Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Have you considered that diet, (alcohol, gluten, and food additives), could be functioning as a trigger for your emotions? If I consume the aforementioned items I find that things do get out of proportion and I can over react to situations. Problems take on proportions far greater than they actually are and my ability to cope with them can be diminished, following a break in my diet routine.

Generally, avoiding all of the above provides for a far happier and more stable life for me and those around me. It took me many years to learn about the effects that diet can have on one's emotions and thought patterns. Not the answer to everything but possibly worth investigating and also possibly worth considering seeking extra support and counselling.

How are your sleep patterns?

 

[DrWazzock]

Just a few things to consider.

There is no "normal".

We are each individuals with strengths and weakness.

We should not feel under obligation to please anybody nor prove "our worth" to anybody, though we should aim to contribute something towards society as best we can given our strengths and weaknesses.

I'm 50 this year. Due to difficult social experiences at school, socially cautious parents and probably my inbuilt nature, I have never made friends easily, have difficulty with social contact. Met my wife when I was 40 as she seems to be only woman who understood me. She's not perfect either by the way but she has her good points as we all do. There is always the one out there eventually if you are patient and it's not about proving your worth or having to please them. It's about being who you are.

So we were too late to have kids. Apparently that's also something else I should have worried about but I don't. It's pointless.

Distance yourself from conventional social expectations and pressures such as being married with the prefect partner with kids by 25. It's old hat and it never was the paradise that it was made out to be.

Instead, enjoy the moment for what it is. The flavours of a meal, something interesting you have learnt, a piece of art, a piece of music, the architecture that's all around us, nature etc, even a pile of washing up gleaming on the rack brings a certain sense of satisfaction.

I used to think if I had lots of friends it would be great, but to be honest, for somebody like me, they can be hard work and high maintenance, so in general, I am civil with people, talk if they want to talk, but I get on with my life and don't worry too much about seeking anybody's approval or acceptance of me. I don't feel the need to accept or approve of them either. Each to their own.

Although thefe is nothing wrong with seeking happiness I think it's better to have inner contentment wth the present moment here and now.

But the beast need feeding and bedding so off I go. A new day. Lots of possibilities. Lots of new thoughts. New ways of looking at things, things to reflect on. Let the niggly stuff go. Keep steady on.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Have you considered that diet, (alcohol, gluten, and food additives), could be functioning as a trigger for your emotions? If I consume the aforementioned items I find that things do get out of proportion and I can over react to situations. Problems take on proportions far greater than they actually are and my ability to cope with them can be diminished, following a break in my diet routine.

Generally, avoiding all of the above provides for a far happier and more stable life for me and those around me. It took me many years to learn about the effects that diet can have on one's emotions and thought patterns. Not the answer to everything but possibly worth investigating and also possibly worth considering seeking extra support and counselling.

How are your sleep patterns?

I have looked at some aspects of my diet that I'm trying to change up, mostly the fact I have for a long while tended to eat a lot of junk food, but trying to put it into being more balanced. Ik that if I have an overdose of sugar it seriously effects my thinking and makes my hormones spiral out of control. My sleep is generally ok. Most nights I go to bed at 2am and sleep till 9-9:30. It isn't ideal ik but work is usually the main culprit in that case and it's going to be even busier so bedtimes will probably vary...

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Just a few things to consider.

There is no "normal".

We are each individuals with strengths and weakness.

We should not feel under obligation to please anybody nor prove "our worth" to anybody, though we should aim to contribute something towards society as best we can given our strengths and weaknesses.

I'm 50 this year. Due to difficult social experiences at school, socially cautious parents and probably my inbuilt nature, I have never made friends easily, have difficulty with social contact. Met my wife when I was 40 as she seems to be only woman who understood me. She's not perfect either by the way but she has her good points as we all do. There is always the one out there eventually if you are patient and it's not about proving your worth or having to please them. It's about being who you are.

So we were too late to have kids. Apparently that's also something else I should have worried about but I don't. It's pointless.

Distance yourself from conventional social expectations and pressures such as being married with the prefect partner with kids by 25. It's old hat and it never was the paradise that it was made out to be.

Instead, enjoy the moment for what it is. The flavours of a meal, something interesting you have learnt, a piece of art, a piece of music, the architecture that's all around us, nature etc, even a pile of washing up gleaming on the rack brings a certain sense of satisfaction.

