Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[primmiemoo]

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it I'm splitting off with him today and it's not going to be pretty... Hope everyone else's day goes well.

Courage!

I'm going to have to be nice to people today, whether they like it or not ...

 

[Steevo]

Courage!

I'm going to have to be nice to people today, whether they like it or not ...

Great words!

Thinking of you @waterbuffalofarmer

 

[Christoph1945]

Wbf,

hope your day is going well and any troubles that come your way will not be too great to overcome.

Chris

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

thanks for the support guys. It turned out pretty well considering. I texted him, probably not the best way to end stuff, and he was at work at the time so I couldn't ring him and also I didnt want to as my mind would go blank ik that... but we texted for a bit and we sorted stuff out. We told each other how we felt about each other and that we didn't want to lose each other and so we sorted everything out, he begged me for one last chance and if someone sincerely apologises for their actions, depending on how bad they're, I cant not forgive them. I'm just thankful that he wasn't proud about it or try to shove it in my face as being my fault, he accepted complete responsibility

 

[Christoph1945]

Forgiveness, faith, and love are tremendous bits of kit to have in one's toolbox for life but it does take considerable practice and skill to handle them properly. That Jewish guy, Jesus, was pretty adapt at showing us how it should be done.

Plenty of good sound psychological advice in the scriptures of most religions.

 

[Bury the Trash]

Spring has Sprung ...

Longer daylight than dark from now on ....

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Starting to feel the effects of the past day or 2 and it doesn't feel too great. Combined with lack of sleep I feel just down tonight, I have more jobs to do, but it feels like I'm in an endless circle of the same routine and I just can't seem to see right ahead ATM... It's the same thing day after day after day.... And right now I just want to lie down and sleep forever. How has everybody else's day been?

 

[Lincs Lass]

How has everybody else's day

Heard tonight my friends nephew who has a bit of a drink problem, decided to down a large bottle of vodka and was ready to chuck himself in the river,, last year he had to go into rehab and promised never to drink again, that didn't last lomg

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Heard tonight my friends nephew who has a bit of a drink problem, decided to down a large bottle of vodka and was ready to chuck himself in the river,, last year he had to go into rehab and promised never to drink again, that didn't last lomg

I'm really sorry to hear that... The trouble with alcoholism is that it can manifest itself when someone is either lonely or under a lot of stress from something and sometimes they just relapse. Support is the key, always being alongside them and talking to them/helping them to get back on there feet. It's a long journey and can take a very long time and you must be prepared for relapses along the way, cos hey! Nobodies perfect. I hope he recovers soon. Thinking of you all xx

 

[Bury the Trash]

Starting to feel the effects of the past day or 2 and it doesn't feel too great. Combined with lack of sleep I feel just down tonight, I have more jobs to do, but it feels like I'm in an endless circle of the same routine and I just can't seem to see right ahead ATM... It's the same thing day after day after day.... And right now I just want to lie down and sleep forever. How has everybody else's day been?

Not too bad. Well apart from too many jobs started and not finished

Hopefully a half de cent nights sleep tonight will put you right ?

 

[Lincs Lass]

I'm really sorry to hear that... The trouble with alcoholism is that it can manifest itself when someone is either lonely or under a lot of stress from something and sometimes they just relapse. Support is the key, always being alongside them and talking to them/helping them to get back on there feet. It's a long journey and can take a very long time and you must be prepared for relapses along the way, cos hey! Nobodies perfect. I hope he recovers soon. Thinking of you all xx

His dad was an alcoholic, he died few years back from drink induced throat cancer,, his uncle wasn't much better, Irish family that worked hard and spent every penny on drink.
Hes a lovely bloke but too many ghosts haunting him

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

His dad was an alcoholic, he died few years back from drink induced throat cancer,, his uncle wasn't much better, Irish family that worked hard and spent every penny on drink.
Hes a lovely bloke but too many ghosts haunting him

Has he seen a therapist?

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Not too bad. Well apart from too many jobs started and not finished

Hopefully a half de cent nights sleep tonight will put you right ?

That's good
Yeah it should do. Just I guess the tiredness has just brought on all my emotions building up over the years, but they'll be dumbed down by tomoz and I'll be fairly normal again
Everyone have a gnights sleep xx

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Spring has Sprung ...

