Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

You are right Chris to some extent but here’s a cautionary tale.
Today I was nearly arrested by the police.
The story is as follows. Newcomer moved into area and rents paddock for horse. Contacts me for hay as somehow got my number. Supplied hay, was paid. All good. Then can she borrow a battery and electric fence unit. Alright. Roll on a year and she rings up to say she’s doing a runner, but good enough to tell me to go and get my fencer and battery before the landlord swoops. Toddle over and pick up battery and fencer. Plod screeches up to field gate. Ello ello what’s going on here then. Just recovering my loaned equipment officers. Likely story. Luckily had the text in my phone proving she’d instructed me thus so convinced them to let me away with my own equipment.
I should have known really. Next time I’ll be damn sight more careful who I “help out”.
All a bit sad though. Said lady not very bright at all. Just lost husband. Works as a cleaner. Paying huge huge rent for tiny house. I tried to advise that it wasn’t wise to keep a horse and rent a field if struggling with debts. But it got to crisis point and she does a runner. Will probably repeat same mistake somewhere else. She did say though I was the only person who’s really helped her. Everybody else just encouraged her to take on more debt than she could sustain. Her free choice ultimately but don’t we all bear some responsibility for helping others keep out of bother rather than just point the finger at those less able to make right decisions.
A funny sort of day.

No good deed goes unpunished eh?

 

[Bokey]

Does anyone else get a feeling of relief when worrying about things that MIGHT! happen of just walking away from everything

 

[Christoph1945]

Just making a decision when you are low is difficult, making the right one nigh impossible, or perhaps I am just indecisive. I have made some pretty crap decisions when I have been at the other end of the scale too, when your mind is buzzing and you are convinced you’re invincible, what could possibly go wrong? Everything

Some very valid points and also food for thought. Based on personal past experiences and observations over several years I have come to realize that when one is in the deep doo-doo of a major depression all the advice in the world and advised readings are of little or no help to a depressive. The best that we can do is lend a non-judgmental listening ear and try to persuade a person to seek out support and medical advice from their GP.

When personal grooming, personal hygiene, and concentration have all disappeared like morning mist on a summer's day and we struggle to even read a newspaper article it makes taking onboard and following advice rather difficult if not impossible.

 

[Christoph1945]

Does anyone else get a feeling of relief when worrying about things that MIGHT! happen of just walking away from everything

Yep but nowhere near as often these days!

 

[Bokey]

Yep but nowhere near as often these days!

It's the dream of being care free then logic kicks in and them invisible bars return

 

[Christoph1945]

It's the dream of being care free then logic kicks in and them invisible bars return

What would you be leaving behind? What would you be glad to see the back of and what, if anything, do you think you would miss?

 

[Bokey]

What would you be leaving behind? What would you be glad to see the back of and what, if anything, do you think you would miss?

I could and would never do it I have a lovely family I suppose its the constant worry of doing something wrong and letting everyone down that I want to walk away from I carry a non existent weight on my shoulders it sounds so selfish and stupid just wish I could man up and not give a f**k I envy real men who have real burden and get on with it

 

[DrWazzock]

I could and would never do it I have a lovely family I suppose its the constant worry of doing something wrong and letting everyone down that I want to walk away from I carry a non existent weight on my shoulders it sounds so selfish and stupid just wish I could man up and not give a f**k I envy real men who have real burden and get on with it

Everybody feels stress and has different ways of coping. A lot of people keep it under the surface.
My dad and uncle were trained in the military before farming. To look at them and hear them you would think they were invincible mentally. Certainly they didn’t maybe complain as much as I do but they felt the stress as much as we do now. Uncle smoked 20 a day. The cigarettes came out when things got tricky. Both read lots of books in the evenings for escapism, some even about psychology and the challenges of life . TV took over as a form of escapism when it got going. There’s nothing new under the sun.
You worry because you care. That’s actually a good sign and it will get you further than those who couldn’t care less.
Don’t worry about worrying.

