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Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
Sorry, I'm working with next to no signal here. I'll keep this brief, please get help through one if the support organisations in my signature.
DPJ, although Welsh based, do provide advice 24/7, they will help and support you and then link you up with the best support organisation for where you live and your needs. It does sound to me like there are practical steps that could make life easier if taken soon.
I can see there are family constraints making things harder. Please don't let that stop you getting support for yourself even if it can't "fix" the problem.
Do keep posting here, too. Everyone here will do their best to support you.
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
It's a long process @Cowslip and, like children when they take the stabilisers off their bikes, there's still likely to be accidents along the way - it's a bumpy ride. Do access the support so that door is open and then you can keep it open even when you are back up and running.
Whitewalker
Member
We all have different situations but I have deliberately tried to remove stress from my animals, farm and life in simplicity and now we’re moving into a more regenerative ag attitude, we’re only small but it is a change for the better.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Absolutely! This is how I feel.
"Every morning I get up and think today's going to be a better day and ends up worse."
Yesterday was a classic example of this.
Survival is the most important thing above all, and day to is at times the only way to cope? one day at a time...
How to is going to be an individual thing but ...as a basic start try toBreak it down into bits, the day the problems the work thinking about all of it at once constantly will do anyones head in.. chunk it down,and find one even a tiny small thing that is, or can be made positive per day, and veiw that at least as a progression
Really,really try to get even an hour to be quiet by yourself every day, away from it all in a quiet corner , away from children as well... everyone needs a mind break .....
How to is going to be an individual thing but ...as a basic start try toBreak it down into bits, the day the problems the work thinking about all of it at once constantly will do anyones head in.. chunk it down,and find one even a tiny small thing that is, or can be made positive per day, and veiw that at least as a progression
Really,really try to get even an hour to be quiet by yourself every day, away from it all in a quiet corner , away from children as well... everyone needs a mind break .....
- Location
- Lincolnshire
So true!
My psychiatrist (yes, I'm under the local mental health team) told me last week, take things one day at a time.
Easy for you to say that, I said, I've got a lot of things going on at the moment, probably too much.
Yes, he agreed, but do some of the simple things first. One, because you can cross them off the list and, two, you may feel better able to tackle other tasks.
He also said, put off for now any life-changing decisions, because you are not in the right mindset to deal with them anyway!
I put the phone down (we had to have a phone appointment due to Covid) and still mumbled, easier said than done. But, his advice has stuck with me since then and is helping!
- Location
- Quebec, Canada
A friend of mine is a child psychiatrist. She told me that one of her strategies for helping kids out of paralysing depression is : “Fake it till you make it”. In other words forcing oneself to go through the motions of simple tasks- which then lead to other more difficult ones through momentum.I thought this made a lot of sense and have said it to myself when I can’t handle a situation any more. Its like putting on a smile when you don’t feel like it at all and getting one in return. All very simplistic, but I find complicated solutions well, too complicated.
I have no help and little encouragement of my farming from my family. They would like me to stop - and do what for the rest of my life? But every so often, usually when things pile up and get a bit crazy I agree with them and say to myself ‘what am I doing struggling like this for in the face of opposition, for no real financial return and for stupid stress?’ Then I spend some time with the cats, walk the dogs, watch the cattle and sheep munching ,collect a few eggs, see the wind blowing in the trees and the birds flying overhead and I know exactly why I am doing it. Farming isn’t really the problem ( besides the usual weather and illness and accident stuff, which has always been around) its all the add-ons that we have to deal with nowadays- information, regulation, fussy new machinery....
Having said all of the above my grown up children ( and husband from the city) came home from wherever they were on the 27th of March and have spent the last months working at home on the farm at their respective jobs( still maintaining their 2meter distance from any actual farm work, but that’s a whole other story) and all admitted there was no better, safer , more abundant and healthy place to spend a world wide pandemic. I am going to have to hang on to that approval tightly in the years to come. But I am sure I will continue to have moments where I am overwhelmed and question why I don’t just chuck it all and let others look after me instead of the other way around.
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
That's a lovely share, thank you.
Smiles are amazing things. Apparently, as in shown by science, If you can force your face into a smile you will produce some of the hormones that make you feel better. If you do it in front of a mirror, you get more and if someone returns the smile you get more again. One of the less common positive feedback loops in nature but how amazing.