Longer daylight than dark from now on ....

Nights drawing in here, BTT
Love winter, pennies from heaven, fire in the hole, money flowing in.

 

[Steevo]

Hope you're feeling a little calmer this morning @waterbuffalofarmer!

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Hope you're feeling a little calmer this morning @waterbuffalofarmer!

Am feeling ok, emotions are still present although not as bad. My trust levels are so low right now though..... My mother told me yesterday she wants me to get therapy but I just looked at her and said it's not ever going to happen. I just wish people would leave me alone instead of telling me what they want from me, just taking and taking and taking... All the time. Although I accepted my mate back it doesn't alter what he put me through, I can deal with it better than last time but it just made my trust levels plummet and I can't trust him anymore with things after what he said. I felt finally there was somebody I could discuss stuff too and now it's worse than being alone. It's horrible if I lost him completely, but it's not good to be feeling this way tbh... I think I just need to be alone for a bit to collect my thoughts and emotions. Apologies if I'm not on as much in the next few days/week
Thanks tho guys

 

[Christoph1945]

You may think that the present silence is deafening and maybe folk just don't care but I for one am afraid of saying the wrong thing. Stay safe, stay well, and be assured that we 'all' care for you and the outcome of your present situation.

Chris

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

You may think that the present silence is deafening and maybe folk just don't care but I for one am afraid of saying the wrong thing. Stay safe, stay well, and be assured that we 'all' care for you and outcome of your present situation.

Chris

Hi Chris.
It's ok... TBH I wasn't really expecting any replies or wanting any really, but you are so kind and it's fine, there isn't really any wrong thing you can say. Today I'm feeling quite a bit better, yesterday was just a really bad day I felt like my mental health was tipping and all I could hear in my head was my ex's voice screaming at me over and over... What happened the other day brought back so many bad memories and things I thought I was dealing with shows I wasn't and haven't... All I have done is suppressed them down so much. Im finding it harder to let my emotions flow freely tbh, I have to force them to flow and then I don't get them all out and I always feel so wiped out afterwards. Is it weak to not be able to stand up to people you love? To always walk away from conflict because you can't be bothered to fight for anything? Now I just can't take it when people shout at me or lose their tempers... I just melt into nothing and am paralysed with speechlessness and only afterwards does everything just wash over me. When someone you love emotionally abused you you feel like it will never happen again, those feelings will never resurface again, cos... Hey! I'm strong. But all I've found is that I haven't dealt with the effect it had on me and I've moved on, or I think I have, and now I realise that I'm weaker than I was before, in many things. It also brought the sad realisation that I most likely won't be able to even have a relationship for a long while, because ik what one entails and right now ik that whatever came my way I wouldn't be able to deal with it. As of the past few days I haven't spoken much to my friend, I've isolated myself away from my other friends, I just don't want to speak to anyone in that group at the moment, or anyone else for that matter. I think I need to be on my own for a while to think through stuff, just to switch off from people and try come to terms with everything that's happened. I will probably be on the forum looking at stuff and may respond now and again, but I just need some alone time Had a lamb orphaned yesterday so he's keeping me busy. Thanks again Chris, I really appreciate the reply, it was lovely. Please people's carry on writing, you all need to support each other and vent and such
Buffy

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I found this on my YouTube subscriptions today, thought I would share here
Hope everybody is doing ok

 

[DrWazzock]

I am having problems with the beet drill that necessitate me doing a few mods, bodger and welding and also doing 6 hours lambing per day. Pushed for time and running on adrenaline.

I have gone down to 6 hours sleep instead of 8 and I'm active, though not flat out for 18 hours. I do have a break for meals of maybe half an hour.

I actually feel quite well on this regime and do get tired by midnight but then sleep soundly till 6.

Maybe I was trying to get too much sleep before lambing time. Maybe I only need 6 hours with the occasional ".power nap" I.e. Fell asleep for a bit after lunch. Maybe it's better to go to bed completely knackered than with surplus energy.

Light mornings do help with getting up. You feel like getting up when it's light outside.

Saw a hedgehog last night. First for years.