 

[Jrp221]

Everybody feels stress and has different ways of coping. A lot of people keep it under the surface.
My dad and uncle were trained in the military before farming. To look at them and hear them you would think they were invincible mentally. Certainly they didn’t maybe complain as much as I do but they felt the stress as much as we do now. Uncle smoked 20 a day. The cigarettes came out when things got tricky. Both read lots of books in the evenings for escapism, some even about psychology and the challenges of life . TV took over as a form of escapism when it got going. There’s nothing new under the sun.
You worry because you care. That’s actually a good sign and it will get you further than those who couldn’t care less.
Don’t worry about worrying.

Dr Wazzock, how are you?

 

[Bokey]

Everybody feels stress and has different ways of coping. A lot of people keep it under the surface.
My dad and uncle were trained in the military before farming. To look at them and hear them you would think they were invincible mentally. Certainly they didn’t maybe complain as much as I do but they felt the stress as much as we do now. Uncle smoked 20 a day. The cigarettes came out when things got tricky. Both read lots of books in the evenings for escapism, some even about psychology and the challenges of life . TV took over as a form of escapism when it got going. There’s nothing new under the sun.
You worry because you care. That’s actually a good sign and it will get you further than those who couldn’t care less.
Don’t worry about worrying.

It's strange what you've just said about your dad an uncle iv started smoking again after quitting years ago and I'm currently reading jordan Peterson 12 rules for life iv found comfort in both these things when feeling stressed

 

[Christoph1945]

It's strange what you've just said about your dad an uncle iv started smoking again after quitting years ago and I'm currently reading jordan Peterson 12 rules for life iv found comfort in both these things when feeling stressed

A book that I have recently returned to and find amazingly encouraging and helpful is 'Attitudes Of Gratitude' by the American author M J Ryan.

M J writes that not all healings are miraculous but modern science and recent scientific research have begun to indicate that positive emotions, such as love and gratitude, have beneficial effects on our health ..... both physically and psychologically.

 

[Bokey]

A book that I have recently returned to and find amazingly encouraging and helpful is 'Attitudes Of Gratitude' by the American author M J Ryan.

M J writes that not all healings are miraculous but modern science and recent scientific research have begun to indicate that positive emotions, such as love and gratitude, have beneficial effects on our health ..... both physically and psychologically.

I will have a look for that tonight thankyou

 

[Christoph1945]

I will have a look for that tonight thankyou

Probably available on eBay at a very reasonable price and with free delivery.

 

[DrWazzock]

Dr Wazzock, how are you?

My wife has her third dose of chemo tomorrow. Then a scan next week to see how to proceed. She’s coped with the chemo fairly well but still has days of sort of continual rambling self blaming simmering panic attacks about the pain and the future. It’s very tiring and can be quite a harrowing experience at times supporting her emotionally. Some days, like today after a painful night I do find it difficult to concentrate and motivate myself to do very much that isn’t routine or very straightforward. Decision making is difficult. I’m quite fed up but sticking it. We just don’t know how long this situation will go on for. Months? Years? Kind of living in chemo sustained limbo between a normal life and death. Hardly surprising my wife struggles at times. Anybody would. Heart rending to see and live with but we do have some happy moments.

 

[Bokey]

My wife has her third dose of chemo tomorrow. Then a scan next week to see how to proceed. She’s coped with the chemo fairly well but still has days of sort of continual rambling self blaming simmering panic attacks about the pain and the future. It’s very tiring and can be quite a harrowing experience at times supporting her emotionally. Some days, like today after a painful night I do find it difficult to concentrate and motivate myself to do very much that isn’t routine or very straightforward. Decision making is difficult. I’m quite fed up but sticking it. We just don’t know how long this situation will go on for. Months? Years? Kind of living in chemo sustained limbo between a normal life and death. Hardly surprising my wife struggles at times. Anybody would. Heart rending to see and live with but we do have some happy moments.

Do you have family to run the farm so you have less to think about

 

[DrWazzock]

Do you have family to run the farm so you have less to think about

Yes my brother. So the load can be shared. I feel we are in a manageable but understandably not very happy situation.

 

[Bokey]

Yes my brother. So the load can be shared. I feel we are in a manageable but understandably not very happy situation.

