How to deal with

[hoff135]

And old man that is going to hold on power to the last, over rule your decisions, constantly telling you what to do, or telling you you aren't doing it right,, telling you you are spending to much money. Drip drip of sneering comments. Honest to God...

 

[chipchap]

Let him do it his way, and move on.

 

[Nearly]

If you're not doing it right by now then he raised an idiot.
It says more about him than about you.
Tell him this.

 

[Welderloon]

Start leaving Care home information lying about, Swiss end of life clinic info & Dementia awareness leaflets.............if he gets lippy tell him the time is fast approaching

 

[Nearly]

The sketch from fawlty towers where Basil is just miming talking to the old bat with the dodgy hearing aid inspires me for next conversation with Mum.

 

[Flatlander]

Be honest with yourself and step back and consider what’s he’s saying and relate it to the farm situation. Is he trying to hold everything together by holding the purse strings. Is he trying to get his channel your attention to various issues that are not going to work. He could just be a controlling old man Your age and standing at the farm and involvement in everyday decisions will play a part in his and your abilities. Not easy fir a parent to hand it over to the next generation but if your mature and competent enough to run the show be man enough to sit down and talk over where you think the farm is going with your in the driving seat. If he’s not willing to let it happen for whatever reasons tactfully say you wish move on. Life’s too short to be beaten down constantly. Both need to be honest with themselves and each other. Good luck this is a very common scenario in agriculture unfortunately

 

[Chae1]

How old is he,? As in how long do you think he has left.

Are you a partner in business? Get a share on balance sheet? If not I'd just get out of there, he'll probably shaft you in his will too if his character is like that.

 

[hoff135]

How old is he,? As in how long do you think he has left.

Are you a partner in business? Get a share on balance sheet? If not I'd just get out of there, he'll probably shaft you in his will too if his character is like that.

Late 70s. I do most if the work, sheep are mine but 2/3 land is his, he has a few cows. I don't think he will shaft me in his will. Its the drip drip of stupid comments and if it's not something he wants to happen it's overruled.
spending quite a lot of money but it's my money.

Suspect he's realised he's overstepped the mark earlier as he was semi apologetic tonight.

 

[glasshouse]

And old man that is going to hold on power to the last, over rule your decisions, constantly telling you what to do, or telling you you aren't doing it right,, telling you you are spending to much money. Drip drip of sneering comments. Honest to God...

Tell him i hear you ordered your coffin with two holes drilled for the reins.

 

[hoff135]

My friends brother has 2 sons in the family business and the Oldman is a nightmare. I think the fact they are no longer fit to do it themselves makes it worse

 

[som farmer]

wish l had left, same old rhetoric, fine if everything was going all right, if not

and he fecked up his will, hopefully might, just might be sorting that out, 30 yrs on.

would have been better off elsewhere, or he might have altered, but l doubt it.

 

[Sam Partridge]

My friends brother has 2 sons in the family business and the Oldman is a nightmare. I think the fact they are no longer fit to do it themselves makes it worse

Yes I have wondered whether some of it is frustration or jealousy having an aging body, not able to keep up with the young uns. Has he always been like it or has it been a change in character recently?

 

[hoff135]

Yes I have wondered whether some of it is frustration or jealousy having an aging body, not able to keep up with the young uns. Has he always been like it or has it been a change in character recently?

Always been difficult, and yes can't handle the fact he can't do things easily anymore.

Tbf perhaps I havnt been the most tolerant of him slowing down and not hearing. Something I probably need to make right

 

[Sam Partridge]

Always been difficult, and yes can't handle the fact he can't do things easily anymore.

Tbf perhaps I havnt been the most tolerant of him slowing down and not hearing. Something I probably need to make right

Its good to come on here to share and potentially gain some perspective on your situation or reflect on what is actually happening. But don't be a punching bag. I imagine it might be like dealing with a child! Be firm but fair haha

 

[box]

GTFO of there and don't look back. Life's too short.

Legally speaking, as long as you've done everything properly, you'll get your share eventually.

Otherwise, get yourself some Apple AirPods......or some sweet radio earmuffs.

 

[Chae1]

Late 70s. I do most if the work, sheep are mine but 2/3 land is his, he has a few cows. I don't think he will shaft me in his will. Its the drip drip of stupid comments and if it's not something he wants to happen it's overruled.
spending quite a lot of money but it's my money.

Suspect he's realised he's overstepped the mark earlier as he was semi apologetic tonight.

Maybe just have to bite your lip and remember when he's putting you down, at the end of the day you will see him put in a hole sooner rather than later.

His mental health is probably deteriorating and he maybe doesn't realise he's being nasty.

 

[David.]

It is challenging.
Has he actually said "Boy, if you want to do that, you'd better hope I effing well die. Because it's not happening whilst I'm alive".
I wish I could tell you it's character forming, but It really isn't.
Some families could build an empire, if only they didn't get their kicks trying to thwart one another, and by sapping the self esteem of the next generation.

 

[eternal peter pan]

And old man that is going to hold on power to the last, over rule your decisions, constantly telling you what to do, or telling you you aren't doing it right,, telling you you are spending to much money. Drip drip of sneering comments. Honest to God...

Pathalogical Narcaccist .. a disorder of his personality and is probably only going to get worse as his health/ power and influence wain.. do some research on it and you might get pointers on how to respond to him .. too many situations occurring these days with farmers average age getting higher and higher .. The common remark of getting the hell out of there ,might be a good suggestion in most other walks of life but not in farming ...good luck because its hard and there are many who share your situation

 

[Tubbylew]

Like another forum member told me "humor him and be grateful" is about all you can do. Sufficed to say you aren't alone. I rarely argue with my old man these days, I stopped listening to what he thought of me when I realised he was making it up as he went along just like eveyone else. "Your not a man until your father is dead". Been looking into the family tree a bit of late and it seems to be a fairly common theme for the last 200 yrs at least so maybe it's just part of the human condition.