I used to think if I had lots of friends it would be great, but to be honest, for somebody like me, they can be hard work and high maintenance, so in general, I am civil with people, talk if they want to talk, but I get on with my life and don't worry too much about seeking anybody's approval or acceptance of me. I don't feel the need to accept or approve of them either. Each to their own.

Although thefe is nothing wrong with seeking happiness I think it's better to have inner contentment wth the present moment here and now.

But the beast need feeding and bedding so off I go. A new day. Lots of possibilities. Lots of new thoughts. New ways of looking at things, things to reflect on. Let the niggly stuff go. Keep steady on.

Thanks that really helped. I guess mostly I am rather a loner but there are times I hate it and I want a lot of friends, but when I have them it doesn't feel right. The first 8 months for me are the best and, depending on people, after that ik them too well and I don't always like what I see so I want out. Very few make it past 1 year of friendship. Indeed we shouldn't worry about others acceptance or approval, I do keep telling myself that, I guess I just need to tell myself a bit harder. I think that we mostly put expectations on ourselves. As of right now I feel I'm at the crossroads in my life there are things I need to do but I don't want to do them just yet, then I look at other people around me and they did them years ago, so I think it's me wanting to fit in and applying that pressure. It's not nice to be the odd one out, it feels horrible, but sometimes we have to do things at our own steady pace. It's one thing saying it however and a completely different thing doing it. I have been thinking about that @Christoph1945 about counselling, but I think if I was going to get it done it should have been 7 years ago. Ik it's never too late, but there are aspects of my life, things that have happened to me that I struggle to talk about with anyone except my parents... And ik it's because of these aspects which makes everything a struggle most days.

 

[Big_D]

I have looked at some aspects of my diet that I'm trying to change up, mostly the fact I have for a long while tended to eat a lot of junk food, but trying to put it into being more balanced. Ik that if I have an overdose of sugar it seriously effects my thinking and makes my hormones spiral out of control. My sleep is generally ok. Most nights I go to bed at 2am and sleep till 9-9:30. It isn't ideal ik but work is usually the main culprit in that case and it's going to be even busier to bedtimes will probably vary...

CBT find a good counsellor and it will help you to think about things differently and improve how you react to things. If you feel like too much work and running around after others is a factor, read "depressive illness, curse of the strong" by tim cantopher. If after reading it you find yourself doing things that make you feel a bit selfish.......its worked

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

CBT find a good counsellor and it will help you to think about things differently and improve how you react to things. If you feel like too much work and running around after others is a factor, read "depressive illness, curse of the strong" by tim cantopher. If after reading it you find yourself doing things that make you feel a bit selfish.......its worked

Thank you for that, I will look it up

 

[Christoph1945]

Just read your post Doc; superbly put and well shared. Thank you.

 

[Christoph1945]

Sadly, a great many of us repeatedly try to change our selves in accordance with views that other people have of us and we don't realise that generally their views are distorted by their own perspectives of what they are and what they think we should be. It's a bit like being locked in one of those halls of mirrors that they used to have at the funfairs.

To be who we really are will be something fantastic, almost beyond imagination. If we are patient; like the butterfly we will all shake off the past and fly free, creatures of great beauty, wisdom, and contentment.

 

[DrWazzock]

Just read your post Doc; superbly put and well shared. Thank you.

As I always say, it's ramblings really and taken me 50 years to come to a few realisations about myself. And I am not there yet. We never will be. Life's a journey of hope in which we never quite arrive at the destination, most goals being mirages so it's good if we can to make the most of the journey rather then fret about the destination.

I would highly recommend CBT by a trained psychologist to anyone is struggling, along with a health check to make sure any underlying problems are sorted out.

And please realise you aren't alone. I don't know a person or family in this locality who isn't or hasn't struggled with very difficult family or mental health issues.

Two things that I have drawn strength from over my life that stick in my mind.

John Bunyan and the song he wrote "Who would true valour see" which provides encouragement to persevere and see things through difficulty.

And Chas 'n' Dave, "Ain't no pleasing you." which can be applied to many things as well as relationships such as government agencies, the EU, employers, red tractor scheme, inspectors etc! In this case it provides consolation and justification as well as restoring a bit of self esteem for having to abandon something which isn't working despite giving it your best shot.

Being able to decide what to persevere with and what to let go is an aquired art for which no advice can be given.

My biggest enemy over the years was alcohol. I wasn't dependent on it or anything dramatic like that but it's like borrowing happiness, and like much borrowing you pay back that happiness with interest on top, so it just ain't worth the paying back anymore.

Stay mellow folks.