That's good your not on your own with work make sure you have a bit of time for yourself aswell

 

[Jrp221]

My wife has her third dose of chemo tomorrow. Then a scan next week to see how to proceed. She’s coped with the chemo fairly well but still has days of sort of continual rambling self blaming simmering panic attacks about the pain and the future. It’s very tiring and can be quite a harrowing experience at times supporting her emotionally. Some days, like today after a painful night I do find it difficult to concentrate and motivate myself to do very much that isn’t routine or very straightforward. Decision making is difficult. I’m quite fed up but sticking it. We just don’t know how long this situation will go on for. Months? Years? Kind of living in chemo sustained limbo between a normal life and death. Hardly surprising my wife struggles at times. Anybody would. Heart rending to see and live with but we do have some happy moments.

Such a difficult time for you both, I can’t even begin to imagine being in either of your shoes and certainly won’t patronise by saying I know how you feel. Be kind to yourself and to each other. Do you have support from MacMillan nurses?

 

[DrWazzock]

Such a difficult time for you both, I can’t even begin to imagine being in either of your shoes and certainly won’t patronise by saying I know how you feel. Be kind to yourself and to each other. Do you have support from MacMillan nurses?

The Macmillan nurses are a big help after a slow start. Really, if only my wife could come to terms with her diagnosis it would be ten times easier. She’s not in imminent danger, could well live 5 years or more. It might sound rather harsh of me, but I believe there are two ways of approaching this. The way of acceptance and making the best of it, or the way of anger, resentment, blame etc. Unfortunately she’s chosen the latter negative path and she’s driven everybody away who has tried to help her except for myself as I’m married to her ….. in sickness and in health and all that …..which does remind me of the Alf Garnet series of that name.
If I was dealing with the cancer myself I honestly think it would be easier than trying to help somebody else through it. We can’t all live forever., we need to accept our mortality and just make the best of what we’ve got. But oh no. Every day spent ranting and raving about what should have been or could have been and if only. She stretches my patience to the limit if I’m honest. This cancer has magnified the very worst parts of her character and it’s not pleasant at all. I’ve almost given up reasoning with her as I can’t change her fundamental attitude to the problem. Many counsellors, psychologists, friends and relatives have come thinking they can talk her round but gone away or put the phone down after it ends with a blazing row with her. I’m sitting in another room now while she rants on yet another help line looking for an answer she will never find. Dear oh dear, what a mess. Turn up the telly, open a beer and ignore it, otherwise it would drive you round the bend. Sorry but that’s the reality of dealing with some folk with cancer.

 

[Jrp221]

The Macmillan nurses are a big help after a slow start. Really, if only my wife could come to terms with her diagnosis it would be ten times easier. She’s not in imminent danger, could well live 5 years or more. It might sound rather harsh of me, but I believe there are two ways of approaching this. The way of acceptance and making the best of it, or the way of anger, resentment, blame etc. Unfortunately she’s chosen the latter negative path and she’s driven everybody away who has tried to help her except for myself as I’m married to her ….. in sickness and in health and all that …..which does remind me of the Alf Garnet series of that name.
If I was dealing with the cancer myself I honestly think it would be easier than trying to help somebody else through it. We can’t all live forever., we need to accept our mortality and just make the best of what we’ve got. But oh no. Every day spent ranting and raving about what should have been or could have been and if only. She stretches my patience to the limit if I’m honest. This cancer has magnified the very worst parts of her character and it’s not pleasant at all. I’ve almost given up reasoning with her as I can’t change her fundamental attitude to the problem. Many counsellors, psychologists, friends and relatives have come thinking they can talk her round but gone away or put the phone down after it ends with a blazing row with her. I’m sitting in another room now while she rants on yet another help line looking for an answer she will never find. Dear oh dear, what a mess. Turn up the telly, open a beer and ignore it, otherwise it would drive you round the bend. Sorry but that’s the reality of dealing with some folk with cancer.

That is so tough. Keep talking to us, rant all you want. Its a sh1t situation and there are no easy answers.