I quite like the "everything is impossible til you do it" which sounds ridiculous but how often do we make a big mental job out if things, putting them off til we "have time", deciding there not enough time today etc etc only to find that if we force ourselves to do it it takes half the time we imagined, is not complicated and we feel really good when we've finished it?
itsalwaysme
Member
- Location
- Cheshire
These days everything is so fast paced and often for no or very little reason, I know farming always faces one big hurdle the weather, which we can't do anything about.
I think we often set unrealistic targets of jobs to do starting off in a morning saying I need to do x y and z today and then are disappointed when we don't achieve everything, It's often better just to think I'm going to do x and then when that is done move on to y, you feel you've achieved something that way.
One thing I did enjoy about the lockdown was the slower pace of everything, all seemed more relaxed. Something which we tend to forget as we get older is that we can't do what we did when we were in our 20's (manual work anyway) and there is nothing wrong with having a bit of time out
I think we often set unrealistic targets of jobs to do starting off in a morning saying I need to do x y and z today and then are disappointed when we don't achieve everything, It's often better just to think I'm going to do x and then when that is done move on to y, you feel you've achieved something that way.
One thing I did enjoy about the lockdown was the slower pace of everything, all seemed more relaxed. Something which we tend to forget as we get older is that we can't do what we did when we were in our 20's (manual work anyway) and there is nothing wrong with having a bit of time out
Yes and the challenge can be as we all know..
.....trouble is with being responsible for the farmwork , self employed etc ,especially when maybe unable to get help or delegateas well .. when stock are needing immediate attention /treating for something for welfare reasons or just to keep them doing well enough to get to a saleable condition.. fencing for break out prevention, or the alternative getting them back in and so on..
crops thats need harvesting before rain or spraying pertinently to make best use off mega exspensive sprays.... the list is long..financial reasons entangled with all...
the question is then when do you get that chance of a proper break ....away from your own conscience
to even be able to sleep at night without negative thoughts let alone sitting on beach somewhere....
can be done i guess , and has to be for sanity , self preservtion.
.....trouble is with being responsible for the farmwork , self employed etc ,especially when maybe unable to get help or delegateas well .. when stock are needing immediate attention /treating for something for welfare reasons or just to keep them doing well enough to get to a saleable condition.. fencing for break out prevention, or the alternative getting them back in and so on..
crops thats need harvesting before rain or spraying pertinently to make best use off mega exspensive sprays.... the list is long..financial reasons entangled with all...
the question is then when do you get that chance of a proper break ....away from your own conscience
to even be able to sleep at night without negative thoughts let alone sitting on beach somewhere....
can be done i guess , and has to be for sanity , self preservtion.
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
Is it standards as well? I think we are all sometimes guilty of wanting things just so or done just so when actually, we can compromise and cross more things off the list as not urgent. When I was teaching we used to say "two stars and a wish" when children were peer marking or when we were marking. Maybe we should adopt "two perfects and a satisfactory bodge" as an approach? Or even two satisfactory bodges and a perfect job"!
- Location
- Quebec, Canada
I find that I often do everything but the x,y and z on my list.I come inside in the evenings and review my day/ list and find nothing to cross off.I am then unsure whether I really achieved anything or just treaded water which can be a bit discouraging if it happens too often ( which it does). Then I ask myself if I am delusional, thinking I can get all this stuff done, or if I don’t really understand my farm very well. Other times I’m more philosophical and say to myself that there is a totality here that I don’t comprehend and that what needs to be done will get done when it needs doing ( sometimes last minute in a panic, cause it was on the list and I didn’t do it) and that as long is everyone is safe and fed I‘ve done the most important part of my job.
I also often repeat to myself “ People first /family first “ when I have ‘one more thing to do’ .I would rather stay outside to finish jobs but know that without my family/ social relationships the farm part would be meaningless. It all fits in together.
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GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
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never, EVER, think you are alone in feeling like that. Too many of us just keep things bottled up as we think nobody gets things as wrong as we do sometimes
May I suggest videogames are a good form of escapism (RPGs like The Witcher), they are involving, require varying degrees of concentration/focus (unlike TV), and are a good distraction/break from the problems you may be facing. Even watching other people play games can be entertaining: DrDisrespect.
Best wishes everyone.
Best wishes everyone.
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GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
I believe there is some research that would back up your observations, Rob. Not that it matters if it's helping you.
ATB