 

[Dangerous Dan]

Waterbuffalofarmer. What's your name please? I'd like to call you something more personal than WBF everytime. No problem if you would rather not say.

I think I have met my depressed twin. Everything you have said is how I feel or have felt in life. Always scared of what people are thinking about me, how I may or may not have upset someone blah blah. Needing constant reassuring that anything good I've done was Actually good. Although I believe very few people.

I struggle with relationships just the same, great for a while then I don't like stuff. Same with jobs, same with everything really.

I have one person at work who I've told a lot. My wife knows everything. Other than that, I'll answer your questions if you ask them but I'm no socialite. Leave me on my own with radio on and I'm grand. BUT......... I desperately want friends. Even one I could trust and enjoy the company of would be good. Plenty of people I know and can chat about the weather with but that's not friendship.

Have you tried counselling or medication? Both of which I'm doing right now after so many years of not bothering or not wanting to do. I'll be honest, it's helped........... A bit. Medication has levelled me out a bit so I'm more inclined to help round the house more. Counselor has helped me understand a bit of where it's come from and why, ALTHOUGH, my counsellor has said on a couple of occasions that it'll probably be a case of managing the depression rather than conquering it.

Aside from the hormones, I know exactly how you feel. If you want to chat, feel free to get in contact. If not, no problem. [emoji4] [emoji4].

Every day looks bleak. BUT there WILL be a chink of sunshine somewhere. Maybe it's comedy on YouTube or watching idiots trip themselves up........... Look forward, do something for yourself that you will look forward to. Then keep at it.

Easy to give advice, doing it myself isn't so easy....... We are with you all the way. That applies to everyone here as well.

 

[DrWazzock]

And feck qbooks online. It's Sunday. Day off, other than tending the stock which is a pleasure.

 

[DrWazzock]

Another thing that occurs to me.

A lot of my stress is created by outside agencies heaping on administrative requirements that there is no time for me satisfy with my present workload. So now I am resigned to reducing my real productivity by devoting half a day in the week to the bureaucracy rather than using up my weekend and evenings doing it. So I have lost half a day of real production, reduced my profit and economic output to accommodate the bureaucracy, but at least I retain my sanity.

Message to outside agencies, Red Tractor, HMRC etc: if you keep heaping on new requirements, don't be surprised when economic output falls. I'm no longer willing to take up the slack by sacrificing my mental health any more. My production will fall. My profits will fall. Your tax take will fall, and you are to blame. Not me. If you think I am going to work harder, buy more sheep or push my land to pay for the needless work you folks make for me, then you are wrong.

That message needs to get back to government from farmers, teachers, and all sorts of workers everywhere.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Waterbuffalofarmer. What's your name please? I'd like to call you something more personal than WBF everytime. No problem if you would rather not say.

I think I have met my depressed twin. Everything you have said is how I feel or have felt in life. Always scared of what people are thinking about me, how I may or may not have upset someone blah blah. Needing constant reassuring that anything good I've done was Actually good. Although I believe very few people.

I struggle with relationships just the same, great for a while then I don't like stuff. Same with jobs, same with everything really.

I have one person at work who I've told a lot. My wife knows everything. Other than that, I'll answer your questions if you ask them but I'm no socialite. Leave me on my own with radio on and I'm grand. BUT......... I desperately want friends. Even one I could trust and enjoy the company of would be good. Plenty of people I know and can chat about the weather with but that's not friendship.

Have you tried counselling or medication? Both of which I'm doing right now after so many years of not bothering or not wanting to do. I'll be honest, it's helped........... A bit. Medication has levelled me out a bit so I'm more inclined to help round the house more. Counselor has helped me understand a bit of where it's come from and why, ALTHOUGH, my counsellor has said on a couple of occasions that it'll probably be a case of managing the depression rather than conquering it.

Aside from the hormones, I know exactly how you feel. If you want to chat, feel free to get in contact. If not, no problem. [emoji4] [emoji4].

Every day looks bleak. BUT there WILL be a chink of sunshine somewhere. Maybe it's comedy on YouTube or watching idiots trip themselves up........... Look forward, do something for yourself that you will look forward to. Then keep at it.

Easy to give advice, doing it myself isn't so easy....... We are with you all the way. That applies to everyone here as well.

