, I doubt they are happy on the inside.

emd · Apr 17, 2018

I have tried to write on here many times, as I see people with difficult things going on in there lives. Often just seeing that others are having problems or have had problems in the past can help to make us see over the mountains of issues we have. So thank you to people who respond to others in need.
So why is it that over the years I have given advice to many folk and I've always said I'll be honest and straight. BUT why can't I listen to my own advice and DONT bury your head in the sand !!!!!!! It's hard enough when others want everything out of you but when you are so disappointed in yourself as well. I actually have a nice place to live and a wonderful partner. But when the list of jobs is massive and Never gets shorter.
And as for money !!!!
I have battled so hard to get here ( divorce,family,banks,)but when u get rid of one problem you just faced with two more !!!
Sorry to rumble on a complete load of tripe but needed to get something out. Now to dry eyes before someone sees.
Stay strong.

holwellcourtfarm · Apr 17, 2018

emd said:
I have tried to write on here many times, as I see people with difficult things going on in there lives. Often just seeing that others are having problems or have had problems in the past can help to make us see over the mountains of issues we have. So thank you to people who respond to others in need.
So why is it that over the years I have given advice to many folk and I've always said I'll be honest and straight. BUT why can't I listen to my own advice and DONT bury your head in the sand !!!!!!! It's hard enough when others want everything out of you but when you are so disappointed in yourself as well. I actually have a nice place to live and a wonderful partner. But when the list of jobs is massive and Never gets shorter.
And as for money !!!!
I have battled so hard to get here ( divorce,family,banks,)but when u get rid of one problem you just faced with two more !!!
Sorry to rumble on a complete load of tripe but needed to get something out. Now to dry eyes before someone sees.
Stay strong.

Been there for years

You have to stop every so often and look at those less fortunate than you to teeming yourself that yours isn't the worst life ever lived. Otherwise it's easy to just free fall into ever greater melancholy.

Hang in there and make sure to talk to your partner, not just bottle it up.

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