My husband killed himself while I slept - Continue the discussion about mental health

[Clive]

Would it be a good idea to have someone professional (or very experienced at least) to chat on the forum for couple hours to give advice on dealing with this issue?

We have a relationship with FCN and have given them free promotion on here and other channels since TFF existed - their banners with contact details surround the suicide and depression threads on here and always have and they have councillor who are long standing TFF members

I met them again recently to ask what more we could do and they were going to look into ways to monitor and interact when appropriate on TFF in a better / more joined up way than they historically have - resources are of course limiting for them as a charity

Trouble is they have a rule of only helping those that come to them asking for help so you can’t refer people to them and they won’t proactively look for “at risk”people

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Yes sleep deprivation causes all sorts of problems.
Plenty of exercise and knowing when to switch off ‘work mode’

And when to switch it on..
If you are fit, well fed and watered, and can sleep well at night, it is a huge advantage.

On the topic of stress, in my experience it's quite a separate matter to depression although they can overlap and feed the other if I'm not diligent.
I largely overcame both by abandoning "busted arse" farming, and that was my turning point really - fortunately I can recognise a bad pattern or situation now, and walk away from it, as I did then.

Part of the problem is how we are educated - the whole "work hard and listen to the professor" ethic definitely doesn't help a farmer form a better strategy, more often it simply increases stress and feelings of being unable to cope with complexity.

That's why I bang on about holism, it isn't the logical solution at face value but it gave me my life back.
I look at stuff in a completely new way, and have managed to get off that downward trajectory instead of living day to day.

p.s. if ANYONE out there needs an ear in the wee small hours, PM me, it will be afternoon here, and I've been in that dark place myself.
TFF discount

 

[tje]

What do you mean by " busted arse " farming ??

And when to switch it on..
If you are fit, well fed and watered, and can sleep well at night, it is a huge advantage.

On the topic of stress, in my experience it's quite a separate matter to depression although they can overlap and feed the other if I'm not diligent.
I largely overcame both by abandoning "busted arse" farming, and that was my turning point really - fortunately I can recognise a bad pattern or situation now, and walk away from it, as I did then.

Part of the problem is how we are educated - the whole "work hard and listen to the professor" ethic definitely doesn't help a farmer form a better strategy, more often it simply increases stress and feelings of being unable to cope with complexity.

That's why I bang on about holism, it isn't the logical solution at face value but it gave me my life back.
I look at stuff in a completely new way, and have managed to get off that downward trajectory instead of living day to day.

p.s. if ANYONE out there needs an ear in the wee small hours, PM me, it will be afternoon here, and I've been in that dark place myself.
TFF discount

 

[samconway84]

There are many great support services out there for those in rural communities struggling with their mental wellbeing, including @FarmingCommunityNetwork. They run a national confidential helpline which is open everyday from 7am-11pm: 03000 111999 / email [email protected].

 

[SilliamWhale]

And when to switch it on..
If you are fit, well fed and watered, and can sleep well at night, it is a huge advantage.

On the topic of stress, in my experience it's quite a separate matter to depression although they can overlap and feed the other if I'm not diligent.
I largely overcame both by abandoning "busted arse" farming, and that was my turning point really - fortunately I can recognise a bad pattern or situation now, and walk away from it, as I did then.

Part of the problem is how we are educated - the whole "work hard and listen to the professor" ethic definitely doesn't help a farmer form a better strategy, more often it simply increases stress and feelings of being unable to cope with complexity.

That's why I bang on about holism, it isn't the logical solution at face value but it gave me my life back.
I look at stuff in a completely new way, and have managed to get off that downward trajectory instead of living day to day.

p.s. if ANYONE out there needs an ear in the wee small hours, PM me, it will be afternoon here, and I've been in that dark place myself.
TFF discount

I feel the same about holism. Find it a very helpful and fulfilling thought process.

Also agree about excercise. I think theres a lot of low hanging fruit to help you.

 

[Nithsdale]

yep...difficult to admit it....but some of us have gotta be brave enough to 'come out' to try tackle the 'stigma'.......took my symptoms to gp in 2008 and he told me i was suffering from depression ..i laughed at him but he was right....went on 20mg citalopram .....but needed to go up to 40mg after my dad died in 2015.....some days i forget to take them and i'm ok but if i miss about 4 consecutive days i'm a mess

Hat off to you for sharing that.
It's never easy to come forward, or admit.


The first step to curing a problem is admitting there is a problem. Even without seeking professional help, finding someone to just talk to helps. They don't have to do or say anything... but just getting it out in the open often lifts the clouds.

As the campaign says:

It's OK not to be OK

 

[spin cycle]

Hat off to you for sharing that.
It's never easy to come forward, or admit.


The first step to curing a problem is admitting there is a problem. Even without seeking professional help, finding someone to just talk to helps. They don't have to do or say anything... but just getting it out in the open often lifts the clouds.