Thanks
My name's Eirene btw I do take some meds for my hormones that keeps them in check and such, but I find often music helps, reflecting on things I have been studying, interaction is good also for me as I find it helps me to leave my problems behind. If I can help others I feel good within myself, like there is a purpose to everything most days I'm ok mentally, some days, usually coincides with "times", I find I can't cope very well at all. I find if I'm under a lot of stress I get nervous twitches and such, obsessions about little things get weird. OCD goes wild, it's not half as bad as some, but nevertheless annoying. I think it's about balance and when we do have those really bad days we just have to deal with them best ways we know how and always be ready to let others take the lead and care/lookout for you during those times. Same, you're welcome to pm me if you need/want to chat TC now x

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Another thing that occurs to me.

A lot of my stress is created by outside agencies heaping on administrative requirements that there is no time for me satisfy with my present workload. So now I am resigned to reducing my real productivity by devoting half a day in the week to the bureaucracy rather than using up my weekend and evenings doing it. So I have lost half a day of real production, reduced my profit and economic output to accommodate the bureaucracy, but at least I retain my sanity.

Message to outside agencies, Red Tractor, HMRC etc: if you keep heaping on new requirements, don't be surprised when economic output falls. I'm no longer willing to take up the slack by sacrificing my mental health any more. My production will fall. My profits will fall. Your tax take will fall, and you are to blame. Not me. If you think I am going to work harder, buy more sheep or push my land to pay for the needless work you folks make for me, then you are wrong.

That message needs to get back to government from farmers, teachers, and all sorts of workers everywhere.

Absolutely agree with you on this

 

[DrWazzock]

And here is one final thought on the subject of hormones or as I see it "firey" women. (I'll probably get shot down for this but here goes.)

Well obviously it's something that's been occurring for millennia and there was an Ancient Greek philosopher (can't remember who) who said on the subject of marriage that "the best horsetrainers take on the wildest horses."

Failing that then there is the shed. I see the shed as a sort of male shelter or coping mechanism when it comes to female hormones.

So no worries. It will all be alright.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

And here is one final thought on the subject of hormones or as I see it "firey" women. (I'll probably get shot down for this but here goes.)

Well obviously it's something that's been occurring for millennia and there was an Ancient Greek philosopher (can't remember who) who said on the subject of marriage that "the best horsetrainers take on the wildest horses."

Failing that then there is the shed. I see the shed as a sort of male shelter or coping mechanism when it comes to female hormones.

So no worries. It will all be alright.

Thank you and DW ik first hand about firey women, both mum and my aunty are terrible, or were anyway.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Went out with Dad to check sheep today/put bales out for them and check their feed bucket. Had a lovely drive, was amazing. Both of us enjoyed it and had heart to heart talks on how we are both feeling and such about a lot of things, which felt really lovely. Little things like spending time out with people you love, even doing little jobs and appreciating that is sometimes the best remedy for mental health. Talking whilst working is good way of therapy hope everyone else is doing ok

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I hope everyone is feeling ok. Things are a bit difficult here ATM in more ways than one. Family issues which I can't go into but which are rather worrying. Starting to want out of the family home if it continues, looking for work elsewhere as a possibility. Everything just feels a little hopeless. Undecided about burying my head and letting things go past or dealing with them head on. Head on is always best but I've been told to stay out of it stay safe guys and keep posting xx

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I hope everyone is feeling ok. Things are a bit difficult here ATM in more ways than one. Family issues which I can't go into but which are rather worrying. Starting to want out of the family home if it continues, looking for work elsewhere as a possibility. Everything just feels a little hopeless. Undecided about burying my head and letting things go past or dealing with them head on. Head on is always best but I've been told to stay out of it stay safe guys and keep posting xx

Good luck Buffy. That's always a hard one. Remember things said can never be unsaid, especially within families. If you need/want to talk we're all here for you.

Imho if you're considering getting away from home for a while it's probably a good idea. You'll miss the buffalo but likely gain so much more and return stronger, wiser and more resilient.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Good luck Buffy. That's always a hard one. Remember things said can never be unsaid, especially within families. If you need/want to talk we're all here for you.

Imho if you're considering getting away from home for a while it's probably a good idea. You'll miss the buffalo but likely gain so much more and return stronger, wiser and more resilient.

Cheers. It seems to be a case of stubborness and arrogance in this one. The 2 individuals are behaving like little children.
Yeah I will see, TBH I wrote that last night cos I'd just fecking had enough.... Calving time is just around the corner so prolly won't be possible.
Thanks. I wish I could talk to someone but Everytime I think about who it would be either they have way enough to deal with or we are just two different opinions. This one am afraid I'll have to sit out and wait and see. Families eh?! Who'd have em!