As the campaign says:

It's OK not to be OK

i've had some pms from others on citalopram so i'm happy to help share my experiences

the thing is that it's a medical chemical imbalance in the brain .....i mean for example would you tell someone with high blood pressure to 'get a grip and sort yourself out'?......course you wouldn't....same with seratonin issues

if you met me you'd never believe i suffered from depression

 

[Al R]

i've had some pms from others on citalopram so i'm happy to help share my experiences

the thing is that it's a medical chemical imbalance in the brain .....i mean for example would you tell someone with high blood pressure to 'get a grip and sort yourself out'?......course you wouldn't....same with seratonin issues

if you met me you'd never believe i suffered from depression

How does that compare to Fluroxetine? I know someone that was on 40mg/day of it, managed to stop for 6 months and then went downhill rapidly, hypnotherapy helped a lot but is now back on 40mg/day of fluroxetine again. CBT didn’t help at all this time yet 4 years ago the person locally doing the CBT was a life saver - it seems some doing CBT can’t be bothered yet others have the knack for it!

 

[Nithsdale]

i've had some pms from others on citalopram so i'm happy to help share my experiences

the thing is that it's a medical chemical imbalance in the brain .....i mean for example would you tell someone with high blood pressure to 'get a grip and sort yourself out'?......course you wouldn't....same with seratonin issues

if you met me you'd never believe i suffered from depression

I have no knowledge of that... it was more putting your hands up and admitting the depression. But I am aware it's a chemical imbalance.

I do know what it's like to have depression, though. I never realised it at the time, but retrospectively I see now I have lived with it at least twice. The second of those times being very recently.

Very few would believe I have ever struggled. Just because someone is smiling and laughing on the outside, doesn't mean they're not crying on the inside.

 

[ste]

i've had some pms from others on citalopram so i'm happy to help share my experiences

the thing is that it's a medical chemical imbalance in the brain .....i mean for example would you tell someone with high blood pressure to 'get a grip and sort yourself out'?......course you wouldn't....same with seratonin issues

if you met me you'd never believe i suffered from depression

That is the biggest part of the problem, sufferers can seem very normal to most people and as though everything is going great.

My dad suffered for a number of years, pretty much up until giving up milking, but to anyone outside all they saw was a cheerful happy bloke who'd help anyone.

 

[spin cycle]

How does that compare to Fluroxetine? I know someone that was on 40mg/day of it, managed to stop for 6 months and then went downhill rapidly, hypnotherapy helped a lot but is now back on 40mg/day of fluroxetine again. CBT didn’t help at all this time yet 4 years ago the person locally doing the CBT was a life saver - it seems some doing CBT can’t be bothered yet others have the knack for it!

no experience with that drug thats prozac i think

 

[JD-Kid]

That is the biggest part of the problem, sufferers can seem very normal to most people and as though everything is going great.

My dad suffered for a number of years, pretty much up until giving up milking, but to anyone outside all they saw was a cheerful happy bloke who'd help anyone.

totally agree people can put on the happy face and hide things
big thing is it's slow to come on so alot of people work harder to be happy. yet don't know whats happing to them

 

[Whitewalker]

BBC 2 now

 

[JD-Kid]

Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown, Pagliacci, is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor, I am Pagliacci.”

sum's it up very well most times. the happyest are crying behind closed doors

 

[spin cycle]

Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown, Pagliacci, is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor, I am Pagliacci.”

sum's it up very well most times. the happyest are crying behind closed doors

tony hancock was tortured by depression IIRC

 

[Whitewalker]

BBC 2 horizon had a very moving and interesting program on this very issue.

I recommend anyone to watch it on iplayer . Some very good information.

 

[JD-Kid]

tony hancock was tortured by depression IIRC

sad to say alot of the funny people do have depression
like clowns depressed people can hide behind the make up of a mask bringing happiness to others. while inside. dealing with there own pain

 

[Nithsdale]

 

[Cowabunga]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-45276134

 

[joe soapy]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-45276134

WHAT A DAY, i attended Plymouth magistrates court today, i have never encountered such an arrogant , corrupt and up their arse set of people in my life !!!
Firstly i will do the fun part of the day. i was in the company of a delightfull 21 year old mother with an enchanting 10 month old baby girl.
we ended a sh!t day at plymouth magistrates court with a visit to my fav shop, for £59 inc vat i got a much coveted pole chain saw complete with 4 amp li ion battery.
within 30 mins of arriving home, i had had my coffee and completed a pruning task the boss had been stressing about for 3 years, believe me it was an immense relief to complete
and earned many many brownie points.
Now the sh!t PART, i attended the plymouth magistrates court in the delightful company of a rather naive 21 year old and her 10 month old daughter Lacey.
i tell you the old boy is still able to charm the ladies. 2 alcoholic druggies [ her thieving parents] had made an allegation to the cops that her live in boy friend had viciously assaulted her on sat night. this allegation was just the latest one of many since the baby was born, the mere fact that the boyfriend was out all night fishing trip and corroberated fe reliable witnesses, and vigorously denied by the girl herself was totally disregarded . the sentence handed down by a panel of 3 magistrates was that the boy friend should only make contact
in the presence of a police officer, failure to comply would result in instant arrest. he is banned from approaching the family home where the tools of his trade are kept and made homeless and with out the means to earn his living. there is no pot of money held in reserve, and the rent, £750 is due to the landlord tomorrow Friday..
there is no money in the house and no food in ther cupboad and the milk supply, the baby being breastfed fed, is rapidly drying up.
I , on trying to point this out was marched out of the court on the order of the chief magistrate. this is in Devon, august 2018 against the constituents of the rt hon attorney general,
the highest paid politician in the land.
case number CR/